Chapter 19

19

Lila (Nala)

I was slightly in my feelings after Ahmad left. I couldn't believe the way he was acting. Staying with him for however much longer was going to be a pain in my ass with him being so fucking fickle. I needed a break from him. One that didn't include us being in separate rooms in this house.

Speaking of this house, I had to get the hell out of there. Being cooped up for days on end was driving me crazy. I needed sunshine, fresh air, and people. I could feel myself beginning to get triggered once again. Something had to give and it had to give soon.

After giving Kari a bath, I left her to get dressed while I headed for Ahmad's room. It was a long shot, but maybe he left his door unlocked. Much to my surprise, the door was partially opened. I stepped inside and found everything in clean, pristine condition.

I shook my head. His OCD was mind boggling. The man had a tub of Lysol wipes placed on damn near every flat surface. Every item was lined up from tallest to shortest. Everything was color coordinated or labeled. Constantly doing this would drive me insane.

I stepped further into the room and closed the door. Ahmad had left the burner phone with me. If I could just find the address to this place, I could call a cab or something. I began rummaging through every drawer looking for something with an address. Unfortunately, there was nothing.

Looking around, my eyes settled on the closet door. I hesitated for a moment before going over and opening it.

"Jesus Christ…" I mumbled as my eyes settled on yet another pristine area.

The clothes and shoes were organized by color. Nothing was out of place, not that I expected it to be. On the top racks were a few boxes. One by one, I took them down. One was a sunglasses case. A few of the others were guns. The last one I picked up had papers in it. I shuffled through until I came across the deed to the house with the address printed on it.

Pulling the burner from my pocket, I snapped a photo then put everything back the way I found it and left the closet.

"Mommy!" Kari called.

I quickly exited the bedroom to find her standing in the hallway.

"What are you doing in Mr. Ahmad's room?" she asked.

"Nothing, baby. Hey, you wanna take a trip today?"

"But Mr. Ahmad said we can't leave the house without him."

"It's okay. I'll be with you, and I won't let anything happen to you. Mommy really needs a break, baby."

"Well… okay. Where are we going?"

"I don't know yet, but you can help me pack a bag for us while I figure it out."

"Okay."

We headed back to our room and packed a duffel bag with our essential items. I also packed the gun and the money he'd left me with. Prayerfully, I wouldn't have to use the gun. Once we were all packed, I grabbed the crutches, and we headed back downstairs. I got Kari busy with coloring while I looked up a cab company. After locating one, I called and booked the service. I made sure to delete the call log and the picture I took of the address.

While waiting for it to get here, I sat on the couch watching my baby in her own little world. Even though she didn't know him, I thought about what freedom from Slim meant for her. She'd only ever asked about her father once. It was about a year ago when her school was having a father-daughter dance. My parents flew all the way to Cali so my father could escort her.

As I was getting her ready, she looked at me curiously.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, baby?"

"How come your daddy had to come take me to the dance? Where's my own daddy?"

I stopped messing with the bow on her dress and looked up at her. She waited patiently for an answer while I tried to find the words.

"Well… you have a daddy. He just… he wasn't very nice to Mommy, and I didn't want him to be mean to you. That's why you don't see him."

"Oh… Well, I don't want a mean daddy, anyway."

She hadn't asked me anything about him since. Watching her with Ahmad made me wish things were different. She deserved a good father. I wasn't saying I wanted that to be him, but she deserved a good one in general. She was such a happy, bubbly child who never gave me any problems. I knew the love of a good father, and more than anything, I wanted my baby to know that too.

The sound of a horn blowing interrupted my thoughts. I stood from the couch and grabbed our bag, placing the burner on the coffee table.

"Come on, baby."

Kari hopped up from the floor and followed me to the front door. After ensuring that it was locked, we took the steps down to the cab. The cabbie got out and greeted us with a smile as he took my bag.

"Good morning, ladies."

"Good morning," I said as Kari waved.

He opened the door and allowed us to climb inside. Popping the trunk, he put our bag in the back before rounding the driver side and climbing in himself.

"Where to, ma'am?"

"Back into town. I'll let you know from there."

He pulled out of the driveway, and I watched the house disappear into the background. Thirty minutes later we were pulling into town limits. We passed a couple gas stations and restaurants before crossing over a bridge into the small town. I had the driver take us to what looked like a nice motel and told him to wait.

Climbing out the car with Kari in tow, I headed to the front desk, instructing her to remain quiet. There stood an older woman who looked to be my mother's age. When she saw Kari, she smiled.

"Well, hey, pretty girl." Kari shyly hid behind my leg, causing the woman to chuckle. "She's adorable."

"Thank you."

"How can I help you, sugar?"

"We need a room for the night."

"Sure thing, I'll just need to see some ID."

I put on my best acting. "I don't have any on me. We had to leave in a hurry, and I barely had time to grab anything. If you could just… please. We aren't from here and we don't know anybody. I have cash."

I fumbled in my pockets and pulled out a few crumpled twenties.

"You can have it."

She looked from me to Kari who was still hiding behind me. Her face softened and she picked up the money. Reaching behind her, she grabbed a key and handed it to me.

"Up the stairs. Last room on the left."

"Thank you."

Grabbing Kari's hand, I led her back outside to the cabbie. He got out and grabbed our bag from the trunk and I paid him. We made our way up the stairs and down to our room for the day. As we walked, I surveyed our surroundings. There was the city park Ahmad had taken us to, a couple of restaurants, and a few retail stores. Even though they were all within walking distance, I'd still call for a ride, so I didn't have to put too much pressure on my foot.

Stepping into the room, I looked around. It was nice and it smelled clean. Leading Kari inside, I put our bag down and closed the door. After pulling back the covers and checking the bed, I went into the bathroom to check it out as well. Both were clean which gave me relief.

"Are we staying here, Mommy?"

"For tonight."

"Is Mr. Ahmad gonna come get us? I miss him. He didn't say goodbye."

I sighed. I could kill him for infiltrating my baby's heart. She was slowly growing attached to him and I didn't know how to feel about that. Once we were free to leave, I knew she would continue to ask about him. I could already hear her asking for him to come see her.

I didn't even know where that man lived. He said he had a place to lay his head wherever he went, so who was to say he even had a place to call home? He didn't seem like the type to stay in one place too long anyway.

"You'll see him tomorrow, baby," I assured her.

"Okay."

I was dreading tomorrow. When he came home and didn't find us there, I knew there was going to be hell. Part of me felt bad for leaving and not letting him know or at least leaving a note. The other part of me said fuck Ahmad and his wishy washy, rude, sometimey, unstable, emotional ass.

"Look at me, Mommy!"

"I see you!"

I smiled as my baby ran around with another little girl, playing on the monkey bars. Before we came to the park, we'd had lunch at a little diner down the road and did a little shopping. She was having the time of her life at the park. It was nice to see her just be carefree and live like a child.

"She's adorable," said the woman sitting beside me.

"Thank you."

"Looks like our daughters have made friends."

"Looks that way."

"I'm April. That's my daughter Cassie."

"I'm Lila."

"Are you from around here?"

"No. Just here for a little while. We're leaving tomorrow."

"Oh. Where are you from?"

I looked at her skeptically. I didn't know her, and she didn't know me to be getting in my personal business like that.

"Texas," I lied.

"Really? I have family in Texas. What part?"

"Houston."

"Hmmm. I swear, I feel like I've seen you somewhere before."

"I wouldn't know where."

I moved a little further down from her. She was giving me the creeps.

"Where's your daughter's father?"

"Dead," I said, turning to her. "What is this? Why are you questioning me?"

"Because I never forget a face and you look very familiar."

I stood from the bench and grabbed our things.

"Kari! Let's go!"

She stopped playing and pouted. "Awww, but, Mommy!"

"Right now, Makari."

She waved goodbye to her friend and began making her way over to me.

"Wait!" April called after me. "I know where I've seen you."

"You don't know me at all."

I grabbed my baby's hand and started walking away.

"It's Slim!" she called after me, causing me to stop in my tracks.

"Excuse me?"

"You're Nala. You dated Slim. For a hot minute, too."

"I don't know who you're talking about."

"Yeah, you do. He's been looking for you, you know?"

I looked down at Kari, who looked at me curiously. I didn't want to have this conversation in front of her. Sitting her on the bench, I walked April out of earshot.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You want something from me? Money? What?"

She shook her head. "I don't want anything from you." She gave me a sympathetic look. "I get why you did what you did. I know what kind of man Slim is… what he's capable of. He sells you a dream. You think you're getting Prince Charming when you're really getting the devil. I don't know your story, but mine wasn't pretty."

She looked over at her daughter who was now playing with another little girl. Tears pooled in her eyes as she shook her head.

"I almost lost her because of him. When I was released from the hospital, I left and never went back to him."

I looked back at Cassie with wide eyes. She was about the same age as Kari. I had a feeling Slim was cheating around the time I left him but having the confirmation standing right in front of me hit different. Not only was he cheating, but he got us both pregnant around the same time.

"She's his?"

April nodded in confirmation. "She is." She looked down at Kari. "Her?"

I nodded slowly. "He doesn't know."

"Good. She doesn't need to be around him. I wish I'd been as lucky. He pops up when he wants to see her. There's nothing I can do about it. He's threatened me if I ever try to keep her away from him or take him to court. I know he'll make good on those threats. He takes her and brings her back whenever he feels like it, most of the time without me knowing. He just drops her off with his wife while he runs the streets."

"Wait… wife?"

"He's married. She's very docile. Does whatever he says, whenever he says it. I guess he's good to her because he can control her."

I was quiet. I wasn't sure if I should believe her or not. What if this was a ploy? What if someone I knew had seen me and sent her? I frantically looked around, making sure there were no suspicious people lurking. The park was relatively empty aside from a few parents and kids. Still, what were the odds of meeting Slim's other baby mama?

"She has two brothers. They have different mothers too. All of us have the same story. You aren't alone."

I shook my head. "I have to go. I'm not looking for a family reunion of Slim's baby mamas. I don't want anything to do with him. If I wasn't forced to be here right now, I wouldn't be."

I started to walk away, but she grabbed my arm.

"Nala—"

"No!" I yelled. "I don't trust you. I'm not even sure if I believe you. Look, if you're telling the truth, I'm sorry you have to deal with him. I'm just trying to make it out of this place with my life and sanity intact. My daughter doesn't know him and if I can help it, she never will. Unfortunately, that goes for her would be siblings too. Please… I have to go."

I walked away as quickly as my feet and the crutch would carry me. Grabbing Kari's hand, I pulled her along as we made our way back to the hotel. By the time we got there, I was sweating and tired. I panted heavily as I took a seat on the bed.

"Are you okay, Mommy?" Kari asked softly.

"Mommy's fine."

"Who was that lady?"

"She was nobody, baby."

"But—"

"Kari, please!" I said, a little too loud.

Tears formed in her eyes, and she poked her lip out. I immediately felt like shit. I never yelled at her, let alone raised my voice at her. Pulling her into my arms, I hugged her tightly.

"Mommy's sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. Please forgive me."

"It's okay," she said tearfully.

"No, it's not." I held her away from me. Gently, I stroked her hair. "I love you so much, Kari. You know that, right?"

She nodded.

"Mommy is under a lot of stress right now. There is so much you don't understand that I wish I could tell you. I've made such a mess of things, and I'm so sorry… I'm so, so sorry."

It was my turn to cry. Her little arms enclosed me, and it only made me cry harder. I'd give anything to be back in Cali away from all the drama, the bodies being dropped because of me, and the bullshit with Ahmad. I dug a grave for myself when I stole Slim's money, and it was only getting deeper.

"Wanna do something fun, Mommy?" Kari asked, to make me feel better.

I wiped my eyes and looked at her with a light smile. "What do you wanna do?"

"We can watch my favorite movie and you can color me a pretty picture and I can color you one."

She grabbed the remote and turned the TV on. After searching, she stopped when she found The Princess and the Frog . We'd seen this movie a thousand times and she watched it every time like it was the first. She ran over to our shopping bags and grabbed the one housing her new coloring books and crayons. Bringing it over, she dumped it on the bed and shuffled through until she found the princess coloring book.

"You can color in this one," she said, handing it and a box of crayons to me. "Make it pretty."

"I will."

She climbed on the bed and laid so she could see the TV. I followed suit. As we colored, I watched her with a smile on my face. I hated her father, but my love for her would stand the tests of time. At the end of the day, everything I'd done since she was conceived was for her. It didn't matter who was against me, I knew this little girl thought the world of me. She was the one thing I'd gotten right.