34. Chapter Thirty-four

Chapter Thirty-four

Hannah

Remi rounded the couch, putting us face to face. He was flushed, his scruff thicker than normal, the smudges beneath his eyes deeper. I wondered if he’d been having more nightmares. My stomach churned at the thought of him having them alone.

“First things first, we’re not over. Not by a long shot.” My heart stopped at his adamant declaration, and he didn’t give me an opportunity to acclimate before going on. “You’re unhappy, and I hear you. We’ll work that out together. Get to the bottom of how I can make you happy.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. “Remington…I know we need to talk. I’m sorry I blindsided you. That wasn’t fair. But we can’t continue. It’s not good for me—not with you planning on leaving. I know you have your career, and that means you’ll be traveling. I get how important it is to you. But I don’t have it in me to wait at home for you to return. I don’t even know if you’d want that, but I—”

“Hannah.” He picked up my braid and wound it around his fist, drawing me into him. My hands flew up to his chest to brace myself. “I have no plans to leave.”

“Maybe not right this second, but you will. I wish I was the type of woman to give you a kiss and send you on your way, but I’m not. I know myself. I need my man to be near. And that makes us incurably incompatible.”

He shook his head. “You’re saying a lot. Making a lot of assumptions. What you’re not doing is listening to me.”

“I’ve heard you, though.” I shoved my shaking hands into my pockets. “You terrify me.”

He froze, his eyes wide. “I terrify you?” He asked this so carefully, as if his words were footsteps over the thinnest of eggshells.

“I’ve watched you detach yourself. You shut off feelings you don’t want. For god’s sake, Rem, your father died after an incredibly long and painful illness, and you’ve barely said a word about him.” He flinched like he’d been assaulted. I ached for causing him pain, but I couldn’t see a way around it. “I’m terrified you’ll detach from me just as easily. I think about it all the time.”

“That’s—” he cut himself off, shaking his head hard, like he was trying to knock the very thought out of his brain. “That’s not going to happen. My feelings for my dad have no bearing on what I feel for you. If that’s what this is about…”

“It’s not. I mean, that’s part of it, but not all. I don’t see a way forward here, Rem, and I can’t possibly invest more into us when I already know how this will end.”

“How?” he exhaled on a harsh breath.

“You walking off and leaving me in the dust. I’ve picked myself up before, and I don’t want to do it again.”

His fingers went to the side of his head, carving furrows in his hair. It had gotten long since he’d come to town, overgrown. He needed a haircut, but it wasn’t my place to tell him that.

Finally, he dropped his hand and pinned me with a liquid stare. “You’re not asking me questions, seeing where I’m at. You made a unilateral decision, and you want the truth? I’m pissed at you, Hannah Kelly. You got your mind set a certain way and didn’t give us a chance to work together to find a way for us to be possible.”

He may have been mad, but he didn’t sound it. All he was giving me was soft tenderness. It was almost enough to convince me he was right. That there was a way around these obstacles. Then I remembered how I’d come to the decision I made.

“I saw the paperwork for the house, Rem. You’re accusing me of making decisions without you, but what about you giving me that house?” My chin quivered, the well of my sadness overflowing, but I choked back the threatening tears. “You’re going to leave. Maybe you’ll say you’ll come back, but if you have nothing tying you here, why would you?”

“ Fuck ,” he muttered, the tension in his jaw bleeding out to the rest of him. “That was supposed to be a surprise. A good one.”

I sniffled. “How would you cutting all ties with this town be a good surprise?”

“No, Hannah. My ties to this town have nothing to do with a house or property. If that was the case, I wouldn’t have been able to leave all those years ago.”

“You had people who loved you then too.”

He closed his eyes and lowered his forehead to mine. “I was really young, and so miserable, I couldn’t see straight. I made a mistake, thinking I had to let go of everyone when I left. Lucky for all of us, I tend to learn from my mistakes. That’s not one I’ll make again.”

“I can’t be your Seattle,” I whispered. “It would kill me.”

“My Seattle?”

“I won’t sit around and be your crash pad between assignments, Rem. I want a husband and babies. So, you see, we’re at a crossroads and need to go our separate ways.”

He jerked back, my braid unraveling from his hand. His eyes flashed with confusion then shimmered with anger.

“Goddammit,” he gritted out. “What the hell, Hannah? Your stubborn little ass isn’t hearing a word I’m saying.”

“I heard you!” I argued, tossing my hands out in frustration.

“No, you didn’t, but I’m going to set you straight right now. I’m giving you that house because you belong there. I want you to make it yours. Fill the fields with horses and the house with life. It needs that.”

For a moment, I let myself drift to what that would be like. The rooms I would paint, what colors they would be. The horses… Maybe I’d steal my favorite gelding from the ranch…but no. I didn’t want that. Not when I’d be there with nothing but Graham’s ghost and my memories of Remi.

“That’s nice and all, but—”

He strode forward, gripping the base of my skull. “You want me to stay?”

I nodded tightly.

“You never asked me to stay, Hannah. You know that? Never asked anything of me.”

“I—” My mouth fell open then quickly snapped shut. “I can’t.”

He cocked his head, his gaze sweeping over me. “Are you scared I’ll turn you down?”

I nodded again. I’d never ask that of him. Not unless I was absolutely sure he’d say yes, and I was the farthest thing from sure.

With a sigh, he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tight. My arms moved automatically, embracing him with aching fervor. This didn’t feel like goodbye, but what else could it be?

“I need you to let me talk while you listen.” He smoothed his hand up and down my back. “Can you do that for me, sweetheart? Set aside what you’ve made up in your mind and really listen?”

“Okay,” I wobbled. “I’ll try.”

He guided us to sit on the couch, pulling his knee up on the cushion so he could face me. Once situated, he took my hands and engulfed them between his.

“The god’s honest truth is I dreaded coming back to Sugar Brush. I was gonna be in and out as quickly as I could. But things changed, and that happened pretty quickly. I remembered what I loved about being here. Not just the people, but the place. The blue, blue sky, the yellow grass, the openness, the air. But the people…the people are the biggest draw. I’d let myself forget what it had been like to sit down for dinner with the whole Kelly clan, to work myself to the bone alongside Caleb out on the ranch…and you, Hannah…sweetheart, you are everything good in this world. I’ve been around this globe, seen all the good and bad it has to offer, and I can honestly say that.”

I had to bite my tongue not to say anything. Being quiet wasn’t easy, but Remi wasn’t done. I’d had my turn to run my mouth. Now, the floor was his.

“I didn’t have plans on where I’d go after I left Sugar Brush, but I figured I’d be back overseas eventually. Until recently, it was all I’d ever known, and I had no desire to switch things up and lay roots. The thing is, though, it’s been a while since I’ve thought about leaving this town. Instead, I’ve been wondering if winter will be as bad as I remember it. Thinking I need to order a new coat to get me through. It’d taken a talk with Lily to wrap my head around what that meant.”

“My grandmother?” I blurted. “You talked to my grandmother?”

“Yeah. After I left you, Lily and I shared a drink at Joy’s. She told me all about her divorce with Connell and how they reconnected.”

I jerked in surprise. My grandmother was frank and open, but her divorce from my grandfather had always been a taboo topic. It still pained her to think about, so I was careful to never come close to mentioning it.

Remi continued, recapturing my attention. “She told me about her regrets, but the biggest thing that stuck out for me was when she said, ‘you can never go home again.’ Pulling into Graham’s driveway the day I returned, I’d had that same thought. But Lily added something to it. She said you can’t go home, but you can rebuild a new one, and that…well, it opened my eyes. I took a good, hard look at my intentions and actions and realized that’s what I’ve been doing all these months. I’m nowhere near finished, but I’ve set the foundation for a new life in Sugar Brush.”

“You have?” I croaked, my chin shaking violently now.

He saw it, and took care of me, cupping my jaw in his warm, firm hand. “You should know, sweetheart, since you’re right in the center of it. I’m giving you that house because of everything I told you. You belong in the wide open where you can run and be free, and I want to give that to you. But, Hannah, I’m hoping like hell you’ll want me to be there with you.”

I found myself leaning toward him, drinking in his every word. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“I know you didn’t. I’ve been working things out in my head when I should’ve been talking to you, but maybe…maybe I was scared too.”

“Of what?”

“A number of things. Getting off the path I’d set for myself. Finding my way here in Wyoming. But I think my biggest fear is you not being as eager to build a life with me as I am with you.”

“Well, you’re dumb then, Remington Town.”

He barked a laugh, and it vibrated all the way to my bones. “I might be, but I'm crazy, stupid in love with you, Hannah. I want to stay and figure out what life is going to look like together. Do you want that?”

I threw myself at him, hugging him so tight I would have worried about strangulation if my mind had been more present, but Remi just laughed and hugged me back. Because he was crazy, stupid in love with me and wanted to stay.

“Is that a yes?” he asked beside my ear.

“Of course it is.” I rubbed my tear-soaked cheek against his scruffy one. “Yes, stay, Rem. Stay with me.”

“I’m staying. It’s gonna take a lot more than you breaking up with me to get rid of me.”

I sob-laughed and pulled back so I could look at his beautiful face. “Don’t let me break up with you again, all right?”

He gently brushed my hair from my face and looked at me like I was the center of everything…just like he’d said. How had I missed that? “I’ll tie your stubborn little ass down and make you listen. How about that?”

I grinned through watery eyes. “I’m not going to break up with you again, but you can tie me down if you want to.”

“Hannah…” he growled.

We stared at each other for a long moment. Slowly, my smile slipped, and I grew serious. Taking his face in my hands, I held his gaze.

“I’m really sorry for letting you walk away. I’m sorry for not talking to you like I should have. I hate knowing I hurt you, and I promise I won’t do it again.”

He let out a shuddering breath, then turned his head to kiss my palm. “Thank you for saying that, sweetheart. I’m sorry for letting you do it. I should have stayed and fought you.”

“You needed Lily to set you straight.”

He nodded. “I don’t know how she knew to say exactly what I needed to hear, but she did.”

“My grandma is amazing that way.” I lowered my mouth to his, and there, with our lips brushing, I told him, “I love you too, you know.”

“Yeah?” he rasped after a long pause.

“I do.”

“Thank fuck, sweetheart.”

After that, we didn’t do much more than lie on my couch, tangled up in each other, periodically kissing, laughing, whispering sweet nothings. Mostly, we held on, making up for the days I’d pushed him away and he’d let me.

When I closed my eyes, letting exhaustion take me over, his heartbeat beneath my cheek, I was content and safe and grounded. Remington Town was mine, and I didn’t have to let him go.

He wouldn’t allow it.