Chapter 47

Knox

I stared at the now empty room. Buster and me, we’d spent the day cleaning every inch of what would be the nursery. Wiping down window sills, vacuuming the carpet, even sweeping away cobwebs. It was a blank slate ready to be written upon, and while I’d looked at picture after picture of kid’s nurseries online, the decor seemed to vary from everything beige to neon bright.

Which one would Millie like?

That was the maddening part. Something in me wanted, no, needed to provide for her. Whatever she wanted, needed, I wanted to have it already there for her, but… I didn’t know her enough to make this call, so when the messages came through, I seized the moment. Charlie could do whatever flashy shit he wanted to do later. Right now, I needed to make sure our child had somewhere safe, somewhere secure, to grow.

I tried to keep myself busy until the afternoon by running all my washing through the machine, cleaning the rest of the house, even taking Buster for an early run, but the tension in me didn’t ease until five o’clock came and I was ready to leave. Fresh out of the shower, I stared into the mirror, straightening my collar for the third time, then reaching in blindly, finding some kind of cologne and spraying that on before walking out the door.

Peak hour traffic was ten times worse than it usually was. My hand gripped the steering wheel way too tightly, the vinyl creaking as I cursed the idiots on the road. They kept us in a job, every second prick a hair’s breadth from being another road statistic I was sure, but before I knew it, I was pulling up outside the front of the doctor’s surgery. Millie was already there and getting out of her car, and for just a second, I sucked in the sight of her.

She didn’t know how beautiful she was. If she did, she’d never have bothered with any of us, but she did. My eyes slid down the pants and blouse combination she was wearing, looking for signs of our child, even though what I’d read in the baby book I’d downloaded made clear she wouldn’t show for some weeks. I just wanted… what? Some sort of confirmation, some indication of the link between us, which is why we were at the doctor’s in the first place. I got out and walked over.

“Oh…” That look on her face, wide eyed and surprised, then the smile that followed it–I’d replay that over and over in my mind. I even smiled myself, the expression feeling weird until her hand came to rest on my arm. “Hey. I wasn’t sure if you’d make it. Traffic was a bitch.”

“Of course I’d come.” My hands were sliding across the panel of her car and towards her, like I had a right to. My fingertips found the small of her back, the thin fabric of her blouse no barrier between me and her skin. “I said I would.”

“That’s you, huh? Guy who does what he says he does.” She shook her head slightly and not for the first time, I wondered what the hell kinda of guys she was hanging out around before this. Didn’t matter. I dismissed them without thought. She was mine, ours now. “You have no idea how hot that is. Like when I was younger I wanted all hot monkey sex?—”

“No one’s saying that’s not still on the table.” Fuck, where did that come from? Me apparently, but I forged on. If I was dropping truth bombs, I may as well go all in. “I said I’d take care of you.” My eyes slid down. “I meant that in every way.”

She sucked in a breath, ready to reply, but of course, that’s when Charlie appeared.

“Hey! Ready to find out if you’re really, really pregnant?”

“Um… yeah.” She shook her head. “Has Noah arrived?” The prick rolled up on that death trap of his, and I scowled at the motorcycle as he swung a leg over it, sliding his helmet off. “Good, good, so let's do this.”

My hand moved, taking hers in mine, and she looked surprised by that too. Not for long, though–she clasped it tightly and then walked towards the front door.

I don’t know what the receptionist thought was going on. The impeccably dressed woman kept looking over at us, then back at her computer each time a patient approached. I decided I didn’t care, opening the Kindle app on my phone and reading more of the baby book I’d bought.

“That’s how big she is right now?”

Charlie peered over my shoulder forcing me to glare at him. Not to be outdone, Noah dragged his chair closer.

“Haven’t you two done any research yet?”

“Why would we do that?” Charlie’s eyes flicked over the screen, taking in the gist of the information. “When we have you. This is a team effort, remember. I’ll get Millie laughing. Noah will bang our girl into next week if the grin he was wearing when he walked in was anything to go by.” I tried very hard not to scowl as I checked in with the man himself, and yup, Noah was sporting a smug smile. “And you’ll be super grumpy, make sure everyone knows what they’re doing…”

His bullshit faded away as Millie walked out looking pale. I was up and out of my seat without thinking, walking towards the receptionist.

“I’ve got it,” I said when she told my girl how much the appointment would be.

“You don’t—” Millie started to protest.

“I’ve got it.”

I willed her to understand that no matter what idiots had let her down before, that wouldn’t happen now. I’d kick each one of my team’s butts if they didn’t get it together, my own included. I tapped my card against the machine, the charge going through instantly. The receptionist told us how much Millie would get back from Medicare and then asked if she needed another appointment. As Millie organised that, I quietly added it to our group calendar.

“So…?” I asked quietly as we walked away from the front desk.

“Results will be in tomorrow,” Millie told me, “but the doctor is pretty sure I’m pregnant. They had a feel around…” I looked up in alarm, imagining some old prick having a feel of her, and she smiled at my look. “A woman doctor. I’ve been seeing her since I was a kid. She seems to think the pee test is right.” For just a moment, we shared a look. I saw the excitement kindle there, a twin of my own. I dared to smile, but she forged on as the others clustered closer. “I’ve got a referral to the public system and the private.”

“Money isn’t an issue.” The words came out in a rush. “Don’t factor that into your decision.”

“Yeah, but the rates of caesareans are higher in the private system,” she said with a small frown. “If I want any kind of midwife led birth, it's probably going to have to be a public hospital.”

Public, private, I didn’t care, just that she had what she wanted, so I went still and listened. Charlie sucked in a breath to say something, but I shook my head.

“We’ve got some time to decide. I need to talk to my mum about it. She knows all the hospitals and the middies around here.” She let out a sigh, but I didn’t think it was a stressed one, her smile that came after confirming this. “But yeah…” Millie looked around the near empty waiting room. “You’re gonna be daddies.”

I didn’t know I needed to hear that until I did. There was no other response from me but to just stare. Somehow, I needed that, medical confirmation of my heart’s desire, and I felt an incredible warmth rush all the way through me. I was grinning, fucking grinning, and the other guys looked at me like I was mad.

“Well, one of you is.”

And there it was, the worm at the centre of the apple I was about to bite into. For a moment, I could only stare, my mouth working, ready to say something, anything, but Charlie got in first.

“You had it right the first time, love.” He slung his arm around her shoulders and guided her outside. “We’re the daddies.”

“Don’t tell us.” There it was, the words I was trying to get out. They all stopped and turned to stare at me. “I mean, don’t tell me.”

“Don’t you want to know?” Millie asked, looking at each one of us for confirmation. “I mean that’s a separate issue to… whatever we’ve got going on here.”

“I don’t need it.” I let out a sigh once I’d said the words, tension leaking out of me. “I don’t. Whoever the sperm donor was, that’s got nothing to do with being a father. I’m ready for that, Millie.” Her eyes softened and she took a step towards me, but I met her halfway. “More than ready.”

“He’s got the house, the dog, the soccer mum van,” Charlie said.

He loved to give me shit about that, but who was more prepared for this situation than me?

“A dog? You’re burying the lead here,” she said with a smile, though her eyes were curiously shiny. “You didn’t tell me you had a dog.”

“Want to come and meet him?”

My voice cracked on the words, and Charlie rolled his eyes.

“OK, I’ve got no bloody chance of wooing you away from him now, but…” He slid in between me and Millie. “Date night tomorrow. You free?”

“Tomorrow night is drinks at work. Brent’s gonna want to celebrate Millie staying with us for a week,” Noah said.

“Even better, I get the weekend then. Whaddya say, Millie?”

“OK.”

She laughed until Charlie ducked forward, pressing a kiss to her lips. Suddenly, everything was really serious, until he pulled away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”

“So, Buster?” I asked.

“His name is Buster? What kind of dog is he? I wanted a puppy so badly, but Dad always said no. Then I moved into the apartment and you’re only allowed to have little yappy things like the Pomeranian upstairs. Please tell me you don’t have a Pomeranian.”

“Nah, a Golden Retriever. Little dogs are too prone to biting.”

“Oh my god!” Her face transformed, and suddenly Buster was the best damn investment I’d ever made, other than being my closest companion. “I love Goldens.” She turned to peck Noah on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow?—”

“That’s not enough.”

Where the hell had the clueless guy of the Christmas party gone? He hooked his arm around her waist and tugged her closer. Watching them together felt somehow intrusive, the connection obvious. He smiled down at her and she smiled back as they traded a much more intense kiss.

Would she ever kiss me like that? It was hard not to see the connection between them as something born from a common history. I didn’t go to school with her, hadn’t shared all those experiences. I also hadn’t let her slip from my fingers, so I reached out and took her hand now. She pulled away from Noah slowly, but returned to my side. The warm weight of her body against mine was a relief.

“I’ll take your car home for you,” he offered. “Knox is dying to show you his soccer mum van.”

“Are you?”

My mouth went dry when Millie looked my way.

“Um… yeah. They put shit on me, but it's got a really good safety rating.”

“Maybe it's the hormones, but that kinda sounds sexy. Show me what you’ve got, stud.”

I wanted to. As soon as I opened her door and Millie slid in, I wanted to show her a whole lot of features, and they had nothing to do with the car. Instead, all I could do was focus on her. She caught me staring, shifting in her seat before reaching for her seat belt, but I grabbed the clip. For some reason, I needed to be the one that clipped her in.

“Safety first, right?” she said in a low voice.

Maybe, but this didn’t feel safe at all.

I’d intended to take her shopping. Everything I read said that women got incredibly picky about the nursery, some primal nesting urge setting in. Buying shit that had her teeth grinding together was not what I wanted. Instead, we wound our way through the suburbs, away from the rush of peak hour.

“Oh wow.” She peered out the windows, taking in my street. “It’s lovely here.”

“Low crime,” I said. “Good school district. Their English and maths results are always near the top of the state. Lots of parks nearby.”

“And close to the beach.”

She stared into my eyes, but I was forced to look away as we pulled up into my driveway.

“This isn’t a new place.” Suddenly, I needed to explain everything, every choice I’d made. “But I redid the inside. Gutted the genuine 1970s kitchen and put in new bathrooms, but if you don’t like it…”

Her hand landed on my arm and I stared at it as I killed the engine.

“Maybe just show me first? Let me make up my own mind.”

“Right, right…”

I was up and out of the car and around to her door, pulling it open for her to step out. Buster’s barks were muffled by the house but got louder as I unlocked the front door.

“Buster…” I growled, hoping to get him on his best behaviour. When the door swung open, he caught sight of her and went into a sit.

“Oh, look at you.”

I thought I needed to buy out a baby store for Millie to impress her, when apparently all I needed was a cute dog. She rushed forward, crouching down, and he was so very good. He didn’t jump up for a second, tail wagging furiously, as he stayed in a sit. Those brown eyes met mine as she gave his chest a scratch. He was just a dog, but right then, I imagined he knew. This was someone important to me, important to us, and I needed him to like her.

“Oh my god…” she spluttered as he gave her a big lick.

“Shit, sorry!” I said, leaping forward, ready to get between them. The idiot could get over excited sometimes.

“Don’t be.” Millie wiped her cheek on her sleeve. “He was just giving me a kiss hello.”

“So that’s what it takes to get you smiling?” I moved closer, no longer caring about showing her the skylight I put in or the kitchen, not when she was here. Her smile faded as my hand slid into her hair, but there was a residual twinkle in her eye.

“You guys seem to get me smiling way too easily,” she said in a low voice, turning her cheek into my palm, but something stopped her. “Though that’s not why I’m here. You said you had something to show me?”

I wish I had gone to the baby store today, that I’d filled the room with a million different things she might want. I could take back what she didn’t, but instead, all I could do was show her the empty room. Clean, smelling slightly of bleach, the breeze had the filmy curtains shifting.

“This is where you want my baby growing up?”

She moved slowly, carefully, hand raised, but to touch what, I didn’t know. Millie seemed to, though. She wasn’t seeing the empty room, that one cobweb I’d missed, or even Buster, who had to come rushing in to see what was happening. No, when she turned towards me, I knew she was seeing something else. A future, I got that from her slow smile, my own lips forming the same expression because I was determined to make sure she got the one of her dreams.