39 - Melissa

39

Melissa

“Did I really do a bad job with the hatchet?” I asked.

We were laying on our backs next to each other, tangled sheets and tangled legs. Both of us still breathing like we’d hiked up a mountain at full speed. My mind was clear of concerns and worries, except for what he had said at the top of Snodgrass Mountain when we were taking a break.

“You did a fine job,” Jack said in a throaty voice. “I was just angry.”

“Yeah. You were really pissed off.”

“I was mad at myself, not you.”

“I don’t know,” I chuckled. “You seemed awfully mad at me.”

“I was mad at a lot of things.”

It was wild how much things had changed in the last hour. From screaming at each other to having some of the most passionate sex I’d ever experienced in my life. Was that healthy? I didn’t know. I also didn’t care.

It was clear that Jack had some demons he was fighting. Something from his past that had hurt him, and the wound was still tender. The bleeding may have stopped, but it still pained him every day.

That didn’t excuse all of his actions, but it might have explained them. And if I was being totally honest with myself, I was partially to blame for our friction. From the moment we’d met, he’d tried to help me, but I had pushed back against that help. I had wanted to be independent. I didn’t want to rely on anyone. Now that I had gotten to know Ash a little better, I saw those same trust issues in myself.

I rolled over and rested against Jack’s broad chest, lacing my fingers through his mane of chest hair. “Talk to me. Tell me what you were mad about.”

I wondered if he would open up to me at all now that we’d slept together. Was his moment of vulnerability just a fluke? A temporary intermission between his blunt, brusque demeanor?

“I was mad at myself,” he repeated. “I wasn’t allowing myself to be happy, holding back from getting too close. Not just with you, but with a lot of people recently. I’ve kept people at arm’s length. So when I saw Noah take you out to lunch, and Ash loan you his favorite bike, it was a reminder of what I could have been doing. Rather than see their actions as an example to follow, I projected my own insecurities onto them. They were pursuing happiness, and I wasn’t, and that tore me up inside.”

“It was partially my fault,” I began to say, but Jack immediately placed a finger to my lips.

“You can apologize another time,” he said. “Right now, I’m seeing things clearly, Melissa. I was wrong. I was afraid. And because of that fear, I acted like a total fucking asshole.”

I cupped my ear. “Hear that?”

“What?”

“That’s the sound of nobody disagreeing with you.”

He let out a growl, but it was playful. “I deserved that. I was projecting a lot of my own issues onto you, and that was shitty. I’m… I’m sorry, Melissa.”

It was obvious that apologies didn’t come easy to a man like Jack. I could see the way he had to rip the words out of his soul, like he was showing me a small and vulnerable part of himself. I leaned into him and squeezed him tight.

“I forgive you.”

He relaxed underneath me, fingers lacing into my hair. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now tell me something about yourself.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Something you’ve never told anyone else.”

“Hmm.” I could feel him thinking. “I do feed the cats. I like having them around.”

I started laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

“I already knew that. I think everyone does. It’s obvious.”

“It is?”

I pushed up on an elbow and looked at him. “You think you’re being sneaky feeding them on the back porch of your office, but it makes a loud noise when the food hits their metal bowls. Every single morning, and every night.”

“I didn’t realize I was so obvious.”

“Yep! Now tell me something I don’t know.”

“I’ve named them,” he said. “The all-black one is Eric. The orange tabby is Kenny. The two black-and-white cats are Kyle and Stan.”

I furrowed my brow. “I know those names. How do I know those names…”

“The characters from South Park,” he explained.

“Ah hah!” I giggled. “That’s cute. And I didn’t know that. But I want you to tell me something deeper. Something real . Help me get to know you. If you do that, I’ll forgive you for shouting at me.”

“You already forgave me,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, but I only half-meant it. You’ll get my complete forgiveness in exchange for something good.”

Jack smirked, then grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me into a rough kiss.

“You want to know about Sam?”

I tensed. “I shouldn’t have thrown that in your face during our fight. If you don’t want to talk about him, you don’t have to.”

Jack chuckled. “It’s fine. I want to tell you. And Sam is a she . Samantha.”

Ohhh. That made so much more sense. Didn’t I feel like an idiot?

I sat up in bed, pulling a corner of the sheets up to cover myself. Jack pushed up into a sitting position with his back against the headboard, the rest of the bed sheet barely covering his manly bits. He rested an arm behind his head and let out a resigned sigh.

“Samantha was my ex. We dated two years ago. I thought she was the one. I thought so soon after meeting her. Before we even started dating.”

“Oh.”

“It was her idea to start a business together. This place. She had a whole vision for it: a few dozen primitive camp spots, with seven luxury cabins. No RV spots or generators allowed. Our own little peaceful world. She was going to be in charge of all the customer-facing aspects, while I took care of everything behind the scenes, like maintenance. We were a perfect team. We each threw our savings together, bought a few acres here on the river, and dove right in.”

He smiled in memory. “Those days were thrilling. We spent sixteen hours a day here, clearing the land, building the cabins, buying the four-wheelers and kayaks and everything else this place needed. It took months of backbreaking work, but I’ve never felt more fulfilled in my life.

“Finally, it was nearly time to open to the public. We didn’t have a budget for marketing, so she designed fliers and we taped them to every bulletin board and lamp post around town. We posted to activity groups on Facebook. And do you know what happened when we activated the online booking system?”

I gave him a rueful smile. “You had no customers.”

Jack barked a laugh. “The opposite. It filled up within hours. Every luxury cabin, and most of the primitive campsites. The kayak tours and four-wheeler excursions were booked solid, with people on the wait list. We had mentally prepared ourselves to wait months before we had that kind of business, but it happened in the blink of an eye. It was better than we ever could have hoped.”

“So how did it go wrong?”

Jack shrugged. “I’m still not entirely sure. The day we opened, I woke up and Sam was gone. She left a note next to the coffee machine. The note said three things: one, she couldn’t do this. Two, she had slept with someone else. And three, she was sorry.”

I reached out and took his hand. “Oh my God. She just left?” That was maybe worse than cheating.

“Vanished in the night. Left town and never looked back.”

“What did she mean, she couldn’t do it?”

“I’m honestly not sure. I haven’t spoken to her since. She never returned my texts or phone calls. But I suspect…” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, chest shuddering with emotion. “An idea is perfect, you know? When you’re daydreaming, you don’t see the imperfections or the hard work. You just picture the good parts. But when that idea becomes reality, or as it gets closer to becoming real, it turns into something different. It’s no longer a flawless hypothetical scenario; it’s real, and hard, and terrifying.

“Sam was always a daydreamer. She loved to imagine all the different lives she could live. And although she did want to start her own business with me, I think she got scared when it became a real thing. Wood and stone and living, breathing customers to please. I realize it now, but she couldn’t handle being tied down like that. Because that’s what a business like this is: something that ties you down to a place forever. Or maybe not forever, but for a long time. That scared me, but it was a good kind of scared. Sam… it terrified her. And rather than face it, she ran.”

Everything he said made sense, like puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly and revealed the image as a whole. It explained why he was bitter about a lot of things here at the campsite, and why he was barely friendly to all the customers. It showed me why he was afraid of opening up, why he continuously pushed me away from the moment we had met, even as he wanted to help me.

I didn’t know what to say, so I threw myself into his arms and hugged him. “I’m so sorry, Jack.”

He laughed. “That was over a year ago. It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

I raised my eyebrows at him.

“Okay,” he admitted. “It still hurts. But less than before. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we hadn’t filled up our reservations immediately. If we struggled at first, would that have been less intimidating than immediate success? Would Sam have run, or would we still be together?”

“Fuck her,” I said. “I’m not a violent person, but if I ever meet her, I’ll punch her in the face for you.”

Jack grinned up at me. “You’re fiercely loyal after sleeping with someone once.”

“Your pain reminds me of my own recent breakup. It’s totally different since I was cheated on and your girlfriend just left abruptly, but still.”

He leaned over to kiss me. “Well, I appreciate it. But you don’t have to punch her for me. She actually lives in Orlando. She got married this year, and they’re expecting their first child.”

I blinked at him. “How do you know that?”

“She blocked me on Facebook, but her personal account still follows the campsite page. I don’t stalk her or anything, but every so often, after too much whiskey, I log in and check up on her.”

“Does it upset you?” I asked. “The fact that she was afraid of settling down with you, but now she’s married and having a kid?”

He shrugged. “It should piss me off, but honestly? I don’t really care. I’m all out of emotional energy to give that woman. Besides, I can’t be too mad. She put all her money into this place and left it behind. Most people get nothing out of a breakup, but I basically got a hundred grand.”

I gave a start. “A hundred grand? Like, a hundred thousand dollars?”

“Like I said, I made out better than most breakups.”

I rested my head in his lap, and he began stroking my hair. “It’s funny, the way you phrased it. How an idea is perfect when you imagine it, but only when it stays in your head. People are that way too. The idea of someone, the way you imagine them, is always perfect… until you start dating them and discover all the imperfections.”

Jack started laughing, slowly at first, but growing to the point that his whole body shook.

“What’s so funny?”

“What you said,” he replied. “I was thinking the same thing earlier. The hypothetical relationship is always flawless… until you make it real.”

“Yeah, but that’s the beauty of life,” I said. “The flaws are just as much a part of someone as their virtues. The Tower of Pisa would just be another boring building, but it’s extraordinary because it’s all fucked up.”

Jack’s fingers paused in my hair. “That’s… that’s something I never thought about.”

“I am very wise, yes.”

“And that wisdom is balanced out by your flaws, like the way you bit my shoulder when you came earlier.”

I bolted upright. “I thought you liked that!”

“A little nibble is nice, but you left a mark.” He leaned forward and pointed at a prominent bite mark. “At least it’s not a hickey on my neck.”

“Well I’m sorry for biting you that hard,” I said, pushing him onto his back and straddling him. “Maybe I can make it up to you.”

He smiled up at me. “Maybe you can.”