39. Chapter Thirty-nine

Chapter Thirty-nine

Hannah

My feet had barely touched the ground since I’d left the hospital after lunch. Remi carried me to the bathroom, up and down the stairs, to the couch, to the kitchen. I was in pain, but walking wasn’t a problem. I let him take care of me anyway. He needed it, and I did too. His tenderness and attention restored my security. In his arms, I was safe.

Still, as night drew near, I found myself staring out the living room window. Not because I was afraid, not really, it was just…the last time it was dark…

I shuddered, and Remi noticed. His head whipped toward me, and in an instant, he was on edge, poised to jump to my defense.

“What is it? Did you see something?” he asked.

“No.” My throat was too sore to raise my voice higher than a whisper. But Remi hadn’t left my side all day, so I didn’t need to speak any louder for him to hear me. “I’m just—”

He took my hand between his, slowly rubbing. “Thinking about it?”

“Mmm. I think I must be in denial. I know it happened.” I huffed. I couldn’t even turn my head, the evidence irrefutable. “It doesn’t feel real that Tina’s gone and Teller…god, I can’t believe her.”

When I closed my eyes, I saw her face above mine. I wasn’t certain if it was a memory or some horror my mind had conjured, but the fury twisting her features and reddening her skin wouldn’t go away. I wasn’t naive enough not to be aware of the evil in the world, but I never would have thought something like this would happen so close to home, much less by someone I had known most of my life. The reality was completely jarring as if my little world had been flipped upside down.

“They’ll catch her,” he soothed. “She’s never going to come near you again.”

“I know.”

He squeezed my hand and brought his face closer to mine. “Give it to me, sweetheart. Lay it all on me. I’m here.”

I touched his cheek, dragging my fingertips along the ridge of his cheekbone and over the thick scruff on his jaw. The sting began in my nose, working its way up my cheeks to prick at my eyes. Remi watched me with an awareness of a man who had found his woman strangled and near death the night before.

“I’m sad,” I choked out.

He nodded. “I am too.”

I flattened my palm against his jaw. “You’re sad because I’m hurt.”

“I sure as hell don’t like it, sweetheart, but that’s not it. I’m sad violence touched you—that you were a victim of it. I know what kind of life you’ve had here. Sure, it’s been rough at times, but you could walk down the street without worrying, and now, that’s changed. There’s no going back.”

“There isn’t,” I whispered. “I won’t be the same.”

“No. But I’m here to get you through it. I promise you can tell me anything. Give me the weight, and I’ll help you carry it. If anyone understands, it’s me, and there’s nothing you can say that’s too dark or bleak for me.”

Tears trailed down my cheeks from sadness and relief. I didn’t doubt he’d stand with me, but hearing the words, the acknowledgment and acceptance of my feelings, allowed me to exhale after I’d been holding my breath all day. With that exhalation came tears and trembles, and Remi was there, holding me through it. Soft murmurs beside my ear, careful strokes down my back, he let me cry but not alone.

“I’m sad for Tina too,” I admitted. “She shouldn’t be gone. What if she’d had more time? Maybe she could have turned her life around…”

“She might’ve, but let me tell you what your dad told me last night. Getting bogged down in the ‘would haves’ and ‘could haves’ will get you stuck in a world of hurt.”

I sniffled, pressing my sore face into his throat. “That sounds like him.”

“He’s a smart man, and he’s right. Tina could have been a lot of things, but if we focus on that, we’ll get stuck. I don’t want you stuck, Hannah.”

“I don’t want that either, but I think I need to be sad for a while.”

“What happened to Tina is a goddamn tragedy. You feel what you need to feel. I’m here with you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know you aren’t.”

He kissed the top of my head. “If you’re certain of one thing, I’m glad it’s that. You’ve got me, sweetheart. No matter what, you’ve got me.”

Despite my exhaustion, we stayed up late. I was worried what nightmares sleep would bring, and I couldn’t stop staring at Remi. With the memory of those final moments in the alley when I was sure I’d never see him again still sharp in my mind, my eyes hungered for his face. He let me look without question or comment, reminding me, again and again, that I was safe and he wasn’t going anywhere.

I believed him, I did. I’d always felt cozy and warm in Graham’s house, and with Remi here, that feeling had only increased. But there was a chill in my bones I couldn’t shake off. The rational part of me said it would take time, that I’d been through something traumatic and that didn’t disappear overnight. Deep down, though, I worried this wasn’t over.

I shoved those feelings ever deeper and let Remi carry me to bed.

Getting comfortable was an issue, but Remi surrounded me with pillows and the solid warmth of his body. Little by little, we both relaxed, fingers twined, his breath on my skin. When I finally let sleep take over, it was to his voice murmuring the sweetest of nothings in my ear.