Chapter Twenty-Two

Sebastian followed his father through the old knot garden. Like everything else it was neglected and overgrown, and the hedges that had always been so precisely trimmed were all out of alignment. He remembered how in the warmer weather the spicy scent of herbs had filled the air. Now everything was stark, only a few buds here and there. Stone walls which had been built to protect the more tender plants from the harsh weather were in disrepair. There was the bench where Sebastian had often sat with his mother.

He opened his mouth to share the memory with his father but closed it again. This was not the man who had shouted at him and sent him away. His father seemed younger in a strange way, despite looking older. And if he remembered anything of that awful day when Seb left, he did not show it. When Seb had mentioned something about his home in London, his father had given him a blank stare. It was almost as though, in the earl’s mind, Seb had never left Albury House.

Was Grimsley right when he said the earl was happier in the past?

Seb wondered how long this had been going on, because now they were out in the pre-dawn light and he could see his father properly, he noticed the neglect. Just like the house and garden, the earl hadn’t been cared for in some time. His father had always been so dedicated when it came to his duties as master of Albury House, so particular in everything he did, but he was not that man anymore.

Was the estate in as bad a way as Grimsley said? One good thing about his years in London: Seb had made enough money to turn things around.

As Seb had expected, the trees in the wood were bare, with snow still in patches on the ground from the recent storm. None of this stopped his father from marching onward, pointing out this tree or that. He was talking quickly and Seb only caught one word in ten. Besides, his own thoughts were racing just as quickly and it was difficult to concentrate.

But when he heard his mother’s name his ears pricked up.

“Your grandfather did not want me to marry Eloise. He said she was unstable, that the whole family was unhinged. Her mother was known for her moods, melancholic one moment and bouncing about the next. But I didn’t care about that. My heart yearned for her. I loved her.”

“We both loved her,” Seb said quietly. There were whole weeks when his mother would lay in bed with the curtains drawn, but they were followed by an almost inhuman energy. Waking Seb up at midnight so that they could climb to the top of the house and look at the stars from the roof, or dancing about the garden in the moonlight—he had thought it normal if he thought about it at all. It was normal to him. He was proud of her; she wasn’t like any of his school friends’ mothers. She wasn’t like anyone else in the whole world, and when she wasn’t melancholy she took such joy in life.

“We did love her.” His father nodded and patted his arm. “How could we not?”

When Seb had realized his father was living in the past, he had worried the earl might believe his wife was still alive and would be seeking her. But it wasn’t like that. He knew Eloise was gone, and Seb was grateful for that, even if he was confused by the holes in his father’s understanding.

“You are like me, Sebastian,” his father said, turning to him with a smile. “I am glad of that. As much as I loved your mother, I would not want you to suffer as she did during those bad times. You have been blessed with my good sense and even temperament.”

Seb was too surprised to reply. The earl didn’t seem to notice. He tilted his head back and looked up into the branches of the large tree before them. “Come on,” he said matter-of-factly, “give me a hand up.”

Startled, Seb did as he was told, and watched in disbelief as his elderly father began to climb the tree. Reaching up to take hold of a branch and then hauling himself onto it, and then reaching up again. He was far more nimble than he looked, but Seb hurried to follow him, worried he was going to slip and fall.

“I don’t think you should...” he began breathlessly, but his father wasn’t listening.

“There is an amazing view from the top. Your mother showed it to me before we were married. Wait and see.”

There was nothing Seb could do but follow, taking care with his handholds and the slippery bark beneath his boots. He wasn’t dressed for tree climbing. Before long they were at the top, swaying a little with the breeze, while the sun rose before them, sending its golden light across the land.

“There,” his father said, beaming. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

It was. This was his home, and he had missed it. Only now did he admit to himself that his life in London had always felt temporary. He was an exile, longing for home. Cautiously, Seb turned and looked back at the house, with its quaint additions and many windows. There was a commotion on the drive, and he could see that his coach had been brought around and Catherine and Maggie were about to climb inside. Dodds was there, rushing about, seeing to their luggage.

Last night he had held Catherine in his arms. Who would have thought a practiced rake like Albury could be satisfied with such a thing?

Seb continued to watch as they moved away, slowly at first and then gaining speed. Catherine was leaving and he felt her loss painfully. As if something was missing and it could not be returned until she was with him again.

Beside him his father was speaking in a dreamy voice. “Always follow your heart. Don’t let anyone try to dissuade you. Even if your happiness doesn’t last as long as you would wish it to, that is better than spending your life never having known it at all.”

The earl was not speaking to Seb about Catherine, he knew that, but right then he felt like he was.