26. Kayla

Chapter 26

Kayla

Ten Winters Ago / Age Eighteen

In the far corner of the pizzeria terrace, Ryan and I sit tucked away from the crowds, eating lunch in the shade of towering pines. Underneath the table, his hand is pressed between my knees and I wish he’d shift it higher.

“Are you a virgin?” I ask him before quickly biting off a huge mouthful of four cheese pizza. Apparently, now is the moment for my brain to blurt out the question I’ve been dying to ask.

“Uh, yeah. Are you?”

Relief floods through me, and I nod. He doesn’t talk about other girls, but he’s cute as hell and sweeter than most of the guys back home. Any girl would be lucky to date him, and if he went to my university, I’d definitely ask him out.

We’ve gotten more handsy this year, but never had enough time alone together to take things further. The end of December means me we only have a few days left here, and now I feel that pressure more than ever.

He tugs on the end of one of my braids. “Why do you ask?”

A blush creeps into my cheeks. I started this conversation, there’s no turning back now. “I’ve been thinking if we still haven't had sex by next year, then we should make a pact to do it together.”

It feels safer to make a long-term suggestion rather than ask for what I really want, which is to lose my virginity, like, yesterday. I was sure he’d have lost his already, and he almost certainly won’t wait another year.

“Why not this year?” he whispers, his hand finally slipping up the inside of my thigh. “We’re old enough.”

“You want to? With me?”

“I kind of always thought it would be you,” he says, leaning in to kiss me. “Also, I packed condoms.”

My lips press together at the thought of him naked and hard. At the thought of me being naked with, not just any boy, but one I already feel comfortable with.

“Did you?” I whisper against his open mouth. “So you've thought about this?”

He smiles, a little puff of air warming my bottom lip. “Little bit. What do you think? Want to be my first?”

“Yes, but…”

He pulls back and his eyes dart between mine. “There’s a but ?”

If this is how intense it feels just talking about it, I can’t even imagine looking at him while he’s on top of me.

“Promise this won’t change things between us.”

“I promise.” He says it too fast, like he hasn’t really thought about what he’s asking of me.

“What if you meet someone else?” I ask him, fully aware it’ll happen at some point.

“Well, what if you meet someone else?”

“I guess we… don’t talk about it?”

“So we stay friends when we go back home, live our lives, come back next winter and do it again.” He wiggles his eyebrows. I don't know when that stopped being annoying and started being kind of cute. “Deal?”

“Deal. ”

When our families head out to welcome in the new year at the annual fireworks display, I squeeze his hand as the first explosion lights up the valley.

The very next day, my wish comes true.