Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

N ico

The horse was a huge gamble, but I wanted to make Alexandra smile. God knew she deserved something to be happy about.

I’d been lucky given the quick timing, finding the perfect horse for her. I only hoped the adventure wouldn’t put a rift between us. She was still shaking. I hated that for her. I only hoped her love of horses outweighed the fear wrapped around her like a tight blanket.

“You can ask me anything,” I told her. She’d caught me in a stymied place before. I wasn’t good at small talk. That’s why suffering through my sister’s dinner parties usually drove me crazy. Leaving her was my usual behavior, which pissed her off.

“Talk? You’re crazy.” She was way too stiff.

“Yes, talk. I give you free rein to ask me anything.” I certainly could regret that. Her rebellious attitude allowed her to slide me a single, split-second look of displeasure. We were making progress.

“I don’t know you very well, but I do know certain subjects are off limits,” she said, although her jaw was so clenched, I was surprised I could understand her at all.

“What subjects?”

“Oh, like what you really do for business. Have you killed dozens of people? Do you use violence on a regular basis? Stuff like that.”

The questions almost caught me off guard. I’d done a good job of presenting myself as a bad guy. Usually, that’s what I would prefer, but not in this case. “I was serious in that the majority of the corporation delves in completely legal activities. Producing and selling olive oil and wine are highly regulated, and the operation is scrutinized. The police don’t take kindly to crime syndicates trying to make their operations legitimate. They need arrests.”

“Like you’ve been arrested? Ha.”

“I’ve had my close calls, but nothing to do with my business activities.” At least she was talking and seemed slightly more comfortable on Sassy’s back.

“Oh, do tell.” She shifted in the saddle and almost screamed, so certain she was going to fall.

“Relax, and I had a lead foot as a kid. I wrecked a car that wasn’t mine once and was damn lucky I only had a few scratches.”

“Oh, a regular bad boy.” She dared feeling comfortable enough to look in my direction for longer than before.

“You have no idea. I thought my dad was going to allow me to be locked up for longer than the one night I was in jail. He could have gotten me out on bond, but chose not to.”

“Good for your father. Tough love.”

I snickered. “It worked. After that I wasn’t perfect, but my activities were confined to less dangerous situations.”

“You mean you were just more clandestine about what you were doing? Under the radar? I know how that goes.”

“Well, maybe. But you? You were Mother Theresa growing up.”

She managed to laugh, which was a good sign. “Hardly.”

“You were the perfect girl. You always got excellent grades. You never broke the law. You obeyed all the rules including speed limits. You weren’t a bully or a flake. I admired your strength over the years.” And I wasn’t lying in the least. I truly did.

“You were paying attention.”

Her voice seemed so reserved, full of surprise. “Just because I wasn’t a warm guy visiting very often didn’t mean I wasn’t paying attention. Your health and happiness were very important to me.” My thoughts drifted to Greg and the last conversation we’d had prior to the christening. He’d mentioned life was going to get so much better. As he’d said, ‘things were looking up.’ I hadn’t asked questions because he’d been so excited.

Maybe I should have pressed him.

“Because of the promise made to my father.”

“In part. Yes.”

“There’s something else in your life that troubles you today. I can feel it. Whatever happened changed your life as my father’s death did.”

She was far too astute for her own good. “There isn’t a human alive who isn’t shaped by their past in one way or another. I’ve been very lucky. I had incredible parents, two siblings who I adore even if we fight like cats and dogs at times. We have money, influence, and never wanted for anything.”

“I didn’t say you were complaining. I only said that whatever else happened shaped you, stripping away joy from your life.”

How true.

“Not a conversation for today.” I don’t think she realized just how far we’d gone during the short conversation.

When Sassy snorted, Alexandra yelped, her grip on the rein so tight she was going to fall from the stiffness of her body.

I tugged on the rein, slowing us both down. “Relax, little flower. Sassy was remarking on the scenery.”

“Right.”

“Look around you.”

She was shaking badly enough that I was fearful getting home would be a challenge.

“Lift your head. We rode much further already than you think we did.”

Her grumble was just as defiant as the woman herself. I had a feeling the shift of emotions provided a safety net. She looked up, taking a few seconds before she shifted her gaze from left to right. I could tell the moment she realized what she was seeing. Vast rolling hills full of green pastures and vineyards. Trees as far as the eye could see. If she craned her neck, she’d catch a glimpse of the ocean to her right from our elevated perch.

“Breathtaking,” she whispered. “Is that a lake over there?”

“It is. The body of water is fed by a river flowing through the city that ultimately leads to the ocean. My grandfather developed an irrigation system a long time ago. It supplies about sixty percent of the water needed for our crops. We also catch rainwater, which we then are able to use as well. We are almost one hundred percent self-sustaining.”

I could tell Alexandra was impressed, managing to relax once again. “You love the land.”

“You have no idea. The olive trees and now the vineyards are in my blood. My father was an excellent and very patient teacher with his children, allowing all three of us to learn to appreciate the land and the nourishment. There is nothing like being a part of the harvest. Nothing. We celebrate afterwards with a huge party. All the employees and their families are invited. It’s magnificent. Music. Wine. Dancing. Bonuses.” I chuckled. “I never want them to end.”

“Then don’t let them,” she said with reverence in her tone.

“Come on. We’re headed to the lake. There’s a special spot my mother adores. I’ve found her there reading a book on dozens of occasions. I only hope my brother and sister have kids to pass this onto.”

“What about you? Aren’t you going to have lots of babies?”

Her question was intended to catch me off guard. I laughed, although the sound was hollow. “I don’t know, little flower. I don’t think I’m cut out to be a father.”

“That’s ridiculous. I think you’d make a great father.”

She truly didn’t know me well enough. Bursting her bubble might be necessary. Plus, the blip of time in the past had stolen so much of my fatherly desire.

“Come on. I have a feeling you’re thirsty.”

“And hungry.”

At least she was able to find levity in what we were doing. That’s what I’d hoped for. As far as what the future held, that wasn’t something I wanted to think about.

Not now.

My mother had touted picnics over the years. I’d laughed at her, spouting off that the practice was for chicks. Still, I’d thoroughly enjoyed the time outdoors and the company.

“Have you ever thought about death?” Alexandra asked. She was sitting close to the water on the blanket Romeo had supplied. With the glass of wine in her hand, the contemplative look on her face, and the way the light breeze shifted strands of hair against her face, I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

“Why would you ask a question like that?”

“Because my mother died giving me life and my father died during a ceremony celebrating that life. I caused two deaths and that weighs on me. You know?”

Seeing life in that manner from someone else’s point of view, a woman who had her entire life ahead of her was troubling. “You weren’t responsible.”

“My rational brain says that, but my heart tells me something else. I was a good girl, but no matter how Aunt Kim tried to provide me with a good Catholic upbringing, I couldn’t tolerate going to church. I know that makes me a terrible person, but I’ve always felt like I killed two people and that thought has eaten me up inside. I think that’s why I was driven to become a doctor. To save lives. One day I hope to be a surgeon. We’ll see what happens.”

“Do you honestly think I’m going to put a stop to what you want to do with your life?”

Alexandra’s bashful look told no lies. “I don’t know what to think or expect. This is like living a fantasy. I own a horse. I never had an animal because Aunt Kim was allergic to dogs. We had less than a quarter of an acre of land, city life all around us. Horns. Traffic accidents. She loved me and I was so grateful, but the house never felt like home.”

“Maybe one day my home can feel that way to you. I’m many things, Alexandra. You likely have called me an asshole more than once but I’m not an ogre. I will enjoy sitting in the audience the day you graduate with your medical degree. No matter what city or country you’re in.”

“You’d let me go?”

“You’re not my prisoner.” Even though at this moment, she was and we both knew it.

“You have a funny way of showing it.” There was a slight lilt to her voice, but I could tell she was also partially serious. She had her elbow on her knee, her head in her hand, and was observing the horses as they nibbled on grass.

I wasn’t the kind of guy to become but so infatuated with anyone, but with her, caring and needing was so damn easy.

Far too easy.

Another moment of quiet settled between us. I’d wanted her to relax, to ask goofy questions, but her life had been full of serious moments. Did I really expect she could let go of all the horrors? Not possible.

“Was my father a good man?”

I knew sooner or later she’d start asking questions about him. She really never had before. I’d made certain she’d had a couple of boxes of his things but I’d never asked if she’d gone through them. I had my own, and I certainly hadn’t gone through the contents since bringing it back with me.

Inside her boxes were also photographs of her mother as well as the couple. Alexandra deserved to see their happiness. Greg’s personality was a touchy subject for me, but one that had to be faced. “He was the best guy in the world. I was a bit of the troublemaker in college, always trying to get him to stay at a bar or chase women. He was the studious one. I asked him one day why he couldn’t just live a little, enjoying life as a twenty-one-year-old.”

There was such curiosity in her eyes, both darting back and forth across mine. “He was like me.”

“Oh, very much so. He told me that he was going to be president of the United States one day and to get there, he had to be serious. He couldn’t have any blemishes on his record.” At least the memories were good ones. “He made me a better student, which pleased my Pops.”

“I’ll bet.”

“And the way he was with my mom?” She’d turned slightly in my direction, which was good. She was loosening up.

“That was the one distraction he couldn’t get enough of. The day he met your mother he changed. He was consumed with asking her out. When she didn’t agree the first two times, he made it his mission to get her to say yes. God, he got so goofy. I used to tease him hard.”

Her laugh was far too sultry, my cock pushing hard against my jeans. “I guess he won in the end.”

“Not without sending her flowers at least four times, and get this. He stood outside her dorm room singing to her. I didn’t know the guy had a voice, but it was an incredible performance. What woman could resist a man after he’d possibly humiliated himself in front of an entire building and everyone walking by?”

Alexandra said nothing at first. I was surprised seeing a slight blush creep up both cheeks. “Would you humiliate yourself for a girl?”

Oh, boy. She was pulling out the stops. “I might be a little old, but yes. I would. I’ve heard finding the right person is magical and you don’t want anyone else in your life after that. That’s what your father experienced and eventually your mother fell hard too. They were a perfect couple.”

“Perfect,” she repeated. “I don’t know if there is such a thing.”

“Believe in some fantasies, Alexandra. It’ll do your soul good.”

At least she seemed more engaged.

“What did you always want to be when you were little?” she asked.

Now I laughed and felt much lighter. The elephant in the room had been discussed.

“A horse trainer. I loved horses, but my father helped me realize that producing our harvest, knowing that other people were enjoying what we’d taken years to painstakingly grow was more to my liking. That was before I knew what he did in the shadows.”

“We all want to believe in the fairytale. Don’t we?” Alexandra finally looked back at me. “Then you learn the boogeyman does exist and the fantasy can never be real.”

For someone so young, she was far too jaded. I took the wine from her hand, placing both glasses on a flatter area of grass. When I pushed her down, partially allowing my weight on her body, she reacted instantly by palming my chest.

There were a few tears in her eyes, memories of her childhood and what she hadn’t been allowed to experience weighing heavily on her mind.

“I understand your feelings.”

“How could you?”

“Because I do, little flower. You’re right in that I cut myself off on purpose, but I can tell you that it’s no way to live.”

“You seem to be doing just fine. You’re rich. You’re powerful. You tell people what to do. What more do you want?”

The list of what I wanted had never been allowed into the forefront of my mind. “A family.”

I could tell she was surprised at my admittance. “You have a family who adores you. Aunt Kim loves me in her way, but my cousin usually wants nothing to do with me. There is no one else.”

“You have me. I will protect you.”

“Protect. That’s not all that nourishes a body and soul. Just don’t. This is just me feeling emotional, which I’m allowed to do, but you hate. I appreciate everything you’ve done and I’ve already fallen in love with Sassy, but this isn’t my world. It never will be.” She was adamant, doing what she could to slip out from under me. When she managed a few seconds later, I rolled onto my elbow, trying to give her some space.

But the man inside of me, not just the one who hungered or hated to lose, but the one who genuinely cared about her more than anyone else, refused to allow her to walk away.

Before she had a chance to stand, I jerked her down to the ground. I forced her arms over her head to keep from hitting me or using them to her advantage.

“Just let me go. I don’t want this.” She was pushing so hard, but I knew better. The electricity was soaring.

“You don’t? Are you certain about that? I’ve seen your face light up more than once even after what you’ve been through. I can tell you’re more relaxed here than you thought you’d be. I also know you could run this house because that’s your personality.”

“What about you, Nico? I’m forbidden, just a fling. I can’t have that in my life. It’s too hard and caring for anyone isn’t what I ever wanted to do,” Alexandra spit out. There was fire in her eyes, but a hardness in her heart because of her own guilt.

“I want you in my life. That isn’t a question.”

“Well, you’re hot and cold and push me away every chance you get. I feel like a boomerang.” She was trying desperately to get out of my hold. “Just let me go so you can go back to your perfect yet cold life.”

The woman could frustrate me more than anyone I’d ever met in my life. Yet there was no one I wanted more than her, this beautiful girl with the doe eyes and the heart of gold. I ground my hips back and forth, issuing a stark growl. “Does that feel cold to you, sweetheart?”

“It’s just sex.”

I lowered my head, taking several deep breaths. Nothing I could say would make her feel any better. Actions were louder than words, but was our passion enough to keep her from falling through the cracks? Was I too selfish to provide what she needed? The answer terrified me.

And still, I crushed my lips against hers, refusing to allow her to escape either emotionally or physically. She didn’t respond at first, as if teaching me I truly was a cold fish. But her body couldn’t deny the level of attraction, the heat and need that we’d experienced the first time we’d laid eyes on each other after so many years.

She still pushed my shoulders with hers, even kicking out with her legs. I dug my fingers into her hands, my nails digging into her precious skin.

The kiss became manic, more about desperate need than anything else. Desire was one layer, but this was something else altogether.

A knowing.

An awakening.

A final destination for both of us.

Too poetic or pathetic? Maybe, but I was still going to take what belonged to me.

She finally pressed her bent knee against my side, no longer fighting. Her lips were so soft and I slowly eased my tongue inside. I wanted to be frantic, ripping off her clothes and driving my cock deep into her wetness. But both of us needed more. Much more.

We needed affirmation and an okay to allow another padlock to fall away.

My moment of being philosophical was done. I explored her mouth as I’d done so many times before, but this time, the sensual experience was different.

Not just more intense because of our physical desires, but because of emotions deep inside. I’d told people for years I had no concept of love. It was all a crock of shit.

She responded, her soft mews and moans into my mouth exciting the beast that dwelled inside of me. It was rare when a man was aroused to the point of blindness, but that was the case. She did that to me.

I shifted back and forth, making certain she knew in no uncertain terms how much I needed her by my side.

We were breathless, elongating the moment. I sensed rapture, a series of vibrations I usually didn’t have the opportunity to feel. She truly had awakened me.

With a new rush of need, she managed to yank her hands free, this time gently pushing against my shoulders.

I broke the kiss, both of us experiencing labored breathing.

Alexandra kissed my lips softly and shook her head. I wasn’t certain what she was telling me, but the ache inside that I’d felt before immediately developed.

I was so used to taking what I wanted, knowing the woman would allow me to do anything if it meant getting her hands on my bank account that I was floored. Backing away was one of the hardest things I’d had to do, but was necessary.

As she crawled backward and out of my reach, I resigned myself to letting her go. We’d head back and not talk about this again.

My mother had insisted there were angels and she’d meant that special person who would guide me away from the darkness. I’d laughed and hugged her, but when the beautiful woman whose lower lip was trembling rose to a standing position, slowly removing her shirt, I felt a warm glow of her light and warmth.

And I wanted her.

Not just her body or her soul.

I wanted her heart.