27. Andi

27

ANDI

A ndi huddled in the back of the ship for the long, silent ride back to the Southern Continent. Thrax was flying and Kier was in the passenger's seat up front. Occasionally Kier tried asking a question or making a comment but Thrax was nearly silent, answering only in monosyllables and grunts and eventually the other Kindred stopped trying.

Andi was beginning to recover some, mentally at least. She ached between her legs—Thrax was incredibly strong and he really had been pounding into her—but she would live. She could guess why her partner was being so silent—he was probably thinking of what had happened between them—of what Mistress Stoneheart had forced him to do to her.

But it wasn't his fault. And he didn't really hurt me—even though I might be walking funny for a while, there's no permanent damage.

Except to their partnership. Andi was worried that the single session of rough sex might have done what years of difficult missions couldn't do—it might put a wall between them that would be almost impossible to get over.

I'll just explain to him that it wasn't his fault and that I'm not angry at him, she told herself uneasily. I'll make him understand that everything is still good between us.

But things weren't good—as she learned when she and Thrax finally got back to their own ship, after dropping Kier off at his.

Andi didn't even try to talk to her partner at first. She was sticky and sweaty and her palms and knees were raw—she wanted to clean up and get dressed in something that didn't show her breasts.

"I'm going to take a shower," she told Thrax, as he slid into the pilot's seat and began warming up the ship.

"Fine." He didn't even look at her—just stared straight ahead at the control panel as though that was all he could see.

"Thrax…" Andi began, but then she couldn't think what to say. She was exhausted, she realized. So tired she was about to drop. Neither of them had gotten any sleep at all and her mind had been going a million miles a minute during their flight from the Northern Continent to the Southern one. She needed to collect her thoughts and get cleaned up.

"What?" he was still staring straight ahead.

"Never mind." Andi sighed. "We can talk after I get that shower."

It seemed hard to believe that they had only been gone a single night, she thought a little later as she stood in the shower stall and washed herself thoroughly. It felt like so much had changed between them—and not necessarily for the better, unfortunately.

She shampooed her hair and washed herself thoroughly, wincing as the hot water hit the cuts on her knees and palms. She winced again as she washed between her legs. She was still full of her partner's cum and it took a long time to get thoroughly clean.

It's a good thing he can't get me pregnant, she thought as she finally finished up. Because he was a Hybrid and couldn't Bond with a woman, Thrax also didn't have to worry about impregnating anyone. A Kindred warrior almost always needed a Soul Bond with a woman to get her pregnant. And since Andi and Thrax weren't bonded, she knew she didn't have to worry.

But there were other things to worry about—such as her partner's continued silent treatment when she finally came up to the front of the ship.

Her hair was still damp and she was wearing a skirt and blouse that she'd found at the back of her storage area. It was the only outfit that didn't scrape against her wounded knees, which were still very raw.

Thrax shot her a sidelong glance but said nothing when she finally got seated in the passenger seat.

"Wow, I feel a hundred percent better," Andi remarked with a sigh. "Do you want a shower too, before we go?" she asked.

Thrax only shook his head and looked straight ahead.

"Are you sure? It'll make you feel better," she coaxed.

This time Thrax didn't even bother to reply. He had a dark look on his face—one of the darkest Andi had ever seen there. But she had never let her partner's brooding intimidate her before and she wasn't about to start now.

"You might as well talk to me, you know," she told him. "You know I won't give up until you do."

"Nothing to say," he growled.

"Yes, there is," Andi insisted. "You could tell me how you're feeling to start with."

At last he turned his head to look at her.

"I just raped my partner. How do you think I fucking feel?"

Oh boy, here we go…

Andi took a deep breath.

"Thrax, you didn't rape me. I consented to the sex we had—remember?"

"How could you consent when you knew I was going to do it no matter what you said?" he demanded.

"When I realized that it was going to happen one way or another, I decided to take it on my own terms," Andi said calmly. "I was willing , Thrax, so stop beating yourself up about it."

"But I hurt you!" He glanced pointedly at her knees and palms and a look of self-hatred so bleak it stole her breath passed over his face.

"Honey, no!" she exclaimed, turning in her seat to lean towards him. "You were a little rough, but I'll get over it."

"You shouldn't have to get over it—you shouldn't be wounded at all! I did this to you Andi." Thrax suddenly slid out of his seat so that he was on his knees before her. " I hurt you," he said again hoarsely and his golden eyes were suspiciously bright.

"Oh, Thrax…" Andi felt like crying. " Please don't hate yourself. What you did wasn't your fault!"

"It was my fault," he insisted. "I should have been stronger—should have been able to break the conditioning!"

"You didn't even know you had been conditioned until she told us!" Andi protested. "How can you break something you don't know about?"

"I should have broken free of her control over me—I should have been able to say no when she told me to hurt you—to rape you," he said stubbornly.

"Stop saying that!" Andi said impatiently. "I told you—I was willing. Hell, I came!"

"Just because you had an orgasm doesn't mean I didn't force you," he pointed out grimly.

"Thrax, look at me." She took his face in her hands—careful not to press her wounded palms to his bristly cheeks. "Please, please don't let what that horrible bitch did to us ruin our partnership," she said earnestly, looking into his eyes. "We've been through tough times before and we've always come out the other side."

"I don't know." He looked down. "I don't know if I can come back from this, Andi. I never knew…" He cleared his throat. "I never knew I was a Broken One before."

"A Broken One?" She frowned, not understanding.

"A male who is willing to hurt or kill a female," Thrax said in a low voice.

"Kill a female? Are you feeling guilty because you let the other guys go and they killed Mistress Stoneheart and Queen Pantyitch?" Andi demanded. "Because both of those bitches got what was coming to them!"

"No." Thrax shook his head. "But when…when my old Mistress talked about my conditioning and she said she'd had me kill someone—that other Mistress—I remembered…" He trailed off, either unwilling or unable to continue.

"Oh, Thrax," Andi whispered again. "None of that was your fault—any more than it's a knife's fault when a criminal uses it to stab somebody!" She looked in his eyes, catching his gaze with her own. "She made you into a weapon!"

"Yes, she did!" he growled angrily. "A fucking dangerous weapon! And how do I know that I won't go crazy and hurt or rape or kill somebody else?"

"Because she's gone —her hold on you is over," Andi emphasized. "You have to let her go and let your past go. You have to forgive yourself."

"How can I after what I did?" he demanded.

"I don't know." Andi shook her head. "But you have to at least try or it's going to tear you apart inside. Please, Thrax," she went on, lowering her voice and looking earnestly into his eyes. "Please at least try. For me."

He sighed heavily and his broad shoulders slumped in defeat.

"I just…don't know how to come back from this. From what I learned about myself…from my memories of the past…and most of all, what I did to you ."

Andi had a sudden idea.

"Heal me, then," she said and held out her palms to him. A Pitch-Blood Kindred couldn't inject his essence when he was biting for blood, but he could use it when he was Bonding or healing a woman he cared for. Andi knew he could heal her…if he would only try.

Thrax looked at her wounded palms, which had been scraped raw on the grated metal floor of the milking room and Andi thought she had never seen her partner so close to tears. But instead of saying anything, he took one of her hands wordlessly in his and licked it gently, stroking the raw flesh with his tongue.

Andi sighed in relief as her partner's essence began to heal her, knitting the skin back together in record time. The raw stinging was erased by the gentle strokes of his tongue until she felt better again.

"This one too," she said, holding out her other hand when the first one felt better.

Thrax began licking the other palm too and when he was finished, Andi pointed at her knees.

"Here too," she said.

"All right." Ducking his head, he lapped gently and patiently at her wounded flesh, healing her knees the same way he had healed her palms.

Andi felt her heart swell as she watched her partner tend to her wounds. How could Thrax think he was a "Broken One?" How could he imagine that he was some kind of evil villain when he was so gentle with her?

But when he finished, she could tell that his mental anguish hadn't yet been healed. Before he could get off his knees and go back to his seat, she put her arms around his neck and drew him close, pressing his face to her chest.

At first Thrax was stiff in her arms…but then his own arms came around her waist and he hugged her tightly—as tightly as a drowning man clinging to a scrap of wood in the ocean.

"Andi," he said, his voice coming out choked and hoarse. "Goddess damn me to all the Seven Hells, I never wanted to hurt you!"

"I know that, honey," she murmured, running her hands over his horns and through his thick, black hair. "But I'm fine—I'm okay. You're the one who's hurting now and you'll keep hurting unless you can forgive yourself."

Thrax drew in a deep, shuttering sigh and she thought she felt a few hot tears wetting her blouse as he pressed his face to her breasts.

"Forgive yourself," Andi said again. "And try to forget it, if you can."

"Never," Thrax growled. "It's burned into my brain. I'll fucking never forget."

"Well can you at least promise me that we're still a team?" Andi asked anxiously.

He pulled back from her embrace and rose to sit in the seat again.

"I should say no. I should go straight to Commander Sylvan and tell him what I did—what I am—and ask him to relieve me of duty."

"Don't do that!" Andi exclaimed, really alarmed now.

This job they shared was Thrax's life. He no longer had contact with his parents and he didn't have any other family either. She was afraid if the big Hybrid stopped being a WLA Agent, he would drift aimlessly away from her and she might never see him again. He might even hurt himself! That was unthinkable.

"Thrax, promise me you're not going to do that," she said again, since he hadn't answered.

Her partner looked down at his big hands on the steering yoke.

"Fine," he said in a low voice. "I won't."

"Good. Now takes us home!" Andi commanded.

In the past, whenever she was bossy with him, her partner would usually smile or make a sarcastic remark. But this time he just nodded and started the lift-off sequence.

And though he had promised not to end their partnership, Andi had a bad feeling that he wasn't over the trauma of their latest mission and might not be for a very long time.