Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

A fter the brief excitement of catching the mouse, Tadhg finished his ablutions and went downstairs to the bar for what he decided was a well-earned ale. He was hoping it would help to clear some of the confusion from his head. Confusion surrounding Alana, of course. Her stubborn refusal to so much as to listen to him and give him the chance to explain himself was driving him crazy. Of course, it would not have been so bad if he did not still care about her so much.

In a thoughtful mood, with a tankard of ale in his fist, he found a seat at a corner table. He drank in peace for a while, listening to the start of the dinner service in the dining room next door. He enjoyed his drink while he waited patiently for Alana to appear.

“Well, if it isnae that big, handsome fella Tadhg MacTavish. What a nice surprise. Have ye come tae visit me at last?” said a familiar teasing voice from behind him. He turned his head and saw Shona, one of the women who frequented the inn and kept the men happy. She was pretty enough, a buxom woman in her late twenties, with large breasts, which she loved to show off in her gaudy, low-cut gowns, and masses of unruly fair hair. She had a drink in her hand.

“Aye, it looks like it. Good evenin’ tae ye, Shona, how are ye,” he greeted her warmly, for the pair had lain together a time or two in the past. They were pleasant enough memories for him to be friendly.

“Och, nae so bad,” she said with a smile, going to sit right next to him at the table. “But I feel all the better fer seein’ ye. My, ye look more handsome than ever,” she told him, fluttering her eyelashes at him as she wound her arm around his neck and planted a kiss on his cheek.

It was at that moment when, over Shona’s shoulder, Tadgh saw Alana coming down the stairs. She saw them at once, and he was interested to see how she would react to the other woman’s presence. He pretended not to have seen her and continued chatting to Shona, who continued flirting with him and had no qualms about stroking his hair or laying her hand on his thigh suggestively. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Alana hesitate for a split second before pasting a bright smile on her face and heading for their table. A small shiver of excitement ran through him as she arrived and sat down on the opposite side.

“Good evenin’ tae ye both,” she said in a friendly manner, the brilliant smile now directed at a startled Shona. “It seems ye ken each other already,” she added, looking pointedly at Shona’s hand laying on his leg. “How nice tae have some company.”

Shona looked from her to Tadhg. “This table’s taken,” she said, frowning at Alana with obvious annoyance.

“Aye, I ken,” Alana replied with a nod.

“So why are ye still here?” Shona asked, glaring at her. “Can ye nae see we’re busy?”

“With ye droolin’ all over him, and with yer hand in his lap, I think I’d have tae be blind nae tae see that,” Alana replied calmly, still maintaining her fixed smile. Amusement bubbled up inside Tadhg, and he struggled to keep it at bay.

Shona bridled at that. “Who d’ye think ye are, comin’ over her uninvited and clearly tryin’ tae muscle in on me man here?” she demanded.

“Well, if it helps straighten out any misunderstandin’, I think I’m his wife,” Alana answered.

Shona shot up from her chair, her jaw dropping. “His wife?” She looked at Tadhg. “Ye never told me ye had a wife,” she told him accusingly.

“Ye never asked,” he said with a wry grin. Shona let out a curse and then turned her back and walked off, clearly put out.

“What did ye dae that for?” he asked Alana as she was gone.

“Why wouldnae I?” she asked, her dark eyes defiant. “In the same way as ye’re jealous of Sloan, can I nae be jealous when I see another woman pawin’ at ye like that? Just because I dinnae really like ye, and there’s naethin’ between us, it disnae mean I didnae love ye once. Why would I want tae see other women touchin’ ye?”

Tadhg tensed at her words. This was the first time since he had been back at Castle Lennox that she had admitted openly that there was, or at least had been, something real between them. It was confusing yet at the same time, he had to admit to himself, deeply exciting.

The meal was served, along with a jug of ale for them to share, and they began eating. Silence reigned for a while, but it was not long before Alana paused her dinner and asked him a small voice, “Why did ye go away without tellin’ me?”

The question cut him like a knife, and he was taken aback that she would just come out with it like that. When he had wanted to tell her everything, she had not allowed him to even speak, simply refusing to listen. Now, though, she was asking. But how to answer?

Now was not the right time to tell her the truth, not when they were on their way to the MacIver’s stronghold. She might never let him near her then for lying to her for so long. So, he had to think on his feet and tell her more lies.

“I owed someone a lot of money,” he told her, hating himself for doing it. “I had tae go and work off the debt.”

“What sort of work?”

“As a mercenary, for hire.” Another lie. Killing for money was something he would never do. Alana did not know it, but his and Liam’s parents had been murdered by such ruthless hired men, for money. He despised such brutes. Besides , he thought, looking over at her, drinking in her delicate, dark-eyed beauty, all the money in the world wouldn’t keep me away from her.

But it was the best explanation he could come up with on the spur of the moment, having been prepared only to tell her the truth, which she did not want to hear. Now, here he was, lying through his teeth, making things a hundred times worse.

They both reached for the salt cellar at the same time, Alana’s fingers closing around it a split second before his. Her hand was small and soft and warm, and a tingle ran up Tadhg’s arm to feel it beneath his. He looked deeply into her eyes, trying to communicate with her silently, deliberately maintaining the touch a second longer than propriety dictated.

But, to his disappointment, Alana snatched her hand away, averting her eyes back to her plate. His only satisfaction was seeing her cheeks turning bright crimson. After that, they hardly spoke, and a short while after dinner was over, Alana retired to her room. Tadhg stayed downstairs, nursing another tankard of ale, half hoping another mouse would appear in her chamber and force her to seek his help again. But no summons came, so when he saw Shona looking over at him coquettishly from another man’s lap, he took it as his cue to leave.

Outside Alana’s door, he paused to listen. Hearing nothing from inside, he assumed she was asleep. A feeling of dull disappointment settled in his gut as he entered his own room quietly. After discarding his weapons belt and his boots, he rolled into bed, his mind muzzy from the ale.

He lay with his arms behind his head, staring at the ceiling for a while, unable to push thoughts of Alana from his mind. It was torture knowing she was lying only inches away on the other side of the wall. He raised his arm and placed his palm on the cool plaster in some kind of imagined communion. Is she awake? Is she thinking of me like I’m thinking of her?

He wanted to believe it, but so far, their journey together had only proved how far she was prepared to go to keep him at a distance. He dropped his hand, feeling helpless, at a loss, because he could see no way back from his lies. No way back into Alana’s heart.

Alana was still fast asleep when she was abruptly awoken by someone coming loudly into her room. She had only just opened her eyes and was about to turn over to see who it was when a hand descended and shook her.

“Time tae wake up,” said a familiar deep voice.

“What are ye doing in here?” she asked, rolling over and glaring at him, holding the covers close to her chest. “I thought I told ye tae stay out of me room.”

“That was before the mouse, when ye gave me permission to come and go as I please,” he pointed out, far too cockily for her liking. “’Tis time tae get up and eat. We need to be on our way as soon as possible if we’re to reach the MacIver castle at a decent hour.”

“All right, but ye need tae leave,” she told him grumpily, noticing he was already dressed for the journey in his leather trews and buff jerkin. It was irritating that he could appear so alert at such an early hour, and why did he have to look so damned handsome?

“I’ll go down and order breakfast. Dinnae take too long. I want tae be on the road within the hour.” After issuing this ultimatum, he left, shutting the door behind him. Alana listened to his retreating bootsteps and breathed a sigh of relief.

After washing herself and quickly dressing, she joined him downstairs for a breakfast of sweet rolls with butter and honey and tea. Then she collected her things from her chamber, while Tadhg settled up with the landlord and had their horses brought around to the front courtyard. Within the hour he had stipulated, they rode out, heading to Castle MacIver amid the misty, early morning sunshine.

“How are ye feelin’?” he suddenly asked her after a while of riding in silence. “Are ye nervous about meetin’ yer long-lost family?”

“A bit,” she admitted, surprised at the question. “But the man who says he’s me faither willnae be there. It’s him I really want tae talk tae and ask why he never bothered about me before.”

Tadhg looked over at her curiously. “Ye sound as if ye’ve taken against the man already.”

“Why shouldnae I? He’s naethin’ tae me.” He was right; she already harbored a deep resentment towards John MacIver. “’Tis a shame he’s been taken though, fer I’ll likely nae have the chance tae have it out with him.”

“Unless he gets freed,” Tadhg said.

“Aye, but it seems this Blaine needs me tae help with that,” she said. “I havet tae admit, I’m still worryin’ about what the clan has in store fer me with this talk of an alliance tae save John MacIver.”

“A marriage, ye mean?” Tadhg asked, his voice suddenly tight.

“Aye. I’m still comin’ tae terms with it all. It’s hard tae accept that I’m the illegitimate daughter of a laird and that Maither was his mistress. I’m nae sure I like bein’ illegitimate.” It was the most she had told him about her secret concerns, but she had to talk to someone, or she felt she might burst. Besides, though she may not like him, she knew she could trust him to protect her. In her current world of uncertainty, Tadhg’s presence offered a rock-like stability and, yes, even a modicum of comfort.

“I just hope this ruse of yers about us bein’ married works,” she told him, lapsing into thoughtful silence again for a while. That was until she suddenly felt her horse stumble beneath her. The beast shook her head violently, her teeth clacking, and she seemed reluctant to move. Alana knew something was wrong.

“Tadhg, I think me horse is goin’ lame,” she said worriedly, pulling the beast to a halt and looking down at one of its front legs. Frowning, Tadhg stopped too and slipped from his saddle. He came over and, after gently rubbing her horse’s nose to reassure it, knelt to inspect its leg, gently running his hands up and down. He was forced to duck as the horse snapped at him, a sure sign it was in pain.

“There’s nae wound that I can see, but she daesnae want tae put weight on her left foreleg,” he pronounced. Alana watched as he stood for a few minutes rubbing his chin, apparently deep in thought, as he looked at the mare. Finally, he said, “Ye cannae ride her any further. She cannae bear the weight of a rider. Ye’ll have tae ride with me the rest of the way. Hopefully, they’ll be able tae dae somethin’ for her at the Castle stables.”

Alana missed his last words because the previous ones were looming large in her mind and filling her with panic: ‘ Ye’ll have tae ride with me…”

“Are ye sure? I mean, I dinnae weigh that much,” she tried to argue, unwilling to ride with him. Their bodies would be pressed close together, and she would have to put her arms around his waist to hold on. Oh, Lord!

But she had no choice in the end. Her mare would only go forward without a rider. So, Tadhg attached her with a long line to his stallion and mounted up. Once in the saddle, he reached down to offer Alana a hand up. She looked at it, reluctant to take it.

“Come on, time’s a wastin’,” Tadhg urged. With a sigh, she kilted up her skirts and gripped his arm tightly, letting him swing her up behind him. Her cheeks burned as she settled herself as best she could behind him, her thighs gripping his hips and her front wedged against the wall of his back. “Grab a hold of me then, unless ye want tae fall off,” he said, gently kicking up his stallion into a slow walk.

With another sigh, Alana did as he said, putting her arms around him and linking her hands in front as they advanced along the track in front of them. This was the closest they had been in years. It was mortifying how warm and solid he felt, his powerful muscles shifting smoothly beneath his clothing like machinery as he moved. His long, dark hair tickled her nose, and she could smell his musky scent. She tried her very best to ignore the tingles running all over her body like flames, but after a while, she just gave up. Aye, he’s braw all right, but he’s nae the man ye used tae love, and ye’d best remember that.

“Ha! ’Tis a long time since we’ve done this, eh?” Tadhg observed cheerfully, picking up the pace.

Without thinking, Alana snapped back, “And whose fault is that? Ye were the one who went off and abandoned me.”

“I didnae abandon ye. I had tae go. I came back as soon as I could,” he retorted. After a short pause, he added, “Those were good times. I miss them,” and sighed meaningfully.

He did not say the words, but she knew he was telling her that he missed her and the intimacy they had once shared as sweethearts. She bristled.

“Aye, I missed them too, fer four long years.”

“Ach, are ye ever gonnae change yer tune? I’ve been back six months. If ye were nae so stubborn, we could be havin’ those good times again right now.”

“Yer arrogance is breathtakin’. Ye must think me a fool. Ye’re the last person I’d wantae share such times with.”

“I dinnae think ye’re a fool at all. But ye are as stubborn as a mule,” he shot back.

“I need tae be tae put up with ye.”

Thus, they bickered and niggled at each other as they drew ever closer to Castle MacIver.