Chapter Thirteen

She lay on her left side. He lay on his right. They were back-to-back, not touching.

Not sleeping, either. “Emmy?”

“Mhm?”

“Did you say... you liked a guy?”

“It took you long enough.”

Silence.

“What kind of like? Because you made sure to say a guy. As in me.”

“We’ve established that, Crow.”

“Like as in ‘he’s such a helpful, useful sort of person’ or like as in... Like as in ‘ah, sweet romance’ sort of thing?”

Emily was silent.

He reached back and dared to poke her gently with one finger, finding the barely cushioned spot above her hips. “I can’t sleep if I don’t know. Curiosity killed the vamp.”

A frustrated sigh. “Somewhere in between.”

“But on a scale of one bein’ ‘I won’t kill you when this is over’ and ten being ‘a slave to your every desire’... Where are you?”

Emily hit him with a pillow. “Sleep, idiot.”

She wasn’t sleeping. That was a hard question. Why did he make her think about hard things?

Hard things.

Stupid, immature vampire next to her. He’d infected her with randy teenage humor.

Because hard things now meant hard vampire cock.

Hard, solid vampire cock that was going to pack so much stamina and passion, channeling the man behind it, who would know this might be a once-in-a-lifetime chance to turn her into boneless, writhing, moaning mush.

She’d never had anything like that before. Would Simeon care? He had to know she was inexperienced.

Although... No. Because all these teens hooking up in the back of cars or on prom night, how experienced are they? They use their bodies and not their heads.

I’m inexperienced but not immature. I know what I’m doing. I think.

At least I know what I want.

We both know what we want.

I want someone who won’t leave. Someone who thinks love is permanent, believes that it can last a thousand years apart and still be true. Someone who brings me flowers and coffee—but more importantly, someone who would haul my broken ass into the woods to help me train.

Someone who would pay my bills. Someone who would believe I deserved a better life.

Someone who believed he deserved a better life, too, and who would change to get it.

Simeon Crow was surprisingly good for her. On paper.

And in real life, too, and that shouldn’t be possible.

Annoying vampire, making impossible things possible. Not immature. Just sexy. And annoying.

“You’re annoying.”

He answered at once, proving that he was also still wide awake. “So, that’s around a two?”

Emily rolled onto her side. “It’s a solid five, okay? I like you for the way you help me and the way you help people in town. I hate you for what you did and what every Van Helsing would say you’d do again. And then—when I don’t know if you’d do what my training says you’d do—I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“I like who you are,” Simeon whispered.

“You would.” A dry, mirthless chuckle.

Simeon gave her a smirk as he rolled to face her, a smirk that reinforced everything she just said. “But there’s gotta be something driving the needle to the other side of the scale.”

“There is.” She couldn’t spell it out. The way he kissed. The way he believed. The way, when she was with him, she felt alive again, hungry again. “You’re hungry for me.”

Simeon’s eyebrows shot up, and his jaw dropped. “I— yeah, I guess, but not like I was gonna nibble. Not even a lick. Unless you mean hungry for your sweet little—”

“I mean for all of me.” Blood, too, she realized. She’d been bitten before, in fights, and they were always acts of violence. When Simeon looked at her, his eyes took on a crimson sheen, even in the dark.

They’ll seduce you for a meal.

He has blood in bags. He doesn’t need mine—he’d want it, but not for food.

Why had the idea come into her head that biting had a scale, just like love? Her ribs were heaving as she pictured it, this last week on Earth (maybe) being all about trying everything she ever wondered about. Taking Simeon inside of her, mouth and pussy. His fangs in her, his cock in her, and everything blending together until it was just... sensation. Her breathing lost the beat, and her eyes wanted to close.

“Calm down, pet. I’ll go sleep on the floor before you hyperventilate.”

Her hand slammed out to grab his wrist.

“Talk me out of it. Tell me it’s wrong to do things because the clock is ticking.”

His fingers massaged hers but gently pushed her grasp off of his wrist. “It isn’t wrong to do it for that reason if that’s what you’d like to do if the clock wasn’t ticking. You wouldn’t be here with me if there wasn’t a life-altering deadline, Emily. Maybe in a few months, you might have, if I could have kept being the kind of man you need. The kind you’d like.”

“I do like you. And I don’t have time, maybe. I’ve been close to death more times than I can count, probably more times than I know. I can’t even think about my childhood without remembering how my dad used me as bait for his hook, or how he convinced me that the only way I could learn to hunt vampires was to actually fight them, starting when I was just a kid— Damn it. That’s all I was to him—all I’ve ever been, a tool to save other people, to make the world better. When do I get to be a person , not a weapon? When do I get to make the world better for me ?” Her voice broke in a gasp. “So selfish, I know... I just... When do I get to have something I want?” And... I’m the last Van Helsing. I nearly died, damn it! When do I just get to do something I want?” Her irritated fist slammed down, and a solid indent appeared in the cheap mattress.

“I don’t think this mattress would survive what I want, I can tell you that much.” Simeon chuckled, hips shifting.

“Wh-what do you want?”

Simeon opened his mouth, then crooked it closed, tilting his head. “You want me to tell you?”

“Uh-huh. How brilliant. I sound like I’m two.”

“You’d run out of the room. Or stake me.”

“Wouldn’t.”

“Would!”

“Now you sound like you’re two!”

Simeon pursed his lips, brows lowered in irritation, and then the dam burst. “Fine! I wanna fuck you seven ways from Sunday, and I want you to love it! I want you to love me ! I wanna taste every inch of you and do all the kinky things that aren’t kinky when it’s with the person you love, and bite you and mark you, and have you absolutely waste me with those little predatory muscles that make every demon in their right minds shake in their boots, and then I want you to curl up against me and say, ‘I love you, Simeon,’ right before you go to sleep. There! Finish me off, but then you have to go find the missin’ Mrs. Hades all by your lonesome!” He thrust out his chest and pointed to the left pectoral. “Right about there, Van Helsing.”

Emily’s lips trembled. She swallowed a few times while her brain and her hormones ganged up on her fear. Fear was outnumbered, and hormones and heartache fought dirty anyway. “Oh. O-okay.”

“Okay, what?”

“Okay. Yes. That’s... that’s not something I want to run out of the room or stake you for,” Emily explained carefully, keeping her eyes off of his face, mesmerized by the way his shirt did things like— weld into each little ripple of his abs. She’d seen him shirtless a couple of times before. Nothing new. Handsome guy, nice muscles.

Why did she suddenly think about licking her way from his throat to his—

“Emily, did Milly do somethin’ to you so you’d agree to go? She didn’t slip you somethin’ in that tea?”

She shook her head slowly, scooting closer. “We have to stay here until it gets dark?”

“No, I don’t think so. Well, depends on where we’re going next. Demeter said the gods have their own places of power, over here in the ‘New World.’ I figure Zeus has gotta be in New York or Washington, D.C. Poseidon must be out in Alaska or Florida, where the fishing is king. We can call Milly and ask her. Or Zag. I kinda hate to keep botherin’ Hades.” Simeon’s eyes drifted to something in the past, something dreamy that hurt his heart, and it showed through on his face. “God, every time the door opens or the phone rings, he must hope it’s her.”

Emily reached out and put her hand on his cheek, her eyes meeting his. “Simeon. We can’t go out until dark. We have to sleep. We have hours.” Her fingers dug into the nape of his neck, and his eyes closed in pleasure. “Maybe sometimes that’s all you get.”

“Emily, don’t.”

Emily moved closer, acting with that sudden determination that was so useful in battles. Her hand twined around the back of Simeon’s neck, lips centimeters from his. “If we find Seph, we have more than hours, more than days, and Seph and Hades get years, too. I want that. Do you want that?”

“Yes. God, yes, Emily, you know I do.”

That was enough for her. Wanting there to be more, and maybe for once, there could be. If Simeon seemed a little uncertain and then definite by turns, she didn’t doubt his feelings, which was more than she could say for herself.

Am I in love with Simeon? No. I don’t know. I don’t think so.

But do I want to love Simeon, make love to Simeon, and do I want him to love me? To do all those things he said?

“God, yes,” she sighed, pulling him into her arms.

Simeon kissed her in a haze. This couldn’t be real, but it felt real. Maybe it was a gift from Milly.

“Does biting always hurt?” Emily asked between kisses, her hips bucking toward his.

No, it was definitely a gift from Milly. “I’m dreaming this,” Simeon mumbled.

“Okay. Then we can’t hurt each other. It’s a dream. Dreams come true.” Emily seemed almost eager to embrace this, which meant again, it could be a fevered dream, or something had actually changed between them.

“Tell me your dream, Emily. I told you mine, that every day I can rescue you, that I can fix what’s broken. You tell me what you want, what you dream of. It can’t hurt us in here, remember?”

“I want... I want to do things with you. So many things, God, Simeon. I need what you are, what you have... Not a soul, but something else that makes me laugh and live and lust! When you kissed me, I got—” Emily stopped, blushing, eyes glazed over. “You made me feel things that I’m not supposed to feel, that I’ve never felt. The dream, a bad-good dream, is you! You , a perfect blend of all the things I want and can’t have, or shouldn’t have... but why the hell shouldn’t I?” Her passion-dizzy voice sounded petulant, then enraged. “Why does a hell god who the world hates get to be the nicest, sweetest family man, and why is the King of Gods a big, creepy lech?”

“I dunno, love, I dunno. Not fair. Don’t get riled.” Simeon put a firm hand on her shoulder as she thrashed her head around, all wound up in a mix of passion and anger that made his cock ache and his fangs twitch.

She hit him lightly on the shoulder, and then followed through with the rest of her body, her arm bringing her torso with it as she clung to his chest. “Not fair. Simeon? You know how I feel when I think about never seeing you again?”

He shuddered against her, one hand sliding through her hair as he held her gaze. “Sometimes I think about the night you crashed. Think about what it would be like if I hadn’t found you in time. It feels like utter, absolute heartbreak and anguish, and then after the blinding pain, there’s nothing. Just numbness.”

Emily nodded, eyes wide. “Is it like the world is broken? And frozen?”

That was eerily on the money. “But worse.”

“I think about not seeing you again and knowing you’re being punished for something you didn’t do—it’s so stupid because I should want you to suffer for all the things you did do! But I don’t. All I know is that I’m not ready for you not to be here. I can’t lose one more thing—my only thing.” Emily gave him a broken smile. “My father talked about vampires as if they were our property, the ones meant to be killed by us, the ones meant to end us. Dracula was my Great-Grandfather’s. You were meant to be my father’s, and before he died, he told me to make sure I finished you. He told me... ‘Crow is yours.’ Sometimes, I feel like you belong to me.”

The ache in his chest exploded, and heat flowed through his cool limbs.

“God, yes. I belong to you, Emmy. I have, always have, ever since we first fought. You’ve never left my mind.” He nodded fervently as his eyes overflowed.

From passionate kissing to passionate crying in under five minutes. No wonder he’d died a virgin.

“You’re mine?”

He bit his lip. She shouldn’t say that to him. Shouldn’t call him that. She’d end up claiming him in the old ways, the ways of blood and possession.

He certainly shouldn’t allow that claim to bind them. It would be so easy to activate it, a simple declaration of “I’m yours” and then getting her to declare that she was his...

“I’m yours.” He ended it there, not pushing, using his last bit of control to steer the ship of wanting away from the rocks. “And I’m going to stay yours. Stay with you. We won’t let them separate us, all right, love?”

“It can’t. It can’t, I can’t. Not again.” Emily pulled her wet cheek from his shirt and looked up at him with helpless, bereft eyes.

She’s not just mourning me. She’s mourning all the losses, and every loss builds on it until the stack is so tall and the hole is so deep. “I’m here. I’m right here. Lemme hold you, and you’ll see, Emmy. We’ll stay right here.”

“I’m so tired. If I die, then I don’t have to watch anyone else—” The words choked off. “I was told it would happen. That I’d die in battle, and sometimes... Sometimes I think that’s a perk. Because if I’m gone, I don’t have to watch anyone else leave. And if I die, there’s nothing more I can do, I’ve literally given all I’ve got. My fight would be finished. I’m supposed to be better than that, right?”

“You’re perfect, Huntress, just like you are.” That made her sob worse. An edge of exasperation crept into his voice. “Emily, I’m trying .”

“Only you would think I’m perfect, and you’re such a mess. You’re a murderer, and a demon, and my enemy! My own father never—” The sobs bordered on hysterical. “This was supposed to be a dream, a sexy, sweet dream where no one got hurt, and I’m crying and my nose is running...” She sniffed in and tried to pull away.

“Hey. You listen to me. You are perfect. I said it, and I meant it. I think you’re perfect, and the ones that don’t... they’re too imperfect to see past their own shitty lives blocking the view of you, the best girl in all the world.”

Her voice was scornful, but there was a laugh under it. “And you’re what? Perfect enough?”

“No, just imperfect enough to know what you are and what I am, too. I know I’m a murdering demon, and I know that I’m in love with you. I know you deserve someone much better—and I know I can’t help being in love with you anyway.” Simeon sighed, heart heavy. But it lifted. If she was carrying on this way about losing him, if she had those thoughts about sleeping with him, if she was kissing him... “You want me the way I am, too?”

“With less evil, yeah.”

“Hm. Well...” He bit his lip. Maybe by next week, you’ll get what you want, pretty little predator. Maybe next week, I’ll be the man with a soul. Still be a vampire, but won’t be a proper ‘demon.’

But here I am, demon as I am, with you. Been with you for months and getting nothing from it.

Tell me what human did that, love?

Emily hadn’t pressed him to finish that sentence. Her sobs had stilled. Her breathing was slowing. “Emily?”

Of course. The one time things might actually happen between us, she falls asleep. His sigh turned happy. I get to be here for it. Hold her in my arms and just watch her sleep. You know that means she trusts you, right?

She mumbled unexpectedly, making him jump. “God of the Underworld... Hades. S’posed to be mean. Creepy. Dark and scary.”

“He can be when he wants to be.” Simeon remembered a hot jet of flame across his trousers.

“Makes dad jokes. Loves his family. ‘s not evil. Just functional. You’re functional. Little evil. No soul.”

“Yep.” We’re on the same page, pet.

“But you have a heart. A big, loving heart.”

Simeon went rigid. “Am I hallucinating?”

She giggled sleepily on him. “No.”

Silence. Stroking her hair.

A soft whisper in the dark. “You know... If we find Seph, Hades is going to owe us a favor. I know what I want.”

“What?”

“It’s a secret. But it’s going to make you happy.” I hope.

“It’s for me?” Her voice was stunned, groggy and stunned.

“For you.” Well, technically Simeon supposed he should say it was for him, but that wasn’t why he wanted it. He didn’t need his soul to be happy. He had something similar, a conscience, a heart, a new purpose, the ability to love—But try explaining that to a human, particularly the human beside him.

I need a soul, but not to satisfy myself. To satisfy the woman I love. Some people you’d sell your soul for—and for some, you’d fight to buy it back.

“Oh. Oh my gosh, Simeon.” Emily forced her eyes open a fraction and squinted up at him, kissing his cheek, the closest part she could reach as she groggily lifted her head. “That’s beautiful. You’re beautiful. Handsome.”

“And you’re crashing. Why don’t you sleep? I don’t think we’re going to settle any big existential questions tonight, and I don’t want to test out your stamina when you’re half-looney.”

Emily was silent. Simeon kept hold of her, inhaling her scent, letting himself dream. Then she twitched, mewled, and clung closer. “Right here, baby.”

“You’re different when we’re alone,” came her sleepy whisper.

“Maybe. So are you. Not afraid of what people will say about the great vampire slayer, the last of the Van Helsings.”

There was another pause, longer this time, until she finally rasped, “More afraid of losing you.”