18. Ryan

Chapter 18

Ryan

Kayla and I skied together on Boxing Day, but she's leading a tour today, and Hannah's taken Cameron out for more ski practice. I've chilled out at home all day.

We've barely had any time for the three of us to hang out and race each other like old times, but I guess that's my fault for bringing a beginner to the mountains.

It's probably a good thing he's here to keep my sister company. Once Kayla and I struck up our deal, we used to feel guilty about ditching Hannah. Until we had our hands down each other's ski-pants, that is.

I need the rest after our last two nights together, anyway. Nights where we stayed up for hours, talking and laughing until someone’s hand landed on someone’s thigh, or our mouths got too close and conversation turned to kissing without us even noticing.

Every day with Kayla is better than the last. Before this trip, one of us has always had to sneak out, so we’ve only slept over a couple of times. Getting to hold her all night, her ass pressed against me, my nose buried in the nape of her neck was fucking heaven.

So why do I feel like utter shit? Seeing her cry when she discovered my tattoo was awful, but finding out she has an almost identical one hurt even more.

Skipping Christmas two years ago wasn't an easy decision, but I thought it was for the best for both of us. Knowing she’s struggled to move on too makes me see what a huge mistake that was.

I could have lost her, lost everything, but I don’t know where we go from here. We can’t be together, but we clearly don’t want to be apart.

All Kayla has ever wanted is to live in the mountains. As soon as she was old enough, she was passing all kinds of instructor qualifications to build a life out here.

And ever since Dad took us along to the film sets of some of his more famous clients, all I’ve ever wanted is to work in the industry. Could I move here? It’s unlikely. This is Hollywood, for fuck's sake, there’s no other opportunity like it.

I work hard, I’m reliable, and good at what I do. I’ve made good connections in the industry, and I think my workload could stay steady for as long as I want it to. My French isn’t good enough to make it over here. There are studios in London, but is that any better? It’s not like we ever entertained the idea of doing a long distance thing when I lived in London and she lived in Edinburgh.

What’s the point of being in a relationship if they aren’t close by? I don’t want to be with someone I can’t hold at night, can’t cook dinner for, can’t curl up with on the sofa at the end of a long day. Still, if there was one thing worth giving all of this up for, it would be her.

After a dinner of leftovers, we hang out on the sofas, but our quiet contentment doesn’t last long.

“For God’s sake, Ryan,” Mum says, fussing around with the curtains by the window that overlook the ski slopes.

“What did I do now?”

She points one angry finger at the ground. “Why is there a condom wrapper on the floor over here? ”

“That’s not mine!” I protest. Hannah and Cameron look mortified and when they both say ‘it’s mine’ , I put two and two together and see red.

While I’ve been trying to fix things with Kayla, my best friend has been fooling around with my sister? The man who tells the world about his sexual exploits for a living, and my little sister who’s had her heart broken so badly she couldn’t get out of bed for weeks?

My sister?

Absolutely fucking not.

I’m on my feet in a heartbeat, there’s a scuffle and screaming, and the next thing I know, Dad is dragging us both out to the balcony.

“I’m not wearing shoes!” I yell at him, but he clicks the closed door behind him and leaves me and Cameron out in the cold. Cameron backs away one hand up in surrender, the other rubbing the spot where my fist connected with his ribs. Or was it my knee? Either way, both hurt.

“What the fuck are you playing at? How could you do this to me? To her?”

“I’m falling in love with her, and trust me, I know it’s fucking crazy.”

“Damn right it’s crazy. How is this gonna work? You don’t live anywhere near her and long distance is a fucking nightmare.”

“We haven’t really had that conversation yet, so I don’t know. Maybe I’ll move to London or something.”

“You just met her! What about all the other women you fuck for your content?”

“Fuck’s sake, man. That’s not what my work is.”

I know enough to know he’s into all kinds of shit. The one time curiosity got the better of me, I found a post about fucking some woman in a club bathroom, and another about letting a woman use her toys on him.

Sometimes he gets approached by women when we go out, and he has fans all over the world who’d be willing to drop to their knees and suck his dick in a heartbeat.

How he can be that way with anyone he meets is beyond me. I have no trouble meeting women either, but when things go further, I get too in my head. All I can picture is her. I’ve only ever had that connection with Kayla, and it pisses me off Cam can fuck around with anyone, with zero consequences.

“My fucking sister!”

“We haven’t done anything she hasn’t been 100% OK with, Ryan. You know I’m not like that. What are you actually mad about? Is it Kayla?”

“Oh, fuck off.”

The balcony floor is wet and freezing, and I hop from one foot to the other until Dad lets us back inside. Hannah looks upset, Mum looks furious, but I ignore them all and storm upstairs to my room.

Cameron asked me about her on the flight over, and I explicitly told him not to hit on her. Hannah doesn’t fuck around like this. How did this even happen?

My head is still swimming when she comes to clear the air. It turns out she already knew about Cameron’s alter-ego, and this whole thing has taken them by surprise too. She rips me a new one for acting like a dick and makes it clear I don’t need to fight battles for her.

She might not be a teenager anymore, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have her best interests at heart. The thought of them together is stressing me out, but I trust her judgement, and if Hannah says she’s OK, I have no choice but to believe her .

Plus, Cameron is my roommate and my ticket home. It’s not like I can kick him out of here and never speak to him again.

Once I've had enough of sulking in my room, I find them all downstairs drinking Dad’s special hot chocolate, clearly avoiding the subject of what just went down.

“You wanna go to Rico’s?” I grunt in Cameron’s general direction.

He finishes his drink and thanks my dad before getting up. “I’ll grab the sledges.”

Hannah offers me a grateful smile, but Cameron’s not the only one I need to make it up to.

“You’re coming too, sis.”