15. Red

Iflick my Skoal can in my hand, absentmindedly packing a dip of chewing tobacco as I stroll into the fairgrounds behind Jackson, Kate, and the kids. Odessa's on Jackson's shoulders, knocking his hat sideways with every other step, and Rhett's fast asleep strapped to Kate's back. I can tack up a horse in minutes—under a minute, if I put my back into it—but there's no shot I could figure out how to work the backpack-type carrier Kate has him in.

Add that to the never-ending list of shit to learn.

The Wells Canyon Winter Fair is the most excitement our town sees outside of rodeo season. Some people might find it odd how excited the whole town gets, considering the primary goal of the fair is for the local 4H kids to sell their project animals—mostly for meat. But amongst the food vendors, live music, and bounce houses for the kids, you have just about every person who lives within an hour drive of Wells Canyon. That's the real reason people enjoy it.

The massive hall is filled to the brim with people. At least twenty old-timers are circled up—wearing faded denim and dusty cowboy hats, sitting on folding chairs, and drinking coffee out of Styrofoam cups. Their wives sit similarly a bit further away. With numbers pinned to the back of their shirts, 4H kids run amok all over the place. And a few babies are crying in the distance. It's overwhelming as shit.

Weaving through the crowd takes forever, thanks to Austin and his inability to ignore people wanting to talk to him. For a man who barely mutters a single damn word at the dinner table, you bring him into a room with a bunch of other ranchers and he's Mr. Social Butterfly. Well, kind of. He still prefers they do the talking while he nods along like a bobble head.

When we step into the show barn, where some kids are parading around their hand-raised lambs, I finally take a breath. The place smells like various kinds of animal shit, but I prefer that over the suffocating air inside the crowded Agriculture Hall.

My calming exhale is cut short by the blonde-haired beauty standing on the opposite side of the show pen. The past two weeks have been the best of my life, without a doubt. I've spent more nights in her bed than my own, touching her and holding her while we sleep. It's the same routine: eat dinner, talk about our day, curl up on the couch to watch TV, fuck. Then she tells me we shouldn't be doing this, that it's only going to ruin our co-parenting relationship once Little Spud comes. She's given the same speech so many times I have it memorized. Yet, when I leave before daybreak to drive back to the ranch, she squeezes my hand and asks if I'm coming back later. And my answer is yes. Forever yes.

When her eyes lock on mine, I forget about the nicotine fix in my hands and the uncomfortable buzzing under my skin from being in such a crowded place. I knew she'd be here, but that doesn't make me any less surprised when she gives a small wave and starts toward us. Under the prying eye of every gossip in town, I wouldn't blame her for outright ignoring me.

"Hey," she says. Her hair's tousled and down, falling across her chest. I know her tits are getting more impressive by the damn day, but nobody else can tell how full they are thanks to the baggy black hoodie—my hoodie. Between the loose-fitting fabric and the way her arm's slung across her stomach, you'd never guess she's pregnant. I don't understand her desire to hide it when I'm sure the whole town already knows. But there's no way I was going to win that argument last night.

"Nice hoodie." The unopened Skoal can slides easily into the back pocket of my jeans. "I think I have one just like it."

She rolls her eyes at me, a small smile cropping up. "It's a pretty generic black sweatshirt, so probably."

"Cass!" Kate practically shoves me out of the way. "A girl! Oh my God, I'm so excited."

She pulls Cass into a hug, rambling away. "I keep telling Red to give you my number, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess he hasn't. So, please take it. Call me. Text me. Anything you need, got it?"

Cassidy's gaze meets mine from over Kate's shoulder as they separate.

"You better take it. She's known to be a pain in the ass when she doesn't get what she wants," I say, quickly stepping to the side to avoid Kate's swinging arm. "Actually, this was probably a bad idea to get you two together."

"Oh, right. Because we're ‘crazy pregnant ladies'," Cass says in the deep voice she uses to mock me, handing her phone to Kate. "This asshole had the audacity to say you were crazy when you were pregnant, and that now I am, too."

Just before I'm about to have my ass handed to me on a silver platter, Odessa—who will be getting some very nice Christmas presents this year—throws herself into Cassidy with a thud. Odessa's small arms wrapping around her hips and her huge eyes staring straight up at Cass, it's the perfect distraction.

"Oh. H-hi." Cass stares down at the little girl clung to her.

"You're Uncle Red's girlfriend. Mommy said you have my baby cousin in your tummy." Her small hand draws slow, thoughtful circles over Cass's stomach like she's rubbing a magic lamp.

"Um…" Cass starts—her eyes the size of toonies when she looks at me.

"Odessa! Personal bubble, remember?" Kate shakes her head, smiling despite her scolding tone. "Sorry about her. She's pretty excited—we're all excited. Hopefully you don't mind we've been referring to the baby as their cousin. It's really looking like that might be the closest thing to a cousin my kids get." She shoots a sideways glance at Austin and Cecily, who are paying zero attention to our conversation. Luckily.

"Oh, it's fine. I don't have any siblings, so it's nice she'll have some cousins around." Cass slowly peels Odessa off like a piece of old chewing gum. It's clear she's uncomfortable, so I grab the kid and toss her over my shoulder. Her legs kick wildly, tiny cowboy boots whooshing through the stale air.

"C'mon, chicky. Let's go check out the animals and let the crazy ladies talk."

Kate reaches out to smack me, but I dodge her at the last second, tripping over my own feet and nearly dropping Odessa in the process.

"Holy shit, your mom's trying to get us killed," I say to Odessa, who finds the entire thing hilarious. Draped over my shoulder and giggling away like a maniac. "Told you—absolutely crazy."

"Let's get away!" she shrieks. "Giddy up!"

With an exaggerated jog, I make my way toward Jackson, Austin, and Cecily. Odessa bounces on my shoulder, wheezy laughter filling the air.

"Better not pee your pants from all this laughing." I pinch her sides before plopping her down on the ground. Her laughter's fully silent now, and my cheeks burn with an unrelenting smile. She reaches up, trying to tickle me, and I place my palm on her forehead to hold her at arm's length. "You're a dork."

"No, you are." She huffs before giving up with a sigh. "Can I have some ice cream now?"

When Cass gets home from the fair, I'm already waiting with dinner and one of her stupid reality TV shows lined up. The guys are drinking and having a bonfire tonight—beer pong on the back of Colt's truck, laughing, and goofing off, unwinding from the work week. Typically, I wouldn't miss that fun for anything. Until now. Until her. I'll choose her every time.

"Ugh, you are the best." She places her coat and boots in the closet before sinking into the couch next to me with a groan. "Baked potato, root beer, and a bunch of hot singles on a tropical island? What more could a girl ask for?"

"Anybody ever told you you're a bit too easy to please?" I hand her a full plate of food and watch her settle into her spot. Her hair was down when I saw her earlier, but now it's hanging in a slightly messy, loose braid—my favourite.

She swallows a bite, pointing her fork at me. "Consider yourself lucky that I am. It's the only reason you're here."

A joke, but not really.

"How was the rest of the fair?" I change the subject to spare my own feelings.

"Mmm… It was good. I helped Shelby with her 4H kids, mostly." She sets down her plate and turns sideways on the couch to face me, hands clasped in her lap. "How are you so good with kids?"

I laugh. "That's a fucking stretch."

"No, it's not. I saw you with Odessa today. You're so… natural."

"Well, probably helps that I see her every day. She's a handful at the best of times."

She purses her lips in thought. Opens her mouth. Closes it.

"I've also known her since she was a baby. Stick me with a strange kid, and I wouldn't know what the hell to do," I add.

"I just… shit, this is stupid, and I don't want to cry about it. Never mind, let's watch the show."

"No, no, no." I snatch the remote before she can and power off the television altogether. "What's wrong?"

"You were so good with her. I swear I didn't hear a word Kate said to me because I was distracted watching you being a good uncle. And when she came up to me, I froze. It was like I'd never interacted with a tiny human before." She takes a deep, ragged breath. "What if I don't know how to be a mom? Maybe the maternal instinct that should be there is missing entirely? It's not like I grew up with a mother to show me what to do."

"Cass, you're going to be the perfect mom. You don't have any reason to worry."

"But that's probably why my mom left, right?" She swipes her fingers across her eyes, leaving a streak of black mascara on her cheek. I reach out to rub it off with my thumb, and watch the tears pooling in her eyes, threatening to burst the dam. "She obviously didn't have any maternal instincts. She didn't bond with me. That's why it was easy to leave. What if…"

The dam breaks.

Whatever we are to each other and whatever I'm supposed to do in this situation—I don't care. I wrap her in my arms, tugging her tight against me. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head. The heavy rise and fall of her chest is absorbed by my body. And I wish I could soak up her pain as easily as my T-shirt soaks up her tears.

"You aren't your mom. I don't have a single doubt about how incredible of a mom you're going to be because you're the best person I've ever met. You stayed late today to help Shelby. If I had to guess, you also stopped by Mrs. Kozensky's house to feed her cats on the way home again."

She nods against my chest. "Told you she's out of town all week."

"You're thoughtful and caring, Cassidy. Plus smart, funny, a bit of a hard-ass—when required. All traits every good mom has." I let my lips discreetly touch the top of her hair again. It's the closest to an intimate kiss I'm willing to risk. But, goddamn, would I love to grab her jaw and force her to look at me, then kiss her until she forgets all about this—until she forgets everything except us.

"But…"

"No buts. Even if it takes a little while to figure out, you're going to connect with Little Spud. It'll be so different than having a strange five-year-old attack you. She's gonna be ours."

It hits me at the strangest times. That we're having a baby together. That a piece of me and a piece of her are forever intertwined, attached in the most meaningful way possible.

"Cassidy, if I had to pick somebody to have a baby with, I'd choose you every damn time."

"I'd choose you, too," she mutters softly. Quiet enough I think she didn't mean for me to hear.

"But I also know what you're feeling… You think I never worry about what kind of dad I'll be? I'm terrified of becoming anything like him. We both came from crappy situations. Doesn't mean we're doomed, though. Least I hope not…"

She sniffles. "You're not going to be like your dad, either. I know you aren't."

"I'm gonna bust my ass to make sure I'm the complete opposite. You wanna join me in that?"

"Deal." It's small, but the smile is genuine. Her eyes are blue-green and shining, a perfect replica of the glassy water on the lake above the ranch—I'd love to take her there one day.

I want to show her the lake, and everywhere else, too. Side by side, hand in hand. I love her. I'm madly in love with Cassidy Bowman. And I think—fuck, I hope I'm right on this—that she might be starting to feel the same way.