4. Feeling Confused

CHAPTER 4

Feeling Confused

CALEB

S itting on the porch of our ranch house, I strummed away on my guitar, the familiar weight of it in my lap a small comfort. The sun was setting, painting the sky in vibrant oranges and pinks, the scent of hay and horses drifting on the warm evening breeze. Usually, the music helped me sort through whatever was bugging me, but lately, it felt like nothing could untangle the knot of feelings in my chest.

And the reason for that knot? Liam.

My fingers stumbled over a chord as his face flashed in my mind. I could almost hear his laugh, see the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled. The memory sent a shiver down my spine, a mix of excitement and nervousness that I was still trying to understand.

Ever since we started hanging out and invited him to our band, I couldn't get him out of my head. The way his fingers danced over the piano keys, elegant and sure, creating melodies that seemed to reach right into my soul. The way his eyes lit up when he talked about music, a passion that matched my own and made my heart race.

But it wasn't just the physical stuff. I mean, don't get me wrong, Liam was cute as hell. His messy blonde hair that always fell into his eyes, the dimple that appeared in his left cheek when he grinned… it all did things to me, man. Things I'd never felt before.

My stomach twisted as I thought about our last practice session. We'd been working on a particularly tricky section of our new song, and Liam had been struggling with the timing. Without thinking, I'd moved behind him, placing my hands over his to guide him through the rhythm. The moment my skin touched his, it was like electricity shot through me. I could feel the warmth of his body, smell the faint scent of his shampoo. For a second, he'd leaned back into me, and I swear my heart nearly stopped.

I shook my head, trying to clear the memory. This was more than just physical attraction. Liam was kind and smart and funny, and when we were together, everything just felt right. Like puzzle pieces clicking into place.

The thing was, I'd never really thought about whether I liked guys before. I mean, I'd had crushes on girls in the past, but what I felt for Liam was different. Stronger, deeper, more intense. It scared me a little, if I was being honest.

What would my parents think? They'd always been supportive of me, but this was uncharted territory. In our small town, news traveled fast, and not everyone was as open-minded as I'd like to believe.

My fingers tightened on the guitar neck, a surge of protectiveness washing over me. I didn't care what anyone else thought, not really. But I cared about Liam. The last thing I wanted was for him to face more stress or pressure because of me.

And even if I did like him that way, there was no guarantee he felt the same. Plus, there was all this other stuff getting in the way. His parents, for one.

I wanted to help him, to be there for him, but I didn't know how. I was just a kid myself, trying to figure out my own life. But I cared about Liam, more than I'd ever cared about anyone. And I hated seeing him hurting .

The sound of a car engine broke through my thoughts. I looked up to see Jake Thompson's truck rumbling down the road, country music blaring from the speakers. Jake caught my eye as he passed, his expression unreadable. A chill ran down my spine as I remembered the way he'd been hassling Liam at school. If Jake ever found out about my feelings then everything is going to hell as quickly as this started.

I pushed the thought away, focusing instead on our upcoming gig. It was a big deal for us, playing at the local fair. A chance to really show what we could do. But with all the drama going on, I was worried we weren't as prepared as we should be.

So one day, after a particularly intense practice session, I decided to bite the bullet and just ask Liam what was up. The music room was stuffy, the late afternoon sun streaming through the windows and making everything feel too warm, too close.

"Yo, Liam," I said, trying to sound casual as we packed up our gear. My heart was pounding so hard I was sure he could hear it. "You good, man? You seem kinda, I don't know, off lately."

He looked up at me, and I could see the conflict in his eyes. The dark circles underneath spoke of sleepless nights, and there was a tension in his shoulders that made me want to reach out and comfort him. "Yeah, I'm just dealing with some stuff, I guess."

I nodded, taking a step closer. The scent of his cologne mixed with the faint musk of sweat from our practice session, making my head spin a little. "I get that. But you know you can talk to me, right? About anything."

He hesitated for a second, like he was debating whether to open up or not. But then he sighed, his shoulders slumping. "It's my parents, man. They don't get it. They think music is a waste of time, that I should be focusing on school and getting into a good college. But it's not that simple, you know?"

I did know. I knew exactly how he felt, because I'd been there myself. My own parents hadn't been thrilled when I told them I wanted to pursue music, but they'd come around eventually. They saw how much it meant to me, how much it was a part of who I was.

But Liam's folks they were a different story.

"I'm sorry, dude," I said, putting a hand on his shoulder. The contact sent a jolt through me, and I had to resist the urge to pull him closer. "That really sucks. But listen, you can't let them get in your head like that. You're an amazing musician, Liam. Like, seriously talented. And if this is what you love, what makes you happy then you gotta fight for it."

He looked up at me, and there was something in his eyes that made my heart skip a beat. Something soft and vulnerable and hopeful. "You really think so?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

I grinned, giving his shoulder a squeeze. "I know so. And hey, I've got your back, okay? No matter what. We're in this together."

He smiled then, a real smile that lit up his whole face. "Thanks, Caleb. That means a lot."

We stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, and I swear, it felt like the rest of the world just fell away. Like it was just us, just this connection between us that was deeper than words could say. I could feel the warmth of his skin under my hand, see the flecks of gold in his brown eyes. My gaze dropped to his lips for a second, and I found myself wondering what it would be like to kiss him.

But then the spell was broken by the sound of Sarah calling out to us, reminding us that we had a gig to get to. Reality came crashing back in, and I stepped away, my hand falling from his shoulder.

As we gathered our things and headed out, I couldn't shake the feeling that something had shifted between us. Whether it was for better or worse, only time would tell. But one thing was certain - my feelings for Liam weren't going away anytime soon. And sooner or later, I was going to have to face them head-on.

Finally it was time for the talent show. When we got to the school, the auditorium was already buzzing with energy. Kids were running around everywhere, setting up equipment and doing last-minute rehearsals. The air was electric with anticipation.

We found a spot backstage to warm up, and I couldn't help but notice the way Liam's eyes kept scanning the crowd, searching for his parents. It made my heart ache for him.

"Hey," I said, pulling him aside as Sarah and Mark tuned their instruments. "Remember what I said in the van. We've got this, okay? No matter what happens with your folks."

Liam nodded, but I could still see the worry in his eyes. "I know. I just want them to be proud of me, you know? To see how much this means to me."

I put my hands on his shoulders, looking him dead in the eye. "Liam, listen to me. You are an incredible musician, and an even more incredible person. Anyone who can't see that, that's on them, not you. You have nothing to prove to anyone, okay?"

He stared at me for a long moment, and I swear, I could feel the air crackling between us. Then he surged forward, wrapping his arms around me in a fierce hug.

"Thank you," he whispered, his breath warm against my neck. "For everything."

I hugged him back just as tightly, feeling like my heart was going to burst out of my chest. "Anytime, man. Anytime."

Just then, the MC announced that it was time for us to take the stage. We broke apart reluctantly, grabbing our instruments and heading out into the blinding lights.

The moment we started playing, everything else fell away. The nerves, the worry, the fear it all disappeared, replaced by the sheer joy of making music together.

We tore through our set like a wildfire, the crowd screaming and cheering us on. I could feel the energy coursing through my veins, the adrenaline making my fingers fly over the strings.

And Liam was on fire. He played that piano like it was an extension of his soul, pouring every ounce of passion and emotion into every note. I couldn't take my eyes off him, couldn't stop grinning like an idiot as we played. This was what it was all about, this connection, this magic that happened when we made music together.

The final notes of our song faded away, and for a moment, there was complete silence. Then, the auditorium erupted into thunderous applause. I looked at Liam, his eyes wide with disbelief, then at Sarah and Mark, both grinning from ear to ear.

After what felt like a long time waiting, Principal Gonzales stepped onto the stage, microphone in hand. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have our winners!" She paused for dramatic effect. "First place goes to… Caleb, Liam, Sarah, and Mark! The Misfits!"

The crowd went wild. Sarah squealed, launching herself at Mark in a bear hug. I turned to Liam, who seemed frozen in place.

"We did it," I said, my voice barely audible over the cheers. "Liam, we won!"

He blinked, as if coming out of a trance. "We… we won?"

I nodded, grinning so hard my cheeks hurt. "We won!"

Suddenly, Liam's face broke into the biggest smile I'd ever seen. He threw his arms around me, laughing. "We did it! We actually did it!"

As we made our way off stage, trophy in hand, I caught sight of Jake in the audience. He was scowling, his face twisted in a sneer as he watched us celebrate. For a moment, I felt a flicker of anger. But then I looked at Liam, at the pure joy radiating from him, and Jake's petty jealousy seemed utterly insignificant.

"We did it!" Sarah squealed, pulling us all into a group hug. "We actually did it!"

"Hell yeah, we did!" Mark chimed in, his grin so wide it looked like it might split his face.

But Liam had gone quiet, his expression suddenly thoughtful. I nudged him gently. "Hey, you okay?"

He looked at me, his eyes filled with a mix of emotions I couldn't quite decipher. "I just… I can't believe it. My parents didn't even show up, but we still won. We did this without them. "

He stared at me for a long moment, and then a slow smile spread across his face. "You know what? You're right. I don't need them. I've got you, and Sarah, and Mark. That's all I need."

I felt my heart swell with pride and affection. "Damn straight. We're your family now, Liam. And we're not going anywhere."

He grinned, and then he was hugging me again, laughing and crying at the same time. Sarah and Mark joined in, turning it into a messy, joyful group hug.

As I held them all, surrounded by the chaos of backstage and the sound of the crowd still cheering, I knew that this was where I belonged. This weird, wonderful, makeshift family of ours.

"Hey," I said, pulling back to look at Liam. "Let's get out of here, yeah? I want to show you something."

Liam wiped his eyes, looking at me curiously. "What is it?"

I grinned, feeling a rush of excitement. "You'll see. Come on, I just got my license and I've been dying to take my new wheels for a spin."

That got a smile out of him, and we said our goodbyes to Sarah and Mark before heading out to the parking lot. When we got to my car - a beat-up old sedan that I'd bought with my savings - I couldn't help but puff up with pride.

"I know it's not much," I said, patting the hood. "But it's mine, and it gets me where I need to go."

Liam laughed, shaking his head. "It's perfect, Caleb. I love it."

We hopped in and I headed out of town, the night air whipping through the open windows. Liam fiddled with the radio, finally settling on a soft rock station that filled the car with soothing melodies.

I drove for a while, until the town lights faded in the rearview mirror and the road opened up into the countryside. Finally, I pulled off onto a dirt track, following it until we reached a small overlook.

"I come out here sometimes," I said, cutting the engine. "When I need to clear my head, or just get away from everything for a bit. "

We got out of the car and I led Liam to the edge of the overlook. The view was breathtaking - a vast expanse of rolling hills and glittering stars, stretching out as far as the eye could see.

"Wow," Liam breathed, his eyes wide. "It's incredible."

I hummed in agreement, sneaking a glance at him out of the corner of my eye. The moonlight played over his features, making him look almost ethereal. My heart stuttered in my chest.

We stood there in silence for a moment, just taking in the view and enjoying each other's company. But there was a tension in the air, a crackling energy that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

Liam turned to me, his eyes reflecting the moonlight. "Caleb," he said softly, "can I ask you something?"

My heart skipped a beat. "Sure. What's up?"

He hesitated, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "Do you ever feel, I don't know, different? Like you don't quite fit in?"

I nodded slowly, surprised by the vulnerability in his voice. "Yeah, I do. Especially lately."

Liam's eyes met mine, searching. "It's just since I met you, I've been feeling all these things I don't understand. It's confusing."

My breath caught in my throat. Was he feeling it too? This strange, overwhelming connection between us? "I know what you mean," I said carefully. "I've been pretty confused myself lately."

He stepped closer, his voice barely above a whisper. "When we're together, making music it's like nothing else matters. Like I'm finally being myself. Does that make any sense?"

"It makes perfect sense," I replied, my heart racing. "I feel the same way."

Liam's eyes widened slightly. "You do?"

I nodded, suddenly feeling brave. "Liam, I'm not sure what this is between us, but it feels important. Special."

He swallowed hard, his gaze dropping to my lips for a split second. "I think so too," he murmured.

We stood there for a moment, the air thick with unspoken words and confusing emotions. I didn't know what I was feeling, didn't know if it was right or wrong, but I knew I had to do something.

And then, before I even knew what I was doing, I was leaning in and pressing my lips to Liam's in a soft, tentative kiss.

He gasped, and for a moment, I was terrified that I'd made a huge mistake. But then he was kissing me back, his hands coming up to tangle in my hair and pull me closer.

It was like nothing I'd ever felt before - a rush of heat and desire and something deeper, something that felt a lot like coming home.

When we finally broke apart, we were both breathing hard, our eyes wide and shocked.

"I…" I stammered, my brain scrambling to catch up. "I don't know why I did that. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…"

But Liam just shook his head, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "Don't be sorry," he said softly. "I'm not."

I stared at him, my heart pounding in my chest. "You're not?"

He shook his head again, reaching out to take my hand. "No. I've wanted to do that for a long time."

I swallowed hard, my mind reeling. "You have?"

He nodded, biting his lip. "Yeah. I just didn't know if you felt the same way. If you even liked guys, or if it was just me."

I squeezed his hand, feeling a rush of affection and confusion and something else, something warm and hopeful. "I don't know," I said honestly. "I've never felt this way about anyone before, guy or girl. But what I do know is that when I'm with you it feels right. Like everything just falls into place."

Liam smiled, his eyes shining in the moonlight. "I feel the same way," he whispered. "Like it's always been you, even when I didn't know it."

I leaned in to kiss him again, my heart soaring at his words. It felt like a dream, like all the confusion and uncertainty of the past few weeks had finally clicked into place.

But as we broke apart, reality came crashing back in. I took a shaky breath, resting my forehead against Liam's .

"Liam," I whispered, my voice rough with emotion. "I don't know what this means. For us, for the future. I'm still trying to figure everything out, and I…"

I trailed off, feeling a lump rise in my throat. Liam reached up, cupping my cheek in his hand.

"Hey," he said softly. "It's okay. I'm scared too. This is all new for me, and I don't have all the answers either. But what I do know is that I care about you, Caleb. More than I've ever cared about anyone."

I swallowed hard, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes. "I care about you too," I said, my voice cracking. "So much. But Liam, I don't think I'm ready for people to know about this yet. About us."

Liam's brow furrowed, and for a moment, I was terrified that he would be angry or hurt. But then his expression softened, and he nodded.

"I understand," he said quietly. "It's a lot to process, and we don't have to rush into anything. We can take things slow, figure it out as we go."

I felt a rush of relief, mixed with a twinge of guilt. "I'm sorry," I said, looking down at our intertwined hands. "I know it's selfish of me to ask you to keep this a secret. But I just I need some time to wrap my head around everything, to figure out what this means for me and my future."

Liam lifted my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. "Caleb," he said firmly. "Don't apologize for needing time and space to figure things out. This is a big deal, for both of us. And I would never want you to feel pressured or rushed into anything you're not ready for."

I felt tears spill down my cheeks, and I surged forward, burying my face in Liam's neck. "Thank you," I whispered, my voice muffled against his skin. "Thank you for understanding, for being so patient and kind and just everything."

Liam held me tightly, rubbing soothing circles on my back. "Of course," he murmured. "I'll always be here for you, Caleb. No matter what happens, no matter how long it takes. I'm not going anywhere."

We stayed like that for a long time, just holding each other and letting our emotions wash over us. It was overwhelming and scary and exhilarating all at once, and I knew that there would be challenges ahead, obstacles we would have to face.

But in that moment, none of it mattered. Because I had Liam, and he had me, and together, we could take on anything.

Finally, reluctantly, we broke apart. Liam reached up, wiping away the last of my tears with his thumb.

"We should probably head back," he said softly. "It's getting late, and my parents will be wondering where I am."

I nodded, taking a deep breath to steady myself. "Yeah, you're right. But Liam… can we just stay here for a few more minutes? I'm not ready to let go of this moment just yet."

Liam smiled, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. "Of course."

And so we did, standing there under the stars and holding onto each other like a lifeline. It was a moment I knew I would remember forever, a moment that marked the beginning of something new and beautiful and terrifying and wonderful all at once.