Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Devan tugs on my hair again. “I should ask you if you’re dating someone, but I’ll be honest—I really don’t give a fuck. You’re mine tonight. Say it, Hazel.”

I’m not dating anyone. I’m never dating anyone, not in recent years. The people I meet these days who want to seduce or create some kind of relationship aren’t interested in seeing beneath the perfectly polished surface. They don’t want the ugly bits, the jagged pieces snapped off from the puzzle of the girl I no longer add up to. Devan doesn’t want me in any permanent way, and he’s already seen me at my worst. The freedom of that knowledge makes me a little giddy. “I’m yours tonight.”

“I know.” He considers me. “Well, birthday girl. Let’s put that disobedient mouth to good use.”

I reach for the front of his jeans with shaking hands. I don’t think I’ve stopped shaking since he showed up tonight. Desire is a heady thing, and my desire for Devan seems bottomless. Even more so now that I’m dragging down his zipper and working his jeans over his hips. I start to push them down further, but he shakes his head. “That’s good enough.”

His insistence that we remain as clothed as possible is making me restless. I can’t tell if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. When’s the last time I was denied something I wanted? I can’t remember. Oh, there are things that will never be mine again, but these days, if I want it, it’s there for the taking.

Except this man.

I just want us both to strip down and to have as much of my skin pressed up against as much of his skin as possible. I wouldn’t have thought I was touch-starved, but that’s what this feels like. A growing frenzy that Devan keeps intentionally ignoring.

Then nothing else matters because I free his cock and it’s right there. Just as thick and perfect as the man himself. Big enough that a little tremor of foreboding goes through me. Maybe this extended foreplay isn’t a bad thing, because I’ve never been with anyone this size before. Not even the CEO with the array of rainbow-colored strap-ons. Her largest size was smaller Devan.

I carefully wrap as much of my fist around him as possible. “I don’t know if I can take this.”

“You can.” He doesn’t move, just waits for me to decide for myself.

As if I’m going to turn away from him now, giant cock or not. The thought almost makes me laugh. I take a deep breath, do my best to quell my nerves and dip down to take him into my mouth. It’s a slow slide, and I immediately make my peace with the fact I won’t be able to take him all, or even take this much for long. That’s okay. I am more than capable of working with what I have.

“Look at me, Hazel.”

I open my eyes and look up his body to his face. He’s staring down at me as if… I honestly don’t know. I’m not sure how to define the expression on his face. Intense, yes, but there are layers I’m not capable of peeling back.

It’s always been that way with me and Devan. He’s the wall I crash against over and over, so strong it seems like nothing I do touches him until, just for a moment, he’ll crack a little and the sunlight will stream in.

It feels like that right now. Like I’m being bathed in sunlight.

Then he shuts it down, once more the disapproving asshole. “You should see how you look right now, those pretty red lips wrapped around my cock.” He shakes his head slowly. “You’re the most fucked up combination of sinful and innocent. It’s enough to mess with a person’s head.”

I ease off his cock enough to say. “Which way do you want me to play?” God knows I can do both; I’ve angled one or another in the past, though being innocent never felt particularly comfortable. It’s not who I am.

“You don’t get it.” He wraps his free hand around his cock and drags it along my bottom lip. “Be you, Hazel. That’s what I want. That’s all I want.”

He might as well have stripped me down to my skin; further even, down to the flesh, blood, and bones beneath. Burrowing deep to the locked space around my heart. “No one wants that.”

Devan lowers his brows. “You don’t mean that.”

“Please.” My throat feels appallingly tight all of a sudden. “We both know it’s the truth. I’m not as bad as I used to be, but I’m messy. No one wants that kind of clusterfuck in their lives. Not for long, anyway.”

He releases me and sinks down. He’s tall enough that we’re almost the same height like this, me on the bed, him on his knees. Devan taps my forehead. “Stop that.”

“Oh, sure. I’ll get right on that. Just, poof, damage gone.” I snap my fingers.

His expression goes forbidding and then he clasps my throat, pushing me down onto the bed. I don’t fight it. Why would I? I’ve only played with kink, with dominance and submission, here and there in the past, but I have enough experience to know that I crave the letting go as much as I fear it. The last Domme I played with—the one with all the strap-ons—made me come half a dozen times and somehow that resulted in me sobbing my heart out. She handled it gracefully and took care of me in the aftermath, but that was one experience that deterred me from going deeper into the kink community.

I have no desire to be seen that thoroughly.

With Devan, it’s different. He’s experienced all my rough edges already. How could he miss them when he’s been present for the worst nights of my life?

“That’s always been your problem, birthday girl.” He drags his hand down the center of my body, stopping just below the waistband of my garter belt. “You think too damn hard. Knock it off.”

“Wow.” At least I manage to sound sarcastic instead of weepy. “Look at that; you’ve solved my over-thinking just like you solved my damage. You should charge for your services, Devan. You’d make a killing off poor little rich girls with their sad little broken hearts.”

He doesn’t answer with words. He simply shoves my legs wide and delivers a stinging slap to my pussy. I shriek and arch up. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Am I interrupting the pity party?” He raises his brows. “Sorry.”

“I hate you,” I grit out. The slap surprised me more than it hurt, but that doesn’t mean I’m about to admit as much. “You’re such a dick.”

“Keep talking like that and I’ll have to punish you again instead of licking this pretty pussy the way we both want. Wouldn’t that be a crying shame?”

I open my mouth to snap back, but manage to close it without responding. Is pushing back really worth denying myself the pleasure of Devan’s tongue? Of course not.

He massages my thighs lightly, still holding them wide. “You said you have your own fantasies about how tonight plays out. Tell me.”

“You want me to tell you…while you’re going down on me?”

“Smart girl. Yes, that’s exactly what I want.”

If he’s half as good with his tongue as he is with his fingers, I’m going to have one hell of a time concentrating. “What if now’s not a good time? Maybe I want to tell you later.”

“You stop, I stop.”

I lick my lips. “Okay.” I can do this. Surely I can do this.

But as Devan leans down and nuzzles my pussy through my panties, I’m suddenly not so sure. I watch him for a long moment, committing this scene to memory. I know for a fact I’ll be rewinding this night over and over again in the future.

He drags his tongue over the sheer lace and pauses. “Hazel.” The warning in his tone is enough to loosen my words.

I drop back onto the mattress and whimper as he swipes his tongue over me again. His beard rubs against the bare skin at the top of my thighs above my stockings, and the roughness combined with the slickness of his mouth is enough to have my vibrating. “I want to recreate my birthdays.”

Devan pauses. “Explain.”

“Don’t stop.”

His only response is to dip his tongue beneath the side of my panties. The man is a fucking tease, and I fully intend to return the favor the first chance I get. I moan a little, but I’m not about to do anything to make him stop. “This thing—” I drag in a breath as he spreads me and sucks on my clit through my panties. “This chemistry has been here for years. I want…” Best to just get it out. After what we’ve already said to each other already, surely nothing is truly forbidden? “I want to recreate my birthdays and do now what I wanted to do then,” I say in a rush.

He lifts his head and looks at me. “What did you want to do then, Hazel?”

My skin feels like it’s on fire, but I haven’t come this far to back out now. “I don’t care if you were technically still my guardian, at least of the trust fund. I wanted you to take over for me in the backseat last year. I wanted you to do exactly what you described earlier—rip off my bikini at nineteen and make me come all over your mouth.” I can’t read the look on his face, so I press on. “I wanted you to follow through on the heat in your eyes when you saw me in that schoolgirl costume at twenty. The threesome at twenty-one. At twenty-two—”

“No.”

I blink. “Excuse me.”

“Not twenty-two. You didn’t need a good fucking that birthday. You just needed to be taken care of, which is exactly what I did.”

I want to argue for the sake of arguing, but he’s right. There is absolutely nothing sexy about that birthday. “Okay, fine, not twenty-two.”

Devan gives me a long look. “Keep going.”

“Tell me you didn’t want to fuck that body paint right off me at twenty-three.”

His gaze goes heated. “I would have to be a monster to touch you while I still had control of your trust fund.” He hooks his fingers around my panties and draws them slowly down my legs. “You might have been an adult, but I was technically still your guardian.”

“Are you saying you didn’t want to fuck me?” As soon as he maneuvers my panties past my heels, I let my legs fall wide. “You didn’t think about how good my pussy would feel around your cock? Not even once?” There’s something about a garter belt, thigh-highs, and no panties that make me so fucking hot.

From the way Devan looks at me, he feels the same way. His gaze drops to where my remaining lingerie frames my pussy. “Hazel.” Again, the warning in his tone.

I mimic it right back at him. “Devan.”

“You’re playing a dangerous game.”

“I have been from the start.” I prop myself up on my elbows. “It’s only one night. One night of pretending we crossed the line half a dozen times. One night of playing that you’re still the guardian who can’t stop thinking about what his ward’s pussy tastes like. One night of me wanting the single man I’m not supposed to. Tell me that doesn’t appeal to you, and we’ll drop it.”

He coasts his hands up my legs, stopping at the tops of my stockings. “You know that appeals to me.”

One last push to get us over the edge. “I have the stuff packed. I can change right now.”

He goes still. “You planned for this that thoroughly.”

“Hope springs eternal.” I knew I hadn’t misread the chemistry between us, and I wanted to be prepared in case tonight went the best-case-scenario route. I’ll never get another chance to play out these fantasies properly again. It has to be tonight. “Please, Devan. Play with me.”

A long hesitation. Finally, he sighs. “In a moment.”

“But—” My protest dies as he descends on my pussy. I quickly discover that he was merely teasing me before. There’s no teasing now. Devan spreads me wide and kisses me with a devastating thoroughness that has my toes curling. I don’t mean to reach down, but then my hands are in his hair and I’m rolling my hips, fucking his mouth even as he fucks me with his tongue.

I want it to last. Dear god, I want it to last.

I’ve been idling on the edge too long, though. My body takes over and then I’m coming, crying out his name as I orgasm all over his face. He curses against my skin and gentles his kiss almost reluctantly. Devan shoves away from me. “Get changed, birthday girl. If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this right.”