Chapter Eight

New York, October, 2024

Simeon bit into a chocolate pumpkin with his fangs out. He sucked the creamy peanut butter filling straight into his bloodstream and enjoyed the high. “Oooh, sugar rush. Wonder why they didn’t mention that on Charlie Brown?” He smacked his telly and prepared to sit in his battered recliner. Even though Halloween wasn’t until Friday, he was already working through the stash of chocolate he had picked up for trick-or-treaters. It wasn’t like many parents would send their little ones down to his lonely basement flat.

He pulled three more treats from the purple bowl on the kitchen counter. Bored. He didn’t have any work to do until a fortnight from now when he’d receive the next narration script.

Lonely. He’d already bothered Emily once this week, and any more than that made her “agitated.”

After their explosive kiss and argument, they’d spent a few weeks dancing around one another.

Pumpkin Fest, Pine Ridge’s mid-October weekend-long festival, had brought them together on patrol. Working together, they’d dispatched a particularly ugly Kinderteufel (a demon that feeds on children’s souls).

He’d pulled the beast off of her. She’d yanked its claws from his chest. They’d killed it in a one-two stab-snap, her with the silver blade, him with the bone-crunching neck snap.

And then... There was a moment. A glorious moment of laughing and relief, and they hugged...

And then she was gone, telling him she had to clean the blood off of her clothes.

He wanted to tell her he’d take care of all that, take care of her, lick her clean, and never stop kissing her.

But that would ruin the—the whatever they tentatively had.

Since that night, their truce sometimes seemed to strengthen into something like friendship, but other times it seemed to devolve into barely concealed hatred and suspicion. Simeon suspected that part of her hatred was directed toward herself. She was trying to learn to live among monsters and slay her own prejudices.

It had to be hard on her.

Speaking of hard... Thinking of Emily and the way her body hit his as they sparred...

He dropped the chocolate and headed to his bedroom, tired of fighting the longing that had been building for over a week. Simeon was ready to concentrate on a different sort of cream-filled treat.

But when he turned around, there was already somebody on the edge of his bed.

“ARGH! Bloody fuckin’ hell, mate, what are you doing in here?” Simeon demanded, hand to his chest. A tall, regal man in black gauntlets, ancient-looking armor, a flowing cape, and a crown of bones was sitting in front of him. Mr. Black and Bony was staring at him with bottomless black eyes. Simeon felt that his gaze might not just sear right through him, but it also might stop in the middle, burn his guts to ashes, and then go on for another mile or two.

“Youngest spawn of Lilith, at midnight, it will be one week from Lemuria. I have come to check on your progress. Be quick. I can’t spare more than a moment.”

“I... Who are you? Lilith? That’s the old Sire’s name, but I’m just Simeon. Well, Simeon Crow, and I’m not doing any vampire business. You’ll want to see one of Lilith’s other spawn. Check somewhere in Europe, I reckon.”

The eyes blinked, and Simeon suddenly found himself on the bed, plastered and shackled to it by burning bands of blue fire, a voice echoing in his head and bouncing off the walls of the apartment.

“I am Hades, Lord of the Underworld. One thousand years ago, I granted the demon Lilith passage to this world with the mission to reap souls and return Persephone, my missing queen! The bargain was clear. If her time on this mortal plane ended, then her youngest direct descendant would take up the task—you, Simeon Crow, are the only remaining direct spawn of Lilith. The others are dead at the hands of the Van Helsing clan. If you fail to keep your end of the bargain, all vampires will be condemned to the lowest level of Tartarus for all eternity.”

“Oh! Oh, that mission! Why didn’t you say so? Uh... How long until you need your queen? And where did you last see her?” Simeon asked over the booming and roaring inside his head. If he got out of this alive, he made a mental note to give Van Helsing the bawling out of her life, in a very creative manner, with lots of carefully harvested vocabulary from various languages. Lilith hadn’t mentioned any secret ancient pacts, not that he’d really given her any time to do so. And what the hell was a Lemuria?

“One week, blood-drinker. One week until you must meet me at the mortal side of the River Styx.”

“Where’s that then, mate?”

The figure narrowed his eyes dubiously. “Your insolence is much like your forebears.’ Here, of course. The triple intersection of Ley Lines in Pine Ridge creates a doorway of power that will allow access to one of my domains. Naturally, this is why you chose to dwell here.”

“Oh, naturally. Right. Location, location, location.” Simeon nodded. He’d known about the Ley Lines and how the rare intersection of three created supernatural energy, the kind that could draw creatures of good and evil to Pine Ridge—but he didn’t know it would open up a door to the Underworld!

“Look, I’m going to level with you. This is news to me. My sire was all about imparting carnal wisdom, and then she mucked about with the wrong thing and ended up being staked by yours truly. She never got ‘round to mentioning this little scavenger hunt.”

“ You ? You vanquished Lilith?”

“Yep.”

“I must’ve missed that. She’s gone to Hell, not Hades. I wanted her out of earshot. Well done.” Tall, Dark, and Bony smiled a little. “She was annoying, and she kept me waiting, as well. You will not make the same mistake.”

“She did like to talk, from what little I knew of her. But like I said, I don’t know what you expect me to do that Lilith couldn’t. She was ancient and powerful, and I’m just in my 140s—in vampire years, that is. Also, don’t know if this matters, but I’m retired. I don’t kill, and don’t mix with Lilith’s sort anymore. I guess you knew that?”

Hades frowned. “No. I... I haven’t been able to focus much on small matters.”

“Small matters, he says.” Simeon snorted and then coughed, deciding one does not snort at a bloke who can pin you with his thoughts, ala Darth Vader.

“I have not been idle!” Hades thundered, but then his voice faded, sounding stretched and strained. “I can’t ever spare more than an hour or so of mortal time to look for her. Even then, the gates of the Underworld swell and Charon’s ferry is triple booked. It’s a disaster. Souls falling over the sides, a clog in the Styx, people saying they died first and were waiting the longest... Persephone always kept people so calm and patient. She had a gardener’s soul, you know. ‘Things take time,’ she’d say. But a thousand years?”

Simeon tilted his head. Mr. Nightmare Voice suddenly sounded like a harassed, mourning businessman trying to manage his marriage and his business and failing at both. “So, any leads? Hot tips?”

Hades visibly perked up, which was in itself comical, the grim, pale king in his armor and bones suddenly nodding like a schoolboy who knew the answer to a hard question. As Simeon watched, a shadowy mass emerged at his feet. A shadowy mass that looked like a cross between a three-headed Corgi and a black fox. Simeon wondered if Cerberus had had puppies or if the original model was always this adorable and travel-sized.

“I suppose so! She went to visit her mother. She visits her for half of the year, every year. When she’s in the mortal world, it passes quickly—although it is still far too long for my liking.” Hades gave him a gloomy glare, hope vanishing. “But Demeter, that’s my mother-in-law... and my sister—don’t ask—said Seph left as usual, right after helping the locals with the harvest.”

“Ah. I see.” Mythology is real. Ergh. Simeon recalled the bit about people baking their children into pies and the bit about how the Minotaur was brought into the world. He wondered if all of that was real. And this bit about Lilith being given a task... How could he have told you the scores of every Tottenham Hotspurs game from the present back to the start of the club, but not know that un-life-altering bit of news? “So, where was this harvest? Did you talk to the locals? The police?”

“A thousand years ago, the harvest was in Athens, near Demeter’s sanctuary at Eleusis. Now, I believe she lives an hour from Boise.”

“Boise?” Simeon’s eyes popped, and he fought down the urge to laugh. “Idaho? In the States?”

Hades gave him a pitying cluck of his tongue. “I keep forgetting mortals don’t look at cosmic order. Power shifts. All gods now have a center of operation in one of the main energy centers of the world, where the spiritual heavy lifting takes place. Other pantheons chose Asia, some picked Africa, but we’re decidedly following the American model. Demeter is in Idaho. I’m in Los Angeles. It’s very close to Hell.”

“You can say that again.”

Hades didn’t. Instead, he held out something small and silvery.

Simeon cautiously extended his hand and stared at what the god dropped into it. A key fob. With a Mustang logo and several little buttons, one with a lock, one with a horn. He clicked the horn button once.

“Oh! Don’t do—”

Too late. With an almighty cracking sound, something soared up from the foundations of the basement apartment, headlights glaring, horn blaring, and landed in an avalanche of rubble—right on his precious telly. “Fffff— Fuck!” Simeon wondered if vampires could piss themselves in extreme circumstances. In his case, the warm wetness spreading down his legs was because his mug of microwaved blood had been thrown into his chest and down his trousers as a gorgeous silver Mustang barreled into his living room. “What the hell? What the—why didn’t you warn me?” Simeon looked around at his ruined flat. Cerberus-Mini trotted over and licked blood off his boots.

“What sort of idiot hits a button without asking ‘What’s this for?’” Hades waved his hand, and they were outside in the parking lot, car and all. Another wave, and the basement flat was rebuilt. The other tenants weren’t rushing about or peering out their windows. It was as if nothing had happened.

“Because I know what a horn button does. I’m the provocative type. Vampire . I push buttons! Is my telly fixed? What about the fridge? Sod it, I had a whole bag of peanut butter cups in there!”

“Honestly, you fuss so much.” Hades snapped his fingers and Cerberus dematerialized, back into his cloak. “You’re wasting time. If you don’t get her back by 11:59, November 1st—your mortal time, vampire, any vampire’s spawn that still walks this earth will be sucked into an especially foul pit in Tartarus. One that doesn’t get maid service and has a lot of very large, very hungry, very loose-boweled monsters!” Hades snatched up the keys and dangled them impatiently in Simeon’s face. “These are keys to my personal vehicle. Now—”

“Wait. I know you’ve got to dash off and rule the Land of the Dead and all of that, but... you drive a silver Mustang?”

“Death rides a pale horse.” Hades winked.

Damn it. Simeon found himself smiling.

Hades continued, “Seph never had a car of her own. Well, they weren’t around when she went missing. We had a family chariot, a four-seater. Now, my daughter—”

“You have a daughter?”

Hades whipped out a pouch. In the same way a proud father might fling open his wallet to display tiny snapshots or ugly school photos, he pulled out a handful of powder. He opened his palm, and two stunning brunettes in a glowing cloud materialized before Simeon’s eyes. “That’s our daughter, Melino?, Milly for short, and our son, Zagreus. He goes by Zag now. He thinks it sounds ‘cool.’ Melino? is the Goddess of Nightmares and Madness—but she’s getting her degree in fine arts at Oxford. Zagreus stepped up and filled his mother’s shoes, helping to manage the Underworld. He’s our eldest. Gods, you have no idea what it was like trying to raise Milly alone during those awkward centuries when she started noticing boys.”

Simeon winced. “I’ve got a hunch it was no picnic. Girl needs her mum. Or a big sis.” Emily.

Emily!

Emily, who had fought every sort of supernatural being. Emily, who knew more than any other human about tracking supernatural beings. Emily, who had found him when three generations of her forefathers had not.

Emily Van Helsing, who had helped get him into this mess by eliminating all the other vampires Lilith had spawned. Well, maybe not her, directly, but her family. Emily, who could find anything, who would find anything—not for him, no. But for the vampires like Minegold, and little J.J.’s parents—oh, God, and for the baby, too, technically a “spawn” of a vampire. Emily would help, not for him but for the good souls who lived in this town.

“I can have help on this little mission, yeah?” Simeon asked, carefully putting the keys in the pocket of his jeans, which felt like they’d been freshly laundered and smelled faintly of some kind of fruit. Grapefruit? Berries? No, pomegranate.

“Yes. My car. My card—go on, this won’t blow up your home if you touch it.” Hades held out a black credit card that glinted oddly in the autumn moonlight.

“There’s no numbers on it. No little magnetic strip?”

“I’m the god of wealth. Most people forget that. All mineral wealth belongs to me and mine. Gold, diamonds, silver, rubies, you name it, I’ve invested it. That card has the approximate value of the mineral wealth of the entire planet. You literally cannot reach the limit on it—but don’t try. It’s for travel expenses. Don’t worry about the numbers and all of that. When they scan it, it’ll work. Ah, and a phone. Dial 9.” Hades handed him a slim mobile flip phone.

“Nine?”

“Levels of hell.”

“You read a lot, don’t you?”

Hades frowned, a bitter, anguished look warring with anger. “I’m not like my brothers. I’m not like most gods. I’ve only had one love, one wife. Without her, what do you think I’m doing? Making plays for ghosts? Ravishing demons? No, fool. I read. I learn. I take care of our children. I know she loves me. I know it.” Hades blinked, and something happened to Simeon’s eyes. They were suddenly blurred. He wondered if the god hadn’t wanted him to see something.

“I believe you. Not to be indelicate, mate, but... If she loves you and your kids, why doesn’t she come home on her own? Do you think she’s held prisoner somewhere? Why wouldn’t she call for help? Does she have any powers?”

“She can turn any living thing into any other living thing—well, except a human. She can turn people into potted plants or houseflies if she wants.” Hades chuckled, wiping a hand hastily over his face. “I never argued with her if I could help it.”

“Got it. But—”

“I don’t know, vampire. But those stories you’ve heard about me kidnapping an unwilling bride are false. I took her for a day, out of danger. When I asked her to leave, begged her to leave, she would not. She stayed. She and I... We fell in love. She chose me.” Hades put a fist over his heart. “I know in my heart that she has not chosen another. Our bond is too strong. Have you never felt that? Your kind... at least some of your kind can love.”

“I’ve felt it. Hasn’t been returned.” Simeon pretended the tires on the Mustang were fascinating.

Hades peered at him, then nodded slowly. “I am sorry for that. But perhaps there is another in your future.”

I don’t want another.

I want Emily to see me like I see her. Like something worth more than fighting and dying for. Something worth living for.

“You know how to cause pain, don’t you, you with your threats and your fancy cars? Look, I’ll go on this wife-hunt for you. Certainly don’t want to spend the rest of my afterlife in a pit with shitting monsters and no plumbing. Can you conjure up a sparkly portrait of the missus?”

Hades reached into the pouch again, and another cloud emerged, much larger this time.

Simeon’s jaw dropped, and he struggled to keep in his wolf-whistle.

If there had been a contest to see if a woman could look youthful but wise, radiant like spring but dark as death... If there could be a beauty made of opposites—wait a minute.

Emily. The strongest and deadliest hunter, the fragilest and shyest flower. An old soul in a young body, the beauty of the sun who had been taught to live in shadows. Someone who had always traveled, and the only one who had ever made him long for home.

Simeon stopped staring before Hades got the wrong idea. “She reminds me of someone.”

“Seph has no equal,” Hades said reverently, hand ghosting over the glittering, frozen face. “This is shortly before our wedding. I captured her image.”

Simeon studied the gentle face, the yellow hair with its fiery streaks, the pallor of her skin that was incongruous with the pink of her lips and cheeks. Before he could speak, Hades reached into the bag again. “Here is our wedding day. Oh, and here she is when she was expecting Zag. Ah, and this is her and Milly visiting Demeter in England when Europe was our power center. She had a farm in Chipping Norton—although back then it wasn’t called Chipping Norton, I imagine. Oh, and here—”

“How can someone who sorts souls all day be such a bloody family man?” Simeon burst out, feeling rather claustrophobic as image after image of Hades’ family walled him in.

Hades snapped his fingers, and the images vanished. “What they call me is not all that I am. One week from midnight, vampire.”

“Wait! Any special instructions? What am I supposed to do, go looking around Ohio, asking if anyone’s been turned into a newt?”

“Idaho, and yes, that might be a good place to start. Oh, about the car. Super unleaded. And watch the speed. Think slowly until you get used to it if you put it in H-Mode.”

“Think? H-Mode? Like Hyperdrive?” Simeon winced, wondering if Hades was also a Trekkie and if the Lord of Death used an air freshener in his car.

“Hades-Mode. Think of your destination, and you’ll be there in a matter of minutes. If you're simply driving through town, make sure the H-Mode button is not engaged. I don’t want a fleet of dead pedestrians blaming me for your carelessness.”

Simeon slid into the front seat and found Hades beside him. “Did you do that to your wife? Keep sneakin’ up behind her? Maybe she didn’t like it. OW! Ow, I’m sorry!” Simeon apologized as a column of flame suddenly danced across his lap.

“This is the H-Mode button.” Hades pointed to a small silver button next to the CD player. “This button,” he pointed to a small black button, “switches from radio to CD. Don’t mix them up. That could be nasty.”

“I bet. So I just think, ‘Take me to Emily Van Helsing’s place’ and—bloody fuck!” Simeon shouted as his entire body went airborne and his head kissed the windshield. In the time it had taken to form the thought, a split second, the car had crossed town in a single metaphysical bound. “Why didn’t you tell me you pushed the bloody button!?”

“I’m in the car. Whenever I’m in the car, it’s in H-Mode.” The god shrugged complacently and waved his hand, repairing the long spider web of cracking glass made by Simeon’s skull. “This is Emily Van Helsing’s? She’s a strange girl. Do you know, she’s gotten on Charon’s ferry twice, then hopped back off. Death just won’t stick! Get it? River Styx?”

Simeon winced guiltily. One of those times was probably when he’d kicked her out of that window in London. “You even make Dad jokes.” Simeon rolled his eyes. “And you’re not great with the details, I hafta say.”

“Some people learn by doing. You know how H-Mode works now. And the horn button brings the car to your location. Immediately. So don’t use the horn button on the key fob.”

“What about the horn on the car itself?” Simeon braced as Hades reached over and tapped the steering wheel. The first bars of Gunod’s Funeral March tooted out. “What sort of a god are you?” Simeon demanded, utterly at a loss. Fierce, funny, sad, commanding, helpless, devoted... he felt like he could chuck the entire linguist’s thesaurus at him and adjectives would stick to him.

“A miserable one.” Hades smiled, showing something cruel in the set of his canines and gleaming white teeth. “One who is just about out of patience. Are you here to request Miss Van Helsing’s help?”

“I am. She owes me a favor or two.” Simeon swallowed. He didn’t know if bringing her flowers, helping her learn how to walk, hunt, and fight again, or even saving her life would be enough to convince her to come with him. Probably not.

But convincing her that if the missing Persephone wasn’t found, he, little J.J., Mr. Minegold, and the other good vamps in this town were all about to become roomies in Hell might do it. Still... “I know it’s my sacred duty, or whatever the demonic equivalent of sacred duty is, but if she helps... do you think you could sweeten the deal? Just for her? Tell her no one will die of unnatural causes in town for a week? She’s devoted to her job, like you, and she still keeps an eagle eye on the monsters in this town. The first whiff of trouble would have her loading her crossbow and leading the charge like some warrior goddess.” Simeon’s eyes went hazy.

Emily. Running. Like a warrior goddess, her blades brandished, her breasts bouncing...

Snap out of it!

“Uh. Sorry, lost my train of thought for a moment. She won’t want to take off to Idaho to search for the missus if she thinks the town will turn into a feeding frenzy. The people here are all right, it’s the visitors who bring the bad juju.”

“I can place a few calls.” Hades nodded.

“And if we’re successful, you... you could... I dunno. Give her a little present? Grant her a wish? Maybe heal her? She was in a bad accident, and I know she’s not the way she used to be. Something’s different about her. Every time I see her, it’s like she’s muffled, under some dark cloud of pain that won’t let in the sun.”

“She lost her lover?”

“Maybe. I dunno. We’re not that close. I know she lost her parents.”

“I can talk to my extended family. It’s possible that we could direct her to her true love, or perhaps... perhaps I might arrange a visit with her deceased loved ones.” Hades nodded slowly. “Yes, I’m sure we can arrange something, for both you and Miss Van Helsing. If you bring my wife home, you can have anything you’d like, vampire, and so can your assistant.”

“And the town will be safe while we search? No unnatural causes?”

“Accidents happen, vampire.”

“I mean, no one will be monster chow? All the baddies who like to live it up on the Ley Lines will be kept out?”

“That, I can handle.” Hades whipped out his phone and hit two digits.

Simeon could hear the conversation clearly, a young male voice echoing in the car. “Hey, Dad. Charon’s getting antsy.”

“I’m on my way home in two minutes, Zag. I need you to put some paperwork through the demonic department.”

“Right. I’ll head over there. What do you want me to do?”

“Ensure no deaths occur by violent supernatural means in the New York area until November 2nd, particularly near any of the Pine Ridge Ley Lines.”

“What? All of New York!? Dad, it’s the week before mortal Halloween. You know how—”

“I know, I know. Do it for your mother. It’s so a... a specialist can find her.”

“A specialist? Dad, if you’ve been talking to those televangelists or that lady who appeared on Oprah again, Milly and I are going to have an intervention.”

“It’s the last of Lilith’s spawn line and that Van Helsing girl, the one we thought was coming in twice in the past decade? They’re teaming up. I have a good feeling about them.”

Simeon swelled with pride.

“That’s what you said about professional bowling becoming the leading American sport. There are still no bowling stadiums, Dad.”

The good feeling evaporated.

“Just do it. Be home for dinner in a minute. Love you, Zag.”

“Love you, Dad.”

“Bloody hell.” Simeon groaned and sank back against the admittedly very plush seats. Why did he have to like this maniac?

Well, why did he love Emily Van Helsing with all of his unbeating heart?

I must have a thing for people who want to kill me.