Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

By the end of the day, I’d made the call I dreaded to Sylvie’s parents, and was ready to take Murdoch home and introduce him to Jangles. I wasn’t sure how she’d take it. Jangles had been an only cat for the three years I had her, and I knew that introducing strange cats to an already established feline household could be tricky. But I hoped for good luck and, when I pulled into my driveway, I turned to Murdoch, who was peeking at me from inside the carrier

“You need to behave, and you need to respect Jangles. She was here first, and if anybody’s going anywhere, it will be you . But if you mind your manners and she likes you, then you’ll be welcome. Do you understand?”

He stared at me and I could swear he knew exactly what I was saying. He gave me a slow blink, and I took that as a good sign.

“Okay, let’s see what happens.” I carried him in and sat the carrier on the coffee table, waiting to see if Jangles noticed. Of course, being a cat, she immediately raced over and jumped on the table beside him, peeking into the carrier. I was prepared for hissing and spatting, but she sniffed him, and he pressed his nose against the bars of the carrier. She leaned forward and he let out a little sound that was half a meow, half a purr, and she touched his nose back.

“Okay, so that’s odd,” I said. “You two talking in cat language?”

They both glanced at me like I had interrupted a meeting.

“All right, let’s get you comfortable in the spare bathroom for now, Murdoch, and we’ll see how it goes.” I carried him to the hall bath and settled him with his litter box, his food and water, and a few toys. I also put his cat bed in there, then sat with him for a few minutes, petting him. “Okay, well, if things continue to go well, you’re in your new home, dude.”

As I shut the door behind me and headed toward the kitchen, Jangles sat in front of the bathroom door, patiently staring at it.

I made myself more coffee, then stared in the fridge. What did I want to eat? I had a good appetite, and it seemed that my demon blood gave me a fast metabolism, because I could tuck it away without worrying about putting on too many pounds. I was also well-muscled beneath the padding I had, and I had a love for all things salty and crunchy. I decided on grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.

“Classic pairing,” I said to myself as I began to fix dinner. I was used to my own company, but I also realized I was looking forward to Penn moving in. I hadn’t lived with anybody since I was fourteen.

I stopped, mid-buttering the bread, and stared at the pan. “I’m lonely,” I said, and the words echoed back at me like they were coming from a gaping hole. I didn’t like admitting it, but it was true. I’d gone so long relying on myself, that I had ignored all the inner promptings that it might be nice to have someone else in the house.

The realization—or rather, accepting the realization—hit me like a ton of bricks. I put the bread and knife down and sat down on one of the bar stools at the counter, trying to analyze the feeling. It scared me—needing to be near people meant vulnerability, and vulnerability was scary. I pulled out my phone and immediately called Dante.

“Dude, I need to talk,” I said as soon as he answered.

“What’s wrong? You okay?” He was breathing hard.

“Um, did I catch you at a bad time?” Dante had a different woman in his bed every week, it seemed, but he was quick to reassure me that I hadn’t interrupted one of his numerous fuckfests.

“Nope, I’m at the gym,” he said. “I was on the stair machine. Give me a second…” After a moment, he said, “Okay, I benched myself. Now tell me, what’s going on?”

I paused, then said, “I’m lonely. I was thinking about Penn moving in and suddenly realized how much I’m looking forward to it. And then, it all hit me—the feeling of how lonely I am.”

I expected him to laugh or something, but he didn’t.

“Okay, listen, I’m coming over. I’ll be there in half an hour, after I shower. What’s for dinner?” he asked.

I glanced at the stove. “You good with grilled cheese and tomato soup? I think I also have some cookies.”

“Sounds good, but do you have any ham to slide into that grilled cheese? I could use some extra protein.”

“Can do,” I said. “I’ll see you in thirty.” I hung up and made sure the stove was off. I prepared the sandwiches, getting them ready to grill, and added another can of tomato soup to the pan, then set the table and waited.

Promptly in half an hour, Dante showed up. He was dressed for the gym, in fleece sweatpants and a blue muscle top. The man was so toned he could have sharpened a blade on those chiseled abs. He had on a sweatband that held the long shag out of his eyes, and some brand of fashion sneakers. As he slipped out of his jacket, I pressed a glass of wine into his hand. We both preferred merlot and cabernet sauvignon.

He slid onto one of the counter stools as I began cooking. “So…talk.”

I sighed. “You know that I pride myself on being independent.”

“You make a lifestyle out of not needing people, love. You’re one of the most independent women I’ve ever known. You also push people away who aren’t as stubborn as I am—or Penn is. You go out of your way to tell us you don’t need anybody.” He sipped the wine. “This is good.”

“Thanks,” I said. “New find. So…what’s happening? Do you think I’ve been lying to myself, or am I getting soft?”

He grunted. “You’ve been lying to yourself all these years, but I know why you did it. It’s a defense mechanism. Push people away before they can hurt you, don’t let them know you need them so they don’t have any power over you. Remember when I first found you?”

I didn’t like looking back. It scared me. But I nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

“I think that’s before you fully armored up. You were still numb from your mother’s death. And you were in trouble that you couldn’t get out of on your own. You couldn’t refuse my help, or you’d end up in jail. But what happened—what caused it, I think that you’re always terrified that side of you will come out again and that you’ll hurt someone you care about.”

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the memories. But they were always there, under layers of tight security. And now, they bubbled up again, threatening to sweep me under.

I leaned against the brick building, trying to remember where my security box key was. I was hungry, and needed to eat, but even though I’d hid the key in a seldom-used park, it hadn’t been there when I went back to find it. I didn’t dare hide it in the flophouse I was crashing at, because everybody there was a potential thief.

Now, my stomach rumbled and I wiped my eyes, feeling the hunger headache so strong that I couldn’t ignore it. I’d have to steal something to eat, or beg, and I hated begging.

I stared up at the summer night, grateful it was warm enough to stay outside into the late evening. I’d been on the streets for six months, and even though it was filled with pushers and pimps, it was safer than hanging out at the flop house.

I looked around, wondering if I could beg some money from anybody. There was a park near by, tucked into the city streets, that was seldom used, and too private for my own comfort, but there might be somebody there I could ask.

I jogged over to the entrance and ducked inside the iron archway. An iron fence surrounded the park, and while it was kept up, the place had always had a spooky feeling to me.

As I wandered through the park, I saw a few potential marks, though at this hour most people were at home, hidden away from the night.

A man and his sweetheart hurried through the park, but they didn’t look well off and I decided to leave them alone. To my right, a business man briskly crossed through the grass. He met my eyes, his gaze hostile and patronizing. To my left, a large white dog—or what I thought was a dog—peed against a tree.

And then I saw him. A man sitting on a park bench. He didn’t seem to be afraid, nor did he look particularly dangerous, even though this part of town was sketchy, at best. A lot of people came up missing in this neighborhood, or dead. But it was near where I slept, so I tended to stay on my own turf.

I slowly approached the man on the bench. “Mister?” I asked, giving him as innocent of a look as I could. I was still fourteen, and I could pull off the puppy-dog eyes.

He glanced up at me. “What do you want?”

“Can you spare some change so I can get something to eat?” I asked. I kept my hands where he could see them, so he wouldn’t think I was out to rob him.

He scanned me up and down. “Why aren’t you at home, girl?”

“I don’t have a home,” I said.

He seemed to be about to say something, but then he stopped and reached in his pocket. He pulled out a twenty-dollar bill and handed it to me. “Here. Make sure that goes to food.”

“I don’t use drugs,” I said, reaching for it. “Thanks?—”

I’d no more taken hold of it, when he grabbed my wrist and pulled it to his nose, smelling my pulse. His eyes gleamed at that point, and I realized he was a vampire.

“No—” I started to plead, but he let go.

“You should be careful, little girl. You’re not as tough as you think you are. Now go find some food and get out of this park. It’s dangerous, especially after dark.” He turned on his heel, and swiftly moved away, moving at that blur speed that only vampires could.

I slid the twenty in my pocket, shaking. I might be part demon, but all that meant—at the time—was that I was stronger than most people, and I could pick up on things more than the average person. I turned to leave, when the business man stepped out from behind a tree to block my way. His briefcase was on the ground beside him, and he was staring at me, hunger in his eyes. But there was something else there, something dangerous, and the hunger was its cue.

I glanced around, aware that the park had cleared out. The only one there beside the man and me was the dog, and it was sitting patiently near the tree. I quickly calculated how much time it would take me to get out on the streets, but that depended on whether he was faster than I was.

Turning, I began to sprint, racing toward the iron gates, but the man was right after me, and he could run as fast as I could. I tried to dart out of the way, zigzagging, but his heavy breath kept up with me, and the next moment, he leaped, pulling me down behind a large bush.

I let out a shriek, but screaming in this part of town did nothing. I twisted, desperate to fight him off, but he was heavy and strong, and he backhanded me across the face.

Dizzy from the blow, I froze, trying to make sense of what was happening as he grabbed my hands and slammed me to the ground, straddling me as I began to struggle again.

“No, no, stop—I’ll give you all my money!” But inside, I knew he wasn’t out for money.

“I don’t want your money, little girl. You know what I want.”

The gleam in his eyes grew darker, and I felt an anger welling up that I hadn’t felt since I heard my mother had died. The anger flooded my body, and—as he began to rip the buttons on my blouse—I let out a growl that echoed from deep in my soul. The growl spread through me, rising like a snake, and I gave a huge shove, springing up to a sitting position even as he tried to hold me down.

“What the hell—” He stared at me a moment, his expression uncertain.

The sound of his voice, a tone that said he was offended by my show of strength, poured more energy into my body and I slammed forward, knocking him to the ground. Our positions were reversed.

A thought that I should run flickered through my mind, but my rage was too strong and the thought vanished. I reared back on my knees. Something was shifting inside—twisting free from a place where I’d kept it chained, unaware till now that it even existed.

“You want to play, Mister?” My voice was ragged, and I suddenly saw that the nails on my hands had become long and talon-like. I felt like my face was contorting, changing shape, but I couldn’t think clearly. All I knew was that he had attacked me, and I wanted him dead. I could smell his fear now, and it was like an aphrodisiac.

“I’m sorry—let me?—”

But he couldn’t even get the words out, because at that moment, I swiped at him, clawing him from face to chest, and he began to bleed, the long gashes spurting like a fountain. I stared at the blood, mesmerized by the sound as it spattered out of the man’s body. The fascination turned to joy and I threw my head back and laughed, rolling off him even as I clawed him again, from throat to groin. The delight of hearing him shriek made me laugh, and I leaned down to take a slow, long lick of the blood from his shirt.

But the taste startled me, and as swiftly as the anger came, it vanished. I leaped to my feet, stumbling back. As I stared at the body, I realized that he was bleeding out. Even though he’d been about to rape me, the thought that I’d caused so much damage without a single hesitation threw me into a panic. Confused, I turned, trying to see if anybody had seen what I’d done.

The white dog was still there, though now he looked less like a dog and I realized that it was no dog, but a wolf. I panicked again, turning to look at my attacker. He was still, blood pooling around him. I’d killed him, and to my horror, I didn’t feel any remorse, only fear over being caught. What did frighten me was how it had happened.

I looked down at my shirt. I was covered in blood. I couldn’t go running on the streets like this. I sank down to my knees, and for the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to do.

“Here, let me help you.”

The voice startled the hell out of me. I looked up to see a man standing beside me. He was wearing an outfit that was meant to be noticed, and his hair was shaggy platinum blonde. But his eyes—they looked familiar. And then, I noticed the wolf was gone, and the man’s eyes were those of the wolf’s.

“Who are you?” I leaned back, terrified.

“My name is Dante. I saw what happened—if you’ll let me help you, I’ll get you away before someone finds him.” He held out his hand.

I stared at his hand for a moment, but nothing inside told me to run. In fact, a little voice whispered this was the one way to save myself. I worried my lip, then reached out and he pulled me to my feet.

“Come on,” he said. “This way.” He turned and began to lope the other way, toward the other end of the park. I followed him, not knowing that I was making one of the best decisions of my life. We slid through the side entrance and he took me on a labyrinthine route through the alleyways. Finally, we came to an apartment building that didn’t have a doorman, but it was in a safer part of the city. We hadn’t spoken a word, I’d followed him, going on instinct.

As we took the stairs to the fifth floor, he glanced back at me. “Do you trust me?”

I held his gaze, then shrugged. “I think so,” I whispered.

“Then stay with me while you figure out your next steps in life. But you have to make me a promise.”

“What’s that?” I asked, expecting him to insist that I sleep with him.

But all he said was, “If you feel that rage coming on again, you’ll tell me first. For now, come on in, take a shower, and I’ll get you something to eat and some fresh clothes.

And that was how I met Dante, and how he saved me from the demonic side of myself that I now realized was a very dark genie in a bottle.

I finished making the sandwiches and we carried the food over to the table. As we dug into the soup and sandwiches, I said, “So, you think I’m afraid I’ll hurt someone I care about.”

“I think that’s exactly why you armor up. I think you’re afraid if you let down your guard, it will also let down the guard to that demon you keep locked away.” Dante sprinkled salt and pepper into his soup.

“Then why did I let you and Penn in?” I asked, willing to accept his explanation but still unsure of the factors surrounding the theory.

“I was there from the start—from the night you discovered your inner demon. Penn was there the second time, the night you went after Jace. She’s the one who stopped you then. We’re the gatekeepers, in a way—or I think your subconscious sees us as that. We were the two people in the world able to keep you from giving in to the darker side of your lineage.”

“You’re both safe . I think I see you both as being able to calm her, if she raises her frightful head again,” I said, quietly sorting out the thoughts in my head. “But in the meanwhile, I’ve kept people at arms length. I don’t date, I don’t hang out much with anybody…”

“Yeah, and you’re losing a lot in your life, though that’s simply my opinion.” He shrugged, smiling. “I don’t think you realize that you might be able to harness the power, to use it for good. Hell, we’ve had a few cases where it would have come in handy, especially if you can figure out all that it entails.”

I thought about it for a moment, then said, “I’d like to know more about my heritage. I’d like to know what kind of demon my father was. It would be nice to know how to summon parts of that strength without the blind rage.”

“I’ve been thinking. If Angela knows anything about demonology like her sister, maybe she can help. It’s worth considering.” Dante reached out and took my hand. “Hey, gorgeous, you know I’ll always be here for you. And so will Penn. Whatever you decide—whether it’s to pin that inner demon to the wall forever, or to find a way to make peace with it—we’re here for you.”

I smiled. “I know. I think every time I’ve been close to facing the loneliness in my life, that fear of what I can become rears up and rams the feeling back into submission. But with Penn moving in, it’s forced me to face how isolated I have become. Penn’s going to see me day and night, at my best and—well, I hope not at my worst. I’m afraid.”

“Penn saw your demon at one point. Remember that. And she was able to help you walk it back. You’re not going to hurt her.”

I nodded, reaching for another sandwich. “I hope you’re right about that.”

“I am, you’ll see.” Dante served himself more soup.

As we silently finished our dinner, I tried to examine the memories of what it had been like to be out of control—the two times I gave in and let go of the fear. But the memories were strong, and the fear I had now, was very real.