17. Leighton

CHAPTER 17

Leighton

M y best friend is fucking missing and I don't know how to feel. She is one of the most important people in my life and I feel like there's a hole in my heart without her here. Carter has done his best to try and calm my nerves but the panic attacks are consistent. I don't know what she's going through and I don't know how she's feeling. We can't seem to figure out who has her and I'm losing my mind over it. I called my dad in a last ditch effort because I can't stand the ‘what ifs' of the situation. I never thought I would be going through the process of trying to find someone who is important to me like Dani is. My father assured me that he was going to do everything in his power to gather help and assess the situation as a whole. I'm pulled from my thoughts by a calming voice.

"Hey, Sunshine. Can I do anything for you? Get you food? Water?" I just successfully calmed my breathing after another panic attack and Carter is so beside himself not knowing what to do to help me. I've been sitting on the couch in silence for the past few hours.

"Could you just grab me some water and ibuprofen please? My head is starting to hurt." He doesn't ask any questions, he instantly goes into the kitchen and brings me what I asked for. Taking a seat next to me, he hands me what I need and puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. I put the pills in my mouth and wash them down with the water, trying to get out of my head. I can't be helpful to her if I can't think straight.

I think the thing getting to me most is what we saw in the woods when we went in to search. You could clearly see that there was a fight and I can't imagine what was going through her head at the time. She must have felt so alone. I regret leaving the ferris wheel when we did – maybe this could have been avoided if we had just stayed. I lean more into Carter's side before speaking.

"I think I need to get out of the house. Can we go get smoothies so I have something to distract me until the next search?" He kisses my head and nods before standing and grabbing his keys.

"Are you sure going on the search is the best option for you? I don't want it to be too much for you to handle." The look of concern in his eye makes me feel a little guilty. Through this process, my sadness and anxiety has entirely gotten in the way of me showing my love and appreciation for him like he has for me.

"I need to do this for Dani. I just have to." He nods again and helps me off the couch. I don't think I've ever looked more like a bum in my life. I've lived in baggy sweatpants and sweatshirts consistently since she went missing. It's not my typical outfit choice but I may need to include it more often because I've never been so comfortable.

Going outside to the Jeep, I get into the passenger seat and push the button to get the top to go back. I need to feel the wind on my face and to let my curls run wild. Carter gets in the driver's side and starts the engine before turning on the stereo. At this point, the bluetooth automatically connects to my phone instead of his and it makes me laugh every time.

"What's the song of the day today, Sunshine?" I think about the question and scroll through my playlist looking for the perfect song. He knows he can't start driving until I pick what I need. It's just one of my weird ticks but thankfully he accepts it and is completely understanding with me about it. Searching through, I find what goes best with my mentality right now, Bodies by ‘Drowning Pool'.

The intro starts and Carter instantly gets hyped up, belting the lyrics. Seeing him so lively and happy lifts my mood a bit, even though I know he's hurting too. Him and Dani have formed their own friendship over time and have gotten very close. Trying to push those thoughts away, I sing with him through the entire song. We let the playlist shuffle through, and I feel much more relaxed. Pulling into the drive thru, Carter orders for us both, knowing my order by heart at this point – orange pineapple smoothie with vanilla greek yogurt, a scoop of vanilla protein, and topped with whipped cream. Delicious. Carter gets his usual banana smoothie with peanut butter protein powder and oat milk. Once we have our drinks, we start driving back to the house.

"Wanna hit the gym? I could use a good pump." Absent-mindedly, I smile at him.

"Absolutely, Sweet Boy! Definitely could use an outlet right now." I sip my smoothie and place my hand on his as it sits on the gear shift. We get back to the house and go right upstairs to change. Going through the drawer, I pull out a pair of black leggings, a bright blue sports bra, and a pair of socks. Grabbing my sneakers from the other side of the room, I put those on then pull my hair back in a slick ponytail and grab my headphones. Turning, I see Carter changing and just watch him for a moment. He puts on black sweatpants then puts his hat on backwards. He bends down to put on his sneakers and the way his muscles in his back ripple makes my thighs squeeze together. Once his shoes are on, he turns to me and looks me up and down with that perfect smirk on his face.

"Is your sexy ass ready to go?" I just walk over and kiss him, making sure I get a good feel of his chest and abs. Perfection.

"Let's get it, baby." We head back out to the Jeep and make our way to the gym.