Chapter 13

13

Lila (Nala)

I couldn't believe I was playing nice with this man.

There was a shift in the atmosphere once we got into our meditation session. It was the calmest I'd seen Play, who I now knew as Ahmad, since we encountered him. In his Zen-like state, he seemed almost normal. I'd stolen a few glances at him. Damn, he was fine. This man was going to give me a serious case of Stockholm syndrome if I got close enough to him.

I felt like closeness was inevitable. We were stuck together in the middle of nowhere for God knows how long. He said he had a plan to take Slim out, but how long would that take? If he'd been watching me to know when to take me, I could only imagine he was watching Slim too.

Slim was never alone. He always had a gang of his goons surrounding him. To get to him, Ahmad was going to have to go through them. They were loyal and willing to die behind that man. That was some shit I could never fathom. The only person I was willing to die for was my baby.

The feeling of little lips on my cheeks caused a smile to break out on my face. I was laid out on the couch with my foot elevated. Kari had been in the kitchen with Ahmad preparing lunch. Somehow, I'd drifted off to sleep.

My baby seemed to be warming up to him and him to her.

"Time to wake up, sleepy head," Kari said, kissing my eyelids. "Lunch is ready."

"I'm awake, I'm awake."

I turned to face her, finding a smile on her pretty face. I was so happy that even though she possessed Slim's genes, she looked just like me. Had she looked like him, it would have been a hard reminder of that man.

"Did you have a good nap?" she asked.

"I did."

"I bet," Ahmad said. "You were snoring loud as hell."

I sat up and looked back at him. "I don't snore."

"That's a lie. You heard her, right, Rabbit?"

She giggled. "You did snore, Mommy."

I playfully grabbed her and tickled her. "You're supposed to be on my side."

She erupted in a fit of giggles as she struggled to get away. I'd forgotten all about the soreness of my arm until she jerked it a little too hard.

"Ouch!"

"I'm sorry, Mommy! I'm sorry!"

"It's okay, baby. Mommy was doing too much."

As I held my arm in pain, I heard Ahmad's footsteps approaching. He appeared in front of me with a glass of water and my pain meds. Twisting off the cap, he shook one into my hand and handed me the glass.

"Have you been taking these?" he asked.

"Not today. I felt okay."

"You gotta take it easy, Bunny." He took the glass and handed it to Kari. "Can you put this on the table?"

"Yes, sir."

She carefully walked into the kitchen. Ahmad bent down and wrapped his arm around my waist to help me up from the couch. As I stood unsteadily, I looked up at him, meeting his eyes. For a moment, we stared at each other. His eyes drifted to my lips as he brushed one of my locs from my face. His grip on me tightened and he held me closer.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I whispered.

"I can't admire you?"

"I thought you couldn't stand me?"

He chuckled. "You're still a beautiful woman, Bunny. I'm not blind. Come on. Let's get you fed. You shouldn't take those meds on an empty stomach."

He led me over to the table and helped me into the chair. Kari took a seat next to me. Leaning over, she sweetly kissed my arm.

"Is that better, Mommy?"

I smiled. "Much better. Thank you, baby."

Ahmad brought over a plate of grilled cheese sandwiches followed by bowls of homemade tomato soup. I chuckled. When he asked Kari what she wanted for lunch, this was her selection. He had groceries delivered and let her help him make everything. Before I'd fallen asleep, I'd watched him teach her how to make the soup.

Kari was making a mess, and I could tell his OCD was bothering him, but he held it together. Maybe kids weren't able to cure things like that, but they could absolutely make you face it head on.

We joined hands and Kari said a prayer before we dug in. As she tended to do, my baby dominated the conversation.

"Mr. Ahmad, do you have kids?"

"I don't."

"Why not?"

I started to correct her, but I was curious about that too.

"Well, Rabbit, I don't know if I'd make a good father. Kids need a lot of time and attention and I like being alone."

"That doesn't make you sad? I don't like to be alone."

He shook his head. "Nah. It doesn't make me sad."

"You don't want someone to play with you?"

He chuckled. "I have people to play with if I want to play."

"I bet you do," I mumbled.

"Maybe Mommy can play with you while we're here since you're friends now," Kari offered.

"I don't think Mommy wants to play my kind of games."

"Why not, Mommy? You told me sometimes we should play what our friends want to play to be fair."

Ahmad smirked before taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Kari, baby, eat your food before it gets cold."

She poked out her lip but focused her attention on the food before her.

"So…" I said, with a heavy sigh. "Is there any way we can leave here and visit civilization?"

"It's not safe."

"But you go out."

"I don't need protection."

"You think you're untouchable and you're not. What if something happened to you while you're out? Then what happens to us?"

"If something happens to me, you and Rabbit will be taken care of. I've got connections all over, baby."

"So you expect us to go from stranger to stranger? How do I know we'll be safe with them?"

"Anybody I entrust with your care is someone I'd trust with my life. They will make sure you're straight off the strength of me."

I sighed heavily. "If you say so."

"Did you need something? I can have it delivered."

"I need hair products. It's time to take these out and I like particular products and brands."

"Make me a list, and I'll have someone shop for you. It's just not safe right now."

I pouted. "Fine."

It had only been a few days, but I was already tired of being in this house. Other than stepping out on the porch for some fresh air, we'd been inside. Even though I kept to myself most of the time in Cali, I needed to see people. It gave me a sense of normalcy.

Slim locked me in the house for far too long too many times. I went days, sometimes weeks, without human interaction outside of him and his goons. Being trapped in this house was going to trigger me.

I could feel it coming.

Night had fallen.

True to his word, Ahmad had someone deliver my hair products that afternoon. Once Kari went down for bed, I hobbled downstairs to the living room to begin taking my locs out. I grabbed a plastic bag to discard the hair and made myself comfortable on the couch. After turning on Criminal Minds , I got to work.

I completely underestimated the pain in my shoulder. I'd gotta about ten locs out before it started hurting.

"Son of a bitch," I mumbled, rubbing it.

"You need some help?" I heard behind me.

I turned to see Ahmad dressed in a pair of gray sweats and a beater. His well-defined muscles were covered in tattoos and glistening from whatever he applied after his shower. As he sauntered over to me, my eyes drifted south to the dick print in the front of his pants.

Damn.

I quickly averted my eyes but not quick enough. He smirked as he licked his lips but didn't comment.

"Well?" he asked.

"What do you know about taking faux locs out?"

"Not shit."

"Exactly. You aren't about to cut my hair."

"Just tell me what to do, woman."

He placed a cushion on the floor and helped me onto it. He then slid behind me and made himself comfortable. I gave him a quick run-down of what to do. He simply nodded and got to work.

Much to my surprise, he moved pretty quickly. After a good hour of silence between us, he was finished taking the locs out. Grabbing the comb, he began unbraiding my hair. I giggled to myself.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"I bet you don't do this with the so-called friends you play with."

He chuckled. "This is the first and last time. This feels too much like you're my woman."

"What do you have against being with someone on a romantic level?"

"Women require more than I'm capable of giving. You want dick, cool. I got plenty of that. You want love… I don't know about that."

"You act like you were never shown love."

He remained quiet and his silence caused me to look back at him.

"Ahmad? Were you not shown love as a child?"

"My parents weren't big on affection. I mean, they told us they loved us, but there were no hugs and kisses or shit like that. They passed a lot of judgment on me, so even though they said they loved me, I ain't ever felt like that shit was real."

I avoided his eyes. Now I felt bad about taunting him about his OCD. Emotional neglect could be serious as hell and fuck with a person's mental. I could see that he had never been shown softness. He was too hard. Even in moments where he tried to be gentle, he still came off abrasive.

"Don't do that," he said, breaking my thoughts.

"Don't do what?"

"Feel pity for me. I don't need that shit."

"I don't feel pity. I just think it's sad that you weren't shown affection. Every child craves that from their parents. It makes you feel safe… it allows you to be vulnerable."

"Vulnerability is overrated. You show a nigga you're vulnerable and they use it as a weakness. If I can help it, nobody will ever get the drop on me like that."

I shook my head. "I know what it's like to have to look over your shoulder all the time. I've done it for six years, Ahmad. I was miles away from Slim and he still lived rent free in my head. If someone followed me for too long, I thought he sent them for me. I barely sleep because I'm always on high alert. I'm terrified to let Kari out of my sight for too long, even with her nanny. That's no way to live. You've had to do it much longer than me. You can't tell me it doesn't take a toll on you."

He shrugged. "It's all I know. I've never been anybody but me."

"Aren't you tired? Don't you want peace?"

He didn't say anything. Gently, he turned my head back to the television and continued to unbraid my hair. For the remainder of the time, there was nothing but silence between us. I couldn't help but feel like I'd struck a nerve.

When he was done, he slid from behind me and stood to his feet. He helped me up from the floor to stand.

"I'm gonna go shower again. Your hair is all over me."

I nodded. "Thanks for your help."

"Mmm hmm."

He started to walk away, but I stopped him.

"Ahmad."

Slowly he turned to face me. "What?"

"I'm sorry if I made you feel some type of way. I just know the battle of being in your head all the time."

"You good, Bunny. It ain't shit."

Something stirred inside me. I still wasn't his biggest fan, but something in me wanted to show him softness. To let him know that he didn't have to be this hard ass nigga all the fucking time.

I hobbled over to where he stood. He peered down at me curiously as though he was waiting to see what I would do. Stepping closer to him, I cupped his face and pulled his lips to mine. He didn't move as I pressed my lips firmly against his.

When my lips parted to slip my tongue into his mouth, he received it without hesitation. The kiss we shared was soft and sensual. I could taste the remnants of his toothpaste, imagining that he had a whole ritual for the amount of times he brushed and flossed too.

We were getting well into it when he abruptly grabbed my wrists and pulled my hands from his face. He took a step back, putting space between us.

"Don't… don't do that again," he said, frowning. "Goodnight, Nala."

Releasing my hands, he walked away, leaving me there with a stupid look on my face.

Nala… I thought. Not Bunny. Nala.

Yeah, he felt some type of way.