Wren

WREN

T he winter sun shone down on me, muted, pale-yellow rays without any warmth. I closed the door of the motorhome behind me, lifting my face to the cool breeze that could be felt throughout our camp.

Steadily breathing in and out as I headed towards the big top, I reminded myself of the facts. The facts I'd repeated in my head every day in the almost-two years I'd been a part of the cirque.

My former guardian couldn't reach me here.

Even when we arrived in Dover, I was safe. Protected.

I had a home and a family.

My breath stuttered when I considered my final fact. Whatever society might think, the fact was that the cirque was my home, and every single member of the cirque was just as important. We looked out for each other. If an outsider tried to harm one of us, we'd all take action.

Ducking inside the tent, the canvas flapping behind me, I blinked, letting my eyes adjust to the more muted light. The ring spotlights were lowered for our early morning rehearsal, allowing us to see the areas that were normally thrown into shadow during our performance. Vivienne handed me a travel mug of coffee and I sipped it gratefully as I took a seat off to the side, watching the motorbikes circling the ring, Amélie right in the centre, spinning on a hoop high above their heads. On either side of her, two of the trapeze artists hung upside down from their own hoops, the backs of their knees hooked over the rings, holding them in place.

We'd ordinarily have moved on by now, heading for our next stop, but it was a bank holiday weekend here in England, and so we'd added a date to our show. I was grateful for the opportunity to stay an extra day, because after this, we'd be heading for our next destination. Dover. My former town.

Where he was.

He'd have no idea I was there, of course, but I'd know.

Reflecting on it, I knew that was exactly why I'd reacted the way I had in the mirror maze. The news had come as a shock, right before I'd entered the maze, and I hadn't even had a chance to process it.

And now, the closer we got to arriving in my former town, the more the memories crowded me. I'd done my best to push them from my mind, throwing myself into my work, practicing for hours until I was too exhausted to continue, but I couldn't escape from them forever.

"? !"

A voice snapped me back to the present, and I blinked to see Vivienne eyeing me with concern.

"Sorry. I?—"

"You're sitting out of today's show. Trick will take your place."

" No ." My eyes filled with sudden, hot tears. If I didn't have the performance to distract myself, then the memories would come. "Please. Please let me perform."

She stepped closer, tilting her head to the side, her waves of shimmering red hair falling over her shoulder as she studied me. ". I'm worried about you. You haven't been yourself lately. My duty is to the performers, and that includes you. I can see that something is on your mind, and I can't afford for you to lose focus when you're out there." Sweeping her arm out to indicate the ring, she continued. "I don't want to do this, but it's for your own safety, and for the safety of my other performers. Do you understand?"

Biting down on my lip to stop it from trembling, I nodded, because what else could I do? It was her decision to make. She sighed, placing her hand on my shoulder and rubbing gently over my skin with her thumb.

", I want you to know you can talk to me about anything. Anything at all. I want you to know that whatever you stay will remain confidential—not even Judge will know, should you wish for me to keep it to myself."

I stared at her. "You—you'd keep it from Judge?" Judge was Vivienne's husband and the ringmaster. He was our leader, the man everyone listened to, the person who made the final decisions about everything that happened within the Cirque des Masques.

She nodded. "You have my word. And I believe you've been a part of our family long enough to know what our word means."

Maybe...maybe I should speak to her. Keeping it all inside was doing nothing but hurting me.

"Okay. I... I'll tell you. After rehearsal. Please, just let me rehearse. I give you my word that I'll give it my full concentration. If you think I'm still unfit to perform tonight after rehearsal, then I'll sit out without argument."

"Very well."

T he cirque was set up on a green, next to a wild meadow, barren at this time of year, and the meadow was where I found myself a few hours later, seated on a blanket Vivienne had thoughtfully provided. One of the dogs, Brutus, lay at my feet with his heavy head in my lap. I marvelled all over again at the fact that this huge dog had once ripped someone's throat out right in front of me, and yet, here he was, happily lying in the winter sun and letting me scratch behind his ears.

A shadow fell over my legs, and I glanced up to find Amélie looking down at me with uncharacteristic hesitance. "Do... would you mind if I joined you both?"

"I think would prefer—" Vivienne began, but I quickly shook my head.

"No, it's okay." I wanted to give Amélie an explanation for my actions in the mirror maze, and this way, I'd only have to talk about it once. That night, it had been too fresh in my mind to even contemplate putting words to my feelings, but here in the winter sun with Vivienne's warm presence, Amélie's concern, and Brutus a solid weight tethering me to the ground, I felt strong enough to speak.

Amélie sank down to the blanket next to me, her little finger brushing against mine with purpose, and that tiny contact was enough to both reassure me and send butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

Taking a deep breath, I met Vivienne's gaze and began. "I haven't been completely honest with you. You rescued me from that woman, and I let you think she was my guardian. S-she was, but it was only temporary. My actual guardian was away, and I—I'd been sent to stay with her while he was gone." A shaky exhale fell from my lips as I fought to keep my composure. "You saved me from him regardless, but he—he's still around as far as I know, and he lives in the town where we're scheduled to do our next show."

A gasp sounded next to me, and the pressure of Amélie's finger returned, this time curling over mine. In front of me, Vivienne's eyes filled with compassion, and she leaned forwards, placing a hand on my knee. "Is your guardian a candidate? Could he be one of the Chosen?"

This was the question I'd been wrestling with. No matter what that man had done to me, could I sign his death warrant?

"Um. He... he was my guardian, like I said. He was married, but his wife... she turned a blind eye. I think he abused her, too. I used to hear shouting and screaming when I was hiding in my room..." Swallowing hard, I rubbed a trembling hand across my face. Brutus raised his head, whining softly, and then pressed his nose into my stomach. "There were others who came and went. Other kids like me. Ones who nobody wanted. But he...he took a liking to me. T-told me I was special." A tear ran down my cheek as bile rose in my throat, memories assaulting me. Rough hands. Whisky breath. Painful bruises mottling my skin. My throat raw from screams.

Amélie's grip on my finger tightened, but she remained silent, as did Vivienne, letting me get my words out in my own time.

"S-sometimes, he liked to take his time with me. To drag it out. Those were the worst times. I—I used to lie there and pray for it to be over. For the pain to stop. If he was in an especially bad mood, he'd take it out on me, and I wouldn't even be able to move the next day. Once, he cracked my ribs. I had to—I had to—" Spots danced in front of my eyes, my vision tunnelling. I couldn't choke out the rest of the words, my breaths fast and shallow as I gasped, hunching over.

"Breathe with me, ." A hand lifted mine, placing it to a chest, a heartbeat steady beneath my fingers. "That's it. In and out. With me." The soft voice kept speaking, calmly instructing me, and finally, I managed to get some air into my lungs. Raising my gaze, I found Amélie focused on me. "There you are," she whispered. Gently releasing my hand, she slipped her arm around my waist, tugging me into her side, and I rested my head against her, getting through the rest of my story as quickly as possible. By the time I finished speaking, the sun had set, and both Amélie and Vivienne had tears in their eyes.

"He's never going to hurt you again," Vivienne promised. "With your permission, I'd like Teeth to investigate him further as a potential Chosen. Would you feel comfortable providing me with his details?"

"Yes." Reliving my worst memories had solidified something in me. Somehow, my former guardian had to pay for what he'd done. Not just to me, but to everyone unlucky enough to cross paths with him and experience his darkness.

"It's settled. Leave it with me." Vivienne stood. Brutus lumbered to his feet, pacing across the cracked earth to stand by her side.

When they left, and it was just me and Amélie remaining, she reached up, cupping my face and tilting my jaw so our eyes met again.

"After tonight's show, will you come somewhere with me?"

I nodded instantly, and a gorgeous, bright smile curved over her lips, chasing the last of my shadows away.