Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
T he day of Lilly's wedding dawned dreary and gray, which perfectly matched her mood. Rain pelted the windows, creating a din that pounded inside her aching head. If she were at Autumnwood Hall, she would be able to see the glorious colors of fall, but here, she was surrounded by buildings. The only thing that had gotten her through the last few weeks was the thought of leaving the city and her mother far behind.
She had only seen Hadrian a handful of times since she had accepted his proposal, and her mother had supervised all the visits, so they had been stilted, awkward meetings with no chance to speak openly. However, he had slipped her a note stating he had made provisions for her mother part of the marriage contract. Apparently, her cousin Samuel had already signed it on her behalf without feeling the need to inform her of its contents. Undoubtedly, he was just grateful to get rid of her and her mother.
She stepped up to the full-length mirror, biting her lip pensively as she stared at her reflection. The gown wasn't new since her cousin hadn't allowed her any money to buy something for her wedding. But it was by far the most beautiful thing she owned, pale blue silk that her lady's maid, Eliza, had spruced up with a bit of lovely lace. Still, it hardly seemed fitting for a future duchess...
Dear Lord. Despite the unorthodox bargain, she would someday be a duchess. What a sobering thought on an already very sober day. The sheer amount of responsibility such a role would entail made her doubt herself on every level. Was this why Hadrian had fought so hard against it? Unfortunately, becoming the duke was his destiny, and one day, that would happen, whether he wanted it or not.
She wondered for the thousandth time if Hadrian had truly thought this through. Did he really plan to stay childless forever and let the title fall to his brother? Surely, when he got older, he would change his mind. Where did that leave her? Would she be too old by then to have children?
Tears stung her eyes, but she blinked them away. She would not cry! Not today. There would be time enough for that once she arrived at Autumnwood Hall.
Nothing she could do would change her situation, and the sooner she accepted that, the better off she would be.
Lilly sat before her vanity, nerves fluttering in her stomach like a caged bird. Eliza bustled around her with a soft smile, carefully arranging the delicate lace veil in her dark curls.
"Take deep breaths, my lady," Eliza said soothingly. "Today will be perfect."
Lilly managed a shaky laugh. "I hope so, Eliza. I'm so nervous that I'm feeling nauseous."
Eliza's eyes twinkled with affection as she fastened a string of pearls around Lilly's neck. "I remember when you and Lord Whitby used to be inseparable. You are meant to be together, my lady. I am certain of it."
Lilly caught Eliza's gaze in the mirror and felt a surge of gratitude for her steadfast presence. "Thank you, Eliza. I don't know what I would do without you."
Eliza patted Lilly's hand reassuringly. "Your mother should be here, helping you get ready," she said, obviously mistaking the source of her melancholy. "Has she even told you what to expect from your husband tonight?"
Lilly shook her head, unable to tell Eliza that her mother knew far too well that she would not need such knowledge tonight or perhaps any other. Plus, she shuddered to think what her mother might say in such a situation. Constance Bennett was the last person in the world Lilly wanted to tell her about what happened between a man and woman on their wedding night.
Eliza sighed sympathetically as she settled into the chair before the warm fireplace. "Please, let me try to prepare you for what is to come. It is not right for a woman to enter her wedding night without being equipped with some understanding."
"Thank you," Lilly breathed, leaning forward with anticipation. Knowledge was power, and even if she never had the chance to use it, she wanted to know the secrets of the marriage bed. Who knew what the future might bring? No matter what happened, she wanted to be ready.
Two hours later, armed with Eliza's words of wisdom, Lilly stood at the end of the aisle at St. James's Church, staring at the breathtakingly handsome man who waited at the altar with the minister. Her heart pounded in her chest as sorrow and panic warred within her.
Hadrian's emerald gaze met hers, and he gave her a small, encouraging smile, but he looked just as nervous as she felt. He wore a silvery-gray morning suit with an intricately tied white cravat, and his blond hair gleamed from the light filtering in through the stained-glass windows. He was the very picture of the handsome prince in a fairy tale.
As she walked toward him, she was only peripherally aware of the small audience—purportedly friends and family. However, she saw very few familiar faces in the crowd and suspected her mother had invited mostly those she most wanted to impress. The heavy scent of the lilies at the ends of the pews made her nauseous, and she wondered who had ordered them. She much preferred the incense that usually hung heavy in the air.
It felt surreal, as if her wildest dream had been twisted into a nightmare. This was not how it was supposed to happen. This moment had always been in her dreams, but not like this. Never like this.
As the minister began to speak the words that would bind them together for the rest of their lives, she wanted nothing more than to run. Run from the church, run from this version of her life. She did not want a loveless marriage, but she knew all too well that nothing better awaited her.
So, when it came time to say her vows, she said them with a shaking voice. Hadrian's was loud and clear. And why shouldn't it be? He was getting everything he wanted from this arrangement.
Then came the moment she had both longed for and feared.
"You may now kiss the bride," the minister said with a smile.
Hadrian turned toward her, and she realized with relief that he intended to do as the minister had decreed. She had been half afraid that he would deny her that little bit of intimacy in front of all these people, letting everyone know what a sham this was.
"Breathe," he whispered, his voice barely audible over her chaotic thoughts. "We're almost finished."
But that was the problem. This was supposed to be a beginning, not an ending. As he leaned in to kiss her, she could not help but feel a pang of sadness and regret. His lips pressed against hers, soft and warm but lacking the passion and tenderness she had always imagined would accompany her first kiss as a married woman. It was chaste and brief, just for show, leaving her empty and even more alone. As they pulled away from each other, she forced a smile, hoping her eyes did not betray the turmoil churning inside her.
The guests politely clapped, but the sound seemed hollow to Lilly as she struggled to hold back her emotions. Hadrian took her hand and guided her down the aisle. She couldn't bring herself to look at him directly, focusing instead on the gleaming floor as they exited the church.
She forced a smile for the spectators, but inside, she was weeping. This should not have been a performance; it should have been real.
Lilly couldn't shake off her earlier conversation with Eliza. She yearned for a genuine marriage filled with love and passion rather than duty and pretense. At that moment, she vowed that someday she would find a way to seduce September's Scoundrel and create the family she truly desired.