Chapter Nineteen

Catherine’s head ached. She had barely slept, tossing and turning, and before that listening first to Lord Knowles and then to Sebastian knocking at her door and asking to come in. Perhaps it would be funny one day, but right now it was far from that.

When she told Sebastian she had learned a valuable lesson from her time with him, she had genuinely meant it. She needed love. Pleasure was all very well, but love was at the top of her list. What she hadn’t told him was that she was falling in love with him, and it hurt unbearably to know he could not reciprocate.

Watching Effie Knowles trying to lure him back into her bed made Catherine furious. How dare the woman? Yes, Sebastian had refused her and appeared genuine in his declaration that he would not allow her into his life again. And Catherine believed him despite his reputation. So, if she believed him, what was the matter with her? Jealousy. It was embarrassing to admit, but Catherine was jealous because she wanted Sebastian for herself.

He had been her dream man for years, so that when the real one arrived, handsome and charming, it was easy to fall in love with him. He was easy to love. He made her feel like the most important woman in the world, and she forgot about the long list of others. With his focus on her alone, his past did not matter. She was like a wilting flower, finally given some water.

And they could be happy together! She knew it. If he hadn’t locked away his heart—and despite what he’d said to Effie, she knew he did have one. She had seen for herself his struggles to keep it contained. Yes, his heart was sensitive and bruised, of course it was. He had been deeply wounded by his father’s abandonment of him and his mother’s death, and he had decided never to love again. He stubbornly held by that decision no matter how miserable it made him. Catherine couldn’t mend him—he had already rejected her interference once. He had to make that decision himself. Perhaps it was too late for him to change. Perhaps he preferred the life he knew to the one he might have.

It didn’t matter. Even if he found happiness one day, it would not be with her. Their race was run, and soon she would be leaving The White Rose and they would never see each other again.

Eventually time ticked on, and the first glimmers of dawn shone through her window. There was the sound of a coach approaching. It rumbled along the road from the south, and as it passed the inn the driver blew on his horn so loudly she covered her ears. The mail coach, hurrying past. Going north.

She knew what that meant. The road was clear, and it was time for her to go.

Catherine threw back the covers and went to the window. There wasn’t much to see. It was barely light, and the trees across the road from the inn were silhouetted against the sky, ice daggers on their branches. As she watched, a robin redbreast flew down onto one of them, and sat a moment, as though contemplating the day ahead. The sight lifted her spirits, and she reminded herself that no matter how bleak things seemed there was always something to look forward to.

She would be home soon, and Jack would be waiting. She would be there in time for his birthday, and they could celebrate together. Ellinor would probably be glad to see her too, and they could discuss estate matters. Ellinor had always been the chatelaine of the castle but perhaps it was time to change that? Catherine may not be able to find the happiness she longed for, but she could make her mark, rule her little kingdom in the north, until Jack was old enough to take over.

If she couldn’t be happy, then at least she could be busy.

When Maggie arrived with hot water flustered and looking like she had dressed in a hurry, Catherine did not remark upon it. She washed and donned her traveling clothes, ready to make one final appearance at breakfast. She intended to press some coins into the palms of the serving maids and thank Mr. Rose for making her stay so comfortable.

And she wanted to say goodbye to the Fotheringhams and Anthea and Mr. Querol. She rather thought his grumpy demeanour disguised a kind nature and a deep love for his companion. Then there was Sebastian.

She would not waste her disappointment on him. He was what he was, and she had accepted it as she lay mulling over their time at the inn. They had shared some truly wonderful and pleasurable moments, or at least she had thought they were shared. Maybe for Sebastian they had been nothing out of the ordinary. And then she told herself it did not matter—she would never forget even if he did. He would live on in her dreams.

Maggie looked tired as she arranged a shawl to best effect about her mistress’ shoulders. Catherine made her voice gentle when she asked, “What has Mr. Dodds decided?”

Maggie gave a laugh that was far from her usual joyful sound. “Mr. Dodds isn’t very happy with his master right now. He says that Albury is a stubborn fool, and I don’t think it would take much for him to decide to run off to Winstanton with us. But Albury House is not far from us, so he says he will visit me as soon as he can.”

“Well, at least you have that to look forward to,” Catherine said bracingly. When Maggie gave her a worried look, she pretended to be searching for a handkerchief and avoided her eyes.

Breakfast was already underway, with everyone there apart from Sebastian and Lord and Lady Knowles. Anthea was quick to share the information that the two Knowleses were still asleep in their room. “In no hurry to leave, those two.” She pulled a face at Catherine and then lowered her voice a little, although it didn’t stop everyone around them from leaning in, agog to hear. “That gent tried to press me against the wall last night. Horrible breath. Not that I’d want him anyway when I have my little bear.” She squeezed Mr. Querol’s arm and watched fondly as he blushed. “I think you’ve guessed he is not my uncle. He’s asked me to stay with him always, and I have a mind to do just that.”

Catherine was happy for her and for Mr. Querol, who was nothing like a little bear, but love did strange things. Benny was in the dumps, but talk of his snowman cheered him up. “You have been ever so kind,” Mrs. Fotheringham said. “Our stay here has been such a delightful one.” Because the Fotheringhams had arrived the earliest for their breakfast, they rose the soonest, hurrying up to their room to collect their belongings. It was sad to see them go. Catherine now thought of them as friends.

She had finished her coffee and was just about to rise and say her goodbyes, when the door was flung open and Maggie stood there, wide eyed. Behind her was Dodds, looking equally concerned. It was such a surprise that just for a moment all she could do was stare back at them, wondering what on earth was wrong. Was it Sebastian? Had something dreadful happened to him?

“What is it?” she cried, clumsily pushing back the chair and getting to her feet.

“My lady.” Maggie stopped, bit her lip, and started again. “I’m that sorry. The wheel on your coach is broken. Dodds tried to fix it with the help of the groom, but the axle is bent. He says we need a blacksmith.” She glanced helplessly back at Dodds and he put a reassuring hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

“There’s a smithy in the village,” he said, “but no one knows how long it will take for him to do the work. Seems he’s busy. So many coaches and gigs and the like have come to grief in the bad weather. And your coach is very old, Your Grace. Could be it is not able to be repaired.”

Maggie looked somber. “Looks like we won’t be going anywhere today after all, my lady.”

Catherine opened her mouth and closed it again. Her first suspicion was that the two of them had planned this, but it was short lived. She knew Maggie, and the dismay on her face was genuine. And what of Jack? She would miss his birthday tomorrow and he would be so upset. Tears sparkled in her eyes, but she blinked them back.

“Well,” she said, taking a breath and trying to sound optimistic, “we’ll just have to make the best of it I suppose. I’ll ask Mr. Rose if he can accommodate us for a little longer.”

“I’ll go and ask him,” Maggie said, but before she and Dodds could leave, Sebastian arrived. He was in his traveling clothes and looked weary, too, with shadows under his eyes. His gaze went from Dodds to Maggie, and when they repeated their news, he stilled. His eyes seemed to brighten, and his mouth twitched at the corners.

It was almost as though... as though he was glad. Catherine had barely registered this fact before he rearranged his expression into something approaching sympathetic. “That is most unfortunate,” he said, in a serious voice. “And as Dodds says, who knows how long it will take to fix your coach with so many other broken equipages waiting for attention? You could be here for, well, weeks. And I know how eager you are to get home.”

“The coach is ancient,” Maggie said with a grimace. “I was surprised it got us this far.”

“My late husband saw no reason to keep it in good repair or purchase a new one when we never went anywhere,” Catherine admitted. She was watching Sebastian suspiciously.

“It rattles something awful,” Maggie added.

Dodds was staring at his master. “I have a feeling you have solution to this catastrophe, sir,” he said in a droll sort of voice.

Impatiently, Catherine looked from one to the other. “What solution? Are you a blacksmith now, Albury?”

“Not quite. But I do have a perfectly working coach, with not a rattle in it. Why don’t you and your maid come with us to Albury House? As you know it is a day’s ride from Winstanton, and I’m sure my father has a suitable vehicle for you to use to continue with your journey. If not, then you can take my coach.”

Catherine stared at him. Her immediate thought was: No. Definitely not. I am not going anywhere with you.

He must have read her answer in her face because he redoubled his effort to persuade her. “I refuse to abandon you here at The White Rose.” And then he added slyly, “Not with Lord and Lady Knowles as company.”

She flinched. He was right, the last thing she wanted was to be left here alone with those two. Could she bear another night of Lord Knowles knocking on her door? Remembering she was not alone, she looked up and saw that Mr. Querol and Anthea were watching with interest, and Anthea had a twinkle in her eye.

“Master Jack’s birthday!” cried Maggie, only just remembering. “You can’t miss it. He’ll be inconsolable. If you go with the viscount you can reach Winstanton by tomorrow, and still be in time.”

If there was the faintest hope of her reaching the castle in time for Jack’s birthday, Catherine knew she must take it. All the same she felt beaten, forced into a situation she did not want, but she had to make the best of it. She lightened her voice when she wanted to growl. “Thank you, Albury. I accept.”

Sebastian’s shoulders relaxed, and so did Maggie’s. “Thank God for that,” she muttered.

“But we will leave for Winstanton as soon as we arrive at Albury House,” Catherine went on quickly, expecting an argument. And at the same time she resolved to pretend to be asleep the whole way, to avoid any uncomfortable conversations with Sebastian. Or to remember how painful it was to be with him when she could never have him.

Dodds gave a sideways glance to Maggie. There was a grin hiding behind his battered face, and Catherine had the feeling he wanted to jump for joy. Maggie nudged him with her elbow and he huffed out a laugh.

Sebastian spoke again. “We will get to Albury House tonight, but it will be late. The northern road is clear according to Rose, but the turn-off through the village to my home may not be in such good repair.”

“You mean we may get stuck for the night?” Catherine gasped. She was thinking of being trapped with Sebastian in a perilous situation and maybe her thoughts were visible on her face. Sebastian’s mouth twitched again as if he wanted to smile, but he brought it under control.

“Never fear, if it becomes necessary, we can unharness one of the horses and Dodds can ride ahead and bring help back for us.”

“I certainly can,” Dodds agreed much more cheerfully than Catherine thought necessary.

“And then we can go straight from Albury House to Winstanton?” Catherine wanted an answer.

“Of course,” Sebastian assured her brightly. Then his face fell in a way she was sure was more theatrical than genuine. “However,” he gave a grimace, “if it is very late you may have to stay until daylight. It would not be safe to go on in the dark.” He shrugged, as though the outcome was out of his hands, and of course it was. Catherine knew then she would be staying at Albury House tonight whether she wanted to or not.

She glanced at Sebastian again, as he began giving instructions to Dodds about bringing down the luggage. Why did she feel Sebastian was pleased about this change in circumstances? Surely it was as much of an annoyance to him as to her? If he was hoping to use the journey to talk to her, persuade her to spend tonight in his bed, then it was not going to happen. But why would he want to? Hadn’t they already discussed their situation and reached a mutual understanding? There was nothing left to talk about.

“I am only agreeing to this because of Jack,” she said firmly. “He is the only reason.”

Sebastian stopped what he was saying to Dodds and gave her a bow, and what was meant to be an understanding smile. “Of course, Duchess,” he said.

There was a gleam in his pale eyes, and Catherine didn’t trust it or him. He was up to something, and she would have to be on her guard.