32. Chapter Thirty-two

Chapter Thirty-two

Remington

Two days had gone by, and I’d barely seen Hannah. I’d caught her at the end of her day yesterday. She’d been sweet as always, giving me kisses and winding her arms around me, and she’d come inside, but not for long. When I’d asked her to stay awhile, she’d claimed to have plans with Phoebe.

Maybe that had been true. Hell, given their relationship and how close they were, it probably was, but I was uneasy about her sudden absence. It was like she’d given herself over to me then stolen herself away without a single warning.

My thoughts kept coming back to me overstepping. That had to be what it was. I’d made her uncomfortable with how much I’d shared. Too much, too soon.

It hadn’t felt soon. Sure, I’d only been in Sugar Brush a few months, but we weren’t building this thing between us on nothing. We had a lifetime of history to mount our relationship on—shared roots I’d tried to kill but hadn’t seemed able to.

The feelings I’d developed for Hannah were unexpected. Unprecedented for me when it came down to it. But I had welcomed them. Let them bud and blossom, sensing if I did, beauty would come of it. There was just no damn way I’d been wrong about her feeling them too. No damn way.

Either something else was going on, or I was being a needy, paranoid ass and would be better off taking a breath and relaxing. Two days without my girl wasn’t the end of the world and sitting around going over and over what had taken place between us wasn’t helping anything.

So I drove into town and parked outside her place. Her lights were on. She was up there and not with me. Didn’t feel right.

I had no game plan when I got out, climbed her steps, and knocked on her door, but I wanted to see her, so I was here.

It took her a while to open up. When she did, she didn’t look exactly thrilled. She still looked gorgeous, her long hair draped over her shoulder in a thick braid, wearing men’s boxers and a white tank, but tired too. There was a blankness in her gaze that had alarm shooting up my spine.

“Hey.” Her eyes flared on my face. “This is a surprise.”

“I missed you at the house today. Wanted to see your face.”

“I wasn’t there long.” She leaned her shoulder against the doorjamb, not inviting me in. “What’s up?”

My brow dropped low at her lackadaisical response. I’d missed her enough to swallow my pride and seek her out and all I was getting in return was indifference. What the hell was going on?

“Like I said, I wanted to see you. I told myself you weren’t avoiding me. That I was being needy by missing you. Seeing as you aren’t happy I showed up here and you’re not asking me inside, I don’t think I was being paranoid, was I?”

Hannah sighed. “Maybe not. I needed a step back to think.”

My jaw went rigid. Suspecting it and hearing it were two entirely different things. I’d never wanted to be so wrong in my whole life.

“Yeah? Care to share any conclusions you’ve drawn?”

Her fingers curled around the doorframe as she shifted her weight from one bare foot to the other. Tongue darting out to lick her lips, her eyes slid sideways, avoiding mine.

“I’m ready to call it a day, Rem,” she uttered without much life.

I jerked back. “On us?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, but I can’t see this going anywhere, and it doesn’t make sense to keep dragging the inevitable out.” Her tone was flat. I couldn’t say if she was upset, relieved, angry, or somewhere in between.

I felt like I’d been knocked flat on my ass. “Not going anywhere?”

“Mmm. My life is here, in Sugar Brush, and yours is out there. We can keep having fun until you leave, but it would be smarter to end it before one of us gets attached. It’s for the best.”

“Hannah… Jesus . I’m feeling a little fuckin’ blindsided here.” I dug the heel of my hand into my temple. “Just like that, you’re ending us, no discussion?”

Her expression tightened, mouth pinching. “There doesn’t need to be a big discussion. It only takes one ‘no,’ and I’m saying it. I don’t want to do this anymore. Let’s move on from it, all right?”

I looked at her but couldn’t read her. Not a single thought or emotion. She’d locked it all down. Something like panic stirred in me. She was really doing this.

“Nothing about this is all right. There’s no reason to end things. It’s too good to stop it. I don’t want this.”

She sucked in a stuttered breath. “I do, Rem. It’s too much for me. We shouldn’t have gotten started in the first place, and that’s my fault. I’m sorry, but I can’t continue.”

Putting my hand on the wall outside her door, I leaned in, getting close to her face. “This isn’t right, you deciding for us without any warning or discussion.”

“I get that, but it was going to end anyway.” She took a step back, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’ll stay out of the house while you’re in town. Make it as easy on us as possible.”

“How is this going to be easy?”

“I don’t know. But it’ll be harder later.” She raised her fist to her chest. “Can we just let it be? I don’t want to fight with you, I—”

“Want me to walk away?”

She didn’t deny it, and I felt like a goddamn fool standing outside her door, not even given the courtesy of being invited off the stoop to be dumped.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“All right, Hannah. If that’s what you want, I’ll give it to you.”

Even though it killed me to do it, I turned my back on her and walked away. I got two steps down when what sounded like a whimper made me pause and turn back. When I did, all I saw was Hannah disappearing behind her door as she closed it.

That was that.

Fuck .

How could that be that?

I stopped at my truck but didn’t get in. Another night by myself in Graham’s house sounded like hell, so I kept walking until the neon lights of Joy’s Elbow Room beckoned me. It wasn’t particularly busy, and I was grateful since I was in no mood for conversation. My only desire was a couple hours where I wasn’t alone with my thoughts.

The quiet little waitress, Alice, came by my table and took my order. She moved efficiently, writing everything down on her notepad, then scurried away with barely a murmur. My beer came fast. My burger took more time, but that was okay. My mouth was filled with sawdust, and I didn’t know if I’d be able to choke anything down anyway.

My head was on upside down. I couldn’t make sense of what had just happened on Hannah’s doorstep. I was certain I hadn’t been alone in my feelings. Hannah had been right there with me, falling just the same. There was no way she hadn’t.

And then…nothing.

“Hey there.”

I looked up from my burger, my eyes landing on one of the blondes who’d read me poetry. Pretty sure this one wasn’t Teller, but her name failed to come to me.

“Hello,” I replied, dread pooling in my already soured gut. I really didn’t want to fucking do this.

Her hands resting on the back of the empty chair across from me, she bent forward to give me an ample view of her tits. “My night’s looking up now you’re here,” she slurred. “Are you all alone?”

Being as polite as I could without giving her room to work her way in, I answered, “Just grabbing dinner before heading home.”

She pushed her lips out, looking duckish. “No Hannah?”

“Not right now, no.”

“Seems like you two are attached at the hip. You should be careful, though. Her last boyfriend had to scrape her off like a barnacle, you know.”

Stomach clenched, I cocked my head. “I didn’t know that. He tell you that before or after he stepped out on her?”

Pink flared in her already flushed cheeks. “He didn’t tell me anything. It was Sarah, Hannah’s former best friend. She had a lot to say about her. I should probably tell you so you don’t make the same mistake Watt did. She’s pretty, but—”

I was through being polite. I didn’t want to listen to another word this woman had to say. Not about Hannah or anything else. “Is there something you need?”

“I’d love your company, Remi. It’s not too often we get new guys in town—” she flapped her hand haphazardly, “—well, you’re not new, but same difference. Anyway, I’m sure you have fascinating stories to tell, and I’d love to listen to them.”

I picked up my hamburger and brought it to my mouth. “Just having dinner. Not interested in talking tonight.” I took a big bite to punctuate my point.

She didn’t seem to get it though, giggling as she pulled out the chair. “I love a hungry man,” she cooed. “Men with big appetites need to—”

I’d never know what she was going to say because she was cut off by the clacking heels of Lily Smythe-Kelly. With her coiffed silver bob, silk blouse, slim-fitting skirt, and what had to be a designer bag hanging from the crook of her elbow, she stood out in a townie bar like Joy’s.

“There you are, dear,” Lily announced in her own regal way, shouldering not-Teller out of the way. “Thank you for keeping Remington company, Tina. You can go now.”

Tina’s dark eyebrows popped in surprise. “Excuse me, Mrs. Kelly, but we were—”

Lily, who had to be in her late seventies but didn’t look a day over fifty-five, shot Tina a look that would have made my balls wither and fall off.

Tina visibly swallowed. “Of course. Have a good night, you two.”

She stumbled from the table, stopping a few times to steady herself on the backs of chairs. My attention returned to Lily as she took the seat across from me, putting her wineglass down beside her clutch.

“Thanks for the rescue,” I said.

Lily sipped her wine. “Mmm. I’ve gotten used to most aspects of small-town living but having to see the same few abysmal people on a regular basis still gets under my skin. Fortunately, those types are few and far between in Sugar Brush.”

“Lucky for you, living out on the ranch, you are pretty isolated from the Tina types.”

“One would think, but I’m a people person, Remington. Connell is happy as a clam surrounded by horses, steer, and family, but I have to come into town several times a week, or no one would like the person I’d become.”

Despite the storm brewing within me, I had to laugh. “Pretty sure Caleb is the same.”

“And my Lachlan too. The Kelly men were born to be ranchers. Though we’ll see about our Jesse-boy. He marches to the beat of his own drum, that one.”

I nodded, wiping my mouth with my napkin. “He does. Smart as a whip. If he doesn’t take to ranching, I’m sure there will be more Kelly grandchildren who will.”

“Time will tell. I only hope I’m around to see it.”

“According to Hannah, you’ll live forever, so I wouldn’t worry about that,” I told her, even though saying her name and repeating words she’d whispered to me when her head had been resting on my pillow felt like rubbing salt into a gaping wound.

“My sweet granddaughter. She loves hard.” She smiled, wistful and soft, before focusing her penetrating gaze back on me. “What about you, Remington? How are you handling being back?”

I answered carefully, conjuring up how I would have replied if I hadn’t just been flayed alive on her granddaughter’s porch.

“It’s…not like I remember. I’m not feeling on edge every second of the day, so that’s good. And I’m appreciating the beauty of the land a lot more.”

“Mmm. There is a lot of beauty. I suspect a lot more than you’ve seen in your career?”

“I’ve been on six continents, Lily. Even when ugliness bled out into the dirt, there was always beauty.”

“But your job wasn’t to focus on that, was it?”

I exhaled slowly through my nose. “No. I’m not a nature photographer.”

“But you could be, couldn’t you? With your talent, you could take pictures of anything, and people would want to see them.”

I tipped my beer toward her, flattered by her compliment. Something told me she didn’t dole them out easily. “Maybe. I don’t know. It’s not something I’ve tried.”

She folded her manicured hands on the table and leaned in. “Let’s cut to the chase, darling. When will you be going overseas again?”

“I’m not sure. Doc said I needed to heal. I’m not ready to take a chance with an injury. Not yet.”

“But eventually, yes?” she pressed.

I blew out a breath, picked up my burger, and looked at her. “It’s all I know.” But I didn’t take a bite. My stomach dropped low, fast. I tossed the burger down and sat back in my seat, my hand on my twisted gut.

She picked up her glass, giving it a swirl. “Did you know Connell and I were divorced for almost fifteen years?”

“I remember hearing something about that. Didn’t realize it had gone on for so long. I’m glad you and Connell found a way back to each other.”

“We did, though it was me finding my way back to him. He’d always been in the same place.” Her rose-colored lips curved into a slight smile. “We met young, you see. In college, at Savage University—the same school Lachlan and Elena attended. Cormac too. Connell has always been Connell, the son of a rancher who loved the land. I am the daughter of politicians, and I always knew that would be my path. My Connell loved me so very much, he married me and moved to Northern California so I could pursue my career. During that time, we had Lachlan and Saoirse, my daughter, and I worked my tail off. Before Connell and I got married, I’d promised him we’d all eventually move to Wyoming so he could take over the ranch, but I kept pushing back the date until he stopped asking. He took Lachlan and Saoirse to Wyoming for the summers while I stayed behind to work.”

I found myself leaning on my elbows, drawing closer so I didn’t miss her story. “You were a senator?”

“State senator, yes. Mind you, I’d paid my dues and worked my way up to that position, held my seat for the twelve-year term limit. I’m proud of what I accomplished, of course. It would be a crying shame if I wasn’t since I lost my husband and alienated myself from my children.”

“Connell left you because you wouldn’t give up your career?” I asked.

Her lids lowered, long lashes sweeping over her finely lined, velvet cheeks. “Oh, my dear. Connell delayed leaving me for years because he loved me and our family. He wanted the life we’d promised each other, but he needed to be here, on the ranch, and I thought I needed to be in California. Like an idiot, I was so very mad at him for not staying by my side, when, in reality, it was me who didn’t stand by him. I let the love of my life go because I didn’t know how not to be anything but my career.”

“There was no compromise?”

She lifted her glass, almost smirking as she brought it to her lips. “You’re not listening, Remington. Connell did nothing but compromise while I…didn’t. I thought we had time, and I was needed where I was. My ambition and my apathy convinced me I was right. We might have been married, but I’d broken so many promises, I’d made a mockery of our vows. Connell would say he was the one who put the nail in our coffin by getting plastered right here in this bar one lonely night and sleeping with some woman, and boy had I been angry when he’d confessed, but now, with hindsight, I don’t blame him. We’d been dragging around the rotting corpse of our marriage for years, and that had pushed us to lay it to rest.”

“For fifteen years,” I stated, shocked at everything she was telling me. I’d been vaguely aware of some of this, but never the dirty details.

“Fifteen long years where I missed my husband every single day. Neither of us dated. We weren’t interested in falling in love with anyone else when we were still very much in love with one another.” Her eyes pinched in a small wince, as if the memory was physically painful.

“But you’re here now. Remarried.”

“We are. It took me a long time to admit I’d screwed up and had driven not just Connell but Lachlan and Saoirse away. I made them all promises I did not see through.” She sighed, weary and mournful. “They say you can never go home, and that is absolutely true, Remington. What you can do, though, is rebuild a new home. It isn’t easy. It took learning humility and humbling myself. I’m lucky my husband is the forgiving sort. I’m lucky he never realized what a catch he is because he could have had the pick of the litter, but he only wanted me.”

“I’m glad for you, Lily.”

“Me too.” She ran the tip of her manicured finger around the rim of her glass. “But I missed so many years, and I will have to die with that regret. There’s no going back and fixing things now. If I could, I would have moved to Wyoming with Connell as I promised. I could have run for office here and left my mark. It could have been extraordinary. But I’d been so set on one path, I chose it over and over, no matter what I lost, instead of veering off and having everything.”

I scrubbed the scruff on my jaw, mulling over the point of her telling me this story. I thought I understood it, but I needed her to say it.

Lily didn’t wait for me to ask.

“When Graham passed, it snuffed out some of Hannah’s light. He’d been a second father to her, a best friend too. But then you came back, and little by little, my bright Hannah-girl resurfaced. I’ve seen you together, Remington. It’s clear to me there’s something special between you, yet when I asked you when you were leaving, your answer was it’s all you know. That may have been true before, but now you know what it is to be loved and adored by Hannah Kelly. Seems to me you’d be trying your damnedest to come up with a plan on what staying in Sugar Brush looks like so you can love and adore her back.”

A vise tightened around my chest. I wanted to tell her she didn’t know shit. I wouldn’t have said it that way since she was who she was, but I still wanted to be able to tell her that. Except I couldn’t. What she was saying rang true. That was why I’d been so fucking bowled over when Hannah ended things an hour ago.

I’d been loved and adored by her. She might not have said it, but hell, I hadn’t told her I loved and adored her either.

I was only realizing that was the floating feeling I got whenever I was near her, or thought of her, or someone even mentioned her goddamn beautiful name.

“You don’t have to say a word, darling,” Lily went on as she rose to her feet, wineglass in hand. “I do hope you took in my story as a cautionary tale. Don’t walk away and miss the beauty you could have had. If you do, I can guarantee you won’t be as lucky as I was. Hannah won’t be waiting for you when you finally come to your senses.” She lowered her chin, giving me an imperious look. “That, I will make sure of, Remington Town.”

Lily whirled away and strode over to the bar. She perched on a stool, her legs crossed, shoulders relaxed, as if she hadn’t just eviscerated me for the second time tonight.

Damn these Kelly women.

Can’t live without them.

I sat for a minute, trying to catch my breath and make up my mind on my next step. Once I did, I tossed cash onto the table to pay for the food I barely touched and my half-full beer and stood.

I could’ve let things settle, but if I’d taken anything from the story Lily had just told me, it was not to wait.

Hitting the street, I turned in the direction of Hannah’s place.

She might’ve thought we were over, but she was wrong. I wouldn’t be letting her go. Not when she didn’t understand what we’d both be losing.