Chapter 87

Roan

"We should return to the palace," Arik said.

We'd spent one long, shitty day going over things with the duke's hunters and horsemen. Plans within plans, so convoluted my hand strayed to my sword, just wanting to cut through them, but eventually the prince decided he was satisfied. Another night at the estate, with Arik falling into bed before the sun went down, exhaustion finally hitting him hard, but then it was a long day and a half riding back. The sun was turning the palace blood red as we arrived at the gate, but my horse didn't clop towards it. Instead, he veered off to the left.

Probably because that's where I was directing him.

"Where the hell are you going?" Arik asked. "We need to deliver the news to the king."

"You do." I paid them no mind, the heavy weight of the long ride falling off me with every step the horse took closer to the temple. "I need to see Jessalyn."

"But the plan—"

"Once we start this…" No, it was too late for that. Conspiring with a bloody duke and his lords, hoping each one of them hadn't sent a raven back to the palace, warning the king of our treachery–I shook my head to dislodge that thought. "I need…" Pain rose, one that was so alien to me I didn't know what it was the first time I felt it. Life was just a shift fight you fought your way through, but now. I saw her in my mind then, golden and so fucking beautiful. "I need her. Princess, queen, Jessalyn."

I glanced back at the castle, watching the sun drop lower and lower in the sky.

"Everything might go to plan and we'll finally be free…" I couldn't finish that sentence because imagining that was a step too far. "Or it might all go to shit."

"We might already be betrayed." Silas appeared by my side, shooting Arik a long look. "One of those lordlings might have turned Vatarion on us. Guards might be waiting to escort us to The Tower. No, we likely wouldn't even warrant that. We probably would just be stabbed in the back the minute we walked down the hall, but…"

Nothing fazed my brother, ever. He could be smart or sarcastic, but he never expressed an emotion without some forethought, so it felt like I was seeing beyond the mask now.

"I can't walk into that place without seeing Jessalyn again." He bit off each word. "I can't. I've walked past brutality, and cruelty, and repellent behaviour that would make even my father blanch, but I can't, Arik, not without seeing her." His hand rose up, clawing at his chest, a single button popping off and rolling free. "She's like a candle flame that I hold in my heart, and it flickers and flickers, threatening to blow out every time we enter that place."

He stared into Arik's eyes.

"I need her, and I think you do too."

Arik nodded sharply.

"We need to ensure my brother hasn't taken—" he replied coolly.

"No," I said.

"Magnus might've—"

"No," Silas replied, just as firmly. "It's time to stop lying to yourself, brother. To my shame, we didn't do this for any of the other princesses. There's a reason we go to these lengths for Jessalyn." Arik hadn't completely lost that haunted look, despite the fact Fallspire was far behind us, but some of the shadows under his eyes faded as he stared at Silas. "I'm too fucking tired to pretend it's for anything other than her. The king does need to know about the stag. We do have to kill the fucking bastard, but before that…" Silas rose up in his saddle and my own body locked tight, knowing what was coming. "Race you."

To Jessalyn, that's what burned in my chest. I apologised to my horse, right as I kicked him into a canter. We went sailing forward, the darkening streets fairly empty but people knew to get the hell out of our way as we raced onward. The closer we got, the faster I wanted to push my steed, but when we clattered up to the gate, several sisters were there, about to lock up.

"Good sirs," an older woman said, taking a look at me as I dropped down from the saddle, "the temple is closed. And in any case, we do not allow men within our walls."

"You will us." Silas was uncharacteristically abrupt. "Fetch my sister, Selene."

The younger woman went to do just that, but the older woman stared us down.

"This place is a sanctuary for women. The goddess herself—"

"Was a woman of noble birth who created this religion when she saw a need for a sanctuary to keep women safe and couldn't find any way to do so that men would allow but this," Silas said. I blinked, having no idea that's what the temple was. It was always talked about in mysterious terms as the women in my life made clear what happened within the walls was none of my business. "If you don't want that information circulated near and far, summon my sister."

"This might not be wise, brother," Arik said.

"I don't care."

I stared at Silas, hearing the need and the desperation in his voice and nearly crying at the sound of it. Finally, someone was admitting what I knew to be true. Jessalyn held us in the palm of her tiny, little hand, and all the plans and bullshit in the world made no sense whatsoever without her. I needed to know she was safe, well, unharmed, but better than that, happy. If I could just have that, I could go back to my shitty guard's room and listen to Arik snore all night.

I may have said something to that effect.

"What are you…?" Selene appeared at the gate, then sighed at the sight of us, seeming to glean so much from our appearance. The daughter of the Raven, she had to be a quick study. "Gods, you're here for Jessalyn. Tell me you weren't followed."

"Can't promise that," I replied with a grin.

"Then for the sake of the gods, get in here fast, before anyone else sees you."

Our horses were taken away by postulants, but I wouldn't have been able to tell you about a single thing about any of the girls if you levelled a sword at me. My eyes instead roamed across the murals on the walls, taking in the flickering candles set into alcoves in the wall, my focus always shifting until we reached here.

I was as nervous as a lad visiting his first brothel, but there wasn't enough coin in the world to pay for this privilege.

"She might not see you," Selene said, shooting the three of us a long look. "And if she doesn't want to, you won't even get in the door."

Selene was tall and willowy but slender as a reed, and yet I took her threat seriously. No daughter of the Raven walked out into the world without the tools to defend herself.

"If she doesn't want us…" My enthusiastic response died on my lips, remembering then the way Jessalyn had looked when she woke in the healer's house on the packlands. Her crumpled dress, the dried blood on her scalp. I swallowed hard, shifting restlessly. "Then we won't press her."

"No, you won't."

At that, Selene knocked on the door. My heart started to race as I heard a rustle from behind it, then the sound of the lock being turned.

"Yes?" Her voice was like the sweetest of music. "Selene? Is something wrong? Has something happened at the palace? Your brother has sent word? Arik, Roan…? Gods, something has happened to Creed, hasn't it?"

"Perhaps you need to ask them yourself."

The door swung open to reveal a golden light. Thrown by the lamps hanging on the wall, their glow seemed to intensify as the light hit her. Jessalyn stood there on the threshold of her room, eyes wide and staring as she took the three of us in. I liked to think she inspected us closely for signs of harm, but when that was done, her eyes found mine.

"Lass…"

I had so much to say, so very much, but every word died in my throat as I stared.

"You…" She seemed just as dumbstruck as I was, which had me smiling like a loon. I needed that, to see my weakness find its twin in hers. Misery loves company and all that. A princess is never caught off guard for long, and to my dismay, she straightened up, smoothing her hands down her nightdress as if it was the finest of gowns. For me it was, the thin cotton swirling around her in loose folds, hinting at her form rather than outlining it. She shook her head and then jerked her chin up. "You had better come in."