Chapter 39

Millie

“You told them!” I yanked the phone away from my ear at the sound of Jamie’s voice. “Before or after the fight with this Dave dick?”

“After, and correction, I told Charlie.”

Who would’ve told Knox and Noah. I smoothed my hands over the cute dress I’d put on, lifting one foot, then another as I twisted and turned to stare at my reflection. I was getting all dressed up and for what? Maybe none of them would turn up. Maybe they’d stand me up, leave me sitting at a table for four, the waiters all side eyeing the sad single girl who was left to eat alone.

“Who’ll tell the others, right?”

“Right.”

My hand paused when it slid to my stomach, as if that would conjure the feel of Charlie’s hand pressed against me. It felt strong, warm…

Fatherly?

Was that even a thing? Did Dad do that to Mum? That was the problem with being the youngest. I had no real memories of these things. I could ask them after I got off this call and… My mind was racing, considering the possibilities, because I was trying really hard not to think about the main one.

How would they respond?

I’d finished up the day having achieved a respectable amount of work, but that barely registered. Jamie had said I’d feel relieved, but instead, I just felt untethered, as if the stress of informing the guys was all that kept me from floating away. I tapped on my screen, going to my messages again in case something else turned up.

“Soo… what’re you going to do if they say they’re on board with being a part of the pregnancy?”

Jamie’s voice felt like it came from a faraway place, but I smiled at the phone.

“Let them.” That kiss, the look on Charlie’s face, it was everything I didn’t dare even think about. My smile grew wider. “I’m going to let them.”

Easier said than done.

“Hi, I’m pretty sure the people I’m meeting have a reservation?” The girl seating people at the cafe looked up at me as I approached. “I think it's under the name?—”

“Taylor.” Noah smiled when I turned around, seeing him standing there. The button down shirt and jeans were a nice touch, but I didn’t expect to see a motorcycle helmet tucked under one arm. “It’s under Noah Taylor.”

“Table for four.” The waitress shot us a polite smile as she retrieved a couple of menus, then gestured for us to follow her. “Some of your party have already been seated.”

They weren’t sitting right now. Charlie rose to his feet and so did Knox. Did he just button a tan sports coat?

“You look lovely?—”

“The dress?—”

The two guys spoke at the same time, then tried to move forward to grab my chair, but Noah was already there.

“You look beautiful,” he said as he held it out for me.

A tiny crack in what was left of my sixteen-year-old heart healed in that moment, but rather than say anything, I sat down, conscious I had every eye on me. I thought I needed to worry about the staff pitying me, but instead the girl watched wide eyed, trying to work out what was going on.

Me too, girl , I thought furiously, me too.

“So, can I get you some drinks?” the waitress said.

“God, yes.” I shook my head. “A glass of wine…” Well, if she didn’t know I was pregnant, she did now. The guys all stared at me, Knox frowning slightly. “Sorry, I meant a glass of juice.”

“One orange juice.”

The waitress scribbled that down.

“I could murder a beer. What?” The guys all looked meaningfully at Charlie, who blinked and then looked my way. Damn, was his smile always that blindingly bright? The sun was setting behind his head, turning his blond waves to red gold. “Actually, a juice sounds good. I’ll have that.”

“You know you can drink alcohol,” I said in a low voice as the waitress went to get our drinks. “Your part in this whole…” I gestured to my stomach, “thing… is done. A beer isn’t going to affect your sperm motility or anything.”

A hand slid my way before gripping mine and giving it a squeeze. Yeah, we were hiding nothing from the other diners. I looked up to find Noah staring into my eyes.

“It’s not done. I’m not done.” My teeth locked tightly at his soft words. Every muscle was tight and aching, braced for the rejection I felt was imminent, so I didn’t know what to do when it didn’t come. Stare into his eyes, apparently that was the only reasonable response. “You brought us here, somewhere public, so if it went south, it’d keep things civil.” His grip on my hand tightened. “You didn’t need to do that. I’m in, Millie, one hundred percent in.”

I let out one shuddering breath, finally releasing the death grip my spare hand had on the edge of the table.

“We’re in,” Knox corrected, leaning forward.

I couldn’t meet his eyes, couldn’t take him in, nor Charlie as he did the same. It was tiny details that caught my attention instead. That one stray curl of Charlie’s hair that I wanted to wind around my finger, the way the seams of Knox’s coat strained across his shoulders, the shine of Noah’s motorcycle helmet that he’d left on the spare chair next to him, all of them fought for my attention. As I sucked in a breath to say something, anything, in response, the waitress returned.

“Your drinks.”

She seemed to sense the intense mood at the table, but moved around placing our glasses in front of us before grabbing out her order pad.

“Were you ready to order? Perhaps something small to start with?”

A self-help manual to get me through this, I thought. A blueprint for navigating a situation I had no experience in, but instead of blurting that out, I picked up my menu and looked it over. My stomach rumbled way too loudly. It’d been ignored or I’d been too queasy to eat much for days, but apparently my appetite had come back with a vengeance.

“It all looks so good.” I smiled at the waitress because the guys weren’t looking at the menus, but at me. “The lamb… Oh, the pizza looks amazing, but maybe the salad?” Another noisy rumble from my stomach. “Maybe the steak bites?”

“Get it all.” Knox now had the waitress’ entire attention. “All the things she mentioned as well as…” He gave the menu a cursory look. “The fish, the chicken and some garlic bread.”

“Make that two garlic breads,” Charlie said with a wink. “And can we get that out ASAP? I think everyone’s pretty hungry. If the rest of the dishes could come out afterwards for us to share, that’d be great.”

The waitress nodded and then disappeared into the kitchen. If my own experience with hospitality was anything to go by, it was to deliver our orders and then gossip about what she thought was going on at our table.

“You didn’t need to order all that food,” I told them.

“I’ve got it.” Noah threw his card down on the table.

“We’ve got this.” Charlie added his and then Knox couldn’t let the others outdo him. His card joined the pile.

“Is this where I grab mine out too?” I reached for my bag, but Charlie’s hand went around my wrist. A little caress there, his thumb leaving a burning trail behind before he pushed my hand away from my wallet.

“No.” That persistent smile faded then. “This is where you let us buy you dinner.”

“Right, right.”

If they were trying to sweep me off my feet, they were halfway there, but with my experience dating, I knew what love bombing was. Guys came on strong until they had your defences down, then walked all over your boundaries. I forced myself to pull away from both of them, folding my hands under my chin before regarding the lot of them.

“Well, I brought you here for a reason.” I let out a hopeless little laugh. “I’ve been trying all week. You must be wondering what the hell is going on. Why I ghosted, why I turned up weeks later to start a job at your work.” I forced myself to look up and into the eyes of each one of them, seeing intense interest but not much more. “We were drunk and had some fun, and that’s all I thought it’d ever be. It was hot?—”

“Really fucking hot,” Charlie rasped, but Knox shot him a dark look, shutting him up.

“But it was never going to be anything more.” My voice was growing firmer by the second. “I didn’t want to prolong things, make it awkward, so I did my walk of shame as fast as I could out of the station and figured that’d be the end of it.” This is when I began to falter. “I was on antibiotics for…” I did not owe them my medical history, I reminded myself. “It doesn’t matter. What does is despite being the daughter of a nurse, a woman who reminded me over and over of the different drugs that impair the pill’s efficacy, I said I was down for unprotected sex when I shouldn’t have. I was drunk, not thinking straight, because I probably wouldn’t have ended up in bed with any of you, let alone all three.”

“Do you regret it?” Noah was sitting back in his chair now, watching me steadily.

There was so much in that question I had to stop and think about it. I looked down, remembering everything, the way the three of them had made me feel. My memories were hazy, imprecise, but somehow that just made them hotter. Wouldn’t it have all been so much simpler if that’s where the story ended? But it didn’t, it really, really didn’t, so I forged on.

“No.” I met his gaze head on. “Not even for a second. With you, it felt like something had come full circle, like I got some kind of closure.” I smiled then, but his expression remained serious. “With the others…” It was hard to look at them like this, out of uniform, because the cool barrier of professionalism wasn’t there to protect us. My eyes slid down the open neck of Charlie’s shirt, and I knew just what lay beneath the white linen, just as I knew what Knox’s big hands felt like as they traced circles on my body, not the tablecloth. “It was a chance to live out a fantasy.”

I wanted to stop there, to stay right in that space. If I could do that, I could recapture the bliss I felt that night. Reality wasn’t like that, of course, so instead I forced myself to smile.

“But of course, reality had to come and bite me on the arse. I was feeling off all the way up until Christmas, and my mum always thinks any kind of stomach bug is pregnancy. She made me take a test, which now I think about it, why the hell did she have them stashed under the bathroom sink? That woman is prepared for anything. I did the test and?—”

“Garlic bread.”

The waitress returned, placing long wooden serving boards in front of us, laden with savoury smelling garlic bread. I grabbed a piece without thought, my body taking control.

“Thanks,” I replied with a smile.

The woman whirled away and went to serve other customers.

“It came back positive,” I added finally. “I still need to do a blood test?—”

“We’ll come with you when you do that,” Knox said.

“It still has to be confirmed officially, but…” I bit off a chunk of the bread, chewing fast before swallowing. “But I know. My breasts are sore and feel like a size bigger.” Charlie checked them out as if glad for an excuse to do so. “I’m nauseous all the time but never end up throwing up. I’m tired, so tired?—”

“So maybe we should take you home.”

Noah leaned forward, placing a hand on my back, and those small soothing circles were everything I needed. My eyes fell half closed. Another piece of garlic bread was pushed between my fingers, and I chewed on that for just a moment as I said the words I’d been practising in my head.

“You don’t have to be involved. Whoever the father is, he doesn’t have to be put on the birth certificate.” I heard a low growl, but forged on. “I’m not looking for help or support or money or anything.”

“So what’re you going to do when you get it?” I opened my eyes to see Knox staring at me, a small smile forming.

“You can’t talk us out of this.” Charlie took a sip of his juice and then winced. “So stop trying. You obviously had all these scenarios running through your head all week. Well, here’s the reality. We talked.”

“Of course you did,” I sighed.

“And we agreed.” Noah leaned forward and I found myself missing the feel of his hand. “We don’t walk away from our responsibilities.” Responsibility, yeah, that was a sexy idea. “But it's more than that.” His hand slid up my spine and to the back of my neck, becoming a heavy, possessive weight. “I want to be a father to my child, but…” When I glanced sideways it felt like we were back at school again. “But I want the woman more. Let me take you out on a date, Millie, a real one.”

I heard the others shift restlessly, but I couldn’t turn around to find out why. He held my attention, the skin around those hazel eyes crinkling as he began to smile. I said then the only thing I could.

“Yes.”