16. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

They left early that evening, Xian slipping out to get the horses ready and to avoid questions about his appearance. People were always curious, to be sure, but out here they were far more accepting of others' secrets than back in the city, and the pair of them capitalized on that goodwill by keeping Xian's reality hidden from their hosts. The last thing they needed was the stigma, or perhaps the drama, of being a High One stalking them from village to village.

Snow began to fall a few days later. It started off flaky and light but it just kept falling, and the temperature never rose high enough to melt it. The few days they had to spend outside were terribly hard because it was freezing cold, yet they couldn't risk lighting a fire beneath the blankets. Traveling at night became even more perilous than it had been before, but Xian wouldn't let them slacken the pace. His faults and fumbles were more obvious now, and they both knew that the race to get to Xian's secretive destination was much more urgent.

Xian stopped pretending to sleep. Some part of his body was always moving, always twitching. When he realized it kept Rafael up, he tried making them sleep apart instead of wrapped together, but after half a day of freezing on his side of the dark, icy cave that was their den for the moment, Rafael insisted that he'd rather lie wrapped in Xian's arms no matter how they twitched than try to keep himself warm by shivering. Xian had chuckled tiredly and given in.

That was another thing. Xian actually looked tired now. Rafael couldn't see it in the moonlight, but when illuminated by the warm glow of a torch or a fire the skin beneath Xian's shining eyes was dark and grainy, and his cheekbones were becoming more pronounced. Rafael wondered how long they'd have before Xian had to relearn how to eat actual food. He fervently hoped they made it to their destination before that necessity reared its ugly head. And speaking of that…

"You've got to tell me where we're going," he said adamantly one morning almost a month after they fled Clare. "We're running behind schedule, and I won't be able to help us if you keep me blind and something happens."

"I should have told you when we first set out," Xian acknowledged quietly. "I've been in the habit of keeping this secret for so long that doing so is second nature to me. I didn't even think about ramifications of that silence until recently.

"I told you that a pair of High Ones managed to survive the withdrawal once before." He waited for Rafael's nod. "One of that pair is my sister, Nailah. She and I ascended at the same time. The other half of the pair was her husband. He hadn't been a High One for nearly as long as we had, and he still had family in these mountains, family that was keeping a home for him. When the two of them decided to leave Clare, they went to his family, and I came with them.

"They'd already begun the process of withdrawal before they left the city. I helped them through the worst of it but I wasn't ready to stay myself, and so when it became imperative that I return to Clare, I left them. They both survived the process in the end, and Nailah is still alive the last I knew."

"What about her husband?" Rafael asked softly.

"He died five years after they got here. His heart gave out." Xian's lips thinned as he grimaced. "All of that pain and sacrifice, and they had but five years more together in the end. Anyhow, after Heran died, Nailah chose to stay. She works as a healer—is well known for it, actually. It's her farmhouse that we're heading to. She lives in a valley between the two highest peaks in the middle of the mountain range. It's difficult to reach in the snow but not impossible. I've done it before, and there should be some trail broken to mark the way. Nailah prefers to live alone, but her neighbors keep her well stocked with essentials."

Rafael felt a surge of intense relief. "So since she's done this before, she'll know what we need to do for you."

"She has done it before, but Nailah must appear very old now," Xian said, staring blankly at the warped wooden floorboards beneath their feet. They'd been lucky to beg space in a barn this far out. "She began aging as normal humans do after she finished the descent. She's always been clever, and very determined, but there's only so much she'll be able to help us with. The heavy work will be left to you, pet."

"That's fine with me," Rafael insisted. "I'll do anything for you that has to be done, but I might need someone to help me figure out what that is."

"True," Xian replied with a hint of a smile. "Our arrival won't come as a complete surprise to Nailah, although I'm sure she was despairing of me after fifty years of waiting. I sent word ahead just before we left Clare."

That was news to Rafael. "Sent word how? Magically?"

"By bird, actually. Nailah and I have kept up contact with messenger pigeons. The last one I received was nearly two years ago, but I have the feeling that the lapse was more her letting me know she was getting impatient with waiting for me than her being unable to write."

"What were you waiting for?" Rafael asked.

Xian raised his thinning face and looked at Rafael, and the smile that widened his lips was so genuine that Rafael was taken aback for a moment. "For you, pet. I've told you before, I needed the right reason to leave Clare. This isn't just about the end of Erran's blood, Rafael. I'd long planned to leave. I just needed the right person to come along and make me actually do it."

"Me." Rafael couldn't help the incredulous note that crept into his voice.

"Clearly," Xian said. He pulled Rafael into his arms and kissed his temple, then his cheek. "At some point I expect you'll understand why." Xian's face felt like ice and his body was almost as cold as the frost-laden floor, but Rafael still turned his face against Xian's neck and clung to him. His body needed sleep but he was so cold, and there was so much to consider now, and with every tremor that passed from Xian into him, the ache in his chest grew.

The next evening the sky had cleared some, enough that when they reached the saddle of the pass and Xian pointed, Rafael could actually make out the dark smudge of the mountains he was indicating. "The Severed Sisters," Xian explained, having to yell to be heard over the wind. "Nailah's home is in a valley at the base of those peaks. We should be there in two days, perhaps three."

"Good," Rafael yelled back. "Because this is becoming uncomfortable."

Rafael couldn't see the grin but he knew it was there when Xian reached out and flicked the edge of his ear. They pressed on dangerously far that morning, until the dawn light filtered through the trees, casting foreboding shadows on the ground. Setting up camp was a rushed affair, but fortunately the sun never made much of an appearance that day to test the security of their shrouded den.

After caring for the horses and finishing with preparing camp, Rafael was worn to the bone. He collapsed onto the ground beside Xian and fell asleep almost immediately, barely registering when his lover shifted him so that his head was lying in his lap. When Rafael woke up later that day he found Xian sitting completely still, his eyes closed and his mouth tensed in a firm line. There was a furrow of pain evident between his eyebrows, and his hands were clenched into fists.

"What is it?" Rafael asked hoarsely, pushing himself into a sitting position.

"I think…" Xian cleared his throat and tried again. "I think we'd better hurry, pet. And you may want to start restraining me."

"What?" Rafael exclaimed. "Why now?"

"Because all I can think about right now is the vial of blood that's stored at the bottom of your left saddlebag, Rafael." Xian opened his eyes, and Rafael was startled to see that they glowed with a misty silver vapor, as though the magic itself was escaping from their surface. "And about how much I want it."

"Oh, hell," Rafael muttered. "Are you sure? It will be hard to manage your horse if I cuff you, and I can't help you on this narrow trail. We're so close, Xian, just another day or two…"

"I'm afraid it's either restraining me now or dealing with me in a much less pleasant way within hours," Xian said, and there was absolutely no humor in his bearing. "Do it, Rafael."

"All right." He slipped outside, cursing the bitter chill under his breath, then searched his bags until he felt the satchel he'd stowed away under the horses' grain cakes. He pulled it out and shuffled back into the shelter, ignoring the whinny of indignant protest from his horse.

"Give me your hands," he said as he knelt in front of Xian. Xian didn't reply, and Rafael looked up into his lover's silent, glowing orbs and felt a sudden piercing sense of fear. Before he could think twice about it, he slipped two of the silver needles free of their case and jammed them swiftly into Xian's legs, just above the knees. His lover exhaled with a sudden harsh rush of breath, then laughed weakly.

"You noticed, then."

"The tension in your legs? I've been kicked by you enough times to know when to watch myself," Rafael replied, trying to keep his tone light and failing miserably. This was the first time he'd felt in any sort of danger from Xian, and despite knowing how hard the withdrawal was hitting him, it was difficult to reconcile the caring lover with the blood-starved addict he was seeing now.

"Best to get this part over with, pet." Xian extended his shaking hands and Rafael didn't hesitate this time, he just opened the cuffs up and closed them firmly over Xian's wrists. Silver light pooled at the edges of the slender metal bands for a moment, and Rafael saw Xian wince before he managed to stifle it. The glow in his eyes died out though, and after a moment he managed a half-smile.

"That's that, then," Xian said. "This will put more of the chores on you, I'm afraid."

"You've been making me do most of them anyway," Rafael replied, reaching out and carefully removing the silver needles from Xian's quivering thigh muscles. Getting them out was a relief to both of them. "It's like being your apprentice again."

"Well, I wouldn't want you to feel unprepared," Xian said glibly, flexing his legs slightly as if testing the damage.

"I knew there was an explanation." Rafael's bravado drained away abruptly and he swallowed hard. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. You did everything right, Rafael."

"I know it was necessary, but I'm still sorry," he sighed. "I hate having to hurt you."

"Ah, pet… You're going to have to get used to it. Pain is going to become a very big facet of my life, and it's something I'm going to need if I'm going to get through the withdrawal."

"Why would hurting you make it easier?"

"Why does hurting you make some things easier for you?" Xian asked rhetorically. "You know why pain helps, Rafael. Pain is potent, it's primal. Pain focuses the mind on the immediate, not on the thousands of thoughts or feelings that try to distract and destroy you. It will be doubly important for me, since my body is going to be purging itself of centuries' worth of Erran's blood. I need a safe way to release it, and open wounds will provide that."

"Open wounds…like cutting you?"

"Whipping might be easier," Xian said with a shrug. "I know it's a drastic change in our dynamic, Rafael, and I hate to demand it of you, but I doubt Nailah will be in any condition to help me with that part of the process."

"Oh." Logically Rafael had known that it could come to this, but he'd managed to avoid thinking about it before. Needles he could do—they barely drew any blood—and restraints he could handle, but to actually strike Xian with the intention of breaking his skin… The thought of it sickened him.

It was that same reluctance that had made it impossible for Rafael to successfully fight his former master at close quarters when this all began. Once they had closed the distance and began fighting with blades, the moment he'd seen Xian's face, he'd known it was no use. He couldn't cut him, not deliberately, not when he wasn't so filled with rage it blinded him. And now he'd have to. "Oh," he repeated weakly.

"Yes." Xian trailed his trembling fingertips down the side of Rafael's face in a gentle apology. "We had better get moving, pet. If we're lucky, we'll be there before dawn."