Chapter Eight

I like being able to rely on people.

When I was a kid, I never could. Until I met Drake, that is.

I put a lot on him when we were younger, and I never meant to. But he just bore the burden, and he did so without complaint. In fact, he seemed to want it.

We brought that with us into The Principality. He became my number two, my second in command. My Vice President, if you will. The underground controller of all the things I wouldn”t be able to manage. I get the credit as the face of this whole thing, and Drake stays behind the scenes, operating.

I used to stop all the time and ask him if he wanted to be in the public more. After all, I have no problems giving credit where it”s due. I don”t like for people to worship me, because I”m no god. There”s only one God, and She”s the only One deserving of human worship.

I”m just a disciple of Her creation.

And I suppose that entitles me to some devotion. It took a while to get used to it, but I did. And now it”s sort of necessary to keep things moving the way they need to here. But Drake doesn”t like it.

For all the shit he gives me about being a King, he would sooner chop his own arm off than have people worshipping him; applauding for him. It makes him uncomfortable. Drake is every bit the serpent of his namesake. You never see a snake standing up in front of people and leading them. There”s a reason for that.

Still, I do need him. I think I need him more than he needs me, which is an unfortunate power shift. And I have no choice but to deal with it, because what”s the alternative?

He threatens when he feels emotionally cornered, saying he could easily break off our arrangement. But I know he never will. He”s a secret hero, like a vigilante; the one you”d never expect, and who would never admit to it if you asked him.

He’s saved me many times, and I won’t forget it.

Today was a good day. Seedlings are being transferred and planted, kids are about to break from school for solstice, new registration being organized by the teachers. My wives are planning events, and getting along doing so, for the most part.

And I can hear it all.

My relief is palpable by everyone. I think collectively the Expanse and everyone on it can breathe easier when I have my Empyrean. This land feels when I”m on edge, as much as I do. And when I can hear everything, as I should, it”s just a generally better vibe in the woods.

I haven”t seen Drake since the other night, which is common after we have solitude together. He always disappears for a few days, and I think it”s so he can hide his thoughts from me. But who knows if that”s true...

Maybe he feels ashamed.

I look out the window of my upstairs library. The sun will be setting soon, and we’re in that sweet spot with dim light encompassing the trees, draping them in the silk of dusk. I can smell food cooking downstairs, and I”m sure we”ll be called to dinner in minutes.

But for now, I”m just watching the lake. Remembering the first time...

We”re tucked inside the tent, purposely trying to keep away from the walls, since it”s pouring rain outside and we can”t afford to let water in. We only have these two sleeping bags and the clothes on our backs.

”I”m sorry,” I whisper in the dark, shivering as I stare at the back of his black head of hair. I feel so guilty for having him out here. It”s only getting colder. We could die.

He spins in his sleeping bag to face me, those marble eyes shimmering in the dark.

”Are you cold?” He asks, rather than acknowledging my apology. I shake my head, but he gives me a look as if he knows I”m lying. Huffing, he unzips the sleeping bag and then reaches over to unzip mine. ”Get closer,” he says, firmly, like it”s an order. ”I don”t want you getting sick.”

I”m hesitant. I”m not sure what he expects me to do... Get into his sleeping bag with him? That”s weird.

But I am cold. Freezing, actually. So I do what he says and inch closer, nestling up inside his open sleeping bag. I go to pull mine with me, but instead he yanks me even closer to him, until our bodies are practically smooshed together, then reaches over my waist and zips his shut. With me in it.

Both of us... inside together.

I swallow down my nerves, shivering for a different reason now.

”What are we...?” My voice dissolves as he locks me in place with a look laced with heat. He”s so damn close to me, his face mere inches from mine.

My hand has nowhere to go, so I place it on his arm, which is still resting around my waist. I almost gasp. ”Drake... you”re freezing.”

“I”m always cold.” He shrugs. ”The purpose of this is to keep you warm.”

I scoff. ”Yea, well... you”re thinner than me.”

”That doesn”t matter,” he grunts, hand running subtly up my back. ”It”s survival 101. Bodies create more heat when they”re huddled together.”

”Oh...” My voice is all breathy. It sounds stupid, but I can”t help it.

We”ve never done this before... We”ve only ever touched like this one time. And we don”t talk about that. Or at least we haven”t since it happened...

I”m so tense, and I”m sure he can feel it, all my muscles bunched up as he rubs my back slowly, I”m guessing just to keep me warm, though my body is having an entirely different reaction. I rest my head on the pillow, tucking my face away so I don”t have to look at him.

I”m embarrassed. I don”t think he likes this the way I do. It makes me feel like a creep. But I have to appreciate him not calling me out on it. He never does.

”I don”t want to hear you apologizing to me again, Darian.” His voice rumbles into me, and my face pivots back up. ”Do you understand?”

I”m speechless. I don”t know what to say, so I just nod.

”You did nothing wrong,” he goes on, his tone sure, and not to be argued with. ”We left because we had to. I couldn”t let you stay there for one more second. I won”t ever let someone do that to you again. We”re here because this is where we need to be. And we”re gonna make it.”

I gape up at him, my entire body flooding with warmth, at his protectiveness, his love. I don”t think I”ve ever felt it before. I”ve never had someone who would sacrifice everything to protect me. That”s why we left...

So he could keep me safe.

It should make me feel like a wuss. I mean, I”m fifteen, and I can fight. I have muscles, I play football. I can take care of myself.

But I didn”t. None of that helped me when I needed it. That”s why Drake was there. To get me out. And I like that. I like him feeling protective of me…

Because I think I would do just about anything for him.

”Okay,” I speak, answering him.

Watching his eyes, I wish I knew what he was thinking. They”re flickering between mine, his fingers still trailing my back. They go lower, and my body reacts. It takes me a second to register how hard my dick is. And heat rushes up my neck.

His powerful hand pulls me closer to him by my waist, and I hesitate.

”Closer,” he whispers. ”I need to keep you warm, dumbass.”

I falter, shaking my head. I can”t press my lower half into him... He”ll feel my erection, and then he”ll get freaked out. Because he”s my brother, and he doesn”t think of me that way. Even though we”re not technically related, he”s my best friend on earth, and I don”t think he likes boys.

My jaw sets as he tugs me again, and this time I go, allowing him to meld our hips together. The moment my erection brushes his thigh, a wave of tingles sheets my skin. I gulp as my mouth fills with saliva. I”m so damn glad it”s dark, because I”m sure I”m blushing like a total chick.

Even though all I want in the world is to look away, my eyes connect with his. I expect him to look disgusted, or angry. But he doesn”t. He”s giving me a look I can”t read at all, and I just wish I could.

His hand, having previously halted its movements, picks back up again, rubbing me gently, flinching my dick against his waist.

And then something crazy happens. He hums.

A small, soft noise resounds from his chest, directly into mine. I”m not sure why, but the deranged part of me wants to believe it”s because he likes the feeling of me, hardening against him.

I”m too busy watching his face, desperate to know what”s running through his head to notice that his hand is shifting lower and lower, until it”s resting right above my ass. I swallow my nerves, my throat as dry as a desert, prompting me to lick my lip.

His glowing eyes fall to my mouth, and my dick jerks even harder.

I can”t even do this. I”m so afraid, of everything, and it”s pissing me off.

I burrow my face into the pillow again to hide.

”Darian...” he mumbles.

”What...?”

”Are you okay?” His thumb is drawing circles on my lower back.

”Mhm.”

”Are you afraid?” His voice is so deep. It”s like mine, and I like that. I like guys’ voices, because I like guys, and I don”t want that to make him hate me.

”No, I”m not afraid,” I grunt my lie into the pillow.

”Then why are you hiding?” This time his fingers slink around to the front, slipping underneath my sweatshirt. They”re cold as they touch my abs, and I flinch.

”Your hands are freezing, too.” I ignore his question, grumbling in a petulant tone.

He chuckles, and it”s such a sweet sound, I have no choice but to lift my face again. Drake doesn”t smile often. But when he does, it lights up the sky.

”Warm them up for me, then,” he breathes, gaze zeroed in on my mouth once more.

I”m not imagining this. I know I”m not. Him looking at me and touching me this way has nothing to do with staying warm.

”How?” I ask, nervous that I’ll interpret this wrong and get punched in the face. But in all honesty, if it hasn”t happened yet...

Drake moves both of his hands in between us, and I make a decision. I take them into mine and hold them against my chest, in an attempt to warm them up, though the feeling of his long fingers on my chest, even through my clothes, is driving me insane. My nipples are hardened like pebbles, I can feel them, and my dick is weeping in my pants.

Drake moves his hips forward, just an inch, but it”s enough friction on my erection for me to whimper.

He tugs one of his hands out of my grip and slides it up my neck, holding the side of my face. I”m frozen, I can”t breathe or move or blink as he brings me closer.

”Drake...” I whisper, my lips trembling as his breath warms them.

”Don”t stop me,” he insists, close enough that I can feel his mouth move over mine.

I can”t speak. I”m not sure what I would say even if I could, but my brain is scrambled and all I want in the entire world is what I think is about to happen.

He pulls my face to his, closing the gap between our lips and presses his to mine as fireworks pop behind my eyelids.

His kiss is everything Drake is not; hesitant, soft, curious. It”s as if he”s holding himself back, and I do love it, though part of me wishes he would just unleash on me.

We kiss slow for many agonizing seconds, and even though it”s torture, this build-up, it”s so damn sweet. This is my first time ever kissing a boy, and he”s basically my brother. In the back of my mind, I know we shouldn”t, but when he parts his lips, and I part mine, allowing his tongue to creep inside my mouth, I lose all rational thinking. Every hesitation disappears, and we become ravenous.

Drake groans into my mouth and I groan back, submitting to him like it”s that easy, letting him suck my lips hard and explore my tongue with his. I can”t even believe I was cold a few minutes ago, because now I”m burning up.

”Fuck...” he says when we finally tear apart to breathe, though the break doesn”t stop him from touching me everywhere and rolling on top of me.

And even though I”m confused about what he might like, I”m very unconfused about what I like, so I drop my hand between us and rub his dick through his pants.

It”s hard. It”s so fucking hard, for me.

”I didn”t know you would like this...” I pant, sounding like such a moron, though I can”t help it. I”ve wanted this for a while, and I”ve never been able to have it outside of my thoughts.

”Neither did I,” he hums, kissing my lips again, thrusting his hips forward to fill my palm with his clothed cock. ”Have you done this before?”

I still, my movements coming to a halt as I gaze up at him, darkness flooding my thoughts. Terror washes over me, and my blinking becomes rapid, the fear trying to steal me though I don”t want it to.

Drake seems to realize it right away, and he grabs my face in his hands. ”Hey, Darian, stay with me, okay? Breathe for me. Please.”

I nod and suck in a breath, holding onto it before letting it go, focusing on his face; his beautiful, concerned face. He”s worried because of me.

I”m broken, and I”d almost forgotten about it for a minute there. Why we”re out here... Why we left.

”You know I didn”t mean him,” he whispers, brushing my lower lip with his thumb. It”s such a tender motion, the opposite of what I”d expect from someone as cold as my brother. And I love it. I want to be the only one who gets him like this. ”He doesn”t count, you know that, right?”

Chewing on my cheek, I look away, unsure. I don”t think he should count as anything other than a monster, but what the fuck do I know? I”m just the dumbass who bought it for as long as I did...

”Look at me,” Drake demands, and I do. ”Just tell me this, Darian... Answer me truthfully. Do you like what you feel when I kiss you?”

My cock jerks between us, and my tongue swipes my lower lip. I miss the feeling of his mouth already, so I nod. ”Yes.”

”What about... when I touch you?” His voice goes softer, his right hand drifting slowly down my neck, over my chest and stomach, down to my crotch. His long fingers trace the shape of me through my pants and I groan a little, biting my lip as my cock flexes into his hand. ”You like this?”

”Yes... so much.” I squirm, blinking heavy lids up at him while he grins.

”Then these feelings have absolutely nothing to do with him, baby,” he rasps, and my cock leaks at him calling me baby. ”He”s just an unfortunate blip in your timeline. But we can erase him if you want...” He pauses, eyes widening just a bit. ”I mean, you can.”

A smile tugs at my lips. ”No, you had it right the first time.”

He chuckles, leaning in to kiss me again.

And we kiss for a while, so long I hear birds chirping by the time we finally peel off each other.

That night was the start. The beginning of many nights spent kissing and touching, exploring in a tent, all alone in the wilderness.

That night was the start of everything.

I’m snapped out of my reverie when I hear someone coming closer. Not words, but thoughts.

It”s Gina, and she”s worried about someone seeming distracted... needs to open a new bottle of wine... she wonders what I”ll want to drink tonight.

I blink and rub my face, ridding myself of that memory, for now. It was right over there, by the lake I live on. Long before I had this home, or wives, or even a Regnum of people following me. The Principality wasn”t even a thought...

We were just focusing on getting by. On figuring out how to live as two teenagers in the woods with no family to speak of, who ran away from pain to search for love.

I turn in my chair as Gina steps into the room, smiling at me. She motions to the door, and I”m already standing, walking over as she says, ”Dinner.”

I grin at her, well aware that she”s here to get me for dinner, and also of every other thought currently running through her mind. We head to the stairs, and she follows me as I descend.

Turning over my shoulder, I ask, ”You have any more of Ivan”s honey ale?”

She looks momentarily stunned, but then nods and grins. ”Sure. Feeling beer tonight?”

I chuckle as we make our ways to the dining table. ”Definitely.”

Cam pulls out my chair, and I have a seat, glancing up at my wives and the empty place setting for Drake. I give them a quick nod, and their conversation picks back up. I sometimes wish they knew they don”t have to make such a production every time I enter a room, like I”m the damn Pope or something. I can already hear everything they”re thinking anyway, so it doesn”t much matter.

But then there”s no way I would ever tell them that. The point of Empyrean, and the reason why I don”t allow anyone else to know about it or its powers, is because I”m selfish. I need this control. I want to be able to hear people”s thoughts because I never want to make the mistake again of thinking I know someone”s intentions who is secretly lusting after something else entirely.

If there”s a monster among us, I’ll know about it. I’ll never be caught na?ve again.

All people have impure thoughts. It”s a part of life and human nature, and this community isn’t exempt from that. The difference here is that Ecdysis keeps us in tune with what Mother wants. And Empyrean helps me lead.

That”s not to say we”re perfect. No one is. We all have our demons.

Gina darts over to me, holding a bottle of the ale I was asking her about, and I bite my lip when I hear her thinking how she wishes I”d get my own damn drink for once. Sometimes it”s really hard not to laugh out loud at the things people think, but I have years of experience in holding it in, not reacting, and most importantly of all, not taking it personally.

When Drake and I first started experimenting with Empyrean, we would be at each other”s throats a lot. And there were times I had to step away after hearing a particularly unfriendly thought from one of my Regnum. But the thing is that if you”re going to listen to something as personal as what goes on in someone else”s head, you can”t get mad, or be put-off about it.

After all, if they don”t say it to your face, it means they don”t want you to know about it. That has to stand for something.

I”m distracted from Gina and the ale she’s pouring when I hear something new and startling, coming from a deep yet raspy source across the room. I take a sip from my drink to disguise myself while my eyes peer around suspiciously, and I listen...

How am I supposed to look at him without remembering...

My gaze slowly lifts.

The shape of him, the lust in his eyes and the flush in his cheeks as he laid there, legs spread with a huge dick pounding into his—

Ale sucks into my lungs with my breath, and I choke on it, coughing hysterically, almost dropping the glass onto the floor.

Catching it just in time, I place it down on the table while covering my mouth with a napkin, Cam and Gina rushing to my side.

”Sir, are you alright?” Gina pats my back gently, then barks at Abdiel to get me some water.

Abdiel. That”s who was thinking those… shocking thoughts just now.

Gawking at the doorway, I catch my breath as the kid disappears into the kitchen and reemerges a moment later with a glass of water. He brings it to me, and when he”s close, only a foot of space between us, I can feel his mind, buzzing like electricity.

I need to stop thinking about it...

I peer up at him.

Stop fantasizing, Abdiel, before you get a hard-on at work.

Swallowing, I reach for the glass of water, my voice grating out a, ”Thank you.”

His eyes are green, deep like moss, and they sparkle as his face reddens under my gaze before he turns away.

I wave Gina and Cam off, physically unable to stop watching Abdiel. Everyone goes back to what they were doing before my little choking fit, while my eyes narrow in the direction of my youngest Domestic. Did I hear that right? Was he thinking about me?

It can”t be. There”s no way.

But if not, what would make him think those things while looking directly at me?

They begin bringing out our food, and I ignore all the other thoughts and voices in the room but one, singling out the mind of Abdiel Harmony. I need to know what he”s thinking about me...

What he may have seen.

I heard his mind, referring to me taking a huge dick. And no one knows what Drake and I do together. Not one single person on the entire Expanse other than the two of us is aware of what happens during my solitude, not the Empyrean and definitely not the proper dicking I receive from my sexy serpent of a foster brother.

But Abdiel was thinking about it. How?

He seems to be avoiding me, unable to make eye contact, though eventually he has to bring me a plate of food, getting close and comfortable enough to let his guard down.

And I hear, If I had a brother that hot, I’d most definitely let him...

His thought is cut short when he sees me glaring at him. His eyes widen, and he turns away quick, rushing out of the room, while I sit there with my mouth open, flabbergasted.

He saw us.

He saw Drake and me. In the lounge. But how??

How would that even be possible? Was he spying on me?

Something like fury morphs quickly into flattery and then evaporates into an elated curiosity. I watch closely through the doorway to the kitchen as Abdiel busies himself with other tasks, I”m assuming so he doesn”t have to come back in here. And I push food around on my plate, all the while observing the kid…

Seeing him, truly, for quite possibly the first time.

It’s amazing how much he looks like his father. Masculine yet still quite… pretty. High cheekbones and that creamy even-toned skin, like Drake, only not as pale, with pink, plush lips that look like candy pillows you just want to bite. Curly honey blonde hair, just like his dad.

Lars was a stunning man, and clearly, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree at all in this case.

I’ve never allowed myself to really look at Abdiel like this before, because of my history with his father, but also because he’s so much younger than me. It wouldn’t be right. Even if I had noticed how gorgeous he is, he was always too young. It would make me feel disgusting, like him, and so I’ve always forced myself not to acknowledge the boy.

But now, in this moment, especially after hearing his salacious thoughts, it’s virtually impossible not to notice him; notice how much he’s grown. He’s not a boy anymore… He’s a man.

A very, very attractive man.

I heard his thoughts, heard him thinking about me, and how watching Drake and I together turned him on. As angry as I should be at him for spying, I’m intrigued as hell now.

Did he see everything we did? Empyrean and all?

Is he curious? Does he have relationships with men?

The sudden thought of Abdiel being touched by someone else brings a sickening feeling to my gut, and I’m not sure why. I have no claim staked in him whatsoever. He”s not mine, and for all I know, he could be involved with someone. Though I haven”t noticed him with anyone...

I make a mental note to check up on this while I continue to watch him casually, sipping my drink and picking at my food.

Abdiel Harmony is a man now... A man who just became my most prized servant.