Chapter 2

Chapter Two

“Piper, you coming?” Charlie was waiting with his school bag by the front door.

“Of course I am. Just grabbing the rolls I made you this morning.” I grabbed the package off the table. Since I couldn’t seem to sleep last night after Kicks had left, I’d had lots of time to make more batches.

Charlie’s eyes went to the offering in my hands. “Do I have to?” He spoke like a kid being told he had to take his medicine.

“These came out better.” When he didn’t move, I shoved the package into his bag for later.

He was eyeing me up with a skepticism that seemed too severe for a six-year-old.

“Just try them, okay? I swear I’m getting better at this.” I grabbed his hand and tugged him out the door so he wouldn’t be late.

“Can I eat Evangeline’s cookies still?” he asked as we walked to school.

“Of course.” My rolls might be getting better, but I knew their place in the world. I’d die before I could compete with Evangeline’s cookies.

“I’m sure yours will get as good as hers one day if you just keep trying,” he said, looking up at me with those hazel eyes that were identical to mine. “You just have to keep working at it.” He smiled in complete confidence after repeating what I always told him.

Just keep going, keep trying, and you’ll get there. I couldn’t remember how many times I’d said that to him, even as I’d begun to lose confidence in those words myself.

He ran ahead as we neared his school, hollering, “See you later, Piper! Love you.” He waved, not even looking back, as he met up with his little friends.

He was only six, not even able to shift yet, and he was more at home here than I ever would be. He didn’t need me to walk him to school. I did it for me . Each day here with him was a gift. I was like a squirrel storing away memories for the coming winter, when times would be bleak.

Death would be calling in on her bargain soon, taking me who knew where, to kill who knew what. But when I saw Charlie running and laughing, it took the edge off the sorrow. My future might not be settled, but he was home.

I watched him playing for a few more minutes, listening to his laughter blend in with his friends’ until it was a chorus of childhood joy in the air. I finally forced myself to turn and head toward the inevitable.

I found Kicks on the other side of the pack territory, kneeling by the foundation of the mill. Even though there was a chill in the air, his shirt was off and his skin was glistening. Damn it all to hell. How was I supposed to have a conversation with him like this?

Jimbo, one of the masons here, nodded at me, smiling. Kicks was finishing up cementing a joint but hadn’t even turned my way yet.

He was taking too long to acknowledge me. He didn’t even want to look at me. Was it because I’d grabbed him like I was ready to bang his brains out and then froze like he’d caught me off guard? It would’ve put me in a snit.

Kicks took a second to straighten, wiping his hands on his jeans and then turning to me. “Hey.”

“Hey,” I said, sounding as stilted as he had. Was this what it would be like eventually? Maybe one day instead of being awkward, we’d stop talking altogether? “Do you have a few minutes?”

“Sure,” he said, not looking like he actually wanted to give me a second. “Want to take a walk by the river?”

“Yeah, that would be great.”

He grabbed his shirt from where it had been laid on a nearby boulder and threw it on. Considering the other day, maybe he wanted to keep me from jumping him? I wasn’t sure if I was disappointed or relieved.

Neither of us said anything until we got to the river, where the sound of the water would hide our conversation as long as we were careful.

“So what’s going on?” he asked when I wasn’t immediately forthcoming.

“I’ve been thinking about last night. I’m sorry how that situation ended.” I’d thought of several variations of how to say that. They were all awkward. There weren’t yet words created in the universe that would prevent this being awkward.

“I didn’t help the situation. We were both heated. Things happen.” He shrugged.

He was being gracious and yet things happen ? Things. Happen? Was it his shrug that was making me spin off kilter? Had it been just another kiss to him, heaped upon so many others? I’d lost sleep thinking about it, and he was acting like it was nothing.

“Well, I’m not as used to those things happening as you are, so sorry about that.”

He stopped walking. “What is that supposed to mean?”

I stopped as well, turning to stare at him. “Just that you have more worldly experience than I do. It’s just the way it is, I guess.” I shrugged. He could shrug off our kiss? I could shrug off his annoyance. Seemed like a fair trade to me.

“You wanted to talk to me about what a pig I am? Is that your point? Because you didn’t seem too repulsed by me yesterday.”

“Yesterday was a mistake. Clearly I wasn’t in my right mind.”

He smiled and nodded. “Yes, because why would you have kissed such a pig?”

“You’re the one who got all handsy and was tossing me onto the table and standing in between my legs. Although, again, that’s probably an everyday occurrence for you. Things like that just happen when you walk in a room.” I threw up my hands.

“It was because unless I nail you down to one spot, you won’t discuss anything. You just carry on like there isn’t anything to discuss. You won’t even acknowledge there’s a problem.”

“If anyone knows there’s problems, it’s me, and I don’t need a reminder from you. I’m handling my shit the way I need to.” I could feel the darkness in me getting riled up, as if it fed on the tension between us. Liked it. Wanted it to grow into something else.

“Handling? You call what you’re doing handling ?”

His gaze locked on mine, and I could hear his breathing growing ragged, as if he knew the detour my brain and body had just taken.

I took a step back, and not because I was afraid of him. It was what I might do to him soon.

“Look, I was coming here to make peace. I don’t enjoy fighting with you.” Truth was that I dreaded it. I held up my hands in surrender, knowing that the more I let my emotions run high, the less control I’d have.

“Then don’t just accept whatever is going to happen,” he said, as if it were that simple.

“Oh, okay. I’ll just tell Death I’m done with her.” Come to terms with the darkness? Get some kind of control of this thing growing in me? I couldn’t even find the words to speak of it, let alone come up with a plan.

“Shutting me out isn’t helping anything. I don’t need protecting from you.”

Didn’t he, though? I wasn’t so sure of that. I took another step back, and he turned, looking off to the trees and the river as we both tried to reset.

He took a deep breath. “I’ve got to go run a trade tomorrow. I’ll be gone for two days. We’ll talk when I get back. Just…don’t do anything stupid or rash until I return, okay?”

I nodded, knowing exactly why he’d say that. I was like a raw ball of nerves. The way I was acting, he probably thought I might run off as soon as he turned his back.

“Okay. We’ll talk when you get back,” I agreed. I didn’t know what we’d talk about, but it was better than yelling. I was feeling too weak today to leave things as they were, having him look as if he wanted to avoid speaking to me at all.

He nodded and then headed back toward the mill. I walked farther along the well-worn path beside it, hoping the air and exercise might clear my head.

What is it you so fear I’m doing to you other than making you better? Death asked.

I tried not to jump at her sudden appearances, but it was hard when I dreaded them so much.

“I don’t want to be like you,” I said softly, facing the river so no one would see me and think I was talking to myself.

Why? You were so boring before. Now at least you have a little fire in you. Not that meek girl who was idiotic enough to listen to Duncan.

“I’m holding up our deal, but I didn’t agree to let you change me.”

Such potential and yet so blind. It’s a wonder I bother with you at all.

She bothered with me because I was the only one who could hear her. She had to bother with me—not that I’d say it. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to her today, or tomorrow, or ever.