Chapter 7

SEVEN

There'sa teal blue car in the drive when we get back and I look at it hesitantly before I turn back to D.

"It's Richter," he says, sliding the car onto its charging plate.

When he gets out, looking at their car, he seems to relax. Though I can't guess why, even when he continues, "And he brought his little spy with him."

I don't know what he means until we get inside and a gorgeous blonde woman turns to look up at us.

Richter is a pretty orang-ish red colored Sian who doesn't have any of the scars the rest of them do. The unbroken patterns of his skin look wrong with the snowy backdrop out the windows.

His mate slides from his lap, but he doesn't let her get more than a step ahead of him as they come to us.

"Kimba, this is Richter and Laurel." D says, in Sianese—Laurel must already be fluent.

"Hi, we were recovering, or else we would have been here sooner." She smiles, but it's weak and I remember the words ‘attempted murder'. Maybe we have more in common than the average woman who crossed galaxies to be here.

"It's lovely to meet you."

"You too, I've seen you dance. You're amazing." She shakes my hand and then steps back into Richter's arms.

"Thank you."

She's pregnant. I can tell by the way Richter's hand rests protectively at her waist, how they move around each other.

"Have you met the others yet?" Laurel asks, her smile somehow even brighter.

"Which others?"

"The other bondmates." She gestures between us, including me in the group she's just mentioned.

"No." I say, my mind trying to find a way to tell her that's not what I am without stabbing D through the heart. But I can't think of anything that isn't at least partially a lie.

Suddenly, his hand on my shoulder feels more possessive. Suddenly, I understand how this looks.

"Well, we'll have to figure out a time to get together. Compare notes," she says, conspiratorially.

"Yes, of course." I say it in a rush that her light words didn't warrant.

D squeezes me gently before he says, "I doubt this was a ‘getting to know you' visit."

Richter mutters something about business and holds out a dark triangle—their version of a microchip. "We scrubbed the data from Laurel's handler back on Earth. I couldn't find much, but I figured now that we've done the groundwork, you can dig into it and see what they want with us."

D glances at me for the briefest second before he takes it. "I'll look into it."

"I also have some cavrinskh information that wouldn't make sense without a face to face." I catch the smallest glance he sends toward Laurel. He doesn't want to let her out of his sight, but he also doesn't want her to be a part of the conversation.

"Why don't we go sit down and talk while they deal with the gory details." I hold my hand out for Laurel and she takes it, more than happy to not hear about the monsters, I assume.

"How long since you got here?" I ask, knowing it can't have been long.

"It feels like days and years all at the same time." She laughs as she sits and then her spine straightens as she looks over at Richter.

"It's a little unnerving sometimes," she says, shimmying her scarf over her head. "The way they watch us."

It's easier for me. I know D watches me, but I don't feel the heat of the emotions behind that gaze. None of his feelings tangle up with mine.

I almost wish they did.

I almost wish I didn't have any other choice but to give in to what I know we both want… what I'm still too scared to take.

Luckily, Laurel can't sense my melancholic thoughts either.

"So, you speak the language… I don't know why I'm surprised, you've been here a lot longer than I have."

I nod. "Edan needed me to be able to talk with the others. Needed to be sure I gave a good impression. He was one of the people who pushed hardest for getting the Agency set up and bringing over those of us who fit the parameters."

She smiles in that way people smile when they feel like they should know something and they don't. "I'm so sorry. Who's Edan?"

"No, I apologize. He was my bondmate."

"Oh." Her smile is no longer strained, it's non-existent. "I'm so sorry."

Mortality isn't something that comes up in the brochures. Even with Richter out in the Zone hunting monsters, I doubt she's given much thought to the possibility that one day he might be gone.

This is a routine I should be used to by now. How many times have I had to break the news to a woman at Margot's that their bondmates are fragile creatures… no matter how thick their textured skin might be.

I force a familiar smile of my own. It's false, but I've practiced it so well… "It's been years since he passed. I've endured the worst of it."

She glances at D, and then something seems to click and her face clears before she turns to me. "Wait… how long have you been here?"

"Almost fifteen years."

Laurel blinks at me, stunned to silence.

"I was the fourth human woman to set foot on the planet." Hand in hand with Margot.

She whispers "holy shit" under her breath and then her eyes narrow as she studies me. "So, you're like… the reason we're here."

"I guess, kind of? They needed us more than they realized… everyone but Edan. He's the reason we're all here."

"You talk about him like he was a saint."

Sometimes I think he was. "He was a perfect partner. And there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss him."

"Still. I'd be willing to bet I never would have had a chance without you working your magic."

"I didn't dance back then, if that's what you're thinking. I mean, I've always danced, but not as an enticement. Margot has always had that side of things covered." I don't really know how to explain, "I was more of an ambassador. But in a way that men who had no idea what to expect from human women would accept."

She gives me a skeptical look.

"I know you haven't spent much time with Sian men outside of the brotherhood. But I can assure you, many of them are not like I assume Richter was with you—especially back then. Most of them think of women as if they are spun glass. We're too fragile to be left on our own. We're rare and therefore precious. We need to be protected at all times. Like some resource they could lose at any moment."

"You're right. I haven't experienced that." She pauses, looking at the white out the window, and there's something sour in the response. "Is that what you experienced at Margot's as well?"

"Not personally, but I hear enough stories." When her brows quirk quizzically, I say, "Margot and I have a deal. I dance. I don't fraternize." I refuse to think in past tense. She didn't actually fire me. "I'm not bonded, I can't sleep with anyone until I've decided if I want to bond again."

"But, Drift…" Laurel shoots a confused glance at the men's backs.

"He is the only exception, and only to some of the rules." I let her decide which she thinks I've let him break. "Margot trusts him. So I trust him."

She looks back and forth between us, eyes narrowed and if I had to guess, I'd think she was doing math. "I didn't know you could be here, unbonded."

"There are a few widows, like me. But it's rare." At least, that's what I've been told.

If it isn't, the Agency certainly wouldn't advertise it.

A faint blush covers Laurel's cheeks and she shoots a glance at Richter.

I've seen that look a dozen times before, and I'm not surprised when he comes to collect her.

"It's time to go home," Richter says, holding out his hand to help her up.

"And feed me." Laurel laughs as she gets to her feet. "I didn't realize I'd be so hungry."

"That's normal."

Again, I get a look.

"I've been here for a very long time, and I've spent years around women who come and go when there's a weeun on the way."

Thankfully, they take that explanation without further question.

It's the first time I've said the "w" word out loud in a long time and it's a sour taste on my tongue.

Goodbyes exchanged, they disappear into the garage, and D hesitates a moment before handing me my coat.

He takes my hand. "Come on, we can watch them go."

There's a set of stairs I hadn't noticed before, tucked behind a column that leads up instead of down, and the door he steers me through at the top of them opens on a frigid blast of wind.

We step out onto the roof, and I draw in a sharply cold breath. All around me, nothing but icy mountains and the deep valley between the calderas, lit by near and distant moons.

From here, even in the half dark, it feels like I could see forever.

The way D looks out over the caldera… maybe he can.

I watch the bright car drive around the bend and off toward Richter's outpost, taking the sharp fractals of light with it. Kimba does not.

She stares at the mountains that block our view of the city.

"I don't know the last time I was outside and couldn't see the city. It's so… isolated here."

"It can feel that way."

"Does it bother you?" She turns and looks up at me. "Being alone all the time."

I shake my head. "It might feel that way to you, but that's because the brothers are staying away. There are people here semi-constantly."

"If I'm in the way—"

"You're not."

"I haven't forgotten what it was like to be bound to a man with an important job, D. I know how to stay out of the way if I need to."

I don't want her out of the way. I want her in my way and in the thick of things.

"I'll tell them to stop treating us like we're newly bonded. They're going to have questions for you."

"And if I don't want to answer them, I'll go downstairs and they'll have to deal with it."

"Because you can't get away with pretending that you don't understand what they're saying."

We haven't spoken English since Laurel and Richter left.

"No, I don't suppose I can." She shivers, but she doesn't even look at the door back to the inside.

She looks out at the expanse of the caldera and I wrap my arms around her hoping it will help keep her warm.

"Did you know our language before you came over?" I ask, needing to hear her voice again.

"No. Edan taught me. He slowly transitioned to the point where we spoke it exclusively in the house. So I had years of immersion before he was gone, and then… the women at Margot's liked to practice with me. They thought it was fun to bring home their new skills to their bondmates, and several of the clients were more comfortable, or hadn't learned a human language yet."

The mention of years tugs at my mind.

I knew she'd been bonded before, but there was one element I hadn't considered before now. "You never had weeuns."

I don't mean to say it out loud, but it slips free.

She's quiet for a moment and then exhales, long and slow.

"I know, it sounds impossible, but Edan… couldn't." She shrugs and snuggles further into my arms. "By the time we found out, we were okay with it just being the two of us."

She's distant, her gaze on the inner caldera. Her words are a whisper. "But now that he's gone… I'll admit, I wish I still had a part of him."

"He'll always be with you." I kiss the top of her head.

"Kids were always a part of the promise for coming here, even before the Agency was in place. And even though I passed all the tests, I spent years thinking maybe it wasn't him. Maybe it was me…"

"Is that why you've never thought about rebonding?"

She swallows and I wait a moment longer for an answer that doesn't come.

She looks up at me and the sorrow in her eyes is so deep, I worry we'll both drown.

"I'll go get tested if you want." I brush my lips against her hair. "You have to know I'd do anything for you."

"I do." She blinks a little too fast.

And even though it's probably too soon, I say, "I'm asking you to take me for your own. It doesn't have to be today or tomorrow. I'm offering you everything that I am, and I would wait for the rest of my life if that was how long you needed to be sure."

Her lips part, and then she closes her mouth in a tight purse.

I spoke too soon. Again.

I can see for miles if I need to, but I'm not always clear on what's right in front of me. And I've never been more unsure of anything in my life. Ever.

"If you don't want that—if you don't want me—I'll take no for an answer." I'll hate it, but I will let her go if she asks me to. "And even then, I'll still do everything in my power to protect you."

"I know." She shivers, but I don't think it's from the cold.

"Let's go back in. We don't have to talk about this anymore if you don't want. Not right now."

She nods, and I let her go when she pulls away, following her back inside, sliding the bolts behind us.

I am hyper aware of her, as ever.

When we reach the bottom of the roof stairs, she takes off her jacket. When we get downstairs, she slips off her shoes. And when she sits, she looks up at me with a caution I wish didn't exist.

I want her to be sure of me… even if she isn't sure of anything else.

"You've sacrificed a lot to protect people you don't even know." Her voice is quiet, and I wonder if this is a conversation she knows she isn't going to enjoy.

"A lot was sacrificed for me." I sit, giving her enough room that she won't feel crowded, but close enough that if she wants to…

She moves to my lap, pulling her knees up to curl into a human sized ball. Her face buried in my chest, I let the rise and fall of her breathing calm me.

"None of us chose this job. It was given to us. They say it's because we're the only ones who can do it… I think they want to keep us away from the normal population as much as they can."

"You couldn't have refused?"

"We weren't given the opportunity." I tell her. "Loathe as I am to say it… without this job, no one would have tried to kill me and you would still be in your ivory tower, always out of reach."

"If you were someone else, I'd probably be worried you set up your attempted assassination just to get me here with you. But you wouldn't."

Her gaze goes to my lips and she licks hers.

Flashing sparks in my periphery, and I glance to the side at the virtual screen projected there. I've kept it out of the way all this time. I'd rather see her.

But perimeter breach warnings can't be ignored.

"I have to go." Four words I hate the moment they leave my lips.

With a stoic nod, she slips from my lap and stands, waiting for me to join her.

"What can I do while you're gone?"

"You don't have to do anything."

"I know, but I want to help."

"You can access anything upstairs. Check the classified files for familiar faces. Maybe you'll be able to find the man who tried to hire you to kill me."

"Why do I have access to classified files?"

I consider telling her they're accessible to anyone inside the outpost, but I don't want to lie to her, ever. "I've coded you into the system as my mate."

"Oh." She looks like she wants to say more, but she presses her lips together instead and hurries upstairs.

By the time I have my suit on and make it upstairs, she's rearranged three of the monitors to create a little pod and is scanning through so much data, it should make her head spin.