31. Thrax

31

THRAX

T he metal of the blaster barrel felt cold against his tongue, like a block of ice that would never melt. His finger was tightening on the trigger when he heard the door to his suite slide open.

Looking up, he saw Andi standing in the doorway, a look of anxiety on her face. When she saw what he was doing, the look turned to one of panic.

"Thrax, no!" she gasped. Putting up her arms in a "don't shoot" gesture, she walked carefully towards him. "Stop… think what you're doing," she pleaded.

Thrax sighed but pulled the blaster out of his mouth.

"I'm through fucking thinking," he growled, glaring at her. "And how the fuck did you get in here, anyway? I thought I locked the door."

"The Goddess unlocked it for me," Andi said promptly, which made his eyebrows raise in surprise.

"What?"

"You heard me. The Goddess herself spoke to me—she told me you were in trouble." Andi nodded at the blaster still in his hands. "Please put that down—don't do anything crazy."

Thrax shook his head.

"I can't live like this anymore. The dreams…the memories…they're bad, Andi. So fucking bad . I just want to end it and never have to think of the past anymore."

He lifted the blaster again and Andi started to cry.

"Please!" she begged, the tears running down her flushed cheeks. "Please, Thrax—there are people who love you. I love you! Please don't do this to yourself—please stop for just a minute and talk to me. I have something to say that you need to listen to. You owe me that much at least!"

Thrax wanted to say he didn't owe her anything…but then he thought of the way he'd taken her so roughly and the fact that she had never once complained or blamed him. Yes, he did owe her this one last favor.

"Fine," he said at last, lowering the blaster. "So talk."

"First put your blaster down on the table." Andi motioned to the little table on one side of the couch. "I want to be sure you're listening to me and not messing around with it," she added.

Thrax didn't want to put the blaster down—it was his way out—his ticket to another plane of existence where he would be free of the nightmares and memories that haunted him. But Andi was standing there, waiting, so he finally did as she asked.

"Okay, fine," he said, putting the blaster down and lifting his hands to show they were empty. "Now talk. But don't take too long—I have a date with the void."

"No, you don't." Moving with surprising speed, Andi came around the couch and straddled him. Before he knew it, his partner was on his lap, facing him the same way she had been when she had demanded that he drink from her on Salacious Delta.

But this time, she wasn't soft and open and sexual—this was a different Andi. Her brown eyes were filled with anger and determination as she glared down at him. The tears were still drying on her cheeks, but she wasn't crying anymore. Instead she looked enraged.

"Now listen to me, you son of a bitch," she snapped and suddenly her blaster was jabbing right under the shelf of his jaw. Her other hand tangled in the back of his hair and she yanked his head back, forcing him to look at her.

"Fuck!" Thrax shouted at the sharp pain—his partner was strong for her size and her hand in his hair hurt!

Andi ignored his yelp of pain and kept glaring.

"You do not get to kill yourself and leave me here to mourn for you—do you understand? If you try that again, I'll make you sorry—I swear it!" she told him.

Thrax looked at her in shock, then an incredulous bark of laughter escaped his lips.

"So you're threatening to kill me for trying to kill myself?" he demanded.

"No, I'm threatening to hurt you," Andi said coolly. "There's a big difference. For instance, I'm pretty sure you could live with a blaster hole in your arm or leg. In fact, I'm sure you could survive even if you were missing one of your nuts . But I don't think you'd like it much."

Thrax glared up at her, his humor gone.

"Okay, you have my attention. Now what are you going to do?"

"It's what we're going to do," Andi told him. "We're going to get up from this couch and go straight to the Sacred Grove for the Cleansing Ceremony."

"I don't want—" Thrax began.

"I don't care what you want!" Andi barked. "You're going to come with me to the Sacred Grove or I'm going to blow a large, non-lethal hole in a part of your anatomy you don't want to lose. Do you understand?"

Thrax stared at his partner in silent surprise for a long moment. He had never seen Andi like this. She looked angry and frightened and determined and her blaster was still shoved under the shelf of his jaw. It was clear she wasn't going to back down from her demands.

"All right," he growled at last. "I guess I don't have a fucking choice."

"No, you don't." Keeping her blaster trained on him, Andi backed slowly off his lap. With her other hand, she grabbed Thrax's blaster from the table and tucked it into the back of her jeans. "All right now—come on. Get up nice and slow." She waved at him with the barrel of her own blaster menacingly.

Feeling like he had never really known his partner until this minute, Thrax got up slowly with his hands in the air to show he wasn't going to be a threat.

"All right, I'm up," he growled. "Now what?"

"Head for the door. I'm right behind you. And if you try to go anywhere else but the Sacred Grove of if you go for the blaster, I'm going to make you very sorry," Andi told him. Her voice was like steel and the look in her big brown eyes was deadly serious.

"Fine," Thrax growled irritably.

He still wanted to end the dreams, but the urge to shoot himself—so strong just a few moments ago—had faded considerably. Maybe it had something to do with the muzzle of his partner's blaster, which he felt digging into the small of his back. The thought of a non-lethal but extremely painful wounding was a lot less appealing than a single shot to the brain that would end his inner turmoil immediately.

"You don't have to hold your blaster on me," he told Andi, as they made their way down the long metal corridors towards the center of the Mother Ship. "We're in public now—I'm not going to fucking do anything in public."

"I don't trust you," she snapped. "Now get moving."

People cast sidelong curious glances at them as they made their way through the Mother Ship. Andi's blaster was pressed to his back and she was standing close behind him, hiding it with her body and the folds of Thrax's own shirt, so no one could tell he was being herded through the hallways at gunpoint. But they must have made a strange looking couple walking as they were with Andi looking like she was pretending to be his shadow.

Luckily—or maybe unluckily, depending on your point of view—there weren't many people to see them. It was evening now and most of the warriors and their wives had gone back to their own suites. Thrax thought ruefully that he ought to be back in his suite too, finishing what he had started. But it was clear that Andi wasn't going to allow that—not that she could stop him forever. This was just a short detour, he told himself. He was still looking for the exit door—it was just going to take a little bit longer to get there.

At last they reached the parklands that surrounded the Sacred Grove—the miniature forest at the heart of the Mother Ship where the priestesses who served the Goddess lived. Thrax didn't come here much as a rule—he wasn't especially devout, though of course he believed in the Goddess as all Kindred did.

The last time he'd been there was for a Joining Ceremony for a couple of coworkers that Andi had insisted they attend, he remembered. He couldn't help contrasting that occasion to this one. Last time the artificial green sun which powered the Mother Ship had been shining down brightly through the purple and green leaves of the sacred trees. The Grove had been crowded—people had been laughing and talking and having a good time.

Now it appeared deserted. The sun was dimmed so that the light it gave off was no brighter than moonlight and there was silence except for the breeze rustling through the leaves and the grass. Nobody was there except for him and Andi…or so he thought until Kat stepped out from behind a tree.

"Hey? What the fuck are you doing here?" Thrax growled, glaring down at her.

"Arranging things—like I always do, doll." Kat blew him a kiss and looked at Andi. "Well, did you have trouble getting him here?"

"More than I want to talk about," Andi said grimly. "Are they ready to go with the ceremony?"

"We are," another voice said before Kat could answer.

A priestess in a pure white robe stepped out from among the trees. She had long silver hair streaked with green and the green-within-green eyes which denoted one who has served the Goddess for a long time and communed with her closely.

"All who enter the Sacred Grove must remove their footwear. You are standing in the presence of the Goddess—this is holy ground," she informed them.

"Oh right," Andi muttered. "Kat, could you come hold these for me so I can take off my shoes?" she asked. "And keep them away from Thrax!" she added as she handed both his blaster and her own to the other woman.

Kat's eyes widened when she saw what Andi was giving her.

"Wow, you really did have trouble getting him here!"

"I got him here though—that's what counts. Hey—take off your boots!" Andi ordered, looking up at him. "Do it now! Just because I gave Kat my blaster doesn't mean I can't take it back again and shoot you."

Thrax started taking off his boots, but the priestess came forward, frowning.

"There can be no talk of violence or bloodshed here," she admonished Andi.

"Sorry, your Holiness. I just…had a difficult time getting my partner to come to this ceremony," Andi said apologetically.

"And why was that?" the priestess asked, arching an eyebrow at Thrax.

"Because I didn't fucking want to go," he growled rudely as he finished taking off his boots. The long grass felt cool and ticklish against his bare feet.

The priestess's frown deepened.

"The Goddess cannot cleanse one who does not wish to be cleansed."

"Yes, he does want to be cleansed, he just doesn't know it!" Andi exclaimed quickly, stepping forward. "Please, your Holiness—this is a matter of life and death. The Goddess herself came and spoke to me and told me my partner's life was in danger. He has to have this ceremony!"

"I see." The priestess looked Thrax up and down.

"This woman makes a passionate plea on your behalf, yet I see you are still unwilling, Warrior," she said. "Why do you not wish to be cleansed?"

"Because I don't fucking deserve to be cleansed!" Thrax growled. "You don't know what I've done—I don't even deserve to live!"

"Thrax!" Andi gasped, and now the tears were back in her eyes. "Don't talk like that about yourself!"

"It's true." He looked down at the priestess. "I'm a murderer and a rapist—a Broken One. I've done things and had things done to me that have stained my soul. Can the Goddess cleanse me of all that?" The priestess looked him up and down again silently and Thrax felt the dull rush of shame filling him. "Just like I thought," he muttered. "There's no hope for a bastard like me."

"There is always hope," the priestess said sharply. "The Goddess can cleanse any sin…but you must be willing to be cleansed. First you must come with me, to the Sacred Fountain." She looked at Andi. "And since the Goddess spoke to you on your partner's behalf, you must come too."

"Good luck, doll," Kat said to Andi. "I'll stay here with the weapons and the shoes—you two get the job done."

"We'll try." Andi looked troubled—as she should, Thrax thought, since he still didn't want to go through with the ceremony.

"You do that." Kat gave her a hug and then the three of them—Thrax, Andi, and the priestess, went deeper into the Sacred Grove.

They walked through the trees until they came to a small clearing. In the center was a fountain which had a statue of the Goddess. She had a stern but kind face and she was holding a chalice in both hands. Silvery water bubbled from the cup of the chalice and poured into the basin below. It looked dream-like in the "moonlight" from the dimmed, artificial sun.

"This is the Fountain of Cleansing," the priestess told them. "But before the ceremony begins, I must Look Into you," she told Thrax.

Thrax wanted to back away from her. He'd never had this particular psychic procedure before, but he had heard from other warriors who had, that it was intensely uncomfortable. But the priestess was waiting quietly and Andi was too.

It was the look in his partner's eyes that finally convinced Thrax to kneel. The anger she'd shown him earlier was gone—replaced by deep concern and caring. She was squeezing her little hands into fists at her sides and staring at him as though she could will him into cooperating with the priestess.

She cares about me so much, he thought. Maybe she even loves me.

He didn't deserve Andi's love, but he couldn't ignore it either. Unwillingly, he knelt in the grass and waited for what came next.