Chapter 51

Millie

“Millie!”

This was a nice pub. The interior was all dark wood and polished brass fittings, the sheer lack of 80s rock blaring from the jukebox lifting the mood. It looked like a lot of families came to hang out here. Kids ran past me and towards a long table where I saw Belinda and Sally, two of the wives I’d met at the Christmas party, sitting. They waved me over, so I sat down in a chair beside Sally.

“How’s your first week of work been?” Belinda asked.

“In some ways easier than working at a pub.” I nodded to the bar where the staff had people lined up waiting to get a drink. “In some ways harder. Paperwork all day…”

“Getting to you already?” I turned around to see Judy standing there. She took the seat next to me with a grin. “That’s why I decided to give the job up after the babies arrive. Sometimes it’s a fight to stay awake.” She yawned theatrically. “I can’t imagine dealing with the stupid government procurement website when sleep deprived.”

I smiled weakly.

“Yeah, of course.”

“But you’re going to stick with it, right?”

All of a sudden, I had every woman’s eyes on me.

“Absolutely.” I forced myself to smile. “I mean, my mother would kill me for knocking back a government job at the very least.”

The tension seemed to go out of the group.

“It’s not so bad,” Judy said and sipped her orange juice. “I mean, there’s plenty of eye candy to look at.”

As if summoned by her words, the firefighters arrived, walking in through the door and turning every person’s heads. Men gave them a nod as they passed, and the ladies… My hand gripped the edge of the table tight as I saw some of those admiring looks. Charlie got the lion’s share, but there were enough sent Knox and Noah’s way to make a small growl form in my throat. I swallowed it down and then turned back to the table.

“I’m going to grab a drink. Does anyone want one?”

No one did. Sally and Belinda were too busy greeting their husbands, and every kiss, every hug, felt like a body blow. No matter where things went, I’d never have the opportunity to do that. A woman treating three guys like her husband in a pub? Some idiot would have something to say about that, and once the baby came along, some well-meaning soul would call Family Services. I sighed and headed to the bar, lining up like everyone else.

“Something I can get you?”

It wasn’t the barman who was asking that. Charlie’s voice was like a hand sliding slowly up my spine, and I had to resist the compulsion to arch up into it.

“Just getting a Coke,” I replied, turning and giving him my best ‘we’re just colleagues’ smile.

“Doesn’t Coke have caffeine in it?”

“Oh shit…” My teeth burrowed into my bottom lip. How the hell did I space on that? It felt like the world was not set up for pregnant women at all. “I guess a lemon squash then.”

“Two lemon squashes, thanks, mate,” Charlie said over my shoulder, getting the pretty barmaid’s attention instantly. She nodded and went to work pouring the drinks, then handed them over with a dazzling smile. He paid for them, then put way too much effort into escorting me out of the scrum of other customers.

“Charlie! Charlie!” A couple of kids came rushing over to his side and then threw their arms around his legs.

“Oof…!” He winked at me as he stumbled backwards, pretending to be thrown off balance. “And what’re you little monsters up to? Millie, this is Ava and Ryan.”

“Hi guys.”

I felt a million years old as I waved at the children, but I needn’t have worried. I wasn’t their focus, he was.

“Come and play Godzilla with us!” the kids cried.

“We might a bit later…” I watched the kids’ faces fall. “I’m talking to a friend of mine right now.”

“Go.” That came out way more abrupt than I meant it to. “I mean, I can’t be standing around here talking to irradiated prehistoric monsters, can I?” I waved my hand. “Isn’t there a Japanese city you want to flatten?”

He shot me a sidelong look, nodding for just a second before spinning around to face the kids, hands raised. I grabbed the drink from his hand, putting it onto a nearby table, lest he slop the lot on the floor, then off he went. I shook my head, unable to stop myself from smiling as the kids squealed. He stomped after them until they were out the door and had entered the playground outside. The other kids quickly caught on at the game, running and shrieking as he pretended to chase them.

“He’s so good with kids,” Belinda said when I sat down, looking my way. “He’ll make such a good dad some day.”

“I’m sure he’ll have no problems finding someone to settle down with,” I replied. I wanted to throw these bloodhounds off the scent.

“You mean the whole pretty-boy thing?” Judy sipped her drink. “Yeah, that brings all the girls to the yard. Doesn’t make ‘em stay though.”

“Who’re you calling pretty?”

Our eyes jerked up to see Blue standing there.

“Oh my god, you’re back home!”

Judy couldn’t get up quickly enough, but he scooped her up and into his arms.

“Of course. You have that scan thing.”

Her face screwed up into a pained expression.

“They had to move it up. I went in today. I didn’t bother telling you because I knew you were on the road.” You could hear the emotion in her voice as her words came out in a messy spill. “I’m sorry. I know you wanted to see the not-so-little beans.”

“Hey, I’m sorry I couldn’t get back fast enough.”

I looked away then as the two of them shared an intimate moment, just in time to see more people had arrived. Henry, the guys’ team mate, had arrived with his wife in tow.

“The baby!”

Sally jumped up and rushed over to Henry’s wife, Kelly, hands outstretched.

“Want a hold?” Kelly seemed all too keen to hand the child over. “She’s a bit grizzly, aren’t you, Miss Tessa?”

I watched the two of them coo over the child, watching her little legs kick, listening to the grunts and felt… I don’t know what. A confusing mix of emotions? Tessa was cute. She had these big brown eyes that stared at everything, but with no expression apart from those little grunts. It was hard to know how she was feeling. I felt similarly bewildered. That will be you one day , my mind insisted. You’ll have a little one just like that , but it didn’t compute. My arms shifted restlessly, as if I didn’t know what to do with them.

“Oh, you are so cute,” Belinda and Sally told the baby when Sally sat down. “Yes, you are. Yes, you are.”

“Goodness, look at you,” Kelly said to Judy. “You’re just about to pop.”

“Not soon enough.” Judy’s hands moved restively over her stomach. “So, can I have a cuddle?”

“As soon as Sally’s stopped fussing over her, she’s yours,” Kelly said, sinking into her seat with a sigh. “She’s been screaming on and off all day, so I’m about ready to give her to the first person that wants her.”

“Getting some practise in?” Sally moved around the table, very carefully passing the baby to Judy. “There you go. You’re a natural, Jude.”

My colleague beamed as she set the baby on her shoulder, patting the little girl’s bottom rhythmically.

And she was. I felt a vicious kind of jealousy in that moment. I wanted to be a natural mother too, even though I’d had no prior experience. I was the youngest in our extended family, all my cousins were born well before me, so there were no babies for me to practise with growing up. Tessa seemed like an alien creature, but Sally gave me a nudge.

“Feeling clucky?” Was that what I looked like? I blinked, unable to think of a response. “Babies do that to you, though I’m glad I’ve already had mine.” She nodded to Ava and Ryan outside. “Kids are amazing, but babies…” She sighed. “There’s something special about them.”

“Did you want to hold her?”

I stared at Kelly, aware of the honour she was granting me, but we’d barely spoken two words to each other. It felt like I should’ve earned this privilege or something. Instead, I found myself grinning back at her.

“Um… yeah, if that’s OK.”

“Ready to go to Auntie Millie?” Judy said in a soothing voice. “I bet you are. I bet you are.”

The child was passed around the circle at the table like we were playing pass the parcel, when it landed on me.

“Just support her head,” Kelly said in a low voice. “That’s it. There you go.”

I was holding her. My eyelids fluttered because I was ready to take it all back. The baby seemed like some wide-eyed lump, but some sort of magic happened when she was in my arms. Her legs stopped working, her hands stilling as she just stared at me and I stared back.

“Oh, she likes you,” Kelly said. “Sure you don’t want to take her home?”

“Has she got colic?” Belinda asked.

“Just like all my other children.”

Kelly sounded tired, so tired, but the conversation just dropped away. I wasn’t sure what it was, if I was tapping into some long lineage of mothers spanning back centuries or some hidden instinct I didn’t know I possessed. Whatever it was, it swelled as I stared into the little girl’s eyes. I dared to smile and her face muscles twitched as she let out a particularly emphatic grunt. My finger moved then, getting within her reach, and she latched on with that chubby little hand, gripping it tight.

“She’s strong.” Kelly and I shared a look, and it felt like there was something else beyond meeting an acquaintance from work. It was almost like she saw herself in me, and I was proud of that comparison. “Watch out for her nails. The little bugger scratches like a kitten without meaning to.”

“You would never.”

Where the hell had this soft tone come from? I didn’t know, but Tessa seemed to like it. Her grip tightened, her expression growing brighter as I smiled and smiled. The weight of her in my arms, it felt perfect.

So of course, something had to go and ruin it.

A high-pitched giggle was what heralded their arrival, the women all turning around and groaning.

“Who the hell did Dave bring this time?” Sally sighed.

“I thought he was still with Katie?”

“Nope, she finally kicked him to the curb, which makes me wonder if Rhett is going to make his move.”

“I hope she did, because how many girls did he bring with him?”

“Badge bunnies,” someone said dismissively and I was forced to turn around to find out what that meant. I saw Dave with a very pretty blonde girl on his arm, three other extremely attractive women by her side. Long glossy hair, perfect makeup, and skirts just a couple of centimetres shorter than was strictly permissible in the office, each one was a total glamazon. Every man in the pub was looking their way.

Including Knox and Noah.

I caught the moment when Dave looked them over, a predatory look in his eyes. He whispered something to the women, and they sauntered forward.

“Oh my god…” Belinda hissed. “Is Dave siccing those girls on Knox? They wouldn’t have a chance in hell with him.”

“Or Noah.” Sally shot me a long look. “He’s never been one for the ladies.”

Everyone was talking at once, Dave’s actions obviously setting the cat amongst the pigeons, but a plaintive little cry had me focussing on what was important. Miss Tessa did not appreciate being ignored, her face screwing up into an alarming expression.

“Oh no…” I said in the kind of sing-song voice people used with small children. “No, no, no. You’re OK. You’re OK.”

“She probably needs a feed.”

Kelly reached for her daughter and I, of course, handed Tessa back.

But I didn’t want to. I missed the warmth of her, the weight, as soon as Tessa was gone, because what replaced it was a sudden feeling of emptiness.

“Hello, love.”

Belinda’s husband had come over and pressed a kiss to her cheek, taking a seat beside her. All of the hubbies seemed to have beaten a hasty retreat, putting space between them and this phalanx of hot girls. Seats were shuffled, the group expanding to admit each one as Henry snorted and shook his head. He’d been here the entire time.

“Not sure what the hell Dave is playing at,” Jason, one of the husbands, said. “We are usually fighting off badge bunnies, not bringing in our own.”

But I knew. Dave couldn’t just leave the situation alone. He’d had a niggle at me with the flowers and when that hadn’t worked, he was taking a more direct route to send a message. He wanted me staring across the crowded pub at two of my guys, barely able to see them now for the girls. They’d surrounded the guys like a pack of hunting lions.

“Someone needs to rescue those poor guys,” Jason chortled. “Noah would never have the balls to tell the girls to piss off on his own.”

“Knox will.”

Everyone looked at me, because apparently I’d said that.

“Not sure if he’d want to.” One of the husbands watched what was going on with a sly smile. “Fort Knox getting his end wet? Might put a smile on that dial of his for a change.”

But he had to, I wanted to insist. He needed to tell the very pretty girls to go and find someone else to chat to because he was taken. Knowing how much I wanted that was all the more painful, because I knew he couldn’t without outing the lot of us.

“Oh, the ladies have crashed and burned,” Jason said with a cackle. “Better luck next time. The boys want to play pool rather than talk to girls apparently.”

This whole exchange was like a sports match, complete with running commentary, so I watched along with everyone else as the guys finished up their drinks and walked away from the women to the pool table. Cues were found, balls were racked, and yet that still wasn’t enough to send the women on their way.

“Looks like they’re gonna have another crack!” one of the guys said.

The girls drank down their drinks and then made for the pool table, but what happened next I didn’t see, because Charlie appeared beside me.

“Hey, Splash.” My eyes met his and I saw that his twinkled with a special kind of mischief. “We’re gonna play a game of pool and we’re missing one person. Wanna crush those bastards on the pool table?”

“Can’t think of anything I’d like more,” I said, jerking myself to my feet.