Chapter 48

"You're looking better this morning." I shouldn't have. I'd tossed and turned, barely sleeping, for the entire night and I'd given up sometime before dawn. Mother Marian came over and inspected my scalp with gentle hands and then nodded. "Much better. The Elders tell me you intend to stay on the packlands."

"As long as they'll allow it."

My smile was so forced it felt like it tugged hard on my tight facial muscles, something the healer took in without comment.

"Then we'll visit the elders' hall and see where they want you to stay. You're welcome to remain here. But, fair warning, you'd be likely to share this room with injured warriors or women that are on bedrest due to a difficult pregnancy." She noted the wrinkle of my nose with a smile. "Usually, all the single women live with their family or in the long house, waiting for their fated mates—"

"About that." I squared my shoulders and looked her in the eye. "I was… made aware recently that a male considers me his fated mate."

"And you want to learn more about it?" Marian said. "Then it appears we all have questions for the elders. We'll grab some breakfast at their table." She winked at me. "The old bastards always get the best cuts of meat."

I wasn't sure what I'd encounter in the elders' hall, especially as I felt like the question I needed to ask was a burning presence in my chest, ready to be spilled out. I had to wonder though, how they would respond to my line of questioning. Would it affect my position in this community? Saffron and Hazel didn't seem to think it would, but that didn't mean they had it right. I'd learned the hard way that accepting what others had to say about something was a mistake. I was going to be sure to go to the source every time.

"Ahh, you are looking so much better."

The speaker was an elderly woman with a head of wispy white hair, but there was nothing frail about her as she got to her feet. Each one of the older people around the table turned to stare at me as she came closer. Hands dry like crepe paper touched my face gently, turning my head one way then the other before she pulled them away.

"I am Elder Wren," she told me, "Pale as a doll you were, last time I saw you, and twice as lifeless."

"Not thanks to those idiots," another woman grumbled, shaking her head, which gave me hope.

"Thank you for your concern, Elder Wren." I inclined my head in respect. "To all the elders for allowing me to enter the packlands. For your healing services, Mother Marian."

"Well, she's polite enough for a princess," a grizzled older man said with a long look at me. "I guess that's what they teach them in those human courts. Sit down, girl."

I moved without thinking, taking the empty seat he gestured to, eyes dropping to the table.

"Princess Jessalyn—" Marian started to say.

"Jess, please."

Interrupting was an unforgivable sin back at home, but here… I hoped they'd forgive me, because when I woke up, I had to a feeling of certainty. I'd made the first stumbling steps towards becoming Jess last night, only for Creed to interrupt the process. Well, he wouldn't going forward. Whether it was on the packlands or somewhere else, Jess was who I chose to be, who I needed to become and so I squared my shoulders and stared down the table.

"I don't need my titles used." I let out a very unladylike snort. "If anything, I would like to pretend I was never born to the royal family of Stormare. They sold me…" The silence around the table intensified, though not in an unfriendly way. "They sold me to your king so I might become his next victim."

"A bad business if ever there was one," another elder muttered.

"If I am not a princess, I'm not worthy of marrying, nor killing." I forced myself to smile. "If I'm just Jess, I'm…" I paused for a second, searching for a way to finish that sentence but not finding it. "I'm still working that part out."

"That seems entirely reasonable considering what you have been through," Elder Wren said, reaching over to squeeze my hand. "Which is far more than any woman ever should."

"You'll be safe now," one of the men said in a tone that was meant to be reassuring, but his words dispelled any sense of comfort. "Those mates of yours will protect you."

The women around the table shot him meaningful looks, silencing him quickly.

"About that." My hands went to my lap, arranged precisely, just as I was taught, but I pulled them away and gripped the edge of the table. "I spoke to Creed's family, who helped me to understand the mating process a little more clearly, though there is one aspect I need further clarification on." I sucked in a breath, reaching for courage and not really finding it. "On how one rejects the bond."

"Rejection!" the male elders spluttered, turning to each other instead of me, but Wren smiled sadly and nodded.

"Good fellows, if you could give us the room?" Her tone was gentle but contained a thread of iron that would not be denied. I couldn't have been more jealous of someone than I was of Elder Wren right then. "This is a tricky business, and I think you'll all agree it's one that's best dealt with by other women."

"We'll go and talk to those young pups," the grizzled man said with a frown. "Talking about rejection already? What did those fools do?"

While they took off to find out exactly what, disappearing out the doors of the hall, the women turned to me.

"So, you wish to find out how to reject the bond?" Wren asked. "We will ensure that you have all the answers you need, but…" She sucked in a breath, her lips thinning. "Be mindful that this is a permanent thing. I say this not to dissuade you from making this decision, but to make certain you are aware of the consequences of taking such action."

"You will never know your mate's touch again," one of the other women said. "All of the pull you currently feel will evaporate. You'll be free to find a male amongst those that haven't found a pack to join, but…"

"It's not the same," another woman said. "At least that's what we've been told. Your soul recognises theirs—"

"But that doesn't always mean the experience is a desirable one." Wren cut through the chatter, creating quiet again. "It's happened before, and it may happen now. In answer to your question, Jess," I heard her hesitate, forcing herself to truncate my name. "How do you reject your mates? You go through the process of the mating games, and then at the end, in the presence of the entire packlands, you let them know that you reject the bond."

"They'll never know the pleasure of being with a woman," one of the other elders said.

"And perhaps that's a just sentence for what they have done," Wren countered. Her eyes locked with mine. "Only you know, Jess. At the end of the mating games process, search your heart and search it well. What do you want? What does your soul need? If it's not them, you just say the words."

It felt like all of us went perfectly still right then.

"I reject you. Some phrase it differently, going into detail or making it sound more flowery, but the intent is what matters. Make it plain that you reject their offer, and the bond between you will die."

I sat back in my chair, able to see that moment clear in my mind. Of the four of them standing there, chests heaving, dirt smeared across their skin as they grinned at each other, right before stepping up to me. All that arrogance would burn brightly in their eyes. No, worse, because before the entire packlands they would've proven their worthiness.

But not to me.

My jaw locked tight as I dismissed this mental image and then brought my focus back to the table.

"Thank you for this knowledge, revered elders. I will think long and hard on this and make the right decision when the time comes."

"That's all we can ask of any of our young women," Wren said.

"So, if it's not too forward to ask, how do the mating games start?" I looked around the table. "Do I have a role? Am I supposed to compete?"

The women chuckled, but it was a gentle thing.

"Only a human woman would ask such a question," one said.

"That is not a criticism of you," Wren observed. "Simply of the way human men treat their sisters, mothers, and mates. Nothing happens to a wolf shifter female. It must happen with her, and the games are no different."

"So…" I didn't want to know the answer, and I did all at the same time. "What will my role be? What do I need to do first?"

Wren smiled down at me with a kind of grandmotherly calm.

"First, we start with an introductory activity, away from the prying eyes of the collected packs."

"Those boys of yours look like they have fine figures," one woman said with a cheeky grin. "You'll help them show that off in front of the entire crowd."

"What…?" Every muscle tensed as I forced myself to stay where I was and wait for their answer.

"Some of the females, they've never met these males before," someone explained. "They need an opportunity to get to know them first, and then they can make a decision to accept or reject the bond."

"Nothing like a little hands-on introduction."

Their cackles sent shivers up my spine.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean," I said.

"They'll strip down to the waist." Wren's voice rang in my ears, getting louder and louder with each echo. "And their fated mates will oil them up to perfection. It helps establish if there's any kind of physical chemistry…"

Oil. Them. Up.

The directions buzzed inside my head like angry bees long after I'd left the elders hall. My feet moved of their own accord, bringing me back to the single women's longhouse. Fern looked up as I walked in the door, her smile turning to concern when she saw my expression.

"What the hell did those idiots do now?" she asked. "Surely they cannot have messed things up in the time it took for you to walk from the elder's hall to here?"

"I have to oil them up?"

"Oh." Her face fell and she looked around her as the other women in the common area drew closer. "Yes, about that. I know where there's a particularly vicious patch of stinging nettles growing. Want me to show it to you?"

I found myself laughing despite my dark mood, my expression easing her concern.

"Yes, please."