24. Cassidy

If I thought I was at my lowest point after breaking up with Derek, I was stupid. Losing Chase has me fucked up, and he wasn't even mine to begin with.

He could've been. Almost was.

I should accept that he's a broken, angry man and it's not my responsibility to fix him. He's been this way for as long as I can remember, and it's silly to think he would suddenly change because of me. The sex is amazing, but it's not as if I have a magical vagina capable of solving decades of emotional trauma. In fact, I can't shake the feeling that I played a small part in breaking him.

"Is this an intervention?" I look at Shelby, then Blair.

Over the last two days, I've watched approximately 400 episodes of the reality TV show, Intervention, so I know one when I see it. Shelby sets an arm load of snacks down in front of us and sinks into the couch. She's dressed cute, in leggings and a ripped band T-shirt, hair tied up with a hot-pink scrunchie. I, on the other hand, am the village troll. Most of my normal clothes no longer fit, so I'm wearing a pair of oversized sweatpants, a men's XXL T-shirt I got for free with a case of beer, and Chase's hoodie.My hair's in a messy bun, but not the cute kind.

"If that's where your mind jumps to when your two best friends want to do a girls' night, you probably need one." Blair smiles on my phone screen, which is propped up on the coffee table opposite Shelby and me.

"We wanted to hang out before you return to your senses and start ditching us for your baby daddy again," Shelby says, pouring us both a fizzing glass of root beer. "Which we're fully supportive of, by the way. You two are good together."

"I don't know if we'll ever even be friends again. There's no world in which he and I would've ended up together if I didn't accidentally get knocked up. And I thought he had changed, but maybe it was all an act."

"Hear me out." Blair pops a chip into her mouth and chews it thoughtfully. This is undoubtedly an intervention. "What if he's a nice guy who made a mistake? Or, even crazier, what if he hit Landon Wiebe because he deserved it? Like… why are you siding with a piece of moldy cheese over the guy you're in love with?"

"I'm not siding with the moldy cheese. I don't exactly have the best track record at picking decent men to date. And now with the hormones and him being around all the time… maybe those are the only reasons I like Chase."

Blair shrugs. "Yeah, maybe. But what if that's not the case and you're self-sabotaging because you're scared of being hurt again?"

"Ooooh… she's got you there," Shelby adds, gripping my shoulder to give it a little shake. "Some guys are cheating assholes—that's all there is to it. Don't swear off all men because you're scared, though."

"It's not that I'm scared he would cheat on me. It's… I don't want to be with somebody if I don't think I can trust them one hundred percent."

"Fair, but also… people screw up sometimes. I don't think one big mistake means you should totally write-off the man you're having a baby with." Shelby pulls a face, squinting at me as I pull a throw blanket tighter over my legs.

"Having a baby together isn't a good enough reason to date somebody. And I'm doubtful we would both be feeling this way if there wasn't a baby involved."

Shelby clears her throat like she's preparing to lay into me. "I think it's safe to say your feelings are way deeper than you're giving them credit for. You're depressy without him, and we hate seeing you like this. You need to go get him back."

"I'm not depressy. I'm pregnant and fat and my back always hurts and it's winter. It's perfectly acceptable to sit on the couch and binge watch reality TV all day."

Following a frustrated exhale, Blair says, "Cass, I mean this with all the respect and love in the world—shut the fuck up. You might be delusional enough to believe your own bullshit, but you can't lie to us. You were so much happier when he was around. And you'd be the first one to call us out if we were acting this pathetic."

"We literally couldn't have a single conversation without you mentioning him and all the nice shit he was doing for you. Girls would kill for that. Hell, I would kill for what you have," Shelby says.

Eyes shut, I sip my root beer and ignore the two of them as they continue listing the reasons I'm stupid not to jump at the opportunity to date Chase. Which is in-fucking-sane. Not long ago, they would've had an intervention to talk me out of dating him, had I mentioned wanting to.

In spite of myself, I like him. If I let myself, I can picture loving him, too. It's utterly, devastatingly terrifying. I was supposed to end up with a nice guy from out of town—with his own house, a job that doesn't leave him smelling like sweat and hooved animals, and zero desire to be involved in a bar fight. A guy I wouldn't have to convince my dad to tolerate.

Blair's voice drifts back into focus. "He also technically doesn't break your three rules. He hasn't slept with either of us, you've known him since elementary school, and he doesn't go to The Horseshoe."

I roll my eyes. "Doesn't count, and you know it. Elementary school is practically still in diapers. And he was a regular at the bar until we slept together."

"If anything, that should count for more. There's only one bar in town and Red stopped going there just to keep you happy." Shelby scrunches her nose, eyeing me to see if their tactics are working.

I suck in my lips. "Until the other night… and he acted like an asshole."