21. Ryan

Chapter 21

Ryan

Nine Winters Ago / Age Nineteen

While Kayla gets dressed, I tie off the condom, wrap it in tissue and bury it deep in her wastepaper basket. We told our parents we were going to ski in the next valley, but bunking off and heading back to her empty house was a much better idea.

In the mirror, she tugs her braids loose and brushes the knots out of her hair from where I’ve messed it up at the back.

“I like doing this with you,” she says. “The sex stuff.”

“Yeah?” Thank fuck for that. “Me too.”

“Do you think we can try reverse cowgirl next time?”

Standing behind her, I kiss my way up the side of her neck, my hand sneaking underneath her loose t-shirt. “Um, yes, definitely. That sounds hot.”

“Have you done it before?” she asks, then shakes her head. “Sorry, I know I’m not supposed to ask.”

“It’s OK. No, I haven’t done it before.”

I haven’t done it before because she’s still the only person I’ve slept with, but I don’t know if she’d think that was a good or bad thing. I don’t want her to think I’m a loser who can’t get laid, but the couple of times I’ve had the opportunity, the only person I wanted was her.

She spins to face me, twisting her hair into a bun and fixing it in place on the top of her head. “Is there anything you want to try?”

“What do you mean? ”

“Any stuff you’re curious about? Don’t you think it makes sense for us to use each other? For practice?”

“Is that what this is? Us using each other?”

“Don’t make it sound like a bad thing. I like knowing I can come here and try stuff with you. You’re a safe bet. We’re clearly hot for each other, but there’s no way we can get attached and make a mess of this.”

There’s a twisting feeling in the pit of my stomach. Turning other girls down because I’d rather be with her kind of feels like I might already be attached here.

“What kind of stuff are we talking about here?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugs. “Positions, places. Whatever you want.”

“Well, what’s on your wishlist?”

“Shower sex, hot tub. Oh, and I want to try sucking your dick with my head hanging over the edge of the bed,” she adds casually, like we’re talking about grocery lists and not getting each other off. “I hear you can get it deeper that way.”

“Wow, you’ve really put a lot of thought into this.”

“Well, I’ve had an entire year to think about it.” I wonder if that means she hasn’t been hooking up with other people, but I don’t ask.