43. Brayden

Chapter forty-three

Brayden

K al stormed in, the broody asshole he is, and lunged at me, hugging me tightly as though I might vanish. Then, another pair of arms wrapped around me as Tray snuck in. They both hugged me for ten minutes while I sobbed into their arms. I've never been a crier, but lately, I'm leaking like a busted faucet. Everything hurts, talking, walking, even breathing. It's as if I'm navigating life with half my soul missing.

Kal and Tray allowed me to cry into their arms and even cried with me, begging me never to leave them. They told me I'm their brother, too. I didn't do this to die. I needed to get away from everyone. I needed to process everything I had read on my own. I still don't think I have processed it all.

I went to the park with my diary and UV pen and read. I read over and over what Bex had left me each time I read it. With each word, my eyes moved over. I broke a little more. That's when I spotted a homeless man knocked out clutching a bottle of vodka in his hand, barely even touched. I dragged my feet toward him, I took the vodka and I curled myself up on the merry-go-round with my diary, my UV pen and my vodka and I drank. For every word that stabbed me, I took a swig and then the words didn't hurt so much. Then I wanted answers. I thought if I downed it as quickly as I could, maybe I'd fall asleep quicker and maybe I'd see Bex again to ask him why he lied to me.

Because it wasn't too late.

I realize now it was dumb.

The door squeaks, snapping my attention to Bohdi as he walks in. His smile blazes when he sees me.

"They said I can go home tomorrow," I tell him, my own smile matching his.

"I want you back at my place."

"I can't." I sigh. "People will start talking."

"Fuck what people say," he grunts.

I glance at him, a tight smile curling my lips. He nods. "I know. I wish I didn't have to hide you. Hide us."

His shoulders slouch as he walks around the bed, his eyes flicking up to the door and then me before he grabs my hand. He gently turns my hand over, his fingers tracing the fresh, red cuts that mar my palm.

His touch is tender, as he whispers, "Please, don't do this anymore." Each word is accompanied by a soft kiss on the cuts, and I can feel my throat tighten, emotions welling up inside me. "Please, don't hurt yourself anymore," he pleads, his eyes filled with a deep, aching sorrow as he continues to kiss each wound.

"But it helps," I murmur, my voice barely audible.

"I want to help," he insists, his voice breaking with emotion. "When it gets too much, when the pain is unbearable, come to me. Let me be the one to take that pain away. Let me help you forget." His eyes search mine, desperate and sincere, as he holds my hand close to his heart. I nod, turning my hand back over and link my fingers through his.

"Tell me about him, Boh," whispering, I sink back into my pillows. Bohdi avoids my gaze, focusing on our linked hands. His fingers weave through mine, his thumb tracing patterns on the backs of my hands.

"Jace was the family's only child," he says, laughter tugging at his lips. "Spoiled beyond belief." His smile warms me. "Cash became a father at a young age. He was head over heels for Roxanne, and we all adored her. But then she discovered she was pregnant with Jace, and everything shifted. Her true colors appeared. None of us suspected she was involved in prostitution or drugs, not even Cash. She hid it so well. Given how young they were, Cash was still living with us in the family home. So, he didn't see her much at night. He thought she was home at night. It shattered him. She'd appeared pure and kind to us. I'd watch her and Cash, praying for a love like theirs when I grew older. But then she planned to terminate the pregnancy, claiming she couldn't afford to lose money. Cash panicked and spilled everything to my parents. Their fury echoed through the house. I can still hear the screams and tears, but they couldn't allow her to terminate the baby. Then, fast-forward to the day my nephew was born."

Bohdi stares down at our linked fingers, a soft smile playing on his lips like the memory is playing out in front of him.

"He was absolutely perfect, Bray. I held him, tears streaming down my face. From that moment, he became my everything. His tiny fingers, those chubby cheeks—he was such a plump little baby." Bohdi chuckles.

"But it was his eyes. He had the Stiles eyes, big and blue. Our parents considered a DNA test, but there was no need. From the pictures, it was clear he was a spitting image of Cash and me as babies. And those eyes! They were huge. People on the streets would always fuss over him, mentioning his eyes and that infectious, toothless smile. No matter how tough your day was, his grin could turn it all around. You couldn't stay sad in his presence."

He pauses, taking a deep breath.

"When Jace was seven, my parents passed away within five days of each other—Mom from cancer, Dad from a heart attack. It was an unbearable time, but Jace became our lifeline. He held us together, the glue that prevented us from shattering completely. Each day, him being there helped mend our broken hearts." I squeeze Bohdi's hand, remaining silent, wanting him to continue, even if my heart is slowly breaking for him.

"Jace was my closest friend as he grew up, especially during school, when he got into mischief. That little shit changed Cash's number in his school records to my number, so if he got in trouble, they'd call me instead. I was wrapped around his finger, because I never told Cash with each phone call I got." Boh laughs, shaking his head. "Weekends, he'd stay with me. We'd watch football and boxing. To this day, Cash remains oblivious. But Jace's first beer? That happened at my place. Cash still thinks he was the one who introduced Jace to it. I could never tell him." Boh glances up at me, a smirk playing on his lips.

"As he grew older, we spent more time together. What a remarkable man he became. He made our entire family proud. Then one day, he brought home a girl. Rylee Matthews. What a girl, Bray. You would love her."

I remember @rystiles on Instagram. Shit, they were married.

"I knew from the moment I saw Jace look at her, she was the one for him. I've never seen a guy look at a girl the way Jace did at Rylee and I got it. She's pretty amazing. She was perfect for Jace." Bohdi's hands slip from mine as he rubs his jaw, staring up at the ceiling. "He was happy, deeply in love. His entire life lay ahead of him." Boh's voice wavers.

"Then came the phone call from Cash. He had been involved in a car accident. Panic surged through me like a tidal wave." He gulps, his expression sinking. "I entered the hospital room, tubes everywhere, bandages hiding his face. Jace laid there, on life support, trapped in a coma." I suck in a sharp breath, leaning forward to grab Bohdi's hand again and squeezing. He offers me a pained smile.

"The days following were awful. None of us could sleep. Rylee and Cash slept at the hospital each night. I barely could bring myself to sleep. I sometimes would lie in my car outside the hospital all night, praying he would wake up. That didn't happen, though. We got taken into a room to say they had runs tests and confirmed Jace was brain dead." His voice hitches as tears fill up in his eyes. "I've never in my life felt pain like it."

I lean forward, my own tears slipping down my face. "Boh." My voice cracks. He squeezes my hand.

"They told us prior to this his body was filled with Xanax and Valium, that's what caused the crash. None of it made sense. Jace never took drugs, the odd painkiller to help with a headache, but that was it. No one could get their head around it. We had many unanswered questions that would never be answered." Bohdi stops and wipes away at the flowing tears that slip down his face.

"Everything is fucked, Bray. So much happened after his death." His voice breaks as his eyes meet mine. "None of it was an accident. We come to find out that someone he had called his best friend since school was hiding a lot." His teeth grit. "He drugged Jace's drink, knowing that his body wouldn't handle the amount he did, knowing it would probably end in a car accident and Jace dying."

"What?" My hand moves to my mouth, sickness threatening to come up. "Remember when I mentioned Roxanne, Jace's mom?"

I nod as the tears escape my eyes. Bohdi leans forward, brushing them away with his thumb.

"It turns out she went on to have another child and created a fucking monster." Rage fills Bohdi as he lets go of my hand, running his fingers through his hair, tugging at the strands.

"His so-called best friend was not only his half brother, but was also stalking his girlfriend for the entire six years. He was obsessed with Rylee. He kidnapped her. Me and Cash found her, but it didn't stop there, the pain never did for our family. James got hold of Rylee again and this time, we nearly lost her and my brother. He shot Cash." He sucks in a sharp breath.

"He's OK now, but he already took the glue to our family. Now he wanted more, he wanted to ruin everything, and it was all because of Roxy, bringing him up in her lifestyle. Jace's killer endured a lot growing up in the hands of Roxy and other people. Roxy died when James was young and he was taken into care, but he found out about Jace and resented the life he never got to live because of Roxy. So, he befriended him and then took his life."

Bohdi gasps for air as he finishes telling me, and I sit there in bewilderment. Everything he has gone through, and he sits here, holding me through my grief.

"Boh." My voice breaks. As I swallow the impending tears, I feel like will rack my body. "You've been piecing me together," I whisper, my voice breaking. "But I didn't see how shattered you were. I'm so sorry."

He leans closer, his touch gentle yet desperate. "Look at me, Bray."

I tremble, staring down, hating how much he's been hurting all this time, and I never saw past my shit and own grief. "Please look at me."

His pained voice has me tilting my head up, and it's now I see it, I see the mirrored grief in his eyes. "Since Jace died, I've stumbled through life, hollow. I moved here to escape others' happiness. Twisted, I know. I resented their laughter, their love. Thought permanent sadness was my future, and I expected everyone else to feel like that, too. I thought being sad and wallowing each and every day was normal. I expected everyone else to do that." His thumb brushed my cheek, and I close my eyes, seeking warmth.

"And then you showed up." His voice cracks further, revealing vulnerability. "You stepped into my darkness, Bray. Taught me it's OK to smile, to feel something other than grief. A shared glance, a stolen laugh—they became lifelines." I trace the lines of his palm, heart pounding.

"But why?" I ask, barely audible. "Why fall for me?"

Bohdi's gaze never wavers. "From the moment our eyes met," he confesses, "I felt it, the pull. My heart recognized you before my brain caught up. Maybe I saw my mirrored pain in your eyes, or maybe it was your laughter echoing through my darkness. But I fell, Bray. Slowly, irrevocably."

I lean toward him, foreheads touching. "Boh," I murmur, his eyes lock with mine and my heart pounds in my chest. "I will lie in grief, I will swim in grief, I will fucking drown in it Boh, you know why? Because I found you in grief. I found a man who tests me, a man who ground every single one of my gears. A man who I dreamed of pummeling my fists into on more than one occasion. A man who saw every single crack and even watched me shatter before him, but still stayed. But most of all, I found a man that made me understand what love is. I found a man I fell in love with."

Boh's eyes shine with unshed tears "You can't say you don't mean it." He smiles, a single tear escaping and trickling down his face.

"I fucking love you, Bohdi Stiles, and I mean every single word. I always did." We both laugh as his lips meet mine. "I'm staying with you in the darkness."