Chapter Sixteen

When I blink myself awake, I feel like I’ve been asleep for three years.

My body is in slow motion, head all fuzzed over, warmth surrounding me like a bubble of protection from everything negative there is or ever was.

Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever slept as well as I did last night. And when I tilt my chin, I realize why.

Abdiel Harmony… My nineteen-year-old Domestic, is curled around me, head resting comfortably on my chest, dirty blonde curls tousled all over the place while his eyelids flutter. Watching him closely, everything from last night comes back to me, and I instinctively look around, as if expecting to find Drake on my other side… where he should be.

But that thought is ridiculous. Drake hasn’t slept with me in twenty years, since before everything…

Pushing away the memories, I focus on Abdiel, resting peacefully. He must have knocked out too, exhausted and sated from what we did. What we most certainly were not supposed to do, though it felt as easy as breathing.

His breaths are tickling my flesh. Actually, I think he’s drooling a little, which makes me smile. And in this moment, gazing over the lines of his face, his long lashes, the pointed slope of his nose, his pillowed lips and carved jawline, leading down to his naked frame of all slim, cut-up muscles, soft skin and occasional scattered ink, I can think of nothing other than how purely beautiful he is.

Inside and out, yes, but he just looks like he was made to be my Prince. A prince I never thought I could have…

I’ve spent so many years chasing Drake, while simultaneously pushing away my wives, dodging the expectations of the Regnum, that I seem to have forgotten what happiness is. In hiding myself, I think I forgot how it feels to be in love…

I know it’s crazy to consider being in love with Abdiel already. But I have known him for nineteen years. I’ve always loved him as a part of my family, but now I’m seeing him for who he’s become. A gorgeous specimen of a man; a curious being with lust in his eyes and devotion in his fingertips.

Abdiel wants me, I know he does. He probably wants Drake, too. I know I do.

This whole thing is immensely complicated, but I can’t deny how badly I’m dying to see where it goes.

Abdiel shifts on me, bringing my attention to his thigh draped over my legs, morning erection brushing my own. It prompts a hum from within my chest, which has his eyes fluttering open. He glances up at me, then closes them once more, a contented smile covering his puffy lips.

He stretches out, like a kitten who just awoke from a particularly grueling nap, and I discover a need inside myself, another thing I never really knew I could experience…

I want him like this all the time. I need to keep him, take care of him; to cherish him.

I need more nights with him, burning through the sheets, and more mornings with him gazing up at me like he is right now. Flushed and starry-eyed.

Mine. My Prince.

Abdiel’s throat moves as he swallows, blinking his sleep-eyes awake, hand resting on my abs, fingers tracing the lines.

“Good morning,” he whispers, sounding uncertain, in his voice and his head. He heard what I was thinking…

“Good morning, my sweet Prince.” I sift my fingers gently through his mussed hair. “You’ve slept well?”

He nods, timid thoughts racing in his mind. “Yes, sir.”

I huff, a grin pulling at my mouth as I cup his jaw. “Abdiel, I think we’re past the point of coy, are we not? I’ve had your dick in my throat. You can call me by my name.”

He lets out a little whimper of a noise that registers in my groin, and it clearly does the same to him because his dick flinches against my own.

God, that feels divine.

Doesn’t it? My thumb grazes his lower lip.

Last night was… the best night of my life, Abdiel’s thoughts are loud regarding last night. He can’t believe it, and yet he has to. Because he would sooner die than find out it was all a dream.

“It was very much a reality, baby.” My hand slides down his throat, tracing his chest and shoulders because I physically can’t stop touching him. “When did Drake give you more Empyrean?”

He breaks our gaze for just a moment, looking down at my chest while he remembers Drake leaving last night. In his thoughts, he’s feeling rejected. And I need to put a stop to it.

“Don’t be upset, my prince.” I tug his eyes back to mine by his chin. “This is what Drake does. He cares, I know it for a fact, but he can’t make himself stay. He thinks it’s his own curse…”

“I heard it last night,” he agrees. “He thinks his only purpose is to give you Empyrean. That’s fucked up.”

I have to smirk at his candor. I love that he’s finally warming up around me. I want him to be himself. “It is, baby. I know it hurts at first, but trust me when I tell you I’ve been dealing with this for a long time. It has to be this way.”

Abdiel doesn’t seem to agree with this part, but he won’t voice it out loud. Not that it matters, but if he wants to keep his thoughts to himself on this, who am I to stop him? After all, I know better.

Drake and I have been fucking since we were teenagers, and I’ve been in love with him the whole time. I’d like to think he’s felt the same, but I can never be sure. He’s a pro at talking himself out of things, and for whatever reason, he believes he isn’t worthy of love.

Once we formed The Principality, it became even more of a problem for us to be together. The Regnum would never understand. It would hurt our credibility and only serve to make people feel cheated.

This is the conversation we’ve been having for almost twenty-five years. It will never change.

Thankfully, Abdiel decides to change the subject. “I’m still a little stunned that I’m here with you right now…” He squirms into me, long cock grazing my own in the perfect way, his balls resting on top of mine. I mean, God… I want to wake up with him like this all the time.

“I know it’s complicated,” I tell him, rolling to face him better. “But last night was the best night of my life too, my prince.”

He places his hand flat on my chest, feeling my heart thud beneath his palm. “Will you tell me about your wives…? What’s going on there?”

There’s so much curiosity in his mossy green eyes; so much desire for the truth, but not just because he’s inquisitive. He wants to listen to me and see if he can help. It’s a wondrous thought to hear in his head.

“It was a marriage of convenience that has become incredibly inconvenient,” I admit, gliding a hand down his back. “For many years, I was a bachelor, and it was fine. And then eventually people in the high seats began to ask questions. They wanted to plan for the future, and they wanted insurance that The Principality would be given to someone when I pass on. Of course, I don’t plan on dying until I’m old, but that’s not any of our decisions to make.”

Abdiel shudders, and I narrow my gaze at him. “I don’t want to think about it… What life would look like without you.” He shakes his head, putting an adorably stubborn foot down. “No.”

A laugh creeps from within my throat. “You’re probably the cutest thing that’s ever happened to me.”

A flush graces his cheeks, and I can’t fucking stop myself from pulling his lips to mine. We both hum out the satisfaction from such a slow, simple kiss that somehow has our cocks thickening up even more together.

I pull away and clear my throat. “So that was how the marriages happened. I thought I could do it… I really thought I could just fake it, long enough to make a baby and shut everyone up. But the more I thought about it, the worse it felt inside.” Abdiel shows me sympathy in those evergreen eyes. “I’m not attracted to women.” I shrug. “I’m just not, and furthermore, I don’t even think I want kids. It seems like such an abstract concept in my mind. A baby that I’m made to look after and take care of? I can’t even picture it.”

I sort of can… His mind tells me, though he doesn’t speak it. I give him a pointed look, and he grins.

“But regardless, now I’m in it,” I sigh, flopping my head onto the pillow. “And I’m not sure how I can get out.”

“I’m sure people would understand.” His voice rumbles, low and sexy, even when we’re talking about serious matters it’s the hottest damn sound I’ve ever heard. I think I could get off just listening to him talk. He smirks and swats my chest. “I’m trying to be serious. Stop thinking about my hot voice.”

I laugh out loud. “Sorry not sorry. It’s like sex for my ears. Will you sing to me, please… Abdiel Harmony?” I lean in to place a gentle kiss on his jaw, trailing my lips down his neck.

He trembles, but determined to fight it, keeps talking. “I was saying, I think you should tell people the truth. What’s the worst that could happen? They might be a little shocked at first, but people adapt. They’ll get over it, and I’m not just saying this because now I’m personally invested.”

I chuckle while licking and sucking his pulse. “Are you, my prince? Invested?”

He nods. “I don’t want you to have to hide. Especially… where I’m concerned. Or Drake.” I pause my slow seduction of his neck region and glance up at him. His thoughts go a bit jittery with insecurity and his mouth starts to run. “Not that I’m pushing for anything serious… Or that I want you to tell people about us. I’m fine with whatever, I just think, you know, it would be best for you to—”

I stop his rambling with a kiss, a soft one meant to let him know how special he is to me already. I know we just started whatever this is, but I think he could really be something to me. And I think I could be something to him…

“Why do you think I’ve been calling you my prince, Abdiel?” I whisper over his mouth, eyes opening gradually to watch his lips quiver. “I told you last night, it’s no coincidence that you’re here with me. Nothing happens by accident.”

“So then,” he starts, opening his eyes to pin me with a firm look, “All the more reason for you to be honest with the Regnum. If that’s really what you want…” He swallows visibly. “This.”

I can’t stop the doubt slinking around inside me. I don’t want it to be there, but it is. For all the successes we share in The Principality, half the time I still feel like that same lost boy… struggling to find himself in the woods.

“They’ll be disappointed, Abdiel. I’ve wasted so much of so many people’s time.” My jaw clenches. His fingers comb through my hair, and I let my eyelids fall for a moment, savoring the feeling of someone being here for me.

I hadn’t noticed how much I’ve needed this. I lost it a while ago with Drake, and I’ve been letting it devastate me for so long. Because outside of him, I have no one. No one who knows the real me, who can help carry this burden.

I would love to help, my King.

My eyes fling open, locking on his irises of endless green. You are a true blessing, my beautiful prince.

I lean in to kiss him again, but he pulls away. “Can I freshen up?”

I can’t help but grin. “Bathroom’s over there.” I nod my head in its direction, and Abdiel plants a quick peck on my chin before scrambling out of bed. Chuckling, I roll onto my back, watching him strut, naked and unashamed, toward the bathroom. His innocence is something I truly adore, but I can’t ignore how amazing it is to watch his confidence grow.

He goes into the bathroom and closes the door. Then after about a minute, he reemerges, peeking at me from across the room. “Toothbrush?”

Biting my lip, I scoot out of bed, striding toward him, loving the appreciation in his eyes as he watches me. In the bathroom, I pull out a spare toothbrush from the vanity, handing it to him with a wink. He looks excited as I pick up my own toothbrush, squeezing on some toothpaste before handing the tube to him to do the same.

We brush side by side, stealing glances at one another every few seconds like we’re doing a sort of erotic dance, or some version of foreplay. Really, I just like that I can hear him, and he can hear me. It feels like with Drake, only easier, which is what I’ve always dreamt of having. A relationship.

Someone to love… openly.

I spit and rinse, shifting to face Abdiel while leaning up on the counter. “You wanted to brush your teeth so we can make out, didn’t you?”

He does the same, facing me and crossing his arms over his chest. We’re both still fully naked, and I love it all too much. His body is perfection.

“What would make you think that?”

“Um, your thoughts, young prince.” I grab him by the waist, pulling him in closer, our dicks touching as we both shiver. “You’re new to Empyrean, so you’re practically screaming at me.”

He laughs, palms on my chest. “I’m sorry… how else am I supposed to think?”

“I’m not complaining. I like it.” My mouth inches over his. “I like hearing how badly you want me.”

“Mmm… I do want you. So bad.” His minty breath warms my lips.

“The feeling is mutual, baby.”

I kiss him harder this time, pushing my tongue into his mouth while his twirls around mine and we suck at each other like ravenous animals. I lift him up onto the counter and wedge myself between his legs, nearly dying over those blushed cheeks and the little gasps that flee him when he’s turned on and needy, for me.

With my hands drifting down his abs, then his pelvis, I slowly cherish the feel of his hard planes and soft skin, reaching his erection, full and thick, stretching up to his navel.

“I thought…” he whimpers in between us mauling each other. “Last night, I thought we would…”

“Fuck?” I growl into his mouth, and he purrs, his dick jumping in my hand. My fist moves up and down it in leisurely strokes, yanking him closer to me so I can push my hips forward and jerk our cocks together.

“Yes…” He mewls, strong hands gripping my shoulders, caressing the flesh of my chest and my back… down to my ass. “I want to fuck you.” This time I whimper. “Or I want you to fuck me, whatever you want. I don’t even care, I just need it.”

“I love getting fucked, Abdiel,” I tell him, and he groans, head falling forward to rest on my shoulder while I grind us together like it’s my job. “Having a cock deep inside me is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, and I desperately want yours.” I pull his face back to mine so I can look into his eyes. “I want you inside me, my prince.”

Abdiel becomes frantic, kissing me wild, hands everywhere, breathing unsteady. Pulling off my mouth, he pleads, “Let’s do it now.”

I chuckle, swooning over his ardor. “It should be special, baby. It’s your virginity. And plus, I’m sure you’ll want to try getting fucked also… to see if you like it.”

Drake said that last night, Abdiel thinks. “Is Drake the only person you’ve been with?”

His question catches me off-guard, and I freeze, my mouth hanging open as I gape at him. He immediately backtracks.

“I’m sorry. That’s none of my business.” He shakes his head. “I shouldn’t have asked. Forget about it. I’m so sorry.”

“Abdiel.” I take his face in my hands. “Stop apologizing. I don’t want you to fear me, baby. I want you to feel comfortable enough to ask me things…”

Guilt gnaws at me inside, despite what I just said, and I focus on blurring my thoughts, sending them as far away as possible. Just for now…

I know someday I’ll need to tell him the truth, about the other two people I’ve been with. The one I wanted… and the one I didn’t.

Abdiel nods at my words. “You’re perfect.” He kisses me softly, and I’m melting inside. “I wish we didn’t have to hide.”

Great. More guilt. “Me too, baby. I’m so sorry I’ve dragged you into this…”

“Please,” he scoffs, grinning. “I’ve had a crush on you for years. You’re not dragging me into anything I haven’t been willingly dreaming about since basically as soon as I hit puberty.”

Swarms of rampant delight overrun the guilt. I’ve never felt anything like this… Maybe once. A long time ago…

We spend the next two hours kissing and touching. Everywhere.

On the bathroom counter, on the floor, in the shower, in the bed… No spot on Abdiel Harmony is left untouched, no area ignored by the exploration of my kisses.

We don’t go further than sucking and jerking, because I was serious when I said that losing his virginity is special. I don’t want it to happen rushed while we’re watching the clock, wondering when someone will knock and remind me it’s time to get up and be a leader.

The first one comes at nine-thirty, which is already hours after I would normally get up. Typically, people know not to bother me when I feel like sleeping in, but even this is excessive. They might just be checking to make sure I’m not dead.

I bark at them through the door that I’ll be out shortly. And then an hour later, they knock again.

“Dammit,” I croak, my voice hoarse from all the hushed whispers and growls I’ve been giving the kid since last night. “I guess I need to get up.”

“You’ve been getting up all right,” Abdiel rasps from where he’s straddling me on the bed, my head nearly hanging off. He’s still grazing my chest with his lips, but his movements are slowed and lazy from all the activities.

A seductive laugh rumbles from inside me while I hold his ass in my hands, loving the feeling, of him and of this. Us, together. Doing things we shouldn’t be doing and not giving a good God damn what anyone would say.

Though I suppose I’m still a coward. We’re in the privacy of this room, with the door locked. Would I have the guts to walk out there, holding his hand? Could I tell my wives I want a divorce because I’m gay and I’m falling in love with my servant?

I know none of them would care. They’re not in love with me, and they all have their own side arrangements, too. It’s not them I’m worried about. It’s everyone else…

“Stop worrying.” Abdiel kisses the corner of my mouth. “This just started. Let’s enjoy it. We can figure out the serious later.”

“You’re very wise, Prince Harmony.” I grin, kissing his lips more more more until another knock on the door finally pulls us apart.

We get up and get dressed, agreeing that Abdiel will stay in the room for a few minutes after I leave, then sneak out the way he did last time. I search his face and thoughts for any unease regarding this arrangement, but I can’t find it. I have to take him at his truth that he’s not upset with me for not having the balls to throw caution to the wind for him.

I want to… But he’s right. This just started. We can at least see where it goes first, before getting bogged down in the future.

“Will I see you at dinner tonight?” I ask, clutching him like my lifeline I can’t possibly let go of. And much to my own shock and awe, he’s doing the exact same thing.

“I’ll be here.” He nods with his face buried in the crook of my neck, sniffing me like he’s committing my scent to memory.

Like we won’t see each other in a few hours. But actually… that sounds like a good idea. I’m gonna do it, too. Taking in a deep whiff of his scent, I’m crumbling. He smells masculine yet sweet, like amber and honey. Like an autumn day, falling leaves and crisp air. I’m obsessed.

“Are you cooking?” I lean up against the door with one hand in his hair and the other on his lower back.

He shakes his head. “Not tonight. You’ll have to settle with Ryle.”

“Mmm… shame. I love eating your food.” He chuckles, launching my heart up into the sky like a bird.

“Ryle’s food is great, you know it.”

“I’m not kidding, Abdiel. You’re a phenomenal cook.” I whisper in his ear, “You’re exceptionally talented, baby. I hope you know that.”

“Okay, you need to leave before I fall to my knees again,” he mumbles, and I laugh.

I kiss him one, two, three more times before we finally pry ourselves apart and I leave the room.

The second I step out into the hallway, I take a deep breath, closing my eyes and letting it out slowly. My fingers brush over my lips, raw and swollen from all the kisses. I savor the feelings, just as I savor the tightness in my chest…

I think I’m in love.

“Sleep well, sir?”

A voice startles me out of my reverie, enough that I jump and glare at the culprit. It’s just Perry, standing there looking at me like everything is normal. Which it isn’t… Because I’m in love with a Domestic half my age, and I spent all night and all morning doing very un-straight things with him, some of which involved my brother.

But to Perry, I just slept until almost eleven, which is also not normal. Still, I need to respond to him and act like nothing out of the ordinary happened. So I straighten up and stretch my arms behind my back.

“Yes, thank you. I needed a sleep-in day.”

“I’m sure.” Perry grins. I narrow my gaze at him. “Because of all the stress… with the upcoming solstice festival.”

Letting out a quiet breath, I nod. “Right. Yes… the festival. Speaking of that, let’s go find Lauris and get to work.”

“Very good, sir,” Perry agrees, and we wander off.

It takes all my strength not to turn over my shoulder, to glance back at the room where I just left the newest piece of my heart.

It’s been a few hours, and I’m pleased with how much we’ve gotten done. Although I was late, and the girls started without me.

We’ve been planning our annual summer solstice festival for a couple of weeks now, and everything is set to go off without a hitch. Solstice is in ten days and we’re ahead of schedule, which pleases me.

Festivals are a big part of The Principality. We like to celebrate as a family, though we don’t follow the traditional holidays of the outside world. It was something Drake and I agreed upon when we first started. Why celebrate Hallmark holidays that revolve around vanity when we can celebrate the seasons’ blessings from Mother?

Summer solstice is probably the most popular, though the harvest festival is the biggest. A majority of our family truly love summer, and solstice is the kick-off of everyone’s favorite time of year. We also have a winter solstice party, complete with an exchange of gifts. We wanted to keep the values of Christmas, gratefulness and giving, without the same confused religious aspects. And then there’s the budding festival, like a mix between Valentine’s Day and Easter, or as close as you’d get here. We just did that one a couple of months ago. It celebrates the end of the winter months.

Lauris always takes the reins on planning the festivals. Gem and Emithel love helping her with it, and Kiara and Alissa tend to steer clear, though I’m usually able to wrangle their assistance with menial tasks. I like everyone to feel included, and I think everyone should pitch in.

“Alright. This is good,” Lauris says, making notes on her list, crossing things off and adding new items to address. “Ryle will prepare the food. Though, do we really want to put all of that on him? It’s a lot…”

Without even thinking, my voice bursts, “Abdiel should do it.”

Lauris and Gem stare at me, and I try incredibly hard to keep a straight face. Not the face of someone who just unintentionally brought up the name of his secret lover he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about in three hours and thirty-six minutes.

“Abdiel? Really?” Lauris asks. “Isn’t he a little young?”

“He’s not that young,” I grumble. Projecting. You’re projecting. “And besides, he’s an excellent cook. You can’t deny that.”

“He’s right,” Emithel murmurs while sketching the lake in her notepad. “Last night’s dinner was incredible.”

“It was,” Gem swoons at the memory of the delectable food Abdiel made last night. “And he’s, like, really cute.”

She giggles but stops short when her eyes meet mine. I’m glowering, and I hadn’t even realized it.

“That has nothing to do with it.” I fold my hands on the table. “He’s talented enough. Have him work sous chef to Ryle if you like. But give him at least two menu items of his own.”

Lauris squints at me for a moment but straightens up quick and nods. “You heard the King.”

I wink at her, and she grins, jotting down information on the meals we’ll require. Everything else is taken care of. Drake will have Lorn and a couple others from the Tribe string up those cool twinkly lights everyone loves, Gina will help secure flowers and decor. Cam will handle games for the kids, and Perry will make sure we’re stocked on party favors for the adults.

As a family, we know how to have fun. I personally think when used recreationally, drugs and alcohol can be very helpful. The tricky part is not relying on it. We don’t have many issues with addiction here, but I’m not really the best to ask about that since my brother injects me with drugs once a week to keep me from losing my shit.

I just have to hope I’m not leading by example on this one topic, though Empyrean is completely safe. Drake makes it, and I trust him with my life. I think we’re fine since no one knows I do it. It’s Drake’s and my little secret.

Well, Abdiel’s now, too.

This leads me to think about Abdiel’s process of Ecdysis. Now that I’ve been away from him for a few hours, and the dust has settled on what we’ve done together so far, I find myself really hoping to Mother I haven’t pressured him into anything.

I know it feels different for me, and frankly, it feels different for him too, since I can hear his thoughts. But he’s so much younger and just experiencing a new mind-altering thing for the first time. It’s had me worrying nonstop since the night in the lake.

I can’t be like him… If I ever do anything even remotely as abhorrent as what he did to me, I’d chop my own dick off. The troubling fact that I still think about it all time, and I’m almost forty, makes me feel like more of a failure than anything else. Why aren’t I strong enough?

Why can’t I let it go?

I decide to leave the girls before dinner and take a walk by the lake. The whole time, my mind seems to be lingering in the past. I wish it wasn’t, but there’s no helping it. Sometimes when I come out here, I remember too much. I do believe the past shapes us, and we all know I believe things happen for a reason. But that doesn’t mean we should dwell on it.

Yet I can’t not, especially around this lake.

The trees sway with me, with my memories. Birds hum familiar tunes, and the wind whips ripples across the surface of the water in shapes that remind me of years ago.

I’m not necessarily troubled, no more than I usually am. Just… unearthed. Torn up.

Exposed.

As I’m walking back, the sun is setting, meaning they’ll likely start dinner soon. The flutters in my stomach at the thought of seeing Abdiel again give me comfort paired with distress. I can’t believe I’ve fallen so quickly for the kid…

What would his father think…?

The uneasy thought is cut short when I see him. Abdiel.

He’s over by the side of the Den, between Domestic housing and the path to the front door. A small smile grazes my lips but disappears quickly when I see him pacing. He looks unsettled. And he’s speaking to someone.

As I grow nearer, I can see around the corner. See who he’s talking to.

I stop in my tracks and blink.

It’s Drake.

Tilting my head, I watch them, Drake with his arms folded across his chest while he looks over Abdiel, listening to him intently while Abdiel apparently spills his guts. I worry my lower lip with my teeth.

What has him so upset? And why would he tell Drake and not me?

I calm my racing pulse and attempt to listen to them. I’m several yards away, but I can still make out what they’re talking about based on their thoughts, carrying much louder than voices.

I just can’t shake these feelings anymore… I think this is part of my Ecdysis, Drake. My rebirth…

Drake simply stares back at him, his brain full of fuzz. He does that… keeps us at a distance, so we can’t hear him unless he wants us to. First me, and now Abdiel.

But my prince keeps going. I need to know. I can’t put it off any longer.

I swallow, my heart thumping in my chest as he stops his pacing in front of my brother.

I’m going up the mountain. I have to find out what happened to my parents.

A chill runs over me, so hard my limbs tremor. And a deeply-set worry plagues my insides as I watch Drake nod. Then shrug. Then nod again, as if he has no possible response for the boy.

I tug at my hair, hard enough that it stings. Drake wouldn’t let Abdiel go up there alone… would he?

Stepping forward, I prepare to walk fast over to them, to interject. But then I pause once more when Abdiel launches himself at Drake, throwing his arms around his neck and burying his face in Drake’s sternum.

Drake stands frozen for a moment, arms dangling at his sides. His brow furrows in unease, and I hear a flash break through… weak thoughts growing stronger as he tentatively wraps his arms around Abdiel’s waist.

There there, little mouse. I have you.