Chapter 13

I'd spent my life wanting to get out of Stormare, but now that I was doing so, I found no enjoyment in it. My country consisted of little other than the capital, also called Stormare, and enough farmland to support our population. Oh, there were a few country estates owned by the most-favoured nobles and a few small towns, but little else. I'd felt constrained growing up—by my upbringing; by the geography of my homeland—but now that I was finally moving beyond those limits… I sighed, slumping in the seat. My posture wasn't simply due to my thoughts. While the fine velvet of my gown was beautiful, every bounce of the carriage wheels had the maddening effect of making me slowly slide down the silken upholstery. I pulled myself upright, for the umpteenth time, and then pulled the curtains back from the carriage's tiny windows and looked out.

I'd never expected to be sad at the prospect of leaving my country.

I drank in the sight of the neat fields that extended beyond the road, the shapes of the majestic trees sheltering livestock, and the men sweeping their scythes through tall stands of wheat. The rural splendour all looked so peaceful, whereas I… I had been tasked with being an agent of chaos. I looked down at the bag my mother insisted I take and nudged it with my foot. She expected me to slip so easily into the role of a poisoner? Or perhaps she thought me capable of slitting the king's throat as he slept, spilling his blood over our marriage bed. My hand slid to my thigh, tracing the shape of the knife there. It was easy to be seduced by the possibilities, but there was a reality that I needed to face.

I had been raised to be a princess: ornamental, graceful, and generally useless as far as everyday skills were concerned. As I considered how ill-equipped I was for what lay ahead, I stared down at the pretty jewelled slippers I'd been given to wear. They were lovely to look at, but they would serve absolutely no practical purpose in the real world. Hating how that seemed to sum up where I found myself in all of this, I went to kick them off—I'd prefer to walk barefooted like a peasant girl rather than be reminded of my inadequacies with every step I took. But… as I turned my foot this way and that, my eyes were caught by the glitter of the blue topaz on the delicate satin. The slippers had been made to fit me exactly, ensuring my feet looked slender, delicate, and feminine. I suddenly realised how easily I was distracted by such trite concerns, and I groaned in frustration. How on earth could I possibly make the transition from decorative to deadly?

I glared at the bag, with its plan and its poisons, and kicked at it in a terribly unladylike fit of pique. It rolled less than a foot across the floor, which only made me more annoyed. Every day of my life I'd seen strong and capable female guards serving in the women's quarters. They were allowed to take on what was otherwise only ever a man's role to preserve the feminine modesty of the nobility, for the sake of the kingdom. They trained hard, built muscle and would've been able to punt that bag clear into the field beyond, whereas I— Wherever that train of thought was going, it was cut off abruptly as the carriage slowed, then rolled to a stop. Next came the sound of the door being unlocked. I stiffened, not knowing who I would see. When the door opened, hazel eyes glanced at me before their owner focused on letting the steps down and then leaned against the door frame.

Creed.

It wasn't enough that the four men who'd witnessed my shame were the ones I had to rely upon to get me safely to Khean. He had to stare at me with the eyes of a wolf, like he wanted to eat me all up. I watched his hands warily as his fingers twitched, then shifted to claws, and back again.

"We're stopping for a break," he said, finally breaking the silence, with a growl in his voice.

"Not on my account, I hope," I replied. "I'm fine to continue. Roll on, I say."

"Lass—"

"Your Highness," I corrected with a tight smile. "Or is it Your Majesty? Was I married to your king in whatever kind of ceremony was conducted yesterday? I don't know. No one bothered to explain things to me, before or after." I nodded slowly. "It's a bit of a theme in my life: people keeping knowledge from me."

"Things were kept from me too," he said, those strange hazel eyes pleading for understanding. But I couldn't give him that because I kept seeing an image of us from the night before: me lying across his lap, begging for more, more, from a man I thought I'd never see again in any circumstances.

Without any concept that he would soon be my jailer.

"If I'd known, I'd…"

His voice trailed away. He was unable to come up with an answer to my current predicament, because of course there were none. I rose to my feet and swept my skirts away as I went to climb down.

"You'd have consigned me to my fate, just like every other man alive," I said, pushing past him and then stepping down from the carriage.

Were we still in Stormare? I couldn't tell because the fields had given way to trees that grew thick and dense, creating a canopy overhead. The three other men stood chatting beside their horses, until they saw me. My mother and grandmother's exhortations rang in my head as I noted the moment their gazes sharpened to take in my current state, my dress, my bearing, then every step I took. Seduce them, weld them to my side, buy their loyalties with my body and… My jaw tightened to the point I feared my teeth might crack. No, without the benefit of roseblood, the idea was utterly repellent. Instead, I cast my eyes over our setting, looking for some other option.

"Why have we stopped here?" I asked, continuing toward them. There were no nearby houses, no smell of smoke on the breeze, nor any side tracks that might lead to other settlements.

"So you might rest and make yourself comfortable," Creed answered, but Roan grinned.

"To take a piss."

"What?" I blinked. I knew what the word meant, but I'd never heard it used in reference to me. "Where?" The red-haired bastard just gestured at the trees, using the knife he was peeling an apple with. "There?! Are there no inns nearby? Even a hovel with a privy would be preferable—"

"No inns out this way," Arik replied, drily. "We'll be sleeping rough tonight. Though if you want to share my bedroll…"

That. It was that insolent smirk which had me striding across the ground towards him, my hand raised. Silas grinned as he watched me approach Arik but made no move to intercept me.

"Don't!" I snarled. And, as all the ugliness still simmering inside me came rushing up, my hand whipped back and I slapped him right across his face.

I'd never dared do such a thing before, but the rush I felt, of pleasure and vindication, as the man's insolent face went snapping back was something I wanted to experience over and over. At this moment, when I was at my weakest, I suddenly felt strong, and I lifted my hand back to give him another slap. Instead his hand shot out and wrapped around my wrist.

"You get the first one for free," he told me, seriously. "After what happened last night, it stands to reason I deserve a good slap." Then his grin was back, twice as brazen. "Pretty sure I would've paid a far higher price if you'd demanded that instead of just ‘more.'"

"You dare—?" I snapped, trying to pull my hand free but learning just how pointless that was. His grip was like iron, and just as unbreakable. I tried to twist my wrist, straining against his hold, but all that did was make my arm ache… and make his point clear. He outmatched me utterly. He grabbed my other wrist and snatched my arms above my head as he stepped in close.

"There's not much I wouldn't dare, Princess," he said, his eyes no longer mirroring the summer sky, but now like the coldest of winter ice. "I cut the corset off a princess, removed that stupid veil, then led her into the stews of her own city. I fed her the beer of commoners, let her drink down roseblood for the first time, and then sent word to my men so they could come and enjoy the experience of a highborn lady rutting like a bitch in heat."

I'd slapped him with my open hand, but he had no need for physical force to reciprocate, not when he could use words. Every single one of them hit me right where it was supposed to, but as they did, I made a discovery… If he'd said anything like that to me the day before my betrothal, I'd have been in tears, unable to hold them back. I'd been trying so hard to be perfect and pure that to be accused of such vile things would've broken my heart.

I'd discovered that it had become a different matter once I was actually guilty of those crimes.

What had never been mentioned in all the discussions about women falling from grace was that it was a gloriously dizzying feeling. Losing your virtue, your assured place in polite society, even your moral centre, were all things that I would have thought I'd miss. Instead… I'd been freed. No matter what he thought of what had happened there, I'd been free in that sordid little room of his—overheated, wanton, and lost in pleasure and able to take whatever I wanted. That made me smile viciously at him.

"You are not to call me princess," I said in carefully clipped tones. "Your Highness, Your Majesty, gods, perhaps even Your Eminence, but never princess. You and I both know that the only way forward for both of us is to pretend the other night never happened, so you will use my proper titles—"

"Go in the bushes, Your Majesty, and have a bloody piss because we can only stop in places we know are safe. There are bandits, rogues, and wild animals that will prey on the unwary if they linger in the wrong place."

I went to wrench free at the same time that he released his grip, resulting in an ungainly stumble backwards until I found my feet. Silas watched everything with eyes that danced with laughter, even if his face was now schooled into a neutral expression. Creed stepped forward, as if to add something, but I swept past them both. Roan, however, followed my every step.

"And what're you doing?" I snapped once it was clear he was trailing me.

"Making sure you don't try and run," came his reply.

"So, you're going to watch? While I…" I gestured wildly, faced with the indignity of not being able to describe what my bladder was demanding I do, even though I'd plastered my nether regions over his face last night.

"Watch? No. Not one to shame a man for his kinks," Roan said, calmly peeling more of his apple, "because I know some like the sight of a woman relieving herself, but it's not for me. I like…" When his amber coloured eyes met mine, they were filled with devilry. "Well, you know what I like."

I let out a growl of frustration, stomping further into the trees, looking for somewhere, anywhere, with just a modicum of privacy.

"So, don't worry yourself, princess. If you've got a shy bladder, I'll give you my back while you do what you need to."

His voice was nowhere near as grating, and when I turned to look, he'd shown himself a man of his word. He stood by a tree, focused entirely on slicing the apple up and eating it bit by bit.

Which gave me an idea.

I cast my eyes over the landscape anew, not to look for a place to relieve myself, but to try to get a sense of the environment I was in. They'd talked big about wild animals and bandits, but, of course, that was what a brace of guards would do. It was the fear they preyed upon, some of the lords at my father's table had said, extracting exorbitant prices for their protection.

But what if that were true? If I didn't need the four of them for any other reason than to get me safely to Khean. I had no intention of arriving at court, so what then? I looked at my pretty slippers, instantly mourning the thought of pawning them off, but perhaps I could use them… Then I remembered the gold these idiots gave me last night! It was stashed safely in the bag Mother and Grandmother had given me. If I could get to the nearest town and buy myself the services of other guards—

"Don't take too long. Anything more than two shakes and you're playing with yourself, Princess. At least, that's what we say in the barracks."

My head whipped around, like a deer's might at the sound of a predator. Not here, not now—the guards were all too alert and aware of what they were doing, but tonight, after a long day's riding. I could make them some tea using some of the roseblood Mother had given to me…

I shuffled behind some nearby bushes, doing what I had to, then looked around in alarm when I realised I had no means to clean myself. Deciding leaves could be used in a pinch, I straightened and flicked the dust from my skirts, stepped away from the mess, and then took several steps further into the forest. Roan seemed preoccupied with his apple and I… came to a halt as I looked up and all around me.

The great green stillness of the trees couldn't hurt me, could it? I'd grown up with tales of girls falling victim to what lurked within a forest, but I'd been lied to about everything else, so why not that? I'd be able to slink through the trees in the dead of night, following a river… Yes, that's what I'd heard the scouts advise if you got lost on the land. Water always led to some kind of human settlement. I'd walk until I found other guards for hire and—

"Going somewhere, Princess?"