53. Chapter 49

Chapter 49

More lines than the eye can see pass before my mind. Lifetimes upon lifetimes of choices. Yet there are only a few that everything rests upon. Two that the darkness has touched and will not let go. Two that could break, yet don't. Two that shine their light where no other light will shine. Two whose light will dim forever. And one…

Calyr the Gold, A History of Magic and Dragons

I'd felt the darkness calling to me the times that I'd shadow walked before. It had felt like home, like I could breathe again when I felt that pressure all around me, but it's so much stronger now.

Everyone that I've cared about has lied and manipulated me since birth. Actually, my very birth was a manipulation. I've been lied to and twisted so much that I don't even know what I'd be without it at this point.

The darkness is an escape. Nothingness that could give me release from the lies. Peace. Finally. No need for anyone or anything. No responsibilities. No pain. Just the serenity of coming home.

I let a trickle of that darkness into me. The barest touch of it. All the anger that I'd held onto so tightly is drained away in an instant. Peace. The night winds blowing over a cool mountain lake. The rains that fall while the world is sleeping. Healing darkness.

I could stay here forever.

Then Cole speaks. "I call in the debt. Do not let us die in the darkness, Queen Maeve. You can kill us all when you pull us out, but do not let us die in the darkness."

I don't know why he'd want to leave. I want to ignore him, to stop thinking about him or anything else, but then pain pulls me away from it all. There, in the darkness, there's a brightness that I can't ignore. A bright red tally mark burning.

It burns away the temptation. It forces me to wake up. I don't want them to die. I may be furious at all of them, but I don't want them to die. They're the only people who have ever really understood me. They manipulated me, and I can feel the ache from that manipulation in my chest, but I don't want them to die.

At least not like this. Not without being able to think clearly. Not a death of being forgotten.

The darkness is mine. For the first time, I know what it's like to be the Queen of Shadows. I may not be of that House, but I know what it is to call the darkness home. I can feel everything in this place. Moving like the wind, I wrap my own shadows around Cole, Darian, and Lee, and then I think of the one place I remember perfectly outside of Draenyth.

A tiny, nearly empty bedroom with a paper painting hanging on the wall.

I reach out for the shadows that cling to the bed, and I throw all of my so-called friends out of the darkness. I can feel them leave this place. Darian and Lee had almost given themselves all the way over to the darkness. I'd almost killed them.

The pressure is still there. The temptation of serenity is still calling to me. But I ignore it.

I have to heal Hazel. If nothing else, that has to happen before I let the darkness claim me. I reach for the shadow and pull myself toward the light.

And just as I'm about to leave, I hear a soft voice. A voice I barely remember. "Little Star?"

Then I'm out, and I'm standing in my old room in my aunt and uncle's townhouse in Blackgrove. Darian and Lee are barely awake, the darkness not wanting to give up its grip on them. I reach out toward them and pull the shadows that cling to their souls away, surprised at how close to being lost they are.

Cole is staring at me, his eyes burning orange. I glance down at my wrist as another tally mark burns away. "You owe two more debts," he says.

I nod to him. He saved us all from the darkness. The anger inside me is gone, taken away, but the love I'd felt for Cole may be gone as well. I can't tell, but I know I can't look at him the same way.

Then he speaks again. "I call in the debt," he whispers, and I can feel the magic in the next tally mark activating. "Do not hurt Darian and Lee, my Queen," he whispers. He could have said not to hurt any of them, but he didn't.

I shake my head slowly, but I don't argue. I don't talk. Instead, I leave them there. I walk out of the room and don't bother closing the door. I just brought three High Fae into my family's house, and they're going to be furious. That only makes me feel better.

That lightning may not be bouncing around inside me, but nothing is right. Nothing. Except, strangely enough, Aunt Prudence, Uncle Trevor, and Hazel. Those three people have never tried to manipulate me at all. Aunt Prudence and Uncle Trevor may have hated me. They may have wished that I were dead, but they never lied to me.

Right now, I'd much rather deal with honest hatred than deceitful smiles.

And yet, as I walk without my mother's ring on, shadows pour from my fingertips, swirling around me just like the shadows had swirled around the Shade's cloak. They crawl over my traveling clothes, clinging to me like my only friends in the world.

But they aren't. Hazel's my friend. She may not be an Immortal, and she may never understand me, but she's my friend in a way that no one else in my life has been. She's never tried to manipulate me or lie to me.

That's why, when I step into the sitting room and see Aunt Prudence, I smile at her even as she stares in shock at me. "Good afternoon, Aunt Prudence," I say more politely than I can remember.

"Maeve," she whispers. The book she was reading falls to the floor. "I thought you'd be dead. After you left…"

I smile wider and survey the room, my eyes landing on Hazel, who looks far worse than I remember her being. Silently, she stares at me. The look on her face is shock, but the curve of her lips tells me she's happy even if I'm sure that my visage is a bit unsettling for her. "I survived just fine, thank you very much."

I ignore anything else that Aunt Prudence says and move toward my cousin. Her eyes follow me, and I realize just how far those black lines have gone. All the way up her chest. The tips of the blackened lines peek out from her high-necked day dress.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to her and take her hand. I hadn't hurt her with shadows. I know that now. The House of Earth is not based on desire or revulsion. No, it's powered by peace and anger. Peace like I found in the forests and anger like I experienced that day in this townhouse. Anger that flowed from me to her, turning her blood black.

Poison. I run my hand over hers, and she shivers at my touch, but I just smile. I never needed Calyr. I needed peace. I needed control over my powers. Just as easily as I pulled the shadows from Darian and Lee, I draw out the poison from Hazel's skin, a flood of blackened sludge. It flows through her skin just as easily as my shadows flow from mine.

The sludge falls to the floor, and Hazel's body visibly relaxes. "Oh, Maeve. I knew you'd come back," she whispers. "I knew you'd survive. Mother and Father said that you were dead, that the monsters that attacked the inn had killed you, but I knew. Deep down, no matter what anyone said, I knew that you'd survive. You always do."

I hold up her hand so that she looks at it. "I did. I survived, and I learned many things in the process. I'm sorry I hurt you, but you're all better now."

She looks down at her arm, a smile curling up. "Thank you."

I'd expected to feel accomplished, as if I could go back to my old life after this, but now it just feels like I'm further away from my old life than I was before. Everything I've done had originally been for Hazel, but now that she's healed, I have no reason to be here. I have no reason to be connected to her or anyone from my past.

Her eyes dance in the afternoon sunlight that streams through the window. "You look different… well, more different than you used to. You look like one of them."

I nod my head. "I am different. I think that maybe I'm not a Wyrdling anymore. Maybe I'm full-blooded High Fae now."

"You are. The Painted Crown burned away your humanity." Cole's voice says from behind me. I turn to see him staring at me from my bedroom doorway. Aunt Prudence whirls around, her eyes going wide as she looks at him. Her face shows her emotions as plainly as if they'd been written down. First, it's surprise, then it's lust, and finally, it's anger.

The typical set of instincts from any human that stumbles on a High Fae.

"He's a Prince, Aunt Prudence," I say, not bothering to mention my connection to him.

"Then why is he here? Shouldn't he be in a castle somewhere with his kind?" The anger and suspicion are so intense, but I understand why she'd feel like that. I nearly killed Hazel, and a single High Fae could destroy a village in the blink of an eye. There are certainly good reasons she wouldn't want him here.

But he smiles at her. "I am only here because my Queen has commanded it. I won't stay long and will disrupt your lives as little as possible." Then he bows to her.

His formality gives her pause, and I turn back to Hazel to see her stifling a wide grin. "Is he your Prince?" she whispers.

And I can't help it. "I don't know yet. Maybe."

Her eyes open wider than I can remember, excitement all over her face, and she jumps out of her chair. "I almost forgot. Maeve, when you… when I got hurt, no one wanted to talk to me. They said I was cursed, and I didn't have anything to do. No one to talk to except my parents. Everyone just pushed me away."

She takes my hand and pulls me to my feet. "Do you remember when Vesta tried to teach us how to hunt? Mother ended that quickly enough, but I didn't forget how to do it. I was always good at my studies, and I paid attention when she was teaching us even if I'd rather have been home. Well, I hunted, Maeve, and I made you something. I knew you'd come home, and I wanted… I wanted to say sorry for the things I said about you."

Now it's my turn to be surprised. She made me something? She hunted? Hazel's never wanted to be in the forest before. Even when we were children, Vesta had to get onto her constantly because she was always so scared.

I guess that knowing that you're going to die in a year is enough to convince you to face those fears.

"Just stay here. Let me go get them," she says. Without waiting for me to respond, she runs out of the sitting room and out of the townhouse, leaving me and Cole with Aunt Prudence.

I stand up, my eyes drifting to the sludge on the floor. Cole's eyes do the same, and without a second thought, he raises his hand, and it bursts into flame. I know that before this, I'd be worried he'd catch the whole townhouse on fire, but now I know what control is. There won't even be singe marks on the floor when he's done. Aunt Prudence, on the other hand, shrieks.

"Don't worry," I say. "The fire won't catch on anything, and I don't think you want to touch that sludge to clean it up."

The fire burns itself out, and nothing's left but a pile of ash, several pieces floating into the air before falling back to the ground. "How has she been?" I ask Prudence.

Prudence doesn't have to question who I'm talking about. "She's been better than I expected." Without giving me a chance to respond, she says, "Thank you. I'd lost hope that my daughter would survive. I'd thought… I'd thought we'd be burying her this time next year. She's grown stranger as the weeks have passed. Almost like you."

Prudence purses her lips. "You're like your mother now, aren't you?"

I nod my head. "And unlike her at the same time. Prudence, it might be time that you and Trevor and Hazel moved to the city. There's going to be a war, and it may never touch places like Blackgrove, but it might. If it does, you'll die. There's nothing that anyone in town can do to protect you."

Then I realize something. If my father had a House of Earth bloodline, then Uncle Trevor does too. And Hazel does, too. They, like my father, never had enough Immortal blood to power the gifts that bloodline gives while I had my mother's power. What would have happened if Hazel had been brought to the Keep of Flame today? Would she be the one wearing the Crown?

Aunt Prudence looks at the ground. "Even here, we've heard about strange things happening. Trevor and I have talked. He spent some time at the Court in Stormhaven. We could go back."

"That's probably for the best. Hazel would enjoy being in the midst of everything. The balls and all the boys. I'm sure that she'd feel right at home there."

Prudence shakes her head. "No, it's not like that. If it were, we'd have gone there a long time ago. Trevor isn't important there. No one gives him the time of day in the big city. We may be rich for Blackgrove, but we're barely better than cobblers in Stormhaven."

"Then go be cobblers in Stormhaven, Prudence. If you stay here, you'll probably be rich and dead." I smile at her and recognize just how much things have changed since I left. I don't particularly like my Aunt Prudence, but there's no hatred for her.

If I were the same person I was when I left Blackgrove, I would have forced her or threatened her with violence. Instead, I raise my hand and the shadows that slowly move around me explode outward, clinging to every surface and blotting out the light of the world. "Prudence," I say slowly. "I am not afraid of very many things, but I'm afraid of the people that are going to war. Go to Stormhaven. If you won't, then I'll take Hazel there and make sure she's safe."

Prudence looks around at the shadows coating the walls and windows and shivers. Then she nods. "We'll go."

I take a deep breath, and the shadows dissipate. It's only now that I realize that it's completely silent. Before, I'd been talking to Prudence, but now… Now, everything is silent. Not just in the house, either.

I glance at Cole, and his eyes open wide. Immediately, I'm running. I throw the door open and realize just how big of a mistake we'd made. The Nothing is everywhere. White mists slowly twist and curl around the clearing that Aunt Prudence's house sits in.

Cole's beside me in a second, and I pause. I can't make the same mistake I made the last time. At least not until I see something that wouldn't ever be laying on the ground. A pair of gloves made from rabbit skins. My heart skips a beat at the sight of them. That has to be what Hazel wanted to show me. I close my eyes, and instead of talking to Cole, I focus on the world, on the scents.

My heart wants to race, to panic and become angry, but that's the wrong emotion. Instead, I think of my hand on a tree trunk as I'm hunting, but this time, it's Hazel who's my prey. I know where she is. Just beyond the mists. Everything in me says that she's there, and she's not moving.

No. No. I can't breathe. I can't accept that my cousin is dead; lost to the Nothing. After everything. I fall to my knees, but Cole's already beside me, picking me up. "Go get my friends from Maeve's room," he growls at Prudence, but I ignore him. I don't care about anything at this point.

I'd been on the verge of giving into the darkness before I came here. My entire life has been a lie. Like Cole said, I've become a tool. A tool to save the world, but a tool, regardless. I'd almost accepted that. I'd almost believed that I could be like Cole, but I needed to protect Hazel first.

Now… now she's dead.

After all of this, after everything, the only person who has always been an honest friend is dead, and I'm left with nothing that matters anymore. Everything that has ever meant anything in my life is either a lie or gone.

And there is nothing I can do to fix it.