Chapter 18

Senka

The cold burn of exhaustion seeped deep into my bones as I trudged down the long hallway, returning to my room.Two days had passed in a whirlwind of challenges and tests that I found more tedious than anything in light of recent revelations.

I'd managed to hold my own during the etiquette training, using every ounce of my childhood-learned grace to charm and impress.

When I was the daughter of a lord, I'd spent hours and days with my tutors, learning how to eat and drink like a lady and make simple, polite conversation.

After that, we were tested on our knowledge of politics, history, and world leaders. It was crucial for the new empress to be just as knowledgeable as her husband.

I couldn"t deny that the other ladies had performed much better than me. While I had a general understanding of our empire"s history, I struggled with remembering names and understanding political dynamics. I knew who the current players were, but I never particularly cared about what their ancestors did and did not do for the empire.

"I can't believe we have to ride those beasts!" Lady Nila hissed to Lady Saldan as they stood just around the corner from my room. I paused, hoping they wouldn't hear my footsteps as I carefully listened.

Lady Saldan responded with a hint of petulance, "My father will be livid when he finds out. I saw the elhorns being saddled this morning after breakfast. They're colossal, disgusting creatures. I don"t understand how they expect us to handle them."

My eyes went wide. Elhorns were fierce war horses, only ridden by skilled soldiers, commanders, or royalty into battle. Their terrifying, otherworldly presence alone was enough to strike fear in anyone, and I couldn"t fathom any of these ladies being experienced enough to handle one. I couldn"t deny the thrill that coursed through me at the idea of trying to ride one.

Nila scoffed, "This is preposterous. I"m convinced they are intentionally trying to kill us off before the pageant ends."

"Just like Lady Isolde," Saldan muttered.

I wondered what the current rumors were. Probably something scandalous. Come to think of it, I never knew where Isolde had come from to begin with. Most of the ladies were from neighboring cities surrounding Andune and likely spent a lot of time in the capitol.

Wealthy families sent their children to the citadel for schooling, so Andune truly was a breeding ground for the elite.

I thought back to what Baz had told me. If Isolde was a spy sent by the Aetherian queen, then how had nobody suspected? Surely Cross would have done his research on everyone who received an invitation.

Something didn't sit right with that. I made a mental note to send Emore with a message for the underlord.

Nila quickly shushed Saldan, though a hint of amusement could be heard in the slight giggle she let slip through.

As they walked away, their whispers fading into the distance, I couldn"t help but think about the upcoming challenge.

Horseback riding was something I hadn"t done since I was a child, and even then, it had been on a simple farm horse. Taming an elhorn was another skillset entirely, and one I didn't have.

I entered my room and quickly changed into my nightclothes. The balcony doors were firmly shut and locked, and Valera was nowhere in sight. Wolfe"s room was connected to mine through a single doorway that completed the suite, just in case I needed him.

As I buried my face in a pillow, I couldn"t help but feel both angry and exhilarated. How could I have let him touch me like that?

My skin was still tingling from his fingers, and my lips felt puffy and swollen even days later. Part of me wanted to forget the whole encounter, while another part already craved more.

It wasn't that I regretted it. I didn't. It was just a risk. I had no doubt we were all being watched, and rumors swirled through these halls like a swift wind. The last thing I needed was for Wolfe and I to create a spectacle. Baz thought we were lovers, but the rest of the court wouldn't be so forgiving of that.

But damn if I wouldn't dream about it.

It was the same thing I told myself every time I found myself underneath Cross. Just harmless fun, if you could call it that. With Cross, it was all teeth, tongues, and rage. With Wolfe, it was different. It'd been…well, fun.

I couldn't decide what I preferred now that I was alone. When Cross fucked me, it was like I could leave my own body for a while, and all thoughts fled my mind, replaced with passion and ecstasy. And with Wolfe, it was like my body came alive, and every part of me burned with the need to be touched by him. I felt wild and untamed after a lifetime of being under someone's watchful eye.

Idly, I wondered what Cross would think about me and Wolfe. Would he be jealous? Would he forbid it? I wanted to laugh the moment the thought crossed my mind. Nobody—not even the underlord himself—could tell me who I was allowed to fuck.

I'd come to work for Cross's father as a young girl out of desperation to find a place to belong, but I wasn't bound to anyone. I could leave tomorrow if I wanted to, and not a soul could or would stop me.

As I settled into bed, the door opened, and Valera strode in, locking it behind her. Her hair was loose from her usual braid, and she was straightening the skirt of her dress while attempting to balance three large books under one arm.

Raising an eyebrow, I noted the guilty expression on her face as she tried to juggle the stack of books.

"It"s been a while since I"ve seen that look from you; last time, you accidentally set your workshop on fire."

Valera"s eyes widened slightly before she let out a small, awkward laugh upon realizing I was there. I gave her a questioning look. "Where have you been?"

"Just a little detour to the library," she replied evasively, attempting to nonchalantly place the books on the desk. "Did you know they let pretty much anyone in there?" It's gorgeous. I don't think I've ever seen so many books in my life." She was babbling, her cheeks turning even redder.

I swung my feet off the bed, shoving the blankets aside. "Mhmm… Then why do you look like a cat that stole the cream?" A smirk tugged at the corners of my lips. She said nothing, straightening the books meticulously and pointedly, not looking at me. "Confess," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. "Your lady orders you to confess.'

She glared at me from over her shoulder, but her mouth was twitching with the effort not to laugh. "I thought you were only my lady out there." She nodded at the door.

"Curse you and your memory," I said with a laugh. "Seriously. Why do you look so giddy?" Tilting my head, I studied my life long friend. Her pale skin was flushed from her cheeks to her shoulders.

"I may have run into someone while I was browsing," she admitted, waving a hand nonchalantly. "Quite literally, actually." Her gaze met mine as I slipped on my robe, and then she tugged me towards the small tea table by the fire. "He"s enchanting, witty, and intelligent beyond belief," she gushed. "We talked for hours, and before I knew it, time had slipped away."

"Who is this mystery man then? Did you get his name while you were batting your eyelashes at him?

"Gods, you always exaggerate!" she groaned. "You"re making me sound like some kind of seductress! And his name is actually Darius; he"s a true gentleman, unlike some others we know…"

I had a feeling she was talking about Emore. He was a charmer and a notorious flirt, but sometimes his head was so far up in the clouds that he couldn't be serious for even a moment.

At the mention of the familiar name, memories of a charming and graceful man who moved like he was floating through the air flooded my mind. "Lord Darius?"

Valera sputtered as she took a sip of water, hastily wiping her mouth. "A lord? He certainly left that out during our four hour conversation."

Four hours. She must have found him irresistible indeed. Valera wasn't exactly known for being social. She spent most of her time at The Smoke in her workroom or on errands for her brother.

I shrugged. "Does it really matter? I"ve met Lord Darius and he doesn"t strike me as someone who cares about titles."

As she bit on her lip, she admitted, "He invited me for tea tomorrow. I was considering it, but now I"m not sure if it"s appropriate. Do you think I"m being too bold with a Lord?" Suddenly, she hit her forehead with her palm and started to breathe heavily. "Oh no, what have I done?"

I extended my hand to hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Deep breaths. You"ll be fine. Go have tea. Even if he turns out to be an insufferable snob, it will at least make for a good story, won"t it?"

She gave me a wry look, but the corners of her mouth turned up in a hint of a smile, and some of the stiffness in her body seemed to ease.

"What about you? Have you decided if you're going to help the prince?" The blush on her cheeks faded, and wariness crept into her eyes.

"I am," I said, letting out a long breath as I raked my fingers through my hair. "I don't think I have any other choice."

Valera"s eyes sparkled with concern as she leaned in closer, her voice barely above a whisper. "What does he even want you to do? What could be so important that you feel like you have no choice but to help him?"

I paused for a moment, debating how much I could say without risking Valera. I trusted her implicitly.

"It"s about the outbreak in Saltburn," I began cautiously and her eyes widened. "Baz suspects that the new queen of Aetheria is behind it. I don't know how, but he thinks I can help."

Valera"s brows furrowed in confusion, her mind no doubt racing to piece together the puzzle. "I thought we were allies with Aetheria. Why would she attack one of our port cities?"

Why indeed.

I explained what Baz had told me about the new queen. About the broken agreements, the skirmishes with the Tonne.

"If I refuse to help him, he might decide to expose me for what I am." The unspoken words hung heavy in the air. Execution. Possibly torture. I cleared my throat, shaking off the morbid thoughts. "I'm going to see Cross tomorrow night after dinner. When I go to Saltburn, it'll be as me, and not the Lady of the Ashwater."

Valera"s shook her head. "He"ll kill you."

"Who? Cross?" I raised an eyebrow quizzically.

"Bazaan," she corrected, her voice dry. "He knows you're a deathbringer, but he doesn"t know the full extent of it. Do you think he"ll be so merciful once he discovers you"re in league with the underlord?"

"Well then I'll leave that detail out," I shrugged, looking away from her worried eyes. "He knows about Beau, so it's not a stretch to convince him I learned how to defend myself too."

"What do you mean he knows about Beau?" she asked sharply jolting forward. She grabbed my hand, forcing me to look at her. "Senka, what aren't you telling me?"

I had been anticipating this moment for a while now. I knew it was inevitable that I would have to come clean about Baz and me.

With Valera sitting in front of me and no other choice, I revealed everything. All the details that I had left out when we first met. She already knew about Beau"s death and our narrow escape on the cargo ship, but I had never disclosed the truth about the god-blooded cabin boy who sacrificed his own crew to save us.

Every secret spilled out of me like a waterfall, and she sat in silence, absorbing every word without judgement. With each confession, my heart felt lighter and more free.