34. Kayla

Chapter 34

Kayla

Turns out Yvet is the type of restaurant where a red silk dress and four-inch heels actually feels under-dressed, somehow. I’ve never been anywhere this fancy in my life, all white stone walls, dim lighting, and huge olive trees growing straight out of the floor. The second we walk in from the busy street, I feel transported to somewhere in the Mediterranean.

Our hostess looks like she stepped off of a movie set, and I feel so out of place as she shows us to our table. It’s tucked away in a nook that would be romantic were I here with Ryan and not his best friend. The white linen tablecloth is set with polished cutlery, and crisp, thin wine glasses I know probably cost more than a hundred dollars each.

Cameron is a true gentleman, pulling back my chair for me to sit down, and he looks great in cream trousers and a black shirt, his curls styled away from his face. Hannah’s a lucky girl. He’s certainly not difficult to look at, but neither is anyone else in this restaurant.

“Is that George Clooney?” I whisper, cocking my head to the left. He subtly glances across the room while taking his own seat.

“Sure is.”

I force myself to stare at my plate. “How do you not get star-struck coming to places like this? ”

“Oh trust me, we do, but we have fantastic poker faces from being around famous people on productions. Also, we don’t really come to restaurants like this. Tonight is a special night.”

When a server appears to take our order, I let Cameron choose for us both. It’s a small plates situation, and such decisions feel too overwhelming under these circumstances. He asks for a bottle of champagne, and when it arrives, the first sip is so delicious, I finally start to relax a little.

“So, what’s it like living in L.A.?” I ask him, unsure how to make small talk even though I do it almost every day at work. Meeting people from all over the world and asking them to trust you with their safety means you have to find common ground and put them at ease quickly. I’m clearly losing my touch in the off season.

“I mean, I grew up here, so I don’t know any different, but I’ve always loved it. The sun, the surfing, the opportunities. I love working in the film industry, and if that’s your thing, there’s nowhere better.”

That hits a little too hard, given I know how much this industry means to Ryan, too.

“And what about your… other work?” I ask discreetly. Cameron blushes and tries to hide it with a swig of champagne. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“No, I just wasn’t sure how much you know about it.”

Turns out there’s no easy way to talk about audio porn in public. “Let’s say I’m familiar with the genre, but not a consumer of your particular, um, output.”

“Understood,” he says, and we both burst out laughing.

We dance around the actual content of his work, but he tells me how his subscriber numbers are up, and he’s aiming to reach a point where he can turn audios into a full-time job by the end of the year. I love to meet people who’ve found their calling .

So often my clients talk about how they wish they could live in the mountains, but their real lives are holding them back. It makes me feel so lucky to have found my thing, and be able to turn it into a career too. I’d have a very hard time trying anything else, and, so far, this trip is cementing that feeling.

When our food arrives, we tuck into several dishes, passing them back and forth across the table. He was right, the grilled peach salad is amazing, but so is the charred zucchini with white bean mash, the ricotta ravioli, and the lemon zest crispy potatoes.

“And how are things with Hannah?” I ask.

He breaks into a wide smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling at the mention of her name. I wonder what Ryan’s face looks like when my name comes up in conversation. If he talks about me at all.

“They’re so great. I mean, I miss her loads, but we talk most days.”

“That’s good. Long-distance relationships are hard work.”

“They are, but I’m actually…” he leans in and lowers his voice. “Hannah doesn’t know this yet, but I’ve applied for a sound job in London. If I get it, I’ll be able to move there as soon as I can.”

“Wow, Cameron, that’s amazing. I’m keeping everything crossed for you.”

I nod along while he talks me through his vision about how it will all play out, the room blurring around me. Cameron reaches across the table for my hand.

“Hey, don’t cry. Did I say something wrong?”

“No, definitely not. I’m thrilled for you.”

“What’s going on?”

I pat my tears with my napkin, hoping I haven’t smudged my makeup too badly.

“Is it really that easy?” From the look on his face, he doesn’t follow. “You love her, so you pack up your life and go be with her?”

“Well, yeah,” he says with a lopsided smile. “She’s settled in London, loves being close to her parents. It doesn’t make any sense for her to come here, and I’d do anything for my girl.”

Pressing my fingertips into the corners of my eyes does nothing to stem the flow of tears.

“Does Ryan know you’re going?” I ask him, and he shakes his head.

“I don’t want to say anything until I know for sure. Can you keep my secret?” He holds his pinkie finger out across the table, and I hook mine around it and shake.

“My lips are sealed.”

“How are you guys finding the whole long distance relationship thing?” Cameron asks, taking a forkful of ravioli while I almost choke on mine.

“Well, it’s different. We’re not in a relationship.”

“Oh,” he says, leaning back in his chair. “I’m sorry. With the way he talks, and you being here right now. I thought… I thought you were giving it a shot.”

“What does he say?”

He narrows his eyes, leaning in with a smirk. “You gonna make me break bro-code?”

“He really talks about me?”

“Only every time I see him. He really cares about you, Kayla.”

When I thought about this trip, I pictured sunshine and beaches, goofy selfies in front of the Hollywood sign. I didn’t picture me in heels I can barely walk in, sobbing behind a napkin in a restaurant full of celebrities, with Ryan nowhere to be seen.

“I’m so confused, Cam. We’ve always done this whole ‘see you next winter’ thing. I’m a temporary person in his life. We’ve never met up outside the mountains, never even kept in touch until this year. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here, to be honest. ”

It’s the first time I’ve expressed those feelings to anyone else, and the relief of having it out there ispalpable.

“I don’t know what happened last Christmas, but something changed for sure. He’s down bad, and he hates himself for not being here tonight. But…” he says, topping up our drinks. “He’s just a guy.”

His warm laugh reminds me of what my girlfriends back in Edinburgh would probably say if they could see me right now. Nobody even knows I’m here, except Ryan and Cameron. I’m always fixated on him keeping me a secret, when that’s exactly what I’m doing.

“And…” Cam continues, raising his glass to clink with mine. “We’re not going to let some dumb boy put us off dessert now, are we?”

I hide my giggles behind my palm while we toast. “Nope.”

“Cheers to that!”