Chapter 13

THIRTEEN

Looking out the window,I can see the heat trails of two bikes headed our way. Trench and Arc will get here at the same time.

"Why those two?" Kimba asks.

She's wrapped herself in a thick sweater and snuggles it close as she looks out over the Zone, scanning the blue snow.

"Because, sibling turmoil aside, they're the two I don't feel any guilt asking favors from."

She raises her brows and I feel her need for a better answer through the bond.

"Arc never seems to want to go home, and Trench jumps at any distraction I give him. Arc might joke that they'd like to see each other dead, but they manage to work together better than most. So they're who I call."

She nods and looks up at the ceiling, as if she could see through the stone and into the garage. "What is their problem with each other?"

"Arc hates everyone. He just hates Trench a little more."

She doesn't like that. "Why?"

"I have spent years trying to figure that out." And failing miserably. "They're here."

The sliding light of the lift that goes from the lowest level of my outpost to the top (and nowhere in between) passes up the wall behind the stairs.

She watches it for a moment and then nods, going to the kitchen, instead of up to greet them.

I leave her downstairs packing, but I know she can feel how unsettled I am when they arrive.

Silence is more startling than their usual jabs, and I wonder—but don't ask—about what might have been said in the elevator.

"We've found tunnels," Arc says. "They've been reburied. Like they didn't want us to find them."

"Okay." I don't like the sound of that.

Trench nods. "It's not good, but it's something."

"Kimba and I have to go to the Gongii province. We'll leave at first light tomorrow and be back before dark the next day."

Trench's eyes narrow and I wonder what he sees. "If you're leaving the Zone while we don't know how they're getting out, it has to be serious."

Maybe not as serious as he would like.

"You guys can handle it. Just don't burn the caldera down."

Arc posts up behind the counter, back to the refrigerator he's just closed, hands wrapped around a bottle of the black soda he prefers. "You could have given us more notice you were going on honeymoon."

"We need to check on a man who might want Kimba dead, or incarcerated."

Trench scowls at me. "Then one of us should go with you for back up."

He might be right, but I don't think so.

"Honestly, neither Kimba, nor I, are particularly concerned about this guy. It's a long shot, but one we have to check into."

I feel Kimba join us a moment before their attention shifts behind me.

Arc straightens and dips his head in a greeting, while Trench smiles brightly. She knows it's forced, but she doesn't bring it up.

"You two going to be okay while we're gone?"

They exchange a glance, and it's Arc who speaks. "We promise we won't throw a party and trash the house, mom."

If he'd said it a different way, one—or both—of us might have made him pay for it. But for once, he wasn't being a smart ass.

Trench is already upstairs when I take the bag up and set it beside the garage door.

He's made himself breakfast and slides a glass of marbaroo tea to me.

"Can't drink that anymore." I should probably have already thrown it all out.

"No?"

"She's allergic."

Trench nods, snatching it up and tossing it down the sink. "Would you like me to get rid of the rest of it while you're gone?"

"Sure."

Kimba yawns as she reaches the top of the stairs. I probably should have let her sleep longer.

"That smells delicious," she says, looking at his plate.

"It is." Trench smiles at her. "Bring him back in one piece and I'll make it for you sometime."

"Don't worry. Kylan isn't dangerous on his own." She says it, even though she's not certain.

"Then why is he on the list?"

She casts a sidelong glance at me. She doesn't really think he should be.

"Because any lead is a good lead," I speak for her.

She doesn't tell me I'm wrong. Not out loud anyway.

But Trench looks back and forth between us and I see him grimace. It's the smallest movement of his lips, but I know… he doesn't like being around bonded men. I imagine we're unwanted reminders.

"You two hold down the fort. The others have been informed of our absence. They know to look to you."

Nodding, Trench says, "Have fun."

He heads for the consoles, still cluttered with Kimba's notes. He doesn't look at us again.

When the garage door closes behind us, Kimba pauses before she gets into the car. "Do they all have access to the outpost?"

"Yeah, but they don't come unless called—or, like today, have something scheduled—and they never go downstairs."

Something low and suspicious coils inside her, but she shakes her head and gets in the car. I toss the bag into the back.

The drive out of the mountains is quiet. Neither of us say a word until we're through town and on the long, wide, road to Gongii.

Her eyes are closed, her head tipped back against the seat. "Next time we head out of town, it had better be to a secluded love nest. Not the home of a man who's brother I killed."

"Since there aren't any others, I think I can promise that."

She drops her head toward her shoulder and gives me a weak smile.

"I can promise that the next time I take you away, I will spend ninety percent of the trip inside you… one way or another."

"Can we just skip to that trip instead?" She twists in her seat, her skirt bunching. "I can take off my panties and we can start right now."

Saints, how I wish we could.

"We've got to figure out what's going on first, so we can both live to make it to a second trip." I keep my eyes on the road, but ask, "What did you think of back there? Why did them having access worry you?"

"I just wondered… the brotherhood seems pretty tightly knit, but what if one of them wanted to take over?"

"You think one of them might have tried to take me out to take over control of the Zone?"

She shrugs. "Core joked that he was there to threaten me yesterday. There were plenty of people back on Earth who would kill for better positions, higher pay, the like."

"None of us need money, the CSS basically has an unlimited account for us. And believe me when I tell you, no one wants this job." Not even me on the best of days.

We do it because we have to.

"Not even Arc?"

Maybe. He spends enough time out patrolling…

She waits. Patience tasting like butter.

No. "He's an asshole, but he doesn't want to be in charge."

"Kilo?" She asks. "I keep looking for him, convinced he's just going to be there like a ghost, whenever I turn around."

"I know when he's there. And if you're right about your vision… you should be able to see him too."

"Is there any rhyme or reason to the things you can do?"

"No." I keep my focus straight ahead. "A different kind of monster made us to hunt the ones in the caldera. When you live through what he did to us…"

"I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make you talk about him." She shivers. "If you say they're good, I believe you."

Sliding her arm through mine, she snuggles against me, holding tight to my biceps as she drops her head to my shoulder.

The worry is still there, floating like a fog at the bottom of our bond, but contentment hangs above it, and what anxiety I'd started to feel at the possibility of talking about that time diminishes.

Gongii city is not terribly different from Ilidi—the city none of its residents call by name. It's the same type of buildings in a different order with a different pattern of lights and a different train schedule.

It feels like it should have changed more since the last time I saw it.

D holds my hand in a soft grip. "We got here quicker than I expected. We can do this tonight instead of tomorrow."

"And we won't have to worry about a work schedule."

I don't know what he does. That wasn't in the public record.

His house is set halfway up the plateau wall, overlooking the city lights. There's a modest wealth in the structure. Something Luthiel could learn from.

As I step out of the car, I look up at the three floors.

"I feel like we're repeating history," D says, smiling at me, and a fizzle of humor bubbles through the bond. The similarities aren't lost on him.

I don't mention that his outpost is bigger than both of their homes combined… he just doesn't use most of it.

Kylan used to work with some kind of advocacy group that put him in Edan's circles. He never really wound up in my path—he didn't need convincing. But he wasn't a politician. He was something else…

We stop at the door and D waits for me to ring the bell. We're not doing this until I'm ready… except, I'm never going to be ready. Not really.

With a deep breath, I push the panel beside the door.

And wait.

After the deep tones fade, I hear him coming. Whatever he yells back to the other person in the house, I don't know, but it's a happy sound.

And he's smiling when he drags the door open.

That smile vanishes in a flash, replaced by blank astonishment. "Nadine?"

D shifts, and I know what he's thinking. I feel his stress. But I don't need protection right now. Linking hands with him, I focus on keeping him still.

"Hi Kylan." I squeeze D's hand. It won't make a difference. I won't move him unless he wants to be moved.

D looks down at me, and I raise both brows, hoping he'll understand that he needs to back off.

Kylan shakes his head and the smile returns. "I'm so sorry, Kimba. I just wasn't expecting to ever see you again."

D stiffens behind me, drawing Kylan's attention. But he's… excited. "And you brought your mate."

"It's been a long time." I look to D for half a second before I turn back. "Kylan, this is Drift, head of the Shadow Zone Brotherhood."

"I know you by reputation, I've worked with the council before, but not you directly. It was a long time ago." He pauses, seeming to remember something. "Actually, this is great. Come in, please."

He hurries into his house, picking up random clutter as he goes, looking even more flustered.

I've seen this sort of tidy mess before. Whatever happened in the five years since I'd last seen him, Kylan has children now. And those tiny tornadoes invariably leave their mark on a home, no matter how big.

I think, for a moment, that I can hear them upstairs, but that's just my imagination. I shove those thoughts aside, focusing on the here and now.

Something oddly soft rolls through the bond, and when I turn back, I see what's made D stop.

There's a picture of me and Edan on Kylan's wall. It's not placed specially. It's just in amongst his family photos, as if we belonged there.

It only takes a moment to scan the photos: a bondmate, children… others I don't know.

His brother isn't on his walls.

Ahead of us, Kylan quickly clears away space on a long couch. Toys and clothes and clutter are piled on a chair in the corner.

Motioning toward the couch, he asks, "Can I get you anything to drink?"

D sits first, and I shake my head. "No, we're fine."

Kylan glances between us, a sad smile on his lips, and I realize how odd it must be. Knowing I've rebonded is not the same as seeing it for himself.

His smile returns as he sits across from us. "I am really glad to see you. I didn't think you'd come back here. It wasn't my intention when I sent the note. I am truly happy you've found someone worthy of you again."

I believe him.

We didn't need to make this trip.

D relaxes beside me. He's as sure as I am that Kylan had nothing to do with the men who asked me to kill him.

"So," Kylan says, "This can't be a social call… what brought you all the way to Gongii?"

The idea of telling him the truth makes me hesitate, but D shifts, lounging back, trying to look non-threatening. "Do you know why your brother killed Edan?"

Kylan straightens, lips pursing in discomfort, but he doesn't try to avoid the question. "Yes."

There's a moment of silence before he turns to me, his brow creasing. "Don't you?"

I shrug, because it doesn't matter anymore. Not really. "A political disagreement gone wrong is what I was told. I wasn't present for the argument, only the aftermath."

Wincing, Kylan shifts, glancing toward the stairs that lead up into his home, and I know he doesn't want to say what he's about to.

"Sian men have been fighting over you since you got here. I don't know if you knew that. I can't tell you how many people asked Edan if he'd be willing to let them ‘sample' you."

I did. "It came up once or twice."

Not that Edan ever considered it. He might have, if I had wanted to and if we already had children… but until then it wasn't even a question.

"Jax wanted more than just a ‘sample', but he knew he couldn't have you."

"He never said anything to me." I try to remember… "I don't think he said more than a few sentences to me in the entire time I knew him."

"I think he knew what your answer would be, even if he wasn't willing to admit it to himself." Kylan lets out a long breath and looks down at his clasped hand. "Instead of moving on and getting over it… He stayed and he let it fester. And then he found out Edan couldn't have kids."

I don't know why Kylan knowing makes me so uncomfortable.

Edan's gone. His frustration and embarrassment shouldn't still prickle across the empty cavern where our bond used to live.

D's hand goes to my shoulder, gently massaging the tension away.

Kylan has the decency to pretend he doesn't notice.

"He thought he'd found his way in. Margot's was already around, as you know. Bonded mates had already proved that a second man joining in on the fun was socially acceptable, so he thought… why not. The idiot thought he'd come up with a great plan. He'd offer to do what Edan couldn't."

The distaste on his face is echoed in D's feelings across the bond.

Kylan pinches the bridge of his nose. "Jax made his pitch about a month before…"

He swallows, but he doesn't say it and I'm grateful.

"When he told me about it then, I thought he was insane. Not for offering. Up to that point, I thought the two of them were better friends than they actually were. But for being upset that Edan told him no."

A month… I thought Edan told me everything.

"But he didn't give up." D keeps his hands on me, and that contact keeps me grounded.

I don't want to hear any more. But I have to.

"He left some rambling message for me that night. I didn't get it until after I'd come home, after the police had called me and I'd already been to your house." Swallowing, Kylan stands and drags a hand through his hair as he paces to the window. "He went to your home to talk Edan into it. He said you would be his, one way or another. He actually thought you'd leave Edan for him. He was convinced you wanted children more than you wanted Edan."

For a moment, my brain stops functioning. Every piece of me, everything that I am, freezes in disbelief. "I barely knew him."

"I know that now. Even when I didn't, I couldn't fathom how he'd come to that conclusion."

D slips his fingers into mine, eyes still on Kylan's back. "But you think he went to their home, intending to kill Edan that night."

"I think it was an option he'd considered and accepted as more than likely." He takes a deep breath. "That's what I told the CSS back then, and it's what I still believe now."

"Then you know what I did to him?"

"I do. I won't lie to you—I refuse to insult your intelligence like that—I was furious. My brother was gone and you were the reason."

D's anger prickles across the bond, "No."

Holding up his hands, Kylan says, "I came to understand that very quickly, don't worry. How could there be any other answer as to why you, someone I knew to be so gentle, could do something like… that?

"Human-Sian pairings were still so new. I'm certain he didn't know what it would do to you." He runs his hand over his head. "I don't think anyone expected the consequences of bonding to be quite so dire."

Because they hadn't known, not at first.

"Edan had sold the idea of a bondmate, using you as the example of the perfect human woman. And Jax… he wanted to buy." He deflates, like he's wanted to say that out loud for so long. "The Agency changed some of their screening criteria after that. And the clubs as well."

"I remember. I didn't realize why." It had been in the year I'd spent drowning in grief.

"There was a lot of discussion as to whether or not you should be involved. But some others lobbied for leaving you alone. And I know that was the right thing."

He nods, as if he's still trying to convince himself.

"Academically, I'd tried to empathize with what you went through and I thought I'd done a good job of it." He looks at those steps again. "And then… Rose came into my life."

"You bonded fairly quickly after that." D says.

"Yes, Rose and I had already been matched. The events surrounding Jax and Edan delayed things, but she came and I suddenly understood what I'd known only theoretically before. If someone killed her, I could see myself doing what you did… or worse, before the bond killed me too."

"I sincerely hope you never have to feel that pain, or that rage." I hate the sharpness of those memories, and how I know they're translating across the bond to D.

I also know that if someone kills his mate, Kylan won't survive it. That is the only true disclaimer in the Agency paperwork Sian men have to sign.

Like me, their mate could survive their death, but they won't survive hers.

"We should go." I don't want any more of the unpleasant tremors rumbling across the bond before I can stop them. "We need to head home first thing tomorrow morning."

"Please stay. Just a little longer. I would really like you to meet her." Kylan glances up again and I wonder if he's sent some urgency through the bond.

I don't know why, but I feel like I owe him that. "Okay."

He takes a deep breath and nods. "Let me go help her finish putting the kids down and I'll be right back."

He hurries upstairs, and D stands, watching him go.

"They have three weeuns." He says, looking upstairs… likely able to see through the walls the way he found the woman in the dead Sian's house. "The youngest is giving her mother trouble."

"That's not surprising, from what friends have told me."

He looks at me and I know he felt the spike of despair through me. "We can go, if you like."

"No. I want to meet her…" Something tells me I need to.

A minute later, I don't have a choice.

Rose looks like a European super model and when she speaks, it's the first time I've heard Sianese with a French accent…

"Hello! It's so wonderful to meet you." She takes my hand in both of hers, not shaking it, just holding it. "I hope it will be okay to speak in their language. My English is not what it once was."

"That's perfectly fine."

"Marvelous! You are a legend around here, I did not think I would ever have the pleasure of actually speaking to you."

I don't know why, but her scrutiny is sharper than the men who come to memorize the shape of my body.

"It's lovely to meet you too, Rose."

She smiles so brightly. I wait to hear her jaw pop… but it doesn't.

"Kylan and I both agreed we wouldn't bother you, but since you're here…"

Kylan says her name softly under his breath and she ignores him.

"I'd like to solicit your help."

I don't think MLMs have made their way to this planet yet, but I'm cautious when I ask. "What kind of help?"

"Ky left the advocacy firm after we had our first weeun, but I work with a different branch and we… Well, we're here to help women like you."

I feel my smile melt away from my face like a strange out-of-body experience. "Women like me?"

She smiles, sadly. "Women who've lost their bondmates and, thankfully, survived it. We know that most of the time they don't feel like it was a blessing, not at first, but we do. And we want to do everything to make sure they thrive, no matter how long it takes for them to rebond… if they ever do. We never push them toward it. The choice is entirely theirs."

Would that have helped me? I honestly don't know.

"I'm not asking you to take a job, just to be open, if we have questions or to other possibilities."

She isn't pushing. If she works with widows, I have a feeling she's learned to be very delicate.

"Tonight's not the night to talk about that." Kylan says, squeezing her hand.

She nods. "It is getting late. Send me a note and we can talk later."

D looks sharply toward the console table a moment before the phone goes off.

She apologizes, going to her phone, but her smile disappears and she excuses herself to take a call.

The perfect opportunity to escape.

It's a short walk back to the front door, and D pauses at it, just long enough to tell Kylan it was nice to meet him and share a glance with me.

He's giving me time. I'm not sure I want it.

"Thank you for seeing us."

"Of all the people on this world or any other, you are one of the few I would never refuse to see." He looks over my head. "I'm glad you've found happiness again."

"I found it before him." I say, glancing to where Rose has started pacing on her phone call. "But it has definitely eased some of the pain that Edan's death left behind."

"He is known for solving problems."

I follow his gaze, to where D stands at the car, moving without seeming to think about it.

"You could do a lot worse."

I laugh and see D smile, even though I know he can't hear the conversation. "My chosen profession made that abundantly clear."

"Edan would have been proud of you, Kimba. And he would have wanted you to love and be loved, even though it couldn't be him anymore."

His smile shifts to curiosity.

"Why did you come? Clearly there was a reason… but you got your answer before you asked the question."

I could ask him to leave it alone and I'm sure he would, or I could lie, but he'd been honest with me.

"Someone asked me to kill him. We haven't found anyone with a motive to kill him, so we were exploring the possibility of people who might want me dead or incarcerated."

He looks shattered by the implied accusation. "I guess if you didn't know why Jax killed Edan, I'm a logical enough choice for that." The scowl twisting on his face isn't meant for me. "I should have reached out a long time ago, to let you know I didn't blame you."

Maybe he should have. "The past is in the past."

He dips his head in a little bow. "Goodbye, Kimba. And good luck. Though, I don't think you'll need it."

Until we figure out who wants D dead… I think we will.

D hasn't gotten in the car yet.

Leaning against the back quarter panel, he watches me as I walk down to him. He knows what I'm feeling.

"Where are we going?"

I booked the hotel without telling him where, and I don't tell him now either.

"You'll see."