Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty-Three

I stood fifty or so feet from the settlement I’d been at, staring at the buildings in the distance, my wolf beside me.

There were shouts in the distance, and I saw two of Varic’s men running toward me.

“I don’t want to hurt you, but I will.” My wolf was growling as one of the men pointed his gun at it.

“Shoot the thing,” Varic’s man said to his partner.

Power leapt out of me without my even having to lift a finger. The man with the gun was lying on the ground, too still to be anything but dead. His face was already graying.

I was back. All the holds had been lifted. I could feel power pulsating through me, yet the darkness felt contained. In trying to kill me, Death had set me free.

“I don’t want to kill you, but I will,” I said to the remaining man.

He didn’t need to hear anything else—he turned tail and ran for his life.

I didn’t see Varic as I scanned the horizon. The idea of hunting him down and killing him made the power in my veins hum with pleasure.

My wolf grabbed the sleeve of my jacket, tugging me in a direction away from the settlement.

“You want to leave? You think we need to go?”

It tugged again.

Varic would try to kill me instantly if we were found, and I wasn’t sure how long this surge of power would last. What if it was temporary? There were no guarantees.

“Okay. We go.” My wolf was always there for me. If it wanted to leave, we’d leave.

We moved at a brisk walk away from the settlement, waiting for a threat to appear at any moment, whether it be Varic, Death, or one of the many other gods. My heart was beating so hard for the first hour that it was dulling my hearing.

Whenever I paused for a second, looking around to get my bearings or listening for people, my wolf pulled at my sleeve and urged me in a certain direction. I had no sense of where we were, but it seemed to know where it wanted to go, was borderline belligerent about it.

The adrenaline slowly ebbed away as the time ticked by. I was free, at least for now, but it was bittersweet. I’d thought I’d be leaving with Kicks, not alone like this.

Every step away made the situation more real. My mind went almost numb to stop the pain. I needed to get through this day, get out of this place and back to Charlie. After that, I could fall apart if I had to, but not now.

The sun was setting when we came upon a small village. It was the place Kicks and I had agreed to meet, and where I’d gotten my clothes from to meet his family. I remembered waking up that morning, being nearly obsessed with making a good impression on them. That felt like eons ago, as if I weren’t even the same person.

There were no lights visible or smoke in the chimneys. I breathed in deeply and then strained my ears. Looked like it was still deserted, even as I hoped for an excuse to keep going.

“You pick up on anything?”

The wolf put its snout in the air and then started walking again.

I sighed long and hard. If it had heard, it didn’t care.

I followed, passing the store where I’d tried on things with Kicks. I’d held up items and asked for his opinion, and he repeatedly told me it didn’t matter what his family thought. I must’ve gone through twenty outfits as he made a show of dying in a chair.

My wolf tugged me again as I slowed.

“We stay here for the night, but first thing tomorrow we’re out of here,” I told it.

I didn’t know why I cared. It wasn’t like Kicks was going to show up. Even if he did leave Varic’s earlier than he’d said he was going to, he’d probably go right past this place and to the docks in search of a boat.

We walked through the small town, finding a little cottage on the outskirts. I was too tired to care about food, and had no hunger to speak of anyway. I’d hunt up something to eat tomorrow before we set out again.

I curled up on the couch in the cozy living room, my wolf jumping up and snuggling next to me, sharing its warmth.

“I’m not sure where you came from, how you came into being, but I’m so glad you did. Somehow you’ve made everything more bearable.”

It licked my face.

“Tomorrow we figure out how we get back to Arkansas and Charlie.” I buried my face in its fur. “You’ll like Charlie, and he’s going to love you. Try not to disappear before we get to Arkansas.”

My wolf looked at me as if it understood every word. I was beginning to think it did.

“You know, Charlie always wanted a dog. He’s going to be so excited to meet you.” If there was one glorious shining silver lining, it was getting back to Charlie.

My wolf made a groaning, almost whining noise.

“I didn’t mean you’re a dog. Obviously you’re way better.”

It settled down again, as if its ego had been appeased.

I was licked awake, the sky still dark.

“What’s wrong?”

My wolf walked over to the window, looking out and then back to me.

Was someone here? I nearly jumped off the couch, still dressed. I hadn’t even taken off my boots just in case.

I went to the window, and in the distance I saw a silhouette of a man approaching.

It couldn’t be him. If it was, it was purely coincidental. No way he was here for me.

Kicks caught sight of me in the window, and our eyes locked. It felt like someone had just taken jumper cables to my heart.

I walked away from the window, knowing Kicks was coming here. He’d looked too intent on me. I didn’t know what he wanted, but I was sure to find out.

He walked into the cottage minutes later. I looked at my wolf, who didn’t appear to be doing anything but panting as it stared at Kicks.

Kicks glanced at my wolf, but didn’t seem fazed.

“What do you want? Why are you here?” I asked.

“You know.” His voice sounded strained, and he looked like he was in pain.

I wasn’t playing these games with him. He couldn’t say one thing and act like nothing had happened.

“No, I don’t. Now get out.” I pointed toward the door.

He took a step toward me instead.

“Get out!” I screamed. “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.”

He took more steps toward me. “You wouldn’t leave. As long as you thought I was threatened, you wouldn’t leave. ” He kept walking toward me until he had me cornered. “You wouldn’t even try to kill him. You were becoming paralyzed by fear for me. Our last fight, I asked if you tried to kill him. You think I didn’t know the truth of why you didn’t? That it was me? I couldn’t get you out, and you wouldn’t take any chances because of me.”

“So that was all a lie but is this the truth? I’m supposed to believe you now?” I shoved at his chest and then, when he backed up, swung at him, pummeling his chest.

“Yes. Because you know it’s true. Your wolf knows it’s true or it’d be ripping my throat out right now instead of lying there with its head on its paws.”

My arms grew tired of hitting him, so I crossed them in front of me, trying to keep it together long enough to get him out. I wasn’t going to cry in front of him.

“When I told Varic why I was renouncing you, I said that you wouldn’t be able to bear my children. You know that was a lie. I was terrified of getting you pregnant. I pulled out every time we had sex.”

My breathing stuttered as I met his stare. He looked like he was barely restraining himself to give me space.

“I’m sorry I had to do it, but I don’t regret it. You wouldn’t have left. You’ve bartered your life away for me before. You think I’d let you rot there to protect me if there was anything I could do about it?”

“What about that girl you left with after dinner?” I asked, afraid to believe him, even when what he was saying made sense.

“I shoved her away the second we were out of the dining room. Think about it—I was in your room less than an hour later.”

I shook as I tried to hold back tears. His arms were around me again, as if my tears were his breaking point. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, and he crushed me to him.

“You do that again and I’ll kill you,” I said.

“I don’t think I’d survive it anyway.”

My wolf was beside us, whimpering as if it too wanted Kicks’ attention. I didn’t know what my wolf truly was, but it seemed to love Kicks as much as I did.

“When did the wolf start showing up?” he asked.

“Long story.”

We were lying on the couch, naked limbs intertwined. All I wanted was to get out of this place, run hard and fast. Yet I was afraid as soon as we set off, I’d regret it. I’d been vulnerable so many times in my life, and only survived because of others helping me. Now that I was the strong one, could I leave Aunt Elara, Didi, and even settlers like Harold to be tormented by Varic?

“I want to go back. I want to kill Varic before we go.” The words were out, and although they didn’t make me feel better, I still felt like it was the right thing to do.

Feeling the way Kicks tensed, he didn’t agree.

“I don’t want you anywhere near there, and I’m not leaving you alone,” he said.

“You won’t be leaving me alone. I’m going with you.”

“No. If this is what you want, I’ll get you back to Arkansas and then return.” His arm tightened around my waist.

I shifted, propping myself up on my elbow so I could look at him. “This is different. I’m not vulnerable the way I was before. I’ve got control of my powers, at least for now. I could level that entire pack if I have to.”

“Like you said, for now. We don’t know how long they’ll hold.” He had that stubborn look in his eyes, but there was no way he was okay leaving the situation as it was either.

“We can’t leave them alone for months with him. I saw what he’s doing to the settlements close to him. He’s stealing their food.” If we left, who knew how bad it might be in a month from now?

“If we go back, I have to fight Varic. I’m going to fight him for the alpha position. It’s the way of the pack. It’s how it has to happen. After I beat him, I’ll have the opportunity to appoint an alpha to act in my stead while I’m away. You go and kill him in a way the pack doesn’t understand or trust, and the snake will just grow a new head.”

This wasn’t the way it was supposed to happen. I was going to take the lead, cut out the cancer, and the pack would go on. Not once was Kicks’ life in danger in my plans.

I gasped as I realized something. “You were always planning on coming back here, weren’t you? You just didn’t want me there when you fought him!”

He didn’t even try to deny it. “He fights dirty, and if he’d killed me, I didn’t want you left alone.”

“I won’t let him cheat.” I laid my head on his chest. My wolf came and leaned against my legs, rubbing its muzzle against me.

“If we go back together and somehow I lose, you use everything you have, kill however many you need, but you get out of there. You walk away and don’t look back. You go to Arkansas and forget this place exists. Those are my terms.” His voice was soft but serious.

“I’m not worried. We’ll both be going back to Arkansas.” There was no way I was letting Varic kill Kicks, and I didn’t care what I’d need to do. I’d burn that place to the ground if I had to.