Chapter 28

Knox

I stare at her like she is out of her fucking mind. Tay stands beside me, rubbing the back of his neck, looking all kinds of fucking awkward. Taylan sleeping with Lake was something I was okay with before but it isn't something I can stomach now. Was it fucking hot to watch my best friend make my girl come? Fuck yes, it was, and I enjoyed myself but the last time ended in us in a threesome and that was fucking euphoric, then two nights later I lost my sister and Lakeland. Thinking about her and Taylan together brings me back to that night and I won't do it, I can't.

I meet her gaze as I speak. "If that is something you want, what you really want then I can't give it to you." Her mouth parts slightly. "Before that was something I was okay with but now, no. I won't allow anyone to touch what is mine and make no fucking mistake, kitten, you are mine."

"Well that's good because I was fucking with you." I gape at the dirty little minx. Tay laughs and claps.

"What?" I snarl annoyed as fuck.

She shrugs. "Don't get me wrong, Taylan is hot–" I growl. "But I'm not interested in whatever that was."

"Babe, you'll get sick of his mediocre cock soon enough and be begging to have mine just so you can feel what it's like to be fucked by a real man." I smack Taylan over the back of the head, Lay and him laugh and within a couple of seconds I join them as I wrap my arms around my girl and hold her close. Tay smiles and nods, telling me without words that he will never bring this topic up again or ever accept an offer to repeat history should she ever ask. "Right, well since we have decided that Knox has sharing issues and ruined what should have been our midnight snack, I'll see you both in the morning."

"Night," I say as Lay pulls out of my hold and closes the space between her Taylan. When he looks down at her I can see the love he feels toward her in his eyes but it's the love of a… Brother? It feels weird thinking that after we just talked about them fucking.

"I may not remember it but out of everyone, I'm glad it was Tay because I know without a shadow of doubt you have taken care of me and treated me with respect." Tay gives her a tight lipped smile, then she shocks the fuck out of both of us when she wraps her arms around his waist and hugs him. Two seconds, that's all it took for him to melt into her.

"I would never hurt you, Lay. I got your back, always," he says as he releases her and places a kiss to her cheek before walking out. That right there is one of the many reasons why I fucking love him and Xander, they are my brothers and always have my back. I don't know what the fuck is eating at Xander but I plan to find out whatever the fuck it is in the morning.

"So…" Lake says as she makes her way over to me, stopping a couple inches away. "I guess without my meds, I'm slowly starting to get my memories back." I nod and try with all my might to snuff out that spark of hope inside me.

"With or without those memories, you will always be my Lakeland." Her eyes soften at my words. "You may not recall our past but I do. I'll spend every day reminding you of the reasons why you fell in love with me the first time. Until the time you do remember, I will love you enough for the both of us." She covers her mouth with her hand as tears fill her eyes.

"You love me?" she mutters. I roll my eyes.

"I have said it in so many different ways, was me not killing you not enough of a clue?" She shakes her head. "How about the fact I risked being caught by the CSIS so you could say goodbye to your sister?" She shakes her head again. "How about the fact I gave you the documents from Knight?" Before she can shake her head again I push on. "How about I just tell you now that I love you and tell you that you were my first love, my first girlfriend, my first heartbreak. Lakeland Deveraux, you own me, mind, body and soul. You have owned every part of me since you were thirteen and I plan to make you fall in love with me again just so I can own every inch of you willingly because we both know I own you now, but I want you to give me everything you have freely."

"I feel like you already own every part of me and I don't need my memories to tell me that I am already falling for you. Just give me time to work all of this out in my head because I can't say those three words back to you right now." I smirk and close the space between us placing a kiss to her forehead.

"You could never say it before either and just so we are crystal fucking clear, that was the first time I have ever told you I loved you. I've never told anyone I loved them since I was six." She gasps. I walk out of the room leaving her to mull over what she just learned.

I'm not fucking happy about my mom coming with us, she should be at home safe and tucked away but no, she had to be here and I do kind of owe her for organizing all the funerals of my fallen men. Lakeland has been withdrawn since we arrived in Winnipeg. I've noticed she has been having pain and tries to hide it but I see through her mask. I had wanted to stay in Calgary but I knew it would be too hard for Lake to stay in the house her sister was murdered in so I relented. Driving through the main town in Winnipeg is surreal and nostalgic, I haven't been back here since we fled after I took over the Da Luca family. This place holds too many memories for me, all those memories include one person, my favorite person in the whole fucking world aside from Lake.

We pass by the local park where Wave, Taylan, Xander and I used to hang out after school. We spent so much time there hanging out just so we wouldn't have to go home, going home meant we had to see the sadness in our moms eyes and see her worrying about how she was going to put food on the table for four kids. Those times were fucking hard and there were some nights we had gone hungry. It wasn't the hunger pains that upset me, it was having to hear my mom cry and berate herself for failing us.

I don't own a house here in Winnipeg, I never will. This place is not somewhere I ever want to come back to. If I had the power I would shut the fucking place down and make sure no one ever came here. Pulling up to the cabin style homes we rented, I look out the window and debate if I should have Xander turn the car around and get the fuck out of here.

"We do this, then we get the fuck out of here, deal?" Taylan's softly spoken words ease some of the tension inside me.

"Yeah," Xan answers.

"Let's move," I say as I climb out of the car with my mom following after me. Before I can take a step, she reaches out and grabs my arm, drawing my attention down to her. Her eyes are filled with misery and I know if I wasn't wearing sunglasses she would see the same look mirrored on my own.

"I want to go there." I yank my arm free of her hold and step back.

"You can't be serious?" I seethe quietly. She sighs sadly and nods her head as she wraps her arms around herself like she is trying to keep the pieces of herself together.

"I need to do this, Knox. I need the closure?—"

"There is no moving past what happened," I say in an angry, cold tone that has her recoiling slightly.

"You don't get it. Losing your sister destroyed you but losing my daughter fucking obliterated me. I have been half a person for six years because my baby left. No parent should ever have to bury their own child!" she shouts. I can feel Lakeland and the guys staring at us but I ignore them. "All I have are memories, those mean nothing to me because they are from the past. I will never get a fleeting moment with my daughter because she is gone. You think Lakeland is unlucky because she doesn't have her memories." I open my mouth to argue but she pushes on. "Let me tell you something, Son. She is the fucking lucky one because she doesn't have to be haunted by the past, she doesn't have to wake each day knowing that her daughter died."

I stand here and stare after my mom as she follows Mase to the cabin we will be staying in. I know most of my men heard what was just said but I don't care. Hearing the pain in her voice fucking kills me. For years I thought I was the only one suffering and drowning in the loss of my sister but I was fucking wrong.

"I'll take her." I turn to the side to see Xander standing there with a hard look on his face.

I shake my head. "No. If she needs to go back then I will be the one to take her. She can't let go," I whisper.

"How the fuck could she?" I face my best friend and scowl at the fucker.

"Got something to say?" I snarl. Xander slowly turns to face me and the angry glint in his eyes gives me pause.

"She buried an empty fucking box. They didn't even find the car until weeks later. Your mother didn't get the chance to dress her baby girl, kiss her cheek or hold her one last time before they closed the lid. She buried a wooden box filled with the things Waverly loved most because no body was ever recovered. Think on that for a second before you go off on me. You sought out your vengeance and claimed your birthright so you would have the power and means to avenge your sister, your mother didn't get that chance. You parade the woman who killed her daughter around her like it doesn't fucking hurt to know she—" He points toward Lakeland as he continues to shout at me, "is still breathing while my girl—while your sister isn't. Pull your fucking head out of your ass, Knox." He shoulders me as he storms past, heading toward our cabin. I stand here mulling over his words and start to wonder if he's right, is having Lake around my mom destroying her without me knowing? Am I really that fucking selfish that I didn't know I was hurting my own mom.

"He didn't mean it. Just give him a chance to cool off before you two fight it out," Tay says before clapping me on the shoulder and going after our best friend.

"Knox—" I raise my hand stopping Lake from continuing, I can't look at her or even speak to her right now, it's too fucking much.

"Go inside, I'll be back later," I clip out as I climb back in the car and plant my foot on the gas, needing to get the fuck away from here.