Chapter 63

Millie

Something was going down.

I heard shouting in the break room, but when I exited the toilets, all the firefighters were converging on the appliance bay in response to the alarm.

“Has a fire been called in?” I asked Brent as I walked into the office, but he just frowned.

“Millie, can we have a chat?”

“Yeah, of course. Should I grab my computer…?”

To take notes, that’s what I was going to ask, but I didn’t. This wasn’t that kind of talk, I could see that from the look on his face. I hurried inside, trying not to jump when the door was closed behind us. I sat down in one of the chairs on the opposite side of his desk and tried very hard not to feel like a teenager being called up to the principal’s office.

“So…” He sat down and clasped his hands in front of him, resting them on the desk. “I probably should’ve had this conversation beforehand. It was remiss of me really, but the fire service…” He sucked in a breath. “It doesn’t look kindly on office relationships.”

I went perfectly still, able to guess what the shouting was about. Dave had said something.

“Personally, I tend to turn a blind eye to these things.” His eyes flicked up to meet mine. “I figure you’re all adults. As long as it doesn’t become an issue at work, I’ve got no need to get involved.”

But something had made it an issue. I pulled my phone out, something I never would during a serious conversation with a boss, but this was different. I needed someone, any of the guys I shared a life with, to have left me a message, giving me a heads up about what had happened.

There was nothing in the group chat.

Brent’s lips thinned down, making clear that he knew exactly what I was doing and didn’t like it, didn’t like what he needed to do next.

“Noah punched Dave in the break room,” he told me, but that wasn’t the entirety of this story. I just stared back blankly, waiting for all of the details to come out. “They had words. Do you know what about?”

“No.”

I answered honestly, but by the flex of Brent’s jaw, I got the feeling that this was the wrong answer.

“Well, I’ve sent Dave off to the doctors. Looks like Noah broke his nose.” He shook his head. “Kid’s got a wicked right hook, but that’s not the end of it, I’m afraid.” Brent leaned forward, and that had me stiffening. I’d had a good run, I thought, a couple of months into this job. Maybe I could use that on my resume as relevant experience to get me another office job. But who would be my reference? Not Brent, I was pretty sure. “Is there anything you wanted to tell me?”

“No.”

I said that much more firmly, sitting tall, because if I was going to get called out on my omissions, then I’d face that down head held high.

“Millie—”

He sounded like my dad when he had found out I’d done something wrong. I’m disappointed in you, that was the natural conclusion to this sentence, and yet it didn’t come. The door was wrenched open and one of the ancillary staff stuck their head in through the gap.

“Brent, there’s been an explosion at the fire site.”

“What?”

We were both on our feet, asking the exact same thing, but for different reasons.

“Some of the boys are en route to the hospital,” the guy said.

“Which guys?” Everyone stared at me, but I didn’t care. In some ways it was freeing to finally say this kind of thing out loud. “Which guys? Charlie? Noah? Knox?”

My tone gave me away completely, wavering as I said each one of their names. No one would be fooled going forward, because these were not the questions of a concerned colleague.

They were those of a lover.

“Are they OK?” I demanded answers in an angry bark. “Are they alright?”

“In the hospital,” the guy said with a shrug. “That’s all the details I’ve got.”

“I need to go.”

I don’t know who I was announcing that to, just that it was true. I pushed past the desk attendant and into the office, snatching up my bag before making for the door.

“Millie!” Brent shouted, but I didn’t care about what he had to say. “Millie!” I marched down the hallway, out of the station, and over to the car. It was only then that I saw that my hands were shaking. I tapped the button to unlock the car, missing the right one several times, as my eyes filled with tears.

They couldn’t be hurt. They couldn’t. I thought that furiously, as if that would make it true, despite knowing the facts. Firefighters lived a tough life, facing risks most of us wouldn’t survive. But they would, I thought furiously, sucking in one shuddering breath, willing myself to keep it the fuck together. You can lose it once you’re at the hospital , I told myself. Not now, not yet.

“Millie…” Brent appeared at my shoulder, a look of concern in his eyes, and he took in the state of me quickly. “You’re not fit to drive. I’ll take you.”

“Right.” I forced myself to nod. “Thank you.”

And so we piled into my car for the most tense, awkward car ride ever.

“Which one?” he asked me, easing us out onto the main road.

“Which one, what?” That came out far sharper than I intended. I flushed, and then shook my head. “Sorry, I?—”

“Who’s the father?” For a second, all I could do was stare at the side of his face. Brent was focussed on the road and the traffic for good reason, but when we were in the right lane, he shot me a sidelong look, his eyes trailing down. “I remember my Helen’s pregnancies like they happened yesterday. All the trips to the toilet, the nausea and the weird cravings.”

“You saw the pickled onion and cheese sandwiches?” I said weakly.

“Smelled them more like.” He wrinkled his nose and then dared to smile. “The tuna sandwiches were worse.”

“With chilli mayo and onion.” I slapped my hand down on my stomach as it began to rumble, but I didn’t feel hunger so much as a swirl of discomfort, followed by nausea. “But as to your question, I don’t know.” I stared through the windscreen, unable to look at him. I didn’t want to see the judgement there. “The Christmas party got a little crazy.”

“I assumed that when I saw you at the station the next morning,” he said.

“You knew that was a walk of shame?” I shook my head and let out a little laugh despite myself. “That’s very progressive of you, Brent.”

“You kids… You think you’re the first ones to invent casual sex. If you’d lived through the 70s, you’d know that getting a bit messy at a Christmas party was no big deal.”

“With three of your firefighters?” I was done pretending. The truth would come out, and I’d face the consequences. In some ways, I was bargaining with fate, promising this in return for making sure my guys were safe.

“Well, there was this party—” he started to say.

“Where I ended up in a relationship with all three of them? We’re all living together at Knox’s place, because I’m pregnant and I don’t know which one of them is the father, and they all want to co-parent with me.”

“Dave does.” I heard my steering wheel creak as Brent’s grip tightened. “That’s what the fight was about, apparently.” The look he gave me was apologetic. “After he’s gotten back from the doctors, Dave will be facing down a disciplinary hearing as well as a final meeting with HR. He won’t be working as a firefighter again. The prick looked at your emails…”

Brent was telling me all the details, but I couldn’t hear them. A high-pitched whine replaced his voice, getting louder and louder as we drove closer. It didn’t stop until he pulled out the front of the hospital.

“Go inside, love. I’ll park your car and bring your keys to you.” He reached over and squeezed my hand, but all I could do was just stare at the hospital, unable to process any of it. “Go to them. Go to your boys.”

That, that was what I had to do. I had the door opened, my feet flying across the concrete, then the polished tile floor as I zeroed in on the emergency department nurse’s station. People filled the waiting room, but none of them were my guys. I walked up to the glass window, the bored nurse looking up as I approached.

“Knox Ryan,” I said. “Noah Taylor. Charlie Henderson. They’re all firefighters that have been brought in to the emergency department.”

“And you are?” she asked.

My lips moved, ready to spill my entire story to her if that’s what got me through the doors and to their sides.

“Millie?” A male nurse who’s scrubs seemed to be struggling to contain his muscles stood up and stared at me. I stared back, because I’d never seen him before in my life. “You’re Millie McDonald?”

“Yes.”

“They’ve been asking for you.” The nurse who’d greeted me looked a whole lot less bored now. “Pretty insistently. They gave me a number to call, but…”

I looked down at notifications, only now seeing the missed calls.

“I’m sorry.” Jesus, my voice broke on that, tears forming in my eyes as I looked up. “I put it on silent at work to stop myself from being distracted and?—”

“Hey.” Nurse boy came from behind the desk, putting a hand on my arm and then giving it a squeeze. “It’s OK.” Then he told me the one thing I needed to hear. “They’re OK. A bit banged up, but… You should come and see for yourself.”

He led me towards the doors to the emergency ward, using his swipe card to get us in. We walked past beds and moaning people and machines that go ping, the whole place feeling cold and clinical, until I stumbled into here.

“Heyy…” Charlie lifted his head off the pillow, the bandage on his cheek stark white against his tanned skin. “There’s our girl.”

“Millie?” Knox’s voice sounded hoarse and scratchy. “What the hell are you doing here?”

I took in the bandaged arm in a sling, his face dirty and tired against the white pillow.

“Here to see you, idiot.”

I barely croaked that out as I sank down in the gap between their beds. My hands, my eyes, didn’t know where to go first. I was staring at Knox while reaching for Charlie’s hand, not able to take a full breath until he gripped it. My free hand went to Knox’s cheek, then I turned back to Charlie, catching his wry smile, then a wince as the muscles in his face pulled at his injury.

“Are you OK? What happened?” They sucked in breaths, ready to answer, but didn’t get a chance. “Was this related to the fight Noah had with Dave…?” I looked around. “Where’s Noah?” Each one of them went quiet, especially the nurse. “Where’s Noah?”

“Garrett, can you take her through to intensive care?” Knox asked, but that had him dissolving into a hacking cough. I moved forward but he waved me away, moving to get out of bed. “And unhook us from these machines as well.”

“Now Knox—” Garrett, the nurse, said.

“Better do it, Gazza, me old mate,” Charlie said, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, and that’s when I saw the hospital gown and the bandage on his leg. “Fort Knox will just start tearing cords out left and right if you don’t.”

The nurse sighed.

“Let me grab a couple of wheelchairs.” His eyes swung my way. “You good with helping wheel one of these guys over to intensive care?”

Intensive care? Noah was in intensive care? All I could see in my mind’s eye was all of those medical dramas Mum used to love to watch.

“Um, yeah…” I said with barely a whisper. “Sure.”

“I’ll be right back.”

“Bloody recycling plants,” Knox grumbled as we wheeled the guys down the hallway. “The government needs to outlaw them, or at least regulate them better.”

“The place was supposed to be filled with cardboard,” Charlie explained, looking up at me. There was some of his old mischief in his eyes, but also shadows that weren’t there before. “Instead, we discovered what else they were storing there. A bunch of old gas bottles well past their prime.”

“A gas bottle did this?”

I was still working out what ‘this’ was. White, clinical bandages concealed the worst of their injuries, leaving me to imagine what was behind them.

“Multiple gas bottles.” Brent joined us, escorted by another nurse, his face like thunder. “The prick that owns that place has made millions stockpiling recyclables. I’m gonna make sure the minister takes this to cabinet, that the owner is prosecuted to the full extent of the law. The last fire like this took over one hundred and fifty firefighters and three days to contain, over in Victoria. We don’t want the same shit happening here.”

Preventative measures were forgotten. I couldn’t listen to talk of petitioning our politicians, not when I saw him like this.

“Noah…”

He was swathed in white. White sheets, white blankets, white walls, and white floor, his pale skin blended in with it until it didn’t. Bruises down one side of his face and angry red wounds had me sucking in breaths too hard, too fast, my chest aching with the effort, or was it just at the sight of him?

“Noah…”

I stumbled forward, leaving Charlie behind, but he wouldn’t allow that. They must’ve ignored Garrett’s directives because they were there at my shoulders, holding me up as my feet faltered. If I took a step closer, this was real. The man who’d waited his whole life for me was fighting for his in a hospital bed.

“Noah.”

My voice was corroded by tears, his name coming out as a guttural croak, but I couldn’t do anything as I sank down by his side. I wanted to touch his hand, his face, something to reassure myself he was still here, to feel the furtive flutter of his pulse, but I didn’t dare, my eyes whipping around to find Garrett.

“It’s OK,” the nurse told me with a kind smile. “He’s pretty beat up, hence why he’s in here, but the doctors are pretty sure he’ll be fine.”

Fine, a thin, wan word, but I clung to it like a lifeline, right as I sank into the chair beside Noah’s bed, then clung in reality to his hand. Cool, dry, limp, it felt wrong. Not the hand of the lover that stroked my face, pushed my hair out of my eyes or stroked my body to greater and greater heights.

Right up until the moment he squeezed back.

My head whipped up, my eyes scouring his face so I caught the moment his eyelids fluttered, then opened.

“Noah…” Bloody hell, tears were really streaming down my cheeks now, and I couldn’t even pull back to wipe them away. “Fuck, you’re OK.”

“Am now you’re here.”

His voice was nothing more than a whisper, but I heard it as much with my heart as my ears.

“Always.” I let out an explosive little burst of laughter, fear and relief a weird mixture inside me. “Always. Consider me your shadow going forward, because I’m coming on every job you go on.”

“Millie.”

Hands landed on my shoulders, one set, then two, as Knox and Charlie clustered closer, rubbing at the tight muscles.

“I’ll go through all the necessary training and become a firefighter if that’s what it takes to keep you safe,” I vowed.

“Millie, the fitness test?”

That little joke, it cost Noah to make it, but my whole heart was wrenched out of my chest at the sound of it. I flung myself forward, pressing my face as close to his chest as I could get. Arms, Charlie’s and Knox’s arms went around me, pinning me in the centre of this ragged little cluster, helping to ground me.

“Let’s give them a minute,” Brent said to Garrett.

“Love you.”

For a moment I thought I’d imagined what he said, but his head rolled on the pillow, a small wince making clear what that cost him. “Always have, Mills, but I figure now’s as good a time as any to say it. No matter what happens, where you are, or what you’re doing, I’ll always love you and that means coming home safe.”

“You better.” I straightened up then, staring at all three of them in turn. “Every single one of you. I don’t need heroes, I need…” God, it hurt so much and yet was a relief to finally say it. “I need you. I’ll always need you. Baby or no baby, I need this to last. The three of you, you set me on fire that night of the party, and I can’t find it in me to put it out.”

“Don’t.” Knox surged forward, taking my face in his hands. “Don’t you dare. I need you burning, because I’ve been doing the same since the moment I picked you up.”

His lips pressed to mine, but not for long enough, as Charlie shouldered forward.

“I, however, was trying to save your workplace from burning down, but…” He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. “While I might be slower on the uptake than these guys.” His blue eyes bore into mine. “Once I work out what I want, I stick to it. I’m in for the long haul, babe, whether you want me to or not, and while I might not be a wounded hero, I’m…” His hand stroked down my cheek. “I’m yours one hundred percent. I love you, Millie.”

“I love you too.”

That came out part laugh, part sob, and I think the nurses behind the glass of Noah’s room were a little confused. I kissed every single one of my guys, unable to stop myself. It was like the flood gates had opened. No, a bushfire rampaged through me. It burned away all the hurt and pain of what came before them, and just like the Australian bush, it left me with fertile soil to let things grow back better, stronger.

I went to that party looking for revenge, but got something so much better. A love that would keep on burning, no matter what.

I settled down finally, collapsing into the chair again, and that’s when Noah smiled.

“Did you read the email?” he asked me, no hint of pain in his expression. Fucking Dave had tried to ruin things for us, but it hadn’t worked.

“What email?” Knox asked, suddenly alert.

“We’re having a little girl.” Noah couldn’t have looked more pleased than if he was the one carrying our baby. “A little girl that will be as beautiful as her mother.”

OK, I was done. Stick a fork in me, because I couldn’t take any more today.

“A daughter…”

My hands shook as I grabbed my phone, then opened the email and read the test results.