Eleven

Blaze

I was horrified by the look on Harlow’s face. On a night when I believed everything had been going exceptionally well between us, seeing just how scared she was now didn’t leave me feeling very good.

My only concern was her. “Baby, what’s going on?”

Her body was tense, her eyes were filled with worry, and her breaths were coming quickly.

“I… I… I think I need to sit up,” she stammered as she squirmed in my arms.

I hated having to let Harlow go, but I instantly released the hold I had on her. On the bright side, even though we both shifted our bodies to a seated position, I was relieved Harlow didn’t feel the need to separate herself from me completely. She stayed close, took a moment to gather her thoughts, and finally revealed, “I have something I need to share with you, but I’m very nervous about sharing it.”

Jumping to conclusions was the last thing I wanted to do, but I had a feeling I knew where this discussion was headed. Given what we’d been doing only minutes ago and her reaction now, it seemed my suspicions about Harlow might have been accurate.

While I wanted Harlow to feel comfortable enough to share the truth with me, I didn’t like that she might have believed I had expectations about where our night would go.

If what I believed to be the case was the truth, it was obvious to me she wasn’t ready for us to take that next step in our relationship. The last thing I’d ever do is pressure her into something like that, and I intended to tell her as much, but I needed her to first confirm this wasn’t all inside my head.

“Whatever it is, I promise you can tell me,” I assured her.

She swallowed hard, and I could see how she was taking the time to prepare herself to share the truth. “I don’t know how this is supposed to be done, so I guess I’m just going to come right out with it,” she started. “I like what’s happening between us, especially what we were just doing, and I think you like it, too.”

She was irresistible. I’d have been a fool to say otherwise. Nodding, I confirmed, “I do.”

“Right. Well, I don’t want you to be disappointed when I tell you this, and I’m not sure there’s a great way to share it. The truth is, I’m a virgin.”

The second the words were out of her mouth, she looked away. For whatever reason, she seemed to believe this was a bad thing, and I planned to correct that immediately.

I lifted my hand toward her face, gently pinched her chin between my thumb and forefinger, and urged her to look at me again. When I had her eyes on mine, I slid my hand to the side and stroked my thumb over her cheek. “Why do you think I’d ever be disappointed about that?”

Harlow swallowed hard, her eyes welling with tears. Somehow, she managed to stave them off and answered, “It’s embarrassing. I’m thirty-two years old, and I don’t have any experience beyond kissing. Even that is limited.”

Offering a small, reassuring smile, I said, “This is nothing to be ashamed of, Harlow. Not at all. In fact, I kind of already had a feeling this was what you planned to share with me. I already knew your experience was limited.”

Any hope I’d had of being able to reassure and comfort her flew out the window, because Harlow’s body tensed as her eyes darted across my face. “What? Why? Was I bad?”

“What?” I asked, utterly confused.

She clapped a hand over her mouth, essentially forcing my hand to fall away from her face, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. “This is worse than I thought. If you already knew I was inexperienced before I said anything to you, it has to be because I’m a bad kisser. This is even more mortifying, because you’re phenomenal at it, and apparently, I suck at it.”

This was not the moment to laugh, but it was taking everything inside me not to let the laughter spill out. The idea that Harlow believed I thought she wasn’t a good kisser was comical.

“Harlow, baby, you just told me that you like what’s happening between us, especially what we were just doing,” I reminded her. “And you said you believed I liked it, too, which was the truth. What gave you the impression I was enjoying myself?”

Lifting her shoulders toward her ears, she confessed, “Well, you kept kissing me. And you were making noises. And I could… I could feel things that I thought might mean you liked what was happening.”

God, she was adorable.

“I did like what was happening. I liked it a lot, maybe even a little too much. But, baby, give me some credit as a private investigator. The day I met you, you told me you hadn’t dated anyone in at least ten years. Plus, you told me you hadn’t taken a guy home to meet your family. Maybe I couldn’t conclusively say whether you’d had any experience, but even if you’d been in a relationship when you were much, much younger, I still would have been willing to bet it didn’t leave you with much experience.”

The tension in her body eased, her shoulders relaxing. “Oh.”

Silence filled the air as the both of us allowed the information we’d shared to sink in. I couldn’t say for sure what Harlow was thinking, but I knew what was going through my mind. This woman was an absolute treasure, and there was nothing I wanted more than to make sure she understood just how special she was.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized, my hand landing on top of hers, which was resting in her lap.

Her brows pulled together. “For what?”

I offered what I hoped was a reassuring squeeze on her hand and a sympathetic look. “I want you to know that I never meant to make you feel pressured in any way. Not with feeling compelled to share this with me, nor with what would happen between us tonight.”

Shaking her head, she insisted, “You didn’t make me feel that way, Blaze. Obviously, it’s been lingering in the back of my mind since the two of us started seeing one another, but I had this overwhelming desire, particularly after we made this plan to have this time together tonight, to tell you the truth. I wanted to be honest with you, so I could be fair to you.”

That single word had all my senses firing. “Fair?”

She nodded. “Yes. I mean, well, that’s part of the reason I was so afraid to tell you. I just didn’t want it to be the reason it changed everything. I worried that you might not like it or that you’d want someone who knows what they’re doing. While I can understand that, it’s still upsetting to think this could be the thing that brings what’s happening between us to a grinding halt.”

The last thing I wanted to do was say something to horrify Harlow, but I was in such disbelief over how she could think any of that was the case. I tried to take a second to breathe and calm myself down, but I felt too much to contain my thoughts. Holding her hand firmly in mine, my eyes locked on hers, I begged, “Please understand what I’m about to say might shock you, but I don’t mean for it to be taken in any way that isn’t good.”

Trepidation leaked into her expression, but despite it, she offered a slight nod as she whispered, “Okay.”

“Ever since I’ve met you, ever since you walked into The Steel Pub that night, I thought you were breathtaking,” I started. “You’re gorgeous, Harlow. That alone would have been enough for me to have a fantasy or two about being with you. I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t have those thoughts about you. Lucky for me, I didn’t have to just have you as a figment of my imagination. I got the opportunity to get to know you. I can’t remember a time when I had this much fun.”

“Blaze,” she rasped, tears filling her eyes.

I was on a roll, so I continued, “You are incredible, baby. There’s so much about you to like; I’d be here all night long telling you about it. The bottom line is, you were stunning the day I met you. Spending time together and getting to know you while we have fun with one another has not made you any less desirable, if I didn’t already make that clear last night. You being a virgin does not make me any less attracted to you. In fact, it has the opposite effect. Knowing that nobody has ever touched you makes me wild. There is only one thing about all of this that disappoints me.”

Her lips parted slightly. “What is it?”

My eyes roamed over her face. “I can’t give you the same.”

“What?”

“I’ve joked around before that it’s not difficult to find things I’ve done in my life that you haven’t done,” I reminded her. “Whether it’s ziplining, drive-in movies, or something in my career, I think it’s safe to say I’ve experienced a whole lot more in my life than you have in yours. And I liked to think, to some degree, it was a good thing, because I could show you all the things you’ve missed out on. But when it comes to this, I’m not sure I have the same feelings any longer. You’re the kind of woman I could see myself settling down with, and I just think it would have been nice to know I had something just as special to give you as you have to give me.”

The disbelief I’d felt mere minutes ago when Harlow was saying everything she feared would happen once she told me the truth seemed to have shifted to her. There were still tears shining in her eyes, the result of being moved by what I’d said to her. But more than anything else, Harlow looked sad.

In a move I hadn’t expected, she lifted both of her hands up to frame my face, her thumbs stroking lightly back and forth. “Are you kidding me?”

It was hard to be sure precisely what she was referring to specifically, but since I hadn’t been joking about a single thing I’d said to her, I replied, “I’m not kidding.”

Harlow tipped her head to one side. “Blaze, everything you’ve given me has been magical. Everything from the way you rescued me from that horrible date and helped me salvage that night to kissing me in the rain and bringing me a sweatshirt to wear while I cuddled with you in the bed of your truck meant the world to me. And your time? God, Blaze, the time you’re willing to give me means everything. That you think this one little thing would take away from all that you’ve already given me blows my mind. It’s just not possible.”

Not that there’d been any doubt lingering in my mind about her, but if there had been, she’d have just obliterated it. How did I get so lucky to find her? “Thank you for sharing that. It’s nice to know how you feel.”

Harlow’s hands fell away from my face and sought out my hands. “I really hope you believe what I’m telling you. I don’t care about what came before me, boss. What I care about is the way you make me feel. And in every moment we’ve shared together, all of which I will remember for the rest of my life, I’ve never felt anything less than special, important and, most of all, respected.”

Relief swept through me, which was strange. Because it wasn’t until tonight, until I saw just how worried Harlow was about everything, that I even realized I had something to be concerned about when it came to my relationship with her. It was just as I’d said to her. I’d seen and done just about everything, thinking I was having the time of my life. While I wouldn’t say I didn’t have fun, because I did, there was no question there were things I could look back on and wish I’d had the chance to experience them for the first time with her. Maybe even only her.

“That won’t change, baby,” I promised.

“What?”

I lifted one of her hands to my lips and kissed her knuckles. “The respect. No matter what happens here, you’ll always have that from me. When it comes to sex, it’s all on your time frame. I won’t lie and tell you I don’t want that with you, because I do. Fuck, I want it more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life. But I’m content right now. I’m having the time of my life with you, doing all these other things you’ve never done before.”

Something warm and sweet stole over Harlow’s expression. “You know, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in all the time I’ve spent with you, it’s that I can trust you to take the lead, and I’ll never be disappointed. Something tells me that when the time comes when I’m ready to take that step with you, I’ll be able to trust you to take the lead. In fact, I look forward to it.”

It was official. I didn’t deserve this woman, but there wasn’t a chance I was going to let her go.

I smiled at her. “That you even believe I’m a man worthy of having that means more than I could ever tell you. Whenever that time comes, Harlow, I promise I won’t let you regret it.”

For the next few seconds, the two of us sat there, staring at one another. I didn’t know for sure what was going through her mind, but I wondered if it was anything like I had in mine.

Tonight felt like another big step in our relationship. I’d dated women over the years, but there wasn’t anyone I’d ever felt this kind of connection with before in my life. The more I was with Harlow, the more I knew she was someone I never wanted to be without. So, I knew I was going to do whatever it took to continue to nurture the relationship we were building. I wanted to be a man worthy of her.

“Blaze?” she called, pulling me out of my lust-filled fog.

“Yeah?”

She hesitated a moment before she said, “I want us to have more time together before we take that step, but I was really enjoying what we were doing before. Do you think we could do more of that? I liked the way it felt to have your hands on my body.”

My lips twitched. “Do you think it would ever be possible for me to turn you down?”

Harlow shrugged. “I don’t know, but if you didn’t want to do it, you should tell me.”

Grinning, I insisted, “There’s never going to come a time when I’m going to turn down being able to kiss you, hold you, and touch you.”

“It’s possible.”

I shook my head. “It’s not. I promise. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to prove that to you.”

Harlow pulled her bottom lip in and bit down on it as she smiled at me, her eyes dancing. “Maybe we should lay back down on the couch then.”

There was never a dull moment with her. As I leaned forward and slid my arms around her waist to take us both back down to the couch, I said, “And you told me you were boring.”

I didn’t give her the chance to respond. I captured her mouth in another kiss, and I allowed my hands to roam.

For a woman without the experience, Harlow made it clear she was intent on using her hands to do a bit of exploring on her own.

It was easily the best night of my life.