20. A Good Place to Start

CHAPTER 20

A Good Place to Start

CALEB

B eing knee-deep in a pile of dusty old equipment wasn't fun at all. Sweat was dripping down my back as I rummaged through the ranch's storage shed. We needed money, and we needed it fast. But so far, all I'd found was a bunch of rusty tools and broken-down machinery.

"Come on," I muttered, tossing aside a coil of frayed rope. "There's gotta be something in here worth selling."

But deep down, I knew it was a long shot. We'd already sold off most of our valuables, pawned everything that wasn't nailed down just to keep the lights on and the animals fed.

It was a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that the ranch I'd grown up on, the land that had been in my family for generations, was slipping through our fingers like sand through a sieve.

I sighed, leaning back on my heels and wiping the sweat from my brow. This was supposed to be our legacy, our future. But now…now it felt like a weight around my neck, dragging me down into an abyss of debt and desperation.

"Caleb!" Hank's voice jolted me out of my dark thoughts. I looked up to see him standing in the doorway, his weathered face creased with concern.

"What's up?" I asked, trying to keep my tone light. No sense in burdening him with my worries, not when he had enough of his own to deal with.

"I need you to train the new hire today," he said, his eyes flickering to the pile of junk at my feet. "Think you can handle it?"

I nodded, forcing a grin. "Sure thing, boss. I'll whip ‘em into shape in no time."

Hank's mouth twitched, like he was trying to hold back a smile. "I don't doubt it. Just try not to scare this one off like the last one, alright?"

I clutched my chest in mock offense. "Moi? Scare someone off? Never."

He chuckled, shaking his head. "Yeah, yeah. Just get out there and find him, will ya? He's probably lost in the cornfields by now."

"Shit, is it that late already? I better get moving."

I brushed past Hank, my mind already racing ahead to the task at hand. A new hire, huh? I wondered what kind of city slicker we'd gotten this time, some soft-handed pretty boy who'd never seen a cow up close before. Well, whoever he was, he was about to get a crash course in ranch life, Caleb Winchester style.

The sun beat down on my back, hot and heavy, but I barely felt it. I was used to the heat, used to the sweat and the grime and the endless, backbreaking work. It was in my blood, this life. As much a part of me as the air in my lungs and the beat of my heart.

I was just rounding the corner of the barn when I ran smack into Dean, nearly knocking him off his feet.

"Whoa, easy there, cowboy," he said, steadying himself with a hand on my arm. "Where's the fire?"

I grinned, clapping him on the shoulder. "No fire, just looking for the new guy. You seen him around?"

Dean's brow furrowed, his green eyes narrowing in thought. "Last I saw, he was headed towards the chicken coop. But that was a while ago."

I nodded, already moving past him. "Thanks, man. I'll check there first."

But when I reached the coop, it was empty. The chickens clucked and scratched at the ground, calm as could be even Martha. And the feed bins were full, the water troughs topped off.

Huh. Looks like the new guy had already been here, gotten the chores done without any help from me.

I felt a flicker of surprise, followed by a grudging sense of respect. Maybe this one wouldn't be so useless after all. I checked all the usual spots where a newbie might get turned around. But there was no sign of him, no hint of where he might have wandered off to.

I was just about to give up, to head back to the house and see if Hank had any ideas, when I heard it. A voice, drifting on the breeze like a curl of smoke. It was rough and raw, gritty with emotion in a way that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Somehow it sounded familiar.

I followed the sound, my heart kicking into overdrive as I got closer. And then I saw him and Midnight, that ornery old bastard who never let anyone get close, he was pressed up against the stall door, his ears pricked forward like he was hanging on every word.

Liam, singing to Midnight like he belonged here. Like he had never left.

His voice was rich and soulful, with a gritty edge that sent shivers down my spine. He sang with his whole body, his eyes closed and his hands moving in time with the melody.

And there, curled up at his feet like a contented little loaf, was the kitten. The same kitten I had rescued just days ago, the one I had handed over to Liam without knowing who he was.

Fate had a funny way of working things out, it seemed.

I must have made some kind of noise, some sharp intake of breath or scuff of boot on dirt. Because suddenly Liam was turning around, his eyes wide with shock as they met mine.

"Caleb?" he breathed, his voice barely above a whisper.

I swallowed hard, trying to find my voice. Trying to remember how to breathe around the sudden, aching lump in my throat.

"You've got a voice on you," I said finally, my tone light and teasing even as my heart raced in my chest. "You never really told me that you could sing back then."

Liam blinked, like he was trying to process my words. Like he couldn't quite believe that I was really here, standing in front of him after all this time.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his brow furrowing in confusion. "Are you supposed to be here?"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "We own the ranch, dear. Did Hank never tell you whose it is?"

Liam's eyes widened, understanding dawning on his face. "No. Though I should have guessed. But this didn't look like your old one."

I nodded, shoving my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching out and touching him. From running my fingers through his hair and tracing the lines of his face, just to make sure he was real.

"We bought the ranch not long after I graduated from high school," I explained, my voice rough with emotion. "We've been here ever since."

Liam stared at me, his eyes searching mine like he was looking for answers. Looking for some kind of explanation for the way things had ended between us, for the years of silence and distance that stretched out like an uncrossable chasm.

But I didn't have any answers. Didn't have anything to offer him but the truth of my own broken heart, the scars that had never fully healed.

So I just stood there, drinking in the sight of him. Memorizing every detail, every curve and angle of his face. The way the sun caught in his hair, turning it to gold. The way his lips parted slightly, like he was on the verge of saying something but couldn't quite find the words.

And god, the way he looked at me. With those eyes that had always seen straight through me, straight to the heart of who I was.

It was too much. Too intense, too overwhelming after so long without him. I could feel myself getting lost in it, drowning in the depth of emotion that swirled between us like a rip tide.

I had to look away, had to break the spell before it consumed me completely. Before I did something stupid, like take him in my arms and never let go.

I cleared my throat, forcing a smile that felt brittle and false on my face. "So," I said, my voice too loud in the stillness of the barn. "You gonna introduce me to your little friend there?"

Liam glanced down at the kitten, a soft smile tugging at his lips. "I named her Peanut," he said, reaching down to scoop her up. "She's been keeping me company since you rescued her."

I nodded, trying to ignore the way my heart clenched at the sight of him cradling the tiny creature against his chest. At the tenderness in his eyes, the gentle way he stroked her fur.

It was a side of him I'd never seen before, a glimpse of the man he had become in the years we'd been apart. And it made me ache in a way I couldn't quite define, a longing that went deeper than bones.

"She's a lucky girl," I said softly, my gaze meeting his. "To have you looking out for her."

Liam's breath caught, his eyes widening slightly. And for a moment, just a split second, I saw it. That old heat, that familiar spark that had once set my whole world on fire.

But then he blinked, and it was gone. Hidden behind a mask of cool composure, a wall that I couldn't quite breach.

"Yeah, well," he said, shrugging. "I guess we all need someone to watch our backs sometimes."

I felt my heart sink, felt the weight of all the things left unsaid settling heavy on my chest. Because he was right. We all needed someone, needed that connection and that care.

But we had lost that, Liam and me. Had let it slip away in the face of fear and pride and the endless, aching wounds of the past. And now, standing here in the middle of my ranch, I didn't know if we could ever get it back. Didn't know if we could ever find our way to each other again, across the miles and the years and the endless, echoing silence.

But looking at him now, seeing the way the light caught in his eyes and the way his hands gentle on Peanut's fur, I knew I had to try. Knew that I couldn't let him walk away again, not without a fight.

"Listen, Liam," I said, my voice low and intense. "I know things didn't end well between us. I know there's a lot of hurt and anger and unfinished business that we need to deal with."

He opened his mouth to speak, but I held up a hand, cutting him off.

"But I also know that I never stopped caring about you," I continued, my heart pounding in my chest. "Never stopped wondering what might have been, if things had been different."

Liam's expression shifted, the vulnerability in his eyes replaced by a flicker of irritation. He took a step back, cradling Peanut closer to his chest like a shield.

"You can go now," he said, his tone clipped and cool. "Leave me and Peanut alone."

I could feel the tension radiating off of Liam in waves. The confusion, the anger, the hurt that he was trying so hard to hide behind a mask of indifference.

I got it. I did. This whole situation was a mindfuck, a blast from the past that neither of us had seen coming. If he wanted to be prickly and standoffish, then so be it. I could handle it. I'd handled worse.

The key was patience. Patience and persistence, two things I'd learned the hard way over the years. I just had to keep chipping away at those walls, keep showing up and being there, even when he was doing his damnedest to keep me at arm's length.

"I can't leave," I said, shoving my hands in my pockets and rocking back on my heels. "Hank told me to come fetch you so I could show you the ropes around the ranch."

Liam sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "Fine," he grumbled. "But only teaching and nothing else. "

I grinned, throwing up my hands in a gesture of innocence. "Hey, I'm just here to be your tour guide, city boy. No funny business, scout's honor."

He rolled his eyes, but I could see the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Like you were ever a boy scout."

"Ouch," I said, clutching my chest in mock offense. "You wound me, Liam. I'll have you know I was a very dedicated scout. Earned all my badges and everything."

"Uh-huh," he said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "I'm sure you were a regular Eagle Scout."

I laughed, the sound echoing off the rafters of the barn. "Alright, alright. You got me. I was more of a troublemaker than a do-gooder back in the day."

Liam snorted, shaking his head. "Why does that not surprise me?"

I just shrugged, a mischievous glint in my eye. "What can I say? I've always had a bit of a rebellious streak."

"I remember and more like a mile-wide stubborn streak," Liam muttered, but there was no heat behind the words.

"Tomato, to-mah-to," I said, waving a hand dismissively. "Now come on, let's get this show on the road. We've got a lot of ground to cover and daylight's wasting."

I turned on my heel and strode out of the barn, not waiting to see if Liam was following. I knew he would be, even if it was just out of a sense of obligation to Hank.

And sure enough, a few seconds later I heard the scuff of his boots on the dirt, the soft jingle of Peanut's collar as he hurried to catch up.

"So, where to first, oh wise and fearless leader?" he asked, falling into step beside me.

I shot him a sidelong glance, a smirk tugging at my lips. "Oh, I thought we'd start with something easy. You know, ease you into the whole ranch life thing."

Liam raised an eyebrow, looking vaguely alarmed. "Why do I get the feeling that your definition of ‘easy' is very different from mine?"

I just grinned, throwing an arm around his shoulders and steering him towards the cow pasture. "Relax, city boy. I've got you. What's the worst that could happen?"

Famous last words.

"This," I said, spreading my arms wide as we reached the fence, "is where the magic happens. The heart and soul of the ranch, if you will."

Liam peered over the top rail, his nose wrinkling as he took in the sight of the cows milling about in the field. "It smells like shit," he said, his tone flat.

I laughed, clapping him on the back. "Well, yeah. That's kind of par for the course when you're dealing with livestock. But trust me, you get used to it."

He shot me a dubious look, but I just grabbed his arm and tugged him towards the gate. "Come on, let's go say hi to the ladies."

We made our way out into the pasture, the cows eyeing us with a sort of placid curiosity as we approached. I could feel Liam tensing up beside me, his steps slowing as we got closer.

"Uh, Caleb?" he said, his voice tight with nerves. "Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, don't cows like charge at people or something?"

I bit back a grin, schooling my features into a look of grave concern. "Oh, absolutely. These girls can be real firecrackers when they want to be. But don't worry, I know how to handle them."

I reached out and grabbed a handful of grass, holding it out towards the nearest cow. "Here, girl," I cooed, my voice low and soothing. "Come on, come get a taste of this sweet, sweet greenery."

The cow ambled over, her big brown eyes fixed on the grass in my hand. And just as she started to reach for it, I yanked my hand back, letting out a shout of alarm .

"Whoa, watch out!" I yelled, stumbling backwards like I'd been pushed. "She's coming for us, Liam! Run for your life!"

Liam's eyes went wide with panic, his face draining of color as he scrambled to get away. He tripped over his own feet in his haste, landing on his ass in the dirt with a thud.

I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing, doubling over and clutching my stomach as tears streamed down my face. The look of sheer terror on Liam's face, the way he'd flailed and fallen it was too much.

"Oh my god," I gasped, struggling to catch my breath. "You should have seen your face, city boy. I didn't know a grown man could move that fast."

Liam glared at me from his spot on the ground, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment and anger. "You asshole," he gritted out, pushing himself to his feet and brushing the dirt from his jeans. "That wasn't funny."

I held up my hands, still chuckling. "Hey, I beg to differ. That was hilarious. And educational, too. Now you know that cows are basically just big, dumb puppy dogs. Harmless as kittens."

Liam huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yeah, well. You could have just told me that, instead of giving me a fucking heart attack."

I shrugged, unapologetic. "Where's the fun in that? Besides, sometimes the best way to learn is by doing. Or in your case, by falling on your ass."

He flipped me off, but I could see the hint of a smile tugging at his lips. "You're the worst, you know that?"

"Oh, I know," I said, grinning. "But you love me anyway."

The words slipped out before I could stop them, hanging in the air between us like a challenge. Like a question, a possibility.

And for a moment, just a split second, I saw something flicker in Liam's eyes. Something raw and real, something that made my heart skip a beat in my chest.

But then he blinked, and it was gone. Shuttered away behind that mask of his, that wall that I was starting to wonder if I'd ever be able to breach.

"Come on," he said, his voice gruff as he turned away. "Let's go see these pigs of yours. I'm sure they're just as charming as the cows."

I chuckled, falling into step beside him. "Oh, you have no idea. Pigs are the court jesters of the animal kingdom. Always up for a good time."

We reached the pig pen, the sound of snuffling and grunting rising up to greet us. Liam peered over the fence, his brow furrowed as he watched the pigs rooting around in the mud.

"They're kind of cute, in a weird way," he said, tilting his head to the side. "Like little pink bulldozers."

I nodded, leaning my arms on the top rail. "Yep, that's pretty much what they are. Bulldozers with a serious love for slop and belly rubs."

Liam glanced at me, one eyebrow raised. "Belly rubs? Seriously?"

I grinned, reaching down to scratch one of the pigs behind the ear. "Oh, yeah. These guys go nuts for a good tummy tickle. Here, watch this."

I hopped over the fence and into the pen, the pigs squealing with excitement as they trotted over to greet me. I knelt down in the mud, letting them snuffle and nuzzle at my hands.

"Who's a good piggy?" I cooed, rubbing their bellies until their eyes closed in bliss. "Who's the sweetest little oinker in the whole wide world?"

Liam watched from the other side of the fence, his expression torn between amusement and disgust. "I can't believe you're actually touching them," he said, wrinkling his nose. "Aren't they like…dirty?"

I laughed, standing up and wiping my hands on my jeans. "Well, yeah. They're pigs, Liam. Rolling in the mud is kind of their thing. But a little dirt never hurt anyone."

I reached over the fence and grabbed his hand, tugging him towards the gate. "Come on, city boy. Time for you to get up close and personal with the piggies."

Liam balked, trying to pull his hand away. "Oh, no. No way. I am not getting in there with those…those…"

"Adorable bundles of joy?" I supplied, grinning. "Come on, Liam. Live a little. Embrace your inner farmer."

He glared at me, but there was no real heat behind it. "I hate you," he grumbled, even as he let me pull him into the pen. "I hope you know that."

"Nah, you don't," I said, slinging an arm around his shoulders. "You just wish you did. Because then this whole thing would be a lot easier, wouldn't it?

He didn't answer, but I could feel the tension in his body, the way he held himself stiff and unyielding under my touch.

And I got it. I did. Being here, being this close to each other after so long it was weird. It was confusing and overwhelming and a million other things that we didn't have words for.

But it was also right, somehow. Like a piece of a puzzle finally clicking into place, like a chord resolving after a long, slow build.

I knew that I would do whatever it took to keep that look on his face. To bridge the gap between us, to find a way to make this work.

I watched as Liam hesitantly reached out to pet one of the pigs, a smile tugging at his lips. It was a sight I wanted to see more of, a look I would do anything to keep on his face.

But I couldn't resist the urge to mess with him, just a little. It was too easy, too tempting to push his buttons and get a rise out of him.

So I did what any self-respecting cowboy would do. I pushed him, right into the mud with the pigs.

Liam yelped as he went down, his arms windmilling as he tried to catch himself. But it was no use. He landed with a splat, mud splattering everywhere.

For a second, he just sat there, blinking in shock. But then his eyes narrowed, his mouth twisting into a scowl .

"You asshole!" he yelled, struggling to his feet. "What the hell was that for?"

I laughed, dodging the handful of mud he flung my way. "Consider it a rite of passage, city boy. You're not a real ranch hand until you've taken a mud bath with the piggies."

Liam glared at me, but I could see the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "You're the worst, you know that?"

"Oh, I know," I said, grinning. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up. Can't have you tracking mud all over the place."

We headed over to the outdoor shower area, Liam grumbling under his breath the whole way. I just smiled, enjoying the easy banter and the way his shoulder felt under my hand.

It was a small thing, a fleeting moment of connection. But it felt like progress, like a step in the right direction.

When we reached the showers, I tossed Liam a towel and pointed him towards the stalls. "Go ahead and rinse off. I'll wait here."

He shot me a suspicious look, like he thought I might try to pull another prank. But I just held up my hands, the picture of innocence.

"Scout's honor," I said, trying not to grin. "No funny business, I swear."

Liam rolled his eyes, but he headed into the stall without protest. I settled myself on a nearby bench, listening to the sound of the water and trying not to think about Liam, naked and wet and just a few feet away.

It was a losing battle. My mind kept drifting, imagining the way the water would sluice over his skin, the way his muscles would flex and bunch as he scrubbed away the mud.

I shook my head, trying to clear the images. This wasn't the time or the place for those kinds of thoughts. Not when there was still so much unresolved between us, so many questions left unanswered.

And speaking of questions .

"Hey, Liam?" I called out, my voice echoing off the tile. "Can I ask you something?"

There was a pause, a moment of hesitation. But then Liam's voice floated back, cautious but curious.

"Sure, what's up?"

I took a deep breath, gathering my courage. "Why did you decide to leave with your parents all those years ago?"

The words hung heavy in the air, weighted with all the years of silence and regret. I could hear Liam's sharp inhale, the way the water cut off abruptly.

For a long moment, there was nothing but the drip-drip-drip of the shower and the pounding of my own heart in my ears.

But then Liam spoke, his voice rough and raw with emotion.

"There was nothing for me here," he said, the words like a punch to the gut. "After what happened, I was scared and confused. I woke up and you weren't there, which pretty much told me what I needed to know."

I frowned, my brow furrowing in confusion. "What do you mean? What did it tell you?"

Liam poked his head out from behind the stall door, his eyes meeting mine with a look of pure, aching vulnerability.

"That you'd finally figured out I wasn't worth it."

The words hit me like a freight train, stealing the breath from my lungs. I stared at him, my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

"Liam," I finally managed to choke out, my voice cracking with emotion. "That's not…that's not true at all."

He shrugged, a small, sad smile tugging at his lips. "Isn't it, though? I mean, why else would you have left me there, alone in that hospital bed?"

I shook my head, feeling like I was drowning in the depths of his pain, his betrayal. "I didn't leave you, Liam. I was there, begging the nurses to let me see you."

Liam's eyes widened, a flicker of surprise and something else, something that might have been hope, crossing his face .

"You were?" he asked, his voice small and uncertain.

I nodded, my throat tight with unshed tears. "Of course I was. But your parents…they wouldn't let me in. Told me I was a bad influence, that I needed to stay away."

Liam's face crumpled, his eyes squeezing shut like he was in physical pain. "They told me you never came," he whispered, the words like shards of glass. "That you didn't care, that you'd moved on."

I felt a surge of anger, hot and bright in my chest. How could they have done that to him, to us? How could they have lied and manipulated and torn us apart, just when we needed each other most?

But I pushed the anger down, focusing on the broken boy in front of me. The one who had been hurt and betrayed, not just by his parents, but by me too.

Because I should have fought harder. Should have found a way to get to him, to make him see the truth.

I should have been there, should have held him and kissed him and never let him go.

But I hadn't. I had let my own fear and insecurity get the best of me, had let myself believe that maybe, just maybe he was better off without me.

And now, sitting here in the fading light of day, with the sound of the shower and the smell of soap and the aching, gaping wound of our past laid bare between us I knew that I had been wrong. Knew that I would spend the rest of my life making it right, making up for all the time we had lost and all the pain we had caused each other.

"Liam," I said, my voice rough with emotion. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me, sorry I let you believe even for a second that you weren't worth fighting for."

He looked at me, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "But you did fight for me, didn't you? You tried to get to me, tried to see me."

I nodded, reaching out to take his hand in mine. "I did. I fought like hell, Liam. But I should have fought harder. Should have found a way, no matter what."

Liam squeezed my hand, but his expression was distant, like he was lost in thought. "I…I think I need some time to process this, Caleb. It's a lot to take in."

I felt a flicker of disappointment, but I pushed it down. Liam had every right to need space, to need time to wrap his head around everything I'd just told him.

"Of course," I said, my voice soft with understanding. "Take all the time you need."

He pulled his hand away, turning back towards the shower stall. "I think I'm gonna head home for the day, if that's okay. Can you let Hank know?"

I swallowed past the lump in my throat, trying to ignore the ache in my chest. "Yeah, sure. I'll tell him."

Liam hesitated, like he wanted to say something more. But then he shook his head, stepping back into the stall and turning on the water.