20. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Only the strongest shall wear the Crown. Only the strongest will be the tie to hold our magic to this world. Four sacrifices to save the many. Only they, of all the immortal Fae, shall fade in mind and body.

~Kasan the Lifegiver, A History of Magic and Dragons

Everyone in Darian and Lee's house is asleep when I step into the silver moonlight again. The door creaks just enough that I cringe at the noise, but no one wakes. I move directly away from the village and enjoy the damp tang to the air, the way it lingers on my skin almost like my shadows. I embrace the glory of a full moon all alone. My hands trace the reeds as I walk along one of the many tiny rivulets that feed the river I'd taught the villagers to fish at, my fingers bouncing off each one and onto the next. The soft splashes of the stalks moving through the water are the only sound other than the frogs and crickets.

Even my footsteps feel quieter tonight.

Maybe it's the hush when the world has turned its eye on me. It feels like that kind of night. One where it feels like something important is going to happen.

And maybe it is. My fingers trace the little black marks of shadow on my wrist. Cole was pissed that I owed a debt to the Shade. I could see the fury in his eyes. But I've figured it out. The Shade is from the House that my mother is from. The one that I'm at least partly connected to. If there's anyone that I should trust, it's him.

I can't deny that the shadows under that cloak pull at me and make me want to know who's under it. The way his hands feel when he touches me is… dangerous.

I don't even know if these debts are repaid in terrible ways. Maybe he'll ask for favors from me just as I've asked for favors from him. That wouldn't be so bad. Everyone knows that he'll never ask for my life, and people join armies all the time to do terrible things.

With how Cole reacted today, I should be nervous, but I'm not. "Shade, I need you," I whisper into the darkness as I picture him.

And I wait. The moments pass like always. Dozens of breaths later, I'm still waiting, and this time, something seems wrong. My heart races. Has he abandoned me? Another breath and he's still not here. Is he angry at me? Another breath. Does he know what favor I want to ask him tonight? Fear coils in my stomach as I realize he isn't bound to me. He's never been forced to come to me, and while he said that I'm valuable to him, there's no reason he should continue to help me. I'm already indebted to him. He has what he wants.

That fear becomes a knot as I suddenly feel very alone in the world. Cole has been with me from the moment I left Blackgrove, but it's been the Shade that I felt comfortable around. Where Cole has pushed away from me constantly, has kept his secrets far out of reach, the Shade has never hidden anything from me. He's taught me. He's given me anything I asked.

The Shade does not make that shiver tighten around my spine. I feel like I can trust him even though there's a cost to his help.

There's the feeling of a window opening, and I sigh with relief. When I turn around, he's standing there, just like every other time, but I don't feel the softness behind the shadows this time. It's anger or frustration. Something unusual.

"You called," he says, that low voice rolling over me in a wave and taking the fear of loneliness with it.

I take a step toward him and say, "I need answers to questions. Will every answer give me a mark?"

The Shade pauses for a moment, his head cocked as though he's listening to something I can't hear. "It depends on the questions. Some questions have answers that are valuable. Others aren't valuable at all. And then, of course, there are some questions that I will not answer." He pauses for a moment and then finishes, "Unless I tell you otherwise, I'll consider all the questions this evening worth a single debt."

I take another step toward him, the need to be closer to him nearly as strong as when I looked into the eyes of the drakeling.

"Cole plans to pretend that we're betrothed. Is this safe for me? I don't know the ritual that is required."

The Shade nods. "It is easily broken, but only one of you may do so. No one else can break the bond, and it is public. It is a clever ruse to keep a Wyrdling safe in Draenyth."

I run my finger over the marks on my wrist. I can feel him in those marks. The bond that ties us together is more than just an accounting. They're more than proof of the debt. His magic is inside me.

"Why is he training me to fight? There's no possibility of me being strong enough to even last an extra few seconds against a Fae."

The Shade glances down at the ring on my finger. "It is possible that he knows your ring is holding back your scent and power. Cole Cyrus is a clever High Fae, and that ring prevents you from accessing nearly any of your Fae power. Not just magic. But your strength and speed as well. If you were to take it off, it is likely you would survive much longer than you'd expect. You are still far safer with him as an escort, but if you aren't near him, training will help you survive if you take off the ring."

What? If he knew about the ring, then why didn't he say anything? Why didn't he say anything about knowing I'd been marked by the Shade either? More secrets. Every answer only leads me down a rabbit warren of new questions.

"And why is Cole trying to take me to Draenyth? It can't just be to escort me there so that I can help my cousin."

The Shade moves slowly, gliding over the ground and leaving shadows curling into the air like oily smoke before they settle back onto the ground. He is completely silent. Completely in control. He reaches for me and runs his black-tinted nail over my cheek while I stare into the darkness under his hood.

If any other male in the world had touched me like that, I'd have pulled away. "You're special, Maeve Arden. Whether you know it or not, you are not an ally to throw away in the coming wars. And he is still learning about you, still finding out your secrets. He's deciding whether he can trust you ."

He glides even closer to me, that pounding drum inside me filling my body with desire. Shadows wreathe us, their oily blackness a reminder of his powers as they curl around my legs and arms, slowly tightening. They constrict and hold me still as he looks into my eyes from under the cloak. I want to reach out and pull back the hood to see the Fae underneath. I want to finally look into those eyes.

The shadows hold me back. They're black ropes tying me in place even as lust for him takes over inside me. His nail runs down my neck and without warning, the Shade drives it into my skin. It's in and out of my neck in a split-second, and a sharp pain rips through me.

This time, I jerk away, not sure what he's doing. There's a flash of crimson in the moonlight as he moves his hand to the shadows under his hood. He's licking it. Tasting my blood.

"Why did you do that?" I ask, my voice rising for the first time since I've met him. "Why did you taste my blood?" The shadows holding me still loosen and fade away into the night, leaving me free to move.

"To be sure of what I suspected," he says slowly. "And I was right."

I put my hand to my neck, to see how badly I'm bleeding, but it's more like a pinprick than him stabbing me. I glance at those razor-sharp nails. Why did he taste me?

I shake my head. No. Focus, Maeve. I can just ask since I owe him a debt. "What did you suspect?" I ask.

"That is not a question I'll answer tonight," he says. I can tell he's smiling, too. He's enjoying my discomfort and confusion.

I pause, surprised at the fact that he's keeping that from me. When he'd said he wouldn't answer some questions, I'd expected it to be about other people. I thought he meant secrets that were valuable. Not secrets about me.

I start to get angry, but I focus on my purpose, not letting my emotions get the best of me this time. "Why am I important, Shade?"

He moves toward me, and I try to rein in my desire for him. Those inky shadows of his rise, coiling around my limbs. They're seductive, begging me to let go of my control, but I refuse. I stare into the darkness under his hood and don't let him take away my control.

Inches away from me, his breath comes out hot over my neck. He whispers into my ear, and the shadows creep further up my limbs. They slide under my tunic and make my body shiver in desire, but I don't give into it.

His voice comes out low. "Because your mother set many things in motion. Your House of Shadows bloodline is only one piece of a very shaky tower. Your mother was a very clever woman, and if she had been given the Painted Crown as she should have, the world would have been a much better place. You are part of her plans, and that makes you valuable. That makes you… worth staying close to."

My mother would have been Queen? That makes me question so many things. My father married the Queen of Shadows? But that would… that would make me the same rank as Cole. I'd be a princess. I stare into the darkness under the Shade's hood. "Am I really the Princess of Shadows?" I whisper.

He's quiet for several moments. The inky ropes that cover my body solidify, tightening their grip on me. I pull against them, straining, but they're too strong. I can't move an inch. Shadows slip under the tunic, coating my chest and back in their darkness, a warm pressure against my stomach and breasts. Then they slide down my pants, rubbing against my most intimate places.

That drumbeat in my chest is pounding so fast… My body wants to move; it's desperate for more than these silky touches of his magic. It needs more and wants to find out exactly what it'd be like to have his hands on me instead of shadows.

Yet, I still manage to not give into those desires. I don't beg, even though everything inside me wants to. "How are you planning to have me pay my debt, Shade?" I say the words through gritted teeth as a shiver climbs my spine. My entire body goes rigid while he presses tighter against my lower half. The sensations make me want to moan for him, but I don't give in. I may want the Shade's touch, but I know that losing control is the last thing I should do.

He pauses, and I know that there's surprise written across his face even though it's hidden. "I think that I've given you more than enough answers for a single mark."

I blink. He surprised me by cutting me off like that. I received my answers, though, so I don't complain. The shadows that have surrounded my body fade almost immediately, and the Shade steps back. I raise my hand to receive his mark, and he says, "I like you, Maeve Arden, so I will warn you. I am committed to my path, and if that requires me to force you into doing things you are unhappy or uncomfortable with, I will not hesitate."

There's a sting as he presses his blackened nail to my arm, and then he releases my hand. I don't try to keep him here this time, and when he falls into the shadows at his feet, I actually breathe easier. I run my finger over my neck, still more than a little surprised at the fact that he attacked me like that.

What was he checking when he tasted me? And why wouldn't he tell me what it was? I sigh and kick the ground, frustration racing through me.

I take off my mother's ring. I imagine the Shade's hand on mine. The way his nail pressed against my skin. Such a tender grip for a painful process. The drum begins inside me again, and I take a deep breath before beginning to practice forming shadows.

Then my thoughts turn to the desires that ran through my body when the Shade touched me with his shadows. The way he controlled my body and made me feel so good with nothing more than magic. I wanted to beg him to do more than tease me. I wanted it so badly.

The drumbeat gets louder. Faster. And the shadows pour forth like an unending stream, coating the ground and my arms in them.

I wanted him to demand that I give myself to him. I wanted him to take me in ways that I've never wanted before. The inky shadows that cross my body are so similar to his, yet they are not the same. I focus on tightening their grip, on making them solid, but they are so difficult to hold in place. I still need far more practice.

And I don't know if I have it in me to struggle tonight. Not that hard. My body craves touch, craves something I can't get. A Fae who refuses to touch me. A Fae without a name. Without a face. He is magic and desire and pain and torment. He is everything I fear and everything I want.

Tonight, I watch the rivers of shadows flow and try to form them into shapes. It feels impossible, but I know it's not. I'm not trying very hard. I don't have that level of effort in me.

Not when all I want to do is call the Shade back and beg for his touch. But even with how desperate I am, I can't let myself do that. I can't ask for that favor.

Because I won't be able to stop myself. He'll own me then. My body, my mind, and my very soul. I won't owe him debts. I'll owe him everything.