12. Red

Her room's exactly as I expected it—girly, simple, and as neatly organized as the rest of her house. And it smells just like her, of course. The same faint vanilla scent that's still lingering on the work coat she used as a blanket in my truck after the indoor rodeo.

I've never been the type to lie awake for hours at night. Usually, my head hits the pillow, and I'm a goner. But not tonight. Can't even blame it on the floor because I've slept in worse places than Cass's carpeted bedroom floor—with a thick, massive blanket and multiple pillows.

My mind's going a mile a minute, long after we say good night and the room becomes quiet. Judging by the changing angle of the moon as it pokes around the black-out curtain edges, at least an hour has to have passed. I can't stop thinking about a baby girl… my baby girl. And the beautiful woman who's going to be her mom. Today made things feel real, and it wasn't only because I saw a tiny, fully formed human on a shitty old computer screen. Although, obviously, that made shit really real for me.

Cass trusted me to get her home in a blizzard, she curled her body into mine on the couch, and there were so many moments she looked like she wanted me to kiss her. Then again, it could be I'm seeing things that aren't truly there because I'm constantly overwhelmed with the need to kiss her. And I would if I thought it wouldn't fuck things up.

A noise cuts through the still air and my ears perk up. Another moment goes by, and I hear Cass. Moaning. The sweetest, softest noises go straight to my cock, making it jump to life inside my boxers.

Fuck, she must be having a wild dream.

If she knew I was overhearing the soundtrack to her dirty dream, her cheeks would turn the prettiest shade of pink. But the longer it continues, the less sure I am that she's sleeping. The blankets shift on her bed as she squirms underneath.

She couldn't be.My mind runs wild thinking of her touching herself not even six feet away.

"Cass?" I whisper, then hold my breath because she won't stop if she's truly asleep. But the sounds and the motion come to a grinding halt. Holy fuck.

I'm not thinking with the right head anymore—my lengthening cock convinces me to shoot my shot. "Need help?"

"Oh my God. Please fuck off," she mutters.

"Sorry, carry on. Just thought I'd offer, since it sounds like you're going to take all goddamn night to come at this rate."

"Yeah, well, I didn't want to use a vibrator and risk waking you up."

I reach down, adjusting the erection in my boxers and trying my hardest not to climb up into her bed. "I'm awake. Go ahead and use it."

Please, please fucking use it.

"Absolutely not. Not when you're here."

"You had no problem touching yourself when you thought I was asleep—which is hot as fuck, by the way. So I'll shut up and act like I'm sleeping." I can't help my mind wandering, wondering what she was thinking about as she pleasured herself. Picturing her on the hood of that car, legs spread wide as her panties shifted against her clit. The way her eyes stared directly into mine, fingers exploring her soft pussy. The way cum fucking flooded out of her. I thought squirters were purely a porn thing, but Cass is so fucking real—so sexy it drives me crazy—and I would give anything to be driven to insanity watching her come again.

"I haven't been able to sleep without it lately. I couldn't fall asleep, and I didn't know you were awake so…"

"You need your rest, so just do it, Cass. We've fucked before—I promise not to be weird about it. Pretend I'm not here," I say despite the tightness in my throat and the ache to be in bed with her. No promises I won't jack off to this moment for the rest of my life, though. I swallow hard when her nightstand drawer squeaks open, and my cock's already dripping.

"Do you still want me to tell you what it looks like?"

"Holy fuck, do I." Obviously, I'd rather see it—and watch her use it—but I'll settle for this. It's embarrassing how many hours I've spent picturing her doing this since the day she mentioned having a vibrator. "Sure you don't want my help?"

"Shut up or I'll kick you out of here entirely."

"Sorry—go on." I bite my lip and slip my hand beneath the elastic waistband of my boxers. If I'm not allowed up there, I'm at least going to join in from down here.

"So, it's black and has two, umm, sections—the big one goes inside, and a small part vibrates against my clit. The small part has, like, bunny ears… um, I guess that's why it's called a rabbit."

"Mmm, wanna walk me through how you use it?"

I hear her let out a long exhale and the comforter on her bed shifts. My hand's wrapped around my cock, stroking slowly to the sound of her voice.

"It mostly does the work for me. Once it's hitting the right spots, I can lie back and enjoy. Normally I'd use lube, but I'm…" Her voice trails off.

"Already fucking soaked." God, I could come just from thinking about how wet her pussy likely is.

A breathy laugh. "Yeah… that." She sucks in a small gasp, then falls silent. I'm desperate to know exactly what she's doing. There's no way I'll be able to lie here not knowing.

"Sweetheart, use your words. Tell me what you're doing. Please." I groan as I spread precum down my shaft, pretending it's her wetness.

"I just slid it in. And now…" The drone of her vibrator fills the air, and my grip tightens around my dick. "I'm going to let it work its magic."

The buzzing intensifies, and she whimpers quietly—it sounds muffled, like she's clutching a pillow to her mouth.

"Don't be quiet just 'cause I'm here." I fist my cock, picturing how fucking good she probably looks right now. Her creamy thighs parted, one hand on the vibe and the other gripping her bed for dear life, long hair splayed across her pillow.

She takes my command seriously, letting out a raspy moan that catapults me to the edge. Between her moans of intense pleasure, all I can hear is her panting. I'd forgotten what she smelled like when she's turned on, but the room's so thick with it I can practically taste her. Each whine and whimper has me holding a firm grasp on her bedframe with my free hand. Anything to keep me on the ground instead of jumping up there, pulling the vibrator away, and ramming my cock deep inside.

"God, Cass. You sound so fucking sexy."

Her feet drag across the sheets, shoving her light blue comforter to the foot of the bed. If I sat up, I'd be able to see her. Maybe not in detail—it's pitch black in here, not even lit by the moon—but I'd be able to make out her curves as she thrashes. There's no way she doesn't look fucking incredible. My grip's sloppy and frantic, balls tightening as I hear her fall apart.

"Fuck, Chase." I don't know what it is about hearing my real name tumble from her lips as she makes herself come, but that does me in. A final pump sends thick ropes of cum shooting onto my bare stomach and thundering chest.

Once I've caught my breath, I tuck my dick back into my boxers and head for the hallway bathroom. It's not until I'm squinting into the mirror at myself that I realize what a mess I'm in. Because—for fuck's sake—I don't want to be her friend. Her dirty secret. Her baby daddy. I want more than that. I want to be in her bed, making her come every night so she can sleep. I want to touch her in ways that aren't even sexual—hold hands, stroke her hair, rub her sore back, and keep a hand firmly on her stomach while we sleep. And the only reason she didn't throw a pillow at me and order me to leave her room when I caught her touching herself was because I told her we could fuck without feelings. Which was total bullshit.

"Just sleep in the bed," Cass says when I walk back into the dark bedroom and find my makeshift floor bed gone. The room smells like sex, and her hand patting the empty space next to her has my dick pulsing in my boxers again. "Come on, we masturbated together… I think we can share a bed like mature adults."

Can't argue with that, I guess.

"Okay—switch sides."

"Absolutely not. This is my side of the bed." She pulls her hand away from the empty spot. "If you want to try and boss me around, you can stay on the floor. I retract my offer."

"Fine then. I'm sleeping closest to the door one way or the other."

Her face scrunches up like I just said something truly insane. "What are you on about?"

"The guy should always sleep closest to the door, for safety. What if somebody broke in?"

"I've been living here alone for years, and you think tonight is the night somebody finally breaks in?" She laughs but slides over anyway. "You're completely out of your mind, but whatever. I'll let you be the strong, protective cowboy hero for tonight. Although, whatever will I do without a big tough man to save me tomorrow night?"

I want to offer to stay here every night, but I think Cassidy would shove me out of the bed. And this is an opportunity I selfishly don't want to give up.

"Thank you." I slip in next to her, wrapping my arm around her waist. "I'm warning you now—I'm a cuddler."

She groans. "And I'm absolutely not. Fuck all the way off."

"I bet you'd like cuddling me, if you tried."

"Nope." She scooches farther over, until her body is nearly hanging off the bed. "I can guarantee I would not. I like to sleep alone—uninhibited, unconfined, free of gross morning breath in my face."

"If I promise not to breathe in your face, will you let me cuddle you?" I chase her across the bed, until there's a ton of space behind me, but her and I are on the edge. My arm hooks around her waist, keeping her close.

"No." She groans dramatically under the weight of my arm. "Who the hell are you? One second you're like ‘gotta protect the helpless woman' and the next you're all ‘cuddly-wuddly bear'."

There's something about the flirty, cute way she mocks my voice that fills me up every time. I don't even care that she's technically making fun of me; the smile it's paired with is my favourite fucking thing. And I can't help but notice she hasn't made a real effort to move away from my embrace.

"Cuddly-wuddly bear? Sounds cute."

"I'm not a teddy bear kind of girl."

"Too bad." I squeeze tighter. Knowing her feet are cold—they're always cold—I reach down and tuck them between my legs. With her in my arms, there's no issue falling asleep when my head hits the pillow.