20. Kennedy

I searchmy purse for a piece of candy or a mint, anything to distract me from the memories that swirl around my mind. My throat is dry, recalling the early days of my relationship with Shane. “Found one,” I say through a pained smile, unwrapping a piece of gum and popping it into my mouth.

Dr. Torres sits across from me, her notebook open, pen poised. “It sounds like you and Shane really enjoyed each other’s company.”

“Enjoyed,” I correct her. “In the past tense.”

“Is there a particular reason why?” she asks, her voice gentle but probing.

I let out a bitter laugh, shaking my head. “I think I spelled out pretty clearly why. There’s a 99% chance he’s going to be my stepbrother by next year.”

“Would that be uncomfortable for you?” she asks, tilting her head slightly.

I raise an eyebrow, incredulous. “To sleep down the hall from someone I know in the biblical sense and pretend that I don’t?”

Dr. Torres nods, jotting down notes. “Have you thought about telling your father?”

I crunch down on my strawberry candy, considering her question. “I can think of five thousand reasons why that’s not a good idea.”

“Let’s unpack that,” she says, her pen still. “Why do you feel it wouldn’t be a good idea?”

I take a deep breath, trying to organize my thoughts. “For one, my dad’s really happy with Shane’s mom. I haven’t seen him this happy since before the divorce. And then there’s Shane. We have to see each other at school, in our social circles. If I tell my dad, it would complicate everything even more.”

Dr. Torres nods thoughtfully. “It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders, trying to protect everyone’s happiness at the expense of your own.”

I look down, the words hitting home. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“That must have been incredibly difficult,” she says, her eyes full of empathy.

“Tell me more about what happened between you and Shane,” she prompts gently.

I close my eyes, taking myself back to the first time Shane and I met at The Pike. The way Shane’s lips felt on mine, the way the world melted away around us. And then there was the time in his truck when he touched me. And man, the first time we had sex. I wasn’t myself that day. Maybe jealousy of that girl Gia and all the other girls who stare at Shane on a daily basis sparked something inside of me because I became this reckless other person. I broke so many of my rules.

“It was good at first, you know? We were starting to get to know each other, to really connect. We were able to keep our parents from moving in together, and we were actually forging a friendship. When we entered our sophomore year, Shane became a bigger star on the team, my classes became more interesting, and I became a fixture at the Ice House.”

“The ice house?”

“That’s the name of the house the hockey players live in. Shane let me wash my clothes there whenever I wanted because the laundry room in my building looks like a predator’s paradise. I was also there for dinners, movie nights, and parties. They had a lot of house parties. I got to know everyone in the house, and they know me. They even gave me a nickname–Prez.”

“What does that stand for?”

“It was a joke. The house has girls who are always there, girls who are different from me. They’re called puck bunnies. Girls that love hockey players and sleep with them just because they’re hockey players.”

“Gotcha.”

“So the joke was that they’d call me the president of the puck bunny club because I was the polar opposite of those girls and they knew that it drove me crazy when they called me that.”

“Sounds like you were a part of their inner circle.” Dr. Torres smiles.”You weren’t a butt of the joke but you were in on the joke.”

“I never thought of it like that, but I suppose you’re right.”

“Things sound like they were on a good track for you. Were you and Shane officially an item your sophomore year?”

“Shane and I could never be official,” I say regrettably. “Plus, by the end of the year, everything changed.”

“What changed?” she asks, ready to take more notes.

“Oh, you know, the usual, Dr. Torres. I let my guard down.”