Chapter 3

THREE

D drivesout of the city without any lights on.

I look behind us at every turn, but there's no one following us.

I don't even see any drones in the sky.

Then again… they knew who I was. They probably know exactly where D lives.

"They won't bother us until they've got their next plan in place." D explains it like he knows what I'm thinking.

But he can't feel my anxieties that way. We're not bonded.

"If they wanted you to kill me, they wanted it done a certain way. There's a narrative they need to follow. Coming after us guns blazing doesn't fit into that."

"I hope you're right."

We're deep into the mountains before I ask another of the questions I was too afraid to before. "Are you bonded?"

There's a pause, but it feels like confusion, not deceit. "No."

I nod. Swallowing back the bile that had threatened in my throat. "Okay." It would have been okay if he was. "I just didn't want to walk into her house and blindside her."

He looks at me. The faint blue of the neural implant glows silver in his eyes. "You are the only woman in my life. And I have no intention of changing that."

Warmth spreads through my chest and I swallow back a lump of sadness that snags in my throat and makes me ache.

I told myself I could live without the connection Edan and I had.

I think I lied.

I turn to look out at the snow, but what greets me isn't the vast expanse of yellow crags jutting out of blue powder. We turned a corner when I wasn't paying attention and D's home—he called it an outpost—pulls my focus away from everything else. Bathed in the light of four moons, it doesn't look real.

Perched on top of a ridge, it juts out over the caldera I can't see like an enormous cantilever.

It looks like a fortress meant for weathering a siege, not a home.

The car slows, and we pass through large automatic gates into an underground parking structure fit for a small convoy.

"Your house is enormous."

"It was built to hold an army for small amounts of time."

He gets out and offers to take my bag, but I don't let him. I don't want to hand that part of myself over to him yet.

He doesn't try to make me.

The door from the garage opens into a living room that's more of a conference center than some place meant for daily life.

No, that's not right. It's too similar to a place I spent too much time on Earth.

This is a high-tech war room.

Screens are marked with red points of light, and it doesn't take long to figure out what they are.

"I didn't think the cavrinskh problem was this bad." The monsters that killed off the female half of the population were supposed to have been dealt with. They barely seem contained.

"It isn't… Those are the sightings for the last six months."

I look at the board again. "Four a month feels like a lot."

"Sadly, no. But don't worry. The house is set up so they can't get in—not without a fight that will make them toothless. I wouldn't have brought you here if I wasn't prepared."

There's something in that statement. Something that makes me think he's been planning to bring me here all along.

"Nothing, and no one, can get to you here."

I trust him, so I don't ask what it is that's keeping them out. I don't ask him if he's safe here too.

Instead, I take a long, slow turn about the room, just cataloging the basics. The map on the far wall, lit with a pulsing glow, shows the patrol zones.

D's isn't small.

"So, who keeps watch while you're with me?"

"The system's automated. If something had come up while I was gone, I would have known immediately and sent one of the brotherhood to deal with it, or been notified that they'd already headed out to do so. We all know when we're off for the night."

He's standing so close to me now, I barely have to shift, and I'm touching him. Hip to leg, shoulder to biceps.

And for the first time since I've known him, when his eyes travel from mine down to my lips, I feel that tiny lace of fear.

Not of him… not really, but of the possibilities he holds.

Good, and bad.

But risk is another part of life, one I can't hide from.

This time, I press up on my toes, the invitation for him to bend down.

"Kimba…"

He says my name like it's a warning as I reach up and lace my fingers behind his neck. "Let me kiss you, D. Please."

"You don't need to thank me for this."

"I'm not thanking you. I want—" I take a deep breath and meet his strange and beautiful crystal clear eyes. "Kiss me or tell me I can't have this and I won't ask for it again."

"You can have anything you want, Kimba."

He dips his head and as soon as I can reach his lips, I kiss him.

Instantly, I wonder if it was a mistake.

Heat blooms through me and my body reacts to his like I've been starving.

He wraps an arm around my waist, lifts me, pulling me close.

His lips are soft and warm. His free hand travels up my neck cupping my jaw, tilting my face, just so.

When I open to him, he doesn't surge, rather his tongue dips in, a gentle caress.

I've been nearly naked with him a dozen times and this is the most intimate thing we've ever done.

It makes me want all the things I can't have… even though I'm certain he would give them to me.

It makes me want to laugh and cry all at once.

It makes me want to break my vow to myself and make him truly mine.

But I can't.

When he pulls away, his eyes are closed, and something akin to pain is written across his brow ridges.

"I'm sorry," I say. Because taking what I want—what he'll give me—could be torture for him.

"Don't be." His words are soft. "I've wanted to kiss you like that for so long…"

I ask the question, even though I know the answer. "Why haven't you?"

His smile is sad and his tongue peeks out to lick his lips, one fork for each.

"It had to be your choice." He lowers his forehead to mine. "It all has to be your choice."

He pulls away, kissing my nose before he takes a step back and takes my hand.

"Come on. I don't want to be up here. Not with you. Not right now."

He gently tugs, and I follow as he leads me down a wide, curved staircase.

The exterior wall is glass and that floor to ceiling expanse continues on until it hits the rough rock wall the outpost's supports are driven into.

The moon reflecting off the snow below floods the room with a soft light.

He's not wearing his glasses here.

Every surface is soft, or dull. Even the windows don't reflect anything from their surface.

Thisis where he lives.

There's an enormous couch, the kind that's meant for laying down more than it is for sitting on.

D watches me as I look around. It's a fairly spartan space. And there are no screens here.

I sit on the couch, not at all surprised that it's the most comfortable thing I've felt in years, and look up at him. "What do we do now, D?"

"You can call me Drift, if you prefer."

I'd rather call him something more personal, but I can't say that, not right now. "I think you'll always be D to me… and I'm not actually Kimba, so, it only seems fair that neither of us use our real names with each other."

He pauses, looking out into the night. "Who we were at Margot's was as real as anything I've ever experienced. Changing where we are on the planet doesn't change that."

Scowling at the pale expanse beyond the windows, D crosses his arms, closing up. "I have to bring the brotherhood in on this." He twists his neck to the side and it lets out a half dozen pops and cracks. "If they're after me, they might be after others."

"Of course."

"Would you be willing to talk to them? Help describe the man who asked, give any details you can think of?"

When I hesitate, he takes my hand. "If you'd rather not be seen in my home, you can stay down here. They won't leave the main floor and I won't tell them you're here."

I don't understand why he'd offer, unless…

"If I was going to let the world think I'd chosen someone…" I take a deep breath. "It would be you. I'm not worried about your brothers spreading rumors. Though, I don't think they would."

"Arc might. He loves gossip." He looks back at me and the skin around his eyes crinkles. "You're going to need more clothes than what's in your bag. I don't think you're going home anytime soon."

That's when I realize this is the first time he's seen me fully dressed. Even when I was "covered" at the club, I was still in the equivalent of lingerie.

"I have things in my car, in case I needed to disappear on my own."

I hadn't been concerned about the state of my wardrobe when we'd bolted from Margot's because I don't like wearing clothes around him.

"If you give me your neural link, I'll have one of my guys go get it. They'll sweep it for anything dangerous before they bring it to us."

I pull it from the zippered pouch on the side of my bag and hand it to him, but I catch his wrist and don't let him pull away. Dragging him down to his knees in front of me instead. "How long do we have before we have visitors?"

"Not long. I sent the message on the way over here and Trench has a response time of about fifteen minutes which will be up right… now."

He winces, looking up, and I wonder what he sees.

"Neither of us are fans of wasting time." I meet his eyes—eyes others have said they could feel on them.

But it doesn't feel like he's looking through me the way so many others have complained when they've seen him—oh, so briefly—at Margot's without those glasses on.

"Do you want them to know I'm here?"

His lips quirk and I have a feeling "I do" isn't what he actually meant to say. But it's what he does.

Standing, he twists his hand and takes mine to pull me up with him.

I don't make him lead me upstairs, but I do hang back by the wall while he goes to the first brother, standing at the consoles. I'm used to keeping space between me and strange men. I prefer it that way.

Six more of them pile through the door, exchanging japes and, occasionally, fists.

That all stops when they see me.

They freeze and they stare. Confusion written on their faces… well, except for one of them.

Hazard just smirks at me and goes to the enormous refrigerator to grab a drink.

D positions himself between me and the other five.

Whether he's guessed I want to bolt, or is feeling particularly possessive, I have no idea. Life is easier with a bond… easier with a partner who always has your back. It feels like D is trying to be that partner, even though he hasn't asked for the bond.

I wish he could feel my gratitude.

"Sit down, and everything will be explained."

With curious smiles and looks shot between them, they move away, to the round seating area on the other side of the enormous room.

D lets them go in silence, casting me a glance before he follows, letting me choose where I want to be for this discussion.

And there are certainly options.

The circular couch, sunken down like it's straight out of the nineteen seventies could fit twenty-five.

But I don't want space right now.

When D sits, I sit beside him, not quite as close as I want to, but close enough that eyebrows raise.

I don't know them.

I can only guess at what they're thinking.

But I'm used to staring. And only one of them is doing it rudely.

"I had assumed," The rude one says, "That your reasoning for calling us in was related to the cavrinskh. Maybe you'd figured out how that one got all the way into the city. And then I thought it was to show off your lady, but you would have had those two bring theirs if that was the case."

"And," Hazard says, a narrow-eyed smile trained on D. "We all know that we don't get to take Margot's dancers home, so something is wrong."

I hear a trace of bitterness in his tone, and honestly, some days, I wish he would kidnap Hannah.

But his words make the others look at me more closely—the unbonded ones, at least.

"Holy shit."

There's a general mumble before D says, "Enough."

"It's fine," I say, lowly, noting a few of them look concerned when I speak their language. "I'm used to people being weird when they find out who I am."

"And that's fine, but right now, it doesn't do us any good to waste time with their gawking." He turns back to them and answers some of their hushed questions before he goes around the room introducing them.

"Yes, this is Kimba. Yes, she is the Kimba. No, she is not my bondmate."

I know I'm not the only one who hears the faint flicker of disappointment when he says it.

"These are most of the brothers on this side of the caldera. Trench," he nods to the brother closest to us and the emerald green Sian man gives me a quick salute.

"The two over there who look antsy to leave are Strike and Core, they are bonded and don't like leaving their women home alone."

I nod and offer them a little wave.

"Those three are Arc, Shock, and Risk." I look at the three men who are… the palest Sian men I've ever seen who aren't actually white or gray. They look like they've been covered in frost.

"It's a pleasure," Arc—the rude one, and if D is right, the gossip—says, in a way that is far from pleasurable.

"And you know Hazard."

"By reputation only." I speak quickly, so the others don't mistake his meaning.

He offers me a wide smile for the clarification and Arc makes a mocking sound. "Reputation."

"Don't worry, kid." Hazard says, winking at him. "Someday, a woman will like you enough to talk about you too."

"And I'm Kilo."

We all turn to the man standing near the windows, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who's just noticed him.

Moreso when Trench asks, "Where did you come from?"

"I was here first. Not my problem you guys don't pay enough attention." He hops over the back of the couch, getting an irritated growl from Arc, but Risk hooks his arm around the mint-green man's neck and pulls him away from the other brother.

"The rest of the brotherhood are either too far away, or unable to come for… other reasons."

"Laurel and Richter are still recovering from the whole ‘attempted murder' thing," Core says quietly, and all humor drains from the room.

"She's fine," Core says quickly, to me. "But he's not going to leave her side unless it's an emergency, or the cavrinskh come out to play."

"And Fault is probably at Margot's already," Arc says, looking straight at me. "He likes the morning crowd. Something about sloppy seconds."

I don't know if he's trying to shock me, or if that's just how he always is. But the fact that he doesn't react when I don't react makes me think it's the latter.

"If it's not monster or bondmate related, why are we here?" The one D called Shock asks.

"Someone wants me dead."

"This is news?" Arc asks. "Pretty sure there are a dozen people I could name on that list. And now that we know about this…" He waves his hand at me. "Whatever this is. I'd add half the men who go to watch her dance. They get you out of the way, they're one step closer to her."

"Our arrangement is discreet." I say, before anyone else can suggest something equally as ridiculous.

"Hazard knew about it." Trench points out.

Hazard snorts. "That's because I have friends in the right places."

"And she wouldn't tell anyone else," I agree with him.

"The other factor that makes it clear, to me at least," D says, "Is that they tried to pay Kimba to do it. And when she didn't agree outright, they threatened her."

"That's weird." Core says. "They'd have had to know you were… whatever you two are and then they would have had to be reasonably sure their money or threats would persuade you. They were clearly wrong."

"What about the Company?" Trench asks, and I don't like the way the others grimace.

Whatever the Company is, there isn't a Sian word for it and the English one sounds jarring at the end of the question.

"I can't think of any reason they would want to remove me, or harm Kimba." D's response is so quick, I don't have a chance to ask what it is.

"Could be the other group of men who go to watch her." Kilo says, looking pensively at me.

There's a general murmur, agreeing to the possibility.

"What group is that?" I ask.

"The ones that think you're a stuck-up bitch who's toying with everyone until you can sling your hooks into the biggest fish you can find." Arc says. "They're jealous, self-loathing pricks. Nothing more."

I almost ask if it takes one to know one. Something about Arc makes me think he'd hate me if I gave him half a chance.

"There's nothing to say they were targeting me, specifically." D says. "There are plenty of people who don't like us."

The list is long. All of them offer up possible people and groups that might want the brotherhood gone. It makes my skin crawl that they don't seem to have any end to suspects in sight.

D finally gets them to be quiet.

"Kimba and I will work on figuring out who the guy was," but he doesn't ask me to describe him. "I want you all to be careful. Especially those of you who aren't bonded… it's clear they'll use underhanded methods to distance themselves."

The others stand and start to leave. Some of them stop to speak to each other. But the two who left their bondmates home are out the door without even saying goodbye.

I'm a little surprised at how quickly they move.

But I suppose I shouldn't be. They're here to keep monsters from getting out of the caldera.

D is the only one who doesn't shift. He stays perfectly still, like a rock in a stream.

And I'm holding onto him—mentally—to keep myself from swaying into motion.

There's an anxious energy flowing all around us, and he's the sole calm.

When only Hazard and Trench are left, he stands.

"Thanks for staying back. I need to speak to both of you, for different reasons."

"I know why I'm still here, and you can save the lecture." Hazard angles himself like he's prepared for a fight. "If you think for a second I am not going to make sure Hannah is the safest woman on this planet, you have another thing coming."

"They won't be able to get to her."

Both of them look at me when I say it. "She lives in Shiga Heights. No one gets into that community unless they live there or have been cleared ahead of time."

"And if they live there too?" D asks.

"You shouldn't have told me where she lives." Hazard says, casting a sharp gaze at me. "Even if I already knew, that information isn't something any of her clients should know." He's right, of course.

"I'm sorry, I'm tired and I wasn't thinking."

Hazard dips his head, acknowledging, but not accepting the apology.

"She'll be safe at home. Her bondmate's job doesn't allow him to skimp on his security."

I hadn't known that Hazard knew who Noa was either.

Then again, I've told D things I never should have… and Hazard makes her happy. Noa seems to try really hard not to.

"I'm just going to warn her and make sure she takes it seriously." Hazard looks at me. "Do you want me to let her know you're safe here?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Trench will go with you to Margot's, don't leave yet."

They both cast confused glances at each other, and then Hazard nods. "I'll be waiting in the car."

He goes and takes some of the nervous energy with him.

"I don't think there's an order you could give that would keep him away from her," Trench says.

"Good."

They both look at me.

"Hazard is the only one who makes her happy. If he's hellbent on protecting her, I'm going to help him, not stand in his way."

Trench dips his head in acknowledgement. "That is very sound reasoning. But I am not going to run off after another man's mate, so why am I still here?"

D drops my car's neural link into his hand.

"I need you to go get her car, but make sure you sweep it for everything and anything before you move it even an inch. Trackers, bugs, explosives… everything."

"You think they wanted her to kill you and then were going to get rid of her too?"

D shrugs and, not for the first time, I wish I could feel what he's feeling.

"Maybe. I don't want to risk it."

"I'll have it back to you as soon as I can."

He, too, heads to the garage, and a moment later the outpost is empty again.

Beside me, D is tense.

"Can we go back downstairs?" I ask.

There's too much light up here. Bright and blinking, they can't be good for his eyes.

He nods and I slip my hand into his. "We were interrupted by this whole affair, but… I would like to sleep. The problem will still be here in the morning."

We walk down the staircase and he pauses long enough that he can pick up my bag before he leads the way down a long, dark hallway.

I almost try to take the bag from him again. But I don't need to run, here.

I'm safe.

It's safe.

The house wakes up as we reach each room. Low lights blossoming to life, only to sleep again as we pass by each doorway. Like a watchdog, raising one lid to ensure that its master is the one whose presence is disturbing their sleep.

When we stop, it's in front of the only doorway that doesn't come to life.

"There are no lights in my room. We can use another, if you'd prefer."

"If you promise there's not a bear or some other creature waiting to gobble me up in there, I'll sleep in your cave."

He nods, but turns away from the door anyway. "You can use this room for all the things you need light for."

The room directly across the hall has windows all the way across one wall, but they're covered by heavy curtains, even though I have a feeling they're tinted.

There's a bed and dressers built into the walls and most importantly, a bathroom.

"Get ready for bed. When you're comfortable, come to the door. I'll carry you so you don't bump your toes."

"Thank you." I catch his hand before he can leave me. "I really mean that. Thank you… for everything."

He smiles and raises my fingers to his lips. "Thank you for not killing me."

"Are you sure I won't change my mind and murder you in your sleep?"

He pauses and for a moment, I worry he thinks I might. "You won't. But if you do… well, I wouldn't want to be alive in a world where you'd be willing to do that. So, either way, I want you with me."

He presses a kiss to my forehead and leaves.

I drag my bag into the bathroom with me—there are no curtains here—and unzip it. On top of everything else, Edan's picture looks up at me. A ghost with a smile that always makes my heart ache.

He would have liked D.

I set him on the bathroom counter. It's not a proper place for his shrine, even if it is a temporary one, but I pull out the pieces I grabbed in my mad dash out the door.

This is a good place for it. D doesn't need to see it. I don't want it to hurt him. And I don't think he'll come in here.

I didn't bring any of my work clothes with me, and even though I know I could go to him completely naked and nothing would happen, I'm not going to tempt myself like that.

But this is the bag of things I couldn't leave behind. The only thing in it that was actually made for sleeping wasn't made for sleeping at all. It was made for a bonding.

I shift the things back over to hide that nightgown and instead, I unlace my shoes and kick them off, wiggling out of my pants and unhook my bra.

That's as good as it's going to get.

But flurries swirl outside the window behind me and I look at them in the mirror instead of turning around.

Anxiety coils in my stomach.

Not for myself… for D.

There are things beyond these walls that want to kill him.

Before I knew who he was, the scars beneath my palms, beneath my cheek, made it clear that D didn't lead a gentle life. Monsters and men both want him dead. And I'm going to have to find a way to ensure neither of them manage it.

I hurry out of the bathroom, letting the lights fade behind me, and slide to a stop—socks finding little traction on this floor—in front of the dark rectangle that opens to his room.

My room is pitch dark to her, I know. But with the light from the doorway that halos her, I can see every corner.

Her skin always sparkles, even when she doesn't mean for it to.

I step out of my boots, kicking them into the corner and go to her… knowing she can't see me makes me feel like I'm stalking her.

"Ready?" I ask, needing her to know I'm close before I "appear" from the nothing inside this room.

"Yes." She looks toward me and the tiny smile on her lips makes my heart ache.

That it widens when she can finally see me makes my heart want to burst.

She reaches for me, and I pick her up to carry her through the darkness to the bed.

When I set her down, I watch her stretch out on the mattress, testing the size of it, finding the pillows and the edges of the sheets.

I pull off my shirt as I walk to the other side, but… like every time I've gone to her at Margot's, I keep my pants on.

When she snuggles close to me, she frowns in the darkness. "Take off your pants."

I almost laugh, because she sounds so stern.

"It's fine." I say resting my hand on her stomach. "I'm fine."

"This is your bed, D. I'm going to be uncomfortable if I think you're uncomfortable." Her fingers hook in my waistband. "I know you. I trust you."

Her hand quests up my chest until she finds my face and her fingertips brush the ridge along my jaw. "I know you'll never hurt me. Especially not like that."

My jaw tenses, and I know she can feel it.

"Either take off your pants, or take me back to the hall. I'll sleep in the other room if you refuse to be comfortable."

"What if I normally sleep naked?" I ask.

"We could both be naked and you wouldn't do anything I didn't ask you to." She glares at me, even though I know she can't be sure I can see her. "Do you?"

Do I…?

Sleep naked. Right. It takes a moment for my mind to catch up.

"Yes."

Her stomach moves under my hand and I clench my teeth again.

"But I'm not going to do that while you're in my bed, unbonded." Being with her that way is a dream. Waking up to find I'd taken that choice away from her while dreaming would be a nightmare.

"Do you at least have something softer?" She rubs at the fabric, mouth twisted in a scowl.

I roll away from her and go to the drawers built into the wall on the other side of the room. It takes me less than a minute to swap out what I had been wearing for the pants I would throw on if I had an unexpected visitor in the middle of the night.

"Much better." She snuggles close to me, her legs wrapping around mine, and I settle into the familiar rhythm of our time together.

As always, time falls away and she dozes off in my arms.

I hope the stress she's carried since I first found her waiting for me has melted away.

I hope that sleep means she feels safe here.

Time ticks away, and I breathe in the scent of her, letting her fill my lungs the way she's filled my mind and my heart.

A tone peals and she flinches, startling awake. I hug her closer to me while I scan the dim readout projected on the ceiling.

"There's been a breach in the trio's sector." I say, rubbing my hand over her back. "Arc's already on his way to handle it."

I'm not sure the man sleeps—it would explain why he's such an asshole.

"Do you need to go?" she asks. Her words are thick and sleepy.

"No." I kiss her forehead and breathe in the scent of her hair. "I'll reconfigure the system in the morning so it doesn't wake you."

She shakes her head against my chest. "It's important that you know what's going on. You can't rearrange your life around me."

I almost laugh. I'd rearrange both our galaxies around her if I needed to.

"I'll lower the tone… and I'm going to reconnect the lights so you can move around if you need to."

"D…"

But whatever she was going to say, whatever argument she was going to make, she clamps her mouth shut and presses her cheek to my chest.

"Just don't do anything permanent."

Because she isn't staying.

I can't even ask her to stay, I just have to hope she'll change her mind.

Her breath stills as she falls asleep beside me, and I let the rise and fall of her chest soothe me to sleep as well.

But like most nights, sleep is just a black void. My eyes snap open hours later, as if time has skipped forward.

The room is still completely dark, but it is after midday outside, and she stirs against me, eyes fluttering open.

"Good morning," I say, softly against her hair.

"Good morning." She stretches and the movement presses her flush against me. "Oh!"

Her eyes go wide and she freezes.

This is why I should have kept the thicker pants on.

My cock strains against the too-thin fabric. "Sorry."

She swallows, still not moving and then looks up at my face she can't see. "I could… help with that."

Saints.

The throb turns to pure torture at the idea of what her "help" could entail.

But her being here isn't transactional.

"You don't need to do that."

She opens her mouth to say something, but on the breath she takes to say it, I see her change her mind. "Okay."

I get out of bed and pick her up, holding her high enough up my morning erection doesn't… disturb her while I walk her to the door. It slides open when we get close enough and I pause, blinking away the brightness of the hallway beyond. When I set her down, she turns back to me and I see her force herself not to look down.

"I'm going to take a shower." She swallows and licks her lips. "If you need some time."

I take that time and a shower of my own to deal with it.

And when I'm done, I still hear her shower running through the walls.

I pull on my clothes and the lens I'd taken out before I went to her last night. The data shuffles across any surface my gaze lands on, spewing out the reports from last night and this morning.

The sound of Kimba in the bathroom is soothing in a way I hadn't expected.

Other people in my space feels wrong.

Out of place.

But my skin doesn't crawl at the idea of her in a position to dig through all of my secrets.

Maybe I'm a fool for that.

I go to the kitchen as soon as I've got all my clothes on again. It's been years since I disconnected the lighting in the living spaces of my outpost, but they connect back up easily.

The lights in my kitchen flicker on as Kimba joins me and she looks up at them like she's offended. "Don't hook up anything else."

"You need to be able to see." My eyes trace over her, gaze stuttering over her bare legs and the shorts that barely peek out from under her shirt.

"In here, with the knives, yes. In the bathroom I'm using, also yes. But the living room gets enough light through the windows, and your bedroom… you need it to be completely dark in order to sleep. Don't sacrifice that for me."

I nod, not wanting to acquiesce to that, but I'll do what she wants unless I have to do what she needs.

"I did not anticipate needing to feed you."

"Do you have a weird diet?" she asks, tipping her head to the side to look behind me.

"No."

"Then I should be fine. Show me what you've got." She climbs up to sit on my counter as I run through the options.

I don't have any of the Earth food the Agency imports, but she's been here long enough, she doesn't blink at any of the options.

"I'll get an order in today and restock. Just let me know what you want."

She shakes her head. "Give me your address code and I'll order my own. I'm already taking too much from you."

"You saved my life, remember? I owe you."

"You don't owe me anything, D." She takes a deep breath and plucks a packet out of my hand, looking at it, she laughs and then scowls. "And of course, I grab the one thing I'm allergic to."

She hands it back to me. "I cross two galaxies and still can't get away from a peanut allergy."

I look at the packet and she points to the ingredients.

"Marbaroo root is called peanut on Earth?"

"No, they don't have marbaroo there, but the allergen is chemically the same." She wrinkles her nose. "Margot won't let the stuff through the door."

"I will remember that."

In the end, she eats what she calls a sandwich and her expression fades from those soft smiles. A little crease forms beneath her dark eyebrows.

"You're still worried." I want her to say no, but I already know she won't.

Her brows pinch tighter as she looks up at me. "Of course I am."

"You're safe here." From everything. "I won't let them anywhere near you."

Her face goes blank and she blinks at me and then, it clears.

She sets her sandwich down and walks around the table to me. "You silly man. I'm not worried about them trying to do something to me."

"I won't let them."

"I know." She kisses my forehead and hugs me close to her. "Someone out there is trying to kill you. Now that they know I'm not going to do it for them… I'm afraid of who they'll send next."

"No one on this planet or any other could get as close as you."

I see the muscles in her arm tense, I feel her swallow…

"Good," she finally says, taking a step back. "But that just means they're going to get more creative."

Taking a deep breath, she doesn't go back to her seat with the last of her meal. She nudges me until I move back and she sits on my thigh, her legs dangling between mine.

"Why didn't you let me help?" She studies my face and her fingers tighten in my shirt. "You never let me dance for you, but you say things that make me think…"

Her words die away and I imagine it's because she doesn't know how to finish her sentence.

But I understand what she's asking. "I can't do more than what we have done, without knowing that it will mean the same thing to you that it does to me."

"What does it mean?"

This is the kind of conversation I would rather have without the threat hanging over us… but we're in the Shadow Zone. There will always be a threat.

"I know we set down rules when this started."

She presses her lips together and looks at me, wide-eyed. "But the situation has changed."

"In more ways than you know." I look at her hand as I lace my fingers in hers. "The other night, when I showed up unexpectedly, one of the cavrinskh had gotten out of the caldera."

She stares at me, eyes too wide, skin paling. Her breath hitches and I see her pulse jump in her neck. "But you tracked it down."

"Not exactly. We'd gone to Isagma Valley to deal with a different problem and the man we were after… the cavrinskh killed him."

"That's strange." She scowls at me, but I know it's not meant for me. "It bypassed hundreds of women and children to go after a man?"

She would have heard if it had killed anyone else. There's no way the CSS could have covered that up.

"Yes."

I watch her face shift through a half dozen emotions. "That's a huge deviation from previous behavior."

"I know."

Her face screws up and then she looks at me, even more confused than she was before. "What does that have to do with me… with us."

There's a lack of surety in the way she says that last word, but I ignore it. I can't afford self doubt right now.

"You've been safer in the city than you would have been here, so I never asked." I take a deep breath and say the first terrifying thing I have to get off my chest. "I want you to stay."

"Of course I'm going to—"

"Even after we figure out who's trying to kill me."

She freezes, eyes locked on mine. "D, I—"

She's about to pull away from me. "I know you loved Edan, that you still do."

I have a feeling the shock of hearing someone else say his name is the only thing keeping her planted in my lap.

"I know that when he died, it almost killed you."

"It should have." The words are a whisper.

"No." I respond reflexively. "I refuse to believe the saints are so cruel that they would punish true love and devotion with death."

Bonded pairs die together too often, but I will not accept the idea that someone like Kimba didn't love her mate enough to die with him.

And I hate the look on her face, because she has accepted it. And it's wrong.

"You love him too much to let him go. I understand that. I don't plan to fight it."

"I'm broken, D. You don't deserve that. You deserve someone who loves you and you alone."

"I don't want anyone else, and I don't need to eclipse him. I would never ask you to set his memory aside in favor of me… But I have to believe there's room left in your heart."

I brush my thumbs over her cheeks. She isn't crying, but she looks like she might.

"We'll talk about this later. Just… think about it."

She slides off my lap and stands on unsteady legs.

"And if this is all too much, if you don't want to be here anymore, I will find a safe place for you."

Because I spoke too soon and I'm going to lose her already.